Painted Memories

by Flowers, Loni

  “Tell me something I don’t already know,” I huffed. “I just hope my mom is okay, being alone with him. Tonight’s the worst I’ve ever seen him.”

  “Seems like she’s learned how to handle him pretty well to me.”

  “Yeah, she must have grown a backbone recently, because I’ve never seen her that assertive with him before. Makes me wonder just what she’s had to deal with since I’ve been away. I knew it was bad, but maybe it was worse than I imagined.”

  Drew only nodded, agreeing with my new assessment of my mother. Silence hung in the air between us again. Peering over, Drew looked away from me, slumping his shoulders with his hands stuffed in his lap as he leaned against the car door. I glanced in the same direction, hearing only the rustle of the trees and seeing the black backdrop of the unknown in the distance. “I’m sorry I ruined your night. You didn’t have to come all this way to find me,” I said quietly.

  He sighed and glanced at me. “Seeing you in so much grief… God, Lilly, it killed me. It was wrong of me to let you walk out of there alone.”

  “I didn’t mean to be so dramatic, but seeing those paintings completely caught me off guard.”

  “It’s totally understandable. That’s why I didn’t show them to you yet.”

  I shook my head, thinking how a simple communication problem caused all of this to happen. I couldn’t help wondering if maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe I was meant to have a big blow-up with my father. It felt good to finally tell Drew everything.

  “Give me your keys, I’ll drive you back to your parents’ house,” Drew said, holding his palm out to me.

  I fished them out of my pocketbook and handed them over. He started the car and turned the heater on. For once, it worked like it was supposed to and I was thankful as I held my hands up to the vent to warm them. Drew put the car in drive and headed out of the cemetery. It was only about a ten-minute drive to my parents’ house. Giving Drew directions was the only talking we did.

  We were nearly there when I realized where we were. The sharp curve loomed up ahead and I could feel my hands starting to shake. I had only driven past the site of the accident a few times since it happened.

  “Stop, Drew,” I said out loud.

  “Stop what?”

  I gripped his shoulder. “Stop the car right now. Please.”

  He did as I asked and pulled over to the side of the road. Switching on the hazard lights, he twisted in his seat. “What is it? What’s the matter?”

  “Turn the car around. I’ll show you a different way to go. There’s a few side roads we can take to get us around this.”

  “Around what? Why can’t we just go straight ahead? I could have sworn this is the way your mother brought me.”

  I felt stupid, and would surely sound even dumber when I said it out loud. “Just ahead, a little further up, is where it happened. I’ve only been there a few times since the accident. I inadvertently drove by once when I wasn’t paying attention, and two other times with the therapist. The ones with my therapist didn’t go so well, so I refused to come back. I go around now.” Drew looked at me, his sad eyes roaming my face for a clue, and I couldn’t tell if it was pity or something else. He grabbed my trembling hand in his and gave it a comforting squeeze. “I know,” I said, “you don’t have to say it. I’m nuts. I’m okay with that.”

  Drew sighed heavily and let go of my hand, placing his back on the steering wheel. “I’m sure glad you know just what I’m thinking,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.

  “But I didn’t mea—”

  “Just tell me where to turn,” he said, giving the car gas and swinging it around in the middle of the street.

  I did as he asked and only spoke when I needed to. After a few extra turns, we pulled into the driveway and down the long paved path. A car’s headlights came toward us. We both slowed our car until coming window to window with my mother’s boyfriend. “Earl?