The Carmel Sheehan Story

by Jean Grainger

  * * *

  Dinner was another loud affair, with Carrie entertaining everyone with a story about her and her sister in a Botox clinic. Even though she came across as a bit vacuous, there was something wise and endearing about her, Carmel thought. And she was crazy about Luke, so that was good enough for Carmel. Jen was even warming to her a little bit, especially as it turned out she was like a toddler whisperer with Sean. He, like his uncle, was mesmerised by her, and she seemed happy to play with him for hours.

  ‘She took him to the pool this evening, let me have a spa treatment,’ Jen whispered to Carmel. ‘I was terrified she’d let him drown and insisted Luke went too, but apparently, she spent the whole time with him, playing away. I think my son is as besotted as my brother.’

  ‘It certainly looks that way,’ Carmel whispered back as both Sean and Luke gazed adoringly at Carrie as she explained just how badly wrong Botox can go if the therapist is in the middle of a text fight with her boyfriend. Apparently, the boyfriend had been at a stag party the night before, and the girl hadn’t heard from him all day, and all his friends were being very cagey.

  The upshot of the whole thing was the boyfriend was supposed to be doing a couples’ photo shoot with their cats that day, and he’d accidentally found himself on a lorry heading out of Dublin Port for Poland. The therapist’s frustration resulted in the client, who happened to be Carrie’s sister, leaving the salon with a permanent expression of panicked disbelief. Carrie did a wicked impression of her sister at every social gathering for the next three months, with her eyebrows practically in her hairline and her eyes unnaturally wide.

  Nadia and Joe wiped their eyes as the story was further embellished by Carrie, clearly a raconteur extraordinaire. She recounted the conversation in a flat Dublin accent, nothing like the mid-Atlantic drawl with the upward inflection she normally used. It turns out she was a brilliant mimic.

  She had the whole table in stitches by the end.

  ‘I suppose, like, being in the whole medical thing you totally, like, hate the idea of cosmetic surgery, Sharif?’ she asked, her blue eyes innocent. Carmel suspected they may have misjudged Carrie; she wasn’t as dumb as she let on.

  ‘I suppose you might think that, Carrie, but in fact, I don’t think like that. I think we get one body, and it is an amazing piece of engineering, and if you take care of it, it may last you for a long time and stay in good working order. But equally, if you don’t, then that’s your choice. Some people like to be vegan, don’t drink or smoke, take lots of exercise, and they might live to a hundred, or they might get cancer at twenty-five. Equally, you can abuse some bodies, and they keep on going regardless. Look at Keith Richards.’ The whole table laughed. ‘I’m in the whole medical thing, as you put it’—he grinned—‘at the end of life, when people are dying. And I’m not sure that being very good, no meat, no booze, no Botox, is actually the way to go. In Aashna, we let people do whatever they want. We all have choices, and as Dolly was fond of saying, none of us is getting out of here alive.’

  ‘Well, I think that calls for another bottle of red.’ Joe called the waiter. ‘We’re all going to die anyway, so we might as well live while we can.’

  ‘I totally agree, Joe,’ Zeinab said, the first thing she’d said all evening. She’d barely acknowledged Carmel and totally ignored Nadia.

  Joe, relieved that her dark mood was lifting at long last, was happy to jolly her along. ‘Sure, I know you don’t usually, but could I tempt you to a small glass of Malbec from sunny Argentina? It’s lovely, so it is, no more than yourself.’ He was determined to charm her.

  ‘Well, Joe, if you think I should, then maybe I will. I’m not used to drinking, mind you, so you’ll have to catch me if I fall.’ She gave one of her tinkly laughs, the ones that drove Nadia insane.

  ‘Oh, there’s plenty strong men to lift you if you need it, Zeinab, but I promise it won’t come to that. One glass, and we’ll have you tucked up in bed.’

  ‘Joe McDaid, I hope you mean alone,’ Zeinab tittered. ‘I’m a respectable lady.’ Carmel noticed that Nadia was gritting her teeth and focusing on her dinner. Nobody else noticed the flirting, really, or they were so used to it now they just ignored her.

  Apparently, Joe decided the safest course was to turn to speak to Carmel. ‘So, pet, how did it all go today with Tim?’

  Just as she was about to reply, Zeinab nearly climbed into Carmel’s lap to involve herself in the conversation. It was too much for Nadia.

  ‘Please, Zeinab,’ she interrupted, ‘perhaps we’ll let Joe and Carmel have some time?’ Her brown eyes pleaded with her sister to just be normal, but Zeinab was having none of it.

  ‘I’m quite sure Joe is perfectly capable of deciding who he would like to spend time with, Nadia. He does not need you like some kind of human Rottweiler.’ Zeinab’s voice carried over the hubbub of conversation, and the chat at the table stopped for everyone watch the exchange between the sisters.

  Joe, mortified, tried to smooth things over. ‘Ah now, ladies, I’m sure we can—’

  ‘No, Joe, please,’ Zeinab interrupted. ‘I’m sorry if my friendship embarrasses you. I was merely trying to blend in with the lovely friendly Irish ways. Clearly, my sister here thinks otherwise. She denies me a little comfort even in the aftermath of losing my darling Tariq. But some sisters are like that. It is hard to accept, but it is how it is.’

  ‘Zeinab, please,’ Sharif tried to intervene. ‘Ammi didn’t mean anything like that. Let’s just all enjoy our dinner—’

  ‘No, Sharif, it must be said. When Khalid died, oh, how she mourned. Going about like a wet week for ages. But yours and Khalid’s marriage was so good, so perfect, wasn’t it, Nadia?’

  Nadia sighed wearily. ‘Zeinab, I don’t see what that has to do with anything.’

  ‘Zeinab,’ Sharif tried again as everyone else looked down at their plates. ‘Let’s not do this—’

  ‘Sharif, let your mother speak,’ Zeinab went on. ‘Let her tell us how heartbroken she was, how much sympathy she got from everyone, but when the same thing happens to me, no such consideration. There you are looking so innocent and reasonable, poor Nadia putting up with her sister, isn’t she a saint? Don’t think I haven’t seen the looks, the eye rolling, the martyred expression you have given to Carmel and Sharif behind my back. I’m not blind, you know.’

  ‘Tariq and Khalid were nothing alike,’ Nadia said gently. ‘Our marriages were totally different. And of course I feel for you, I just... Look, let’s discuss this another time.’

  Carmel had never seen Nadia so upset. She was shaking, so embarrassed in front of all the McDaids.

  ‘Another time?’ Zeinab snapped. ‘Why not now? You can give us all some tips on how to have the perfect marriage. She laughed bitterly. ‘Oh, yes, the perfect Khalid, the wonderful Khalid, not the same Khalid Khan who had an affair with Shanti Chutani, is it? The girl who was told by your precious Khalid to pack her bags and was sent back to Karachi in disgrace after he used her and then rejected her, making sure his silly wife never found out? She never got to tell her story in London, but you know Karachi, Nadia, gossip spreads like wildfire. I had the whole story within days of Shanti’s return. So, to protect my little sister, I confronted him the next time I met him, and you know what he says? It was nothing, a brief affair that meant nothing, and then he begged me not to tell you. So I didn’t, out of kindness to you and to his memory. But I see now you are not worthy of such kindness.’

  Carmel wanted to run up and wrap her arms around Nadia. Darling, kind Nadia, who’d loved one man her whole life.

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ Nadia said quietly and stood up, pushing her chair back. Sharif was there, right beside her, and he put his arm around his mother.

  ‘It’s not true, Sharif.’ She was trying to reassure him, like he was a little boy again, but something on his face stopped her in her tracks. ‘It’s not… Is it?’

  ‘Come on, Ammi, let’s go.’ He led her away from the table, and
Carmel wanted to follow but Joe put his hand on her knee.

  ‘Maybe give them a second love,’ he whispered.

  He was right. She loved them both so much, but this was a conversation they needed to have alone.

  ‘So, are we having desserts?’ Zeinab asked cheerfully, as if nothing had happened.

  Chapter 23

  The rest of the group finished dinner quickly and made their excuses. Carmel sat with Joe and Zeinab once Luke and Carrie, and Jen, Damien and Sean were gone. Tim had yet to appear, but he was probably still reminiscing with Kitty.

  ‘Should we go to the bar? I think there’s music tonight,’ Zeinab said brightly, still pretending it was all perfectly normal.

  ‘No, Zeinab,’ Joe said. ‘I won’t anyway, not tonight. And I think Carmel here is in need of a rest too. It’s been a long day.’

  Though Carmel had known Joe for only a short time in the great scheme of life, she felt connected to him and was getting good at reading his signals. He was clearly disappointed that the future of the trip was now in jeopardy, given what had gone on between Nadia and Zeinab. And the fact that she showed no remorse or even awareness of the hurt her words had caused was not helping.

  ‘Let me buy you one drink, please, as a thank you for organising this lovely holiday.’ Zeinab was wheedling now, and it made Carmel cringe.

  ‘I won’t,’ Joe said, firm, ‘and to be entirely honest with you, Zeinab, I think you should find your sister and try to put right some of the damage done here tonight. I’m not claiming to know anything about it, and I don’t really know you or your family, but Nadia seems to me to be a very kind person who never has anything but good to say about people. And she was badly hurt this evening.’ He stopped short of blaming Zeinab for the hurt caused, but the implication was clear.

  ‘But, Joe, you don’t understand,’ Zeinab insisted. ‘She comes across like that, all sweetness, but she isn’t really like that. She—’

  ‘I don’t want to get involved,’ he interrupted her. ‘It’s between the two of you to sort it out, but I do know this: we never know when the people we love will be taken from us, anyone, anytime, anyplace. So we shouldn’t squander those relationships. Nadia is a good person, as are you, I’m sure, and though we all have our hang-ups and faults, every single one of us, if you don’t make things right with her, you’ll regret it. That is a fact. Now, Carmel, will we go for a short walk? I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.’

  ‘That would be lovely,’ Carmel responded. She almost felt sorry for Zeinab sitting alone at the dinner table, but she couldn’t think of anything kind to say, so she said nothing.

  Joe exhaled heavily as they left the hotel grounds. ‘Well, that was unexpected.’

  Carmel linked her arm through his as they walked down the main street of Westport, still a hive of activity.

  ‘Is it true, would you say?’ he asked.

  Carmel thought for a moment. Sharif had revealed the affair to her in confidence ages ago. His father made a confession to him before he died, and Sharif had been so angry, but it was Dolly who talked him down. She told him how sometimes the truth was overrated, and if he had come clean to Nadia all those years ago, she would have left him, and Sharif would have come from a broken home. Nadia and Khalid genuinely had a great marriage, but he’d made one stupid mistake and decided to bear the guilt alone in order to not destroy his family. Eventually, Sharif calmed down and saw it the way Dolly did. But he’d had no idea that Zeinab knew.

  Still, there wasn’t much point in keeping the secret now, not after Zeinab had blabbed the whole thing out over dinner. And Joe was very discreet anyway. So Carmel decided to tell him the truth.

  ‘Yes. It is.’ She explained what Sharif had told her, and Joe listened without interrupting.

  ‘Poor Nadia,’ he said, when Carmel was finished. ‘That’s awful for her. The man is dead, so she can’t have it out with him, but now the memories are gone too. She’ll see everything they had through this lens now. It’s not fair.’

  ‘No, it isn’t,’ Carmel agreed. ‘I love Nadia. I feel like we should have stopped Zeinab, but Sharif had no idea she even knew the story. And when she’s on a roll, there’s no stopping her anyway. It was horrible for Nadia to find out, but to find out like that, in front of everyone... I don’t know. What makes someone be so cruel? To their own sister? I would have loved a sister growing up, and now that I have one, I can’t imagine ever hurting Jen like that, or her me.’

  Joe put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close to him. ‘I love that you and Jennifer really feel like sisters. And thanks for smoothing the Carrie situation, too. I know Jen was savage when she met her, and I know Carrie comes across a bit ditzy, but Luke is stone mad about her, and she makes him happy, so what’s the harm? Jen is over protective of him, always has been, but seeing you be nice to her and keeping the whole thing going changed her. The old Jen would have been farting fire, as my mam would have said, God rest her.’

  Carmel pealed with laughter. ‘Farting fire, I love that.’

  ‘Seriously, though, having you in the family, it’s just brilliant. I’m so delighted. And you hear how, often, when people find their birth families, it doesn’t work out. But with us it really has, don’t you think?’

  Carmel smiled at his need for reassurance.

  ‘It’s worked out better than anyone could ever have imagined.’ She squeezed his arm. He was so strong, but there was a vulnerability to him that she loved. She thought about it as they walked along in companionable silence.

  He came to visit them in London every two months or so, stayed with them, and they all enjoyed it. She called him Dad now more than Joe, but she never actually said the words ‘I love you’ to him. But she did love him. He’d never said it, either; the closest he’d come was the day he bought her the Claddagh ring. Though, she was in no doubt about how happy he was to have her in his life.

  She wondered now should she say it. Sharif had been the first person to ever say those words to her, ever in her whole life. And, while her friends bandied the words around in a jokey way—like Much as I love you, we’re not seeing that film again type of way—she’d never said it first to anyone.

  The old familiar feelings of insecurity and worry bubbled to the surface again. What if she made a fool of herself? What if he was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say? Should she wait for him to say it first?

  She took a deep breath. She was going to have to take responsibility for herself and her emotions. Own them, as Nora was fond of saying. Instead of dismissing all her emotions and thought, she was supposed to try to give them airtime. You’re allowed to have feelings, she told herself.

  ‘Dad?’ she began.

  ‘Yes, pet?’ he asked, turning his head.

  ‘I love you.’

  He let her go and turned towards her, saying nothing. She wondered why he didn’t respond until she saw the tears. Joe was a big, tough Irish man, of a certain age, not given to crying fits, so she got a bit of a fright until she realised they were tears of joy.

  He said nothing but drew her into a hug.

  Eventually, his lips in her hair, he managed to croak, ‘I love you too, sweetheart, more than you’ll ever know. I wanted to tell you, so often, but I knew you had to come to me, not the other way round. I’d have waited forever, but I’m so glad I don’t have to.’

  She realised then that she was crying too. ‘What are we like?’ she managed, when Joe gave her his handkerchief to blow her nose. ‘Everyone passing will think we’re mental.’ People were milling about, all caught up in their own lives.

  ‘Sure, in my case they’d probably be right.’ He grinned.

  They strolled back as the clock on the top of the main street rang eleven. She texted Sharif.

  Is Nadia OK? Will I come back to the room? Can stay in another room if needs be? Xxx

  He texted back a few moments later.

  She’s asleep. I had some mild sedatives in my bag so I gave her two. I�
�ll meet you in the bar in twenty minutes, OK? xxx

  As they entered the lobby, they spotted Zeinab sitting on one of the huge overstuffed sofas dotted around the reception area.

  Joe glanced over, and Carmel put her hand on his arm. ‘I’ll talk to her,’ she whispered, and Joe nodded.

  ‘I’ll be in my room if you need me.’ He kissed her cheek and left.

  Carmel felt the familiar butterflies as she approached Zeinab. Anything could happen.

  ‘Hi, Zeinab,’ she said quietly. ‘Can I join you?’

  The older woman looked up and locked eyes with Carmel. ‘I can’t imagine why you’d want to, but yes, sit down.’ She sounded exhausted.

  ‘How are you?’ Carmel asked.

  Zeinab stared straight ahead and eventually sighed. ‘I don’t know, Carmel. I honestly don’t know. I feel…empty inside. I should probably feel something, some remorse for telling Nadia about Khalid’s affair, and for...well, for everything really, but I just feel hollow.’ Her voice was a monotone, not her usual animated self.

  Carmel said nothing but just sat beside her.

  ‘I suppose you and Sharif and everyone hates me now?’ She shrugged. ‘Of course you do. I’m a terrible, wicked woman. Hurting my sister like that, humiliating her. I deserve your contempt.’

  Carmel wasn’t sure if this was another of her attempts to garner pity, if she was waiting for everyone to rush over and say, No, don’t be ridiculous, it was nothing. But she didn’t think so. There was a resignation in her voice that Carmel had never heard before.

  ‘I don’t think contempt is what we feel, but we are confused. Nadia didn’t deserve that. Why did you do it?’

  Zeinab turned and looked at Carmel. ‘You have lived a long time. It was a long life before you met my nephew, observing, watching, listening. It gives you a certain, I don’t know, a sort of stillness, a serenity.’

  Carmel didn’t know how to take that; it sounded like a compliment, but she couldn’t be sure.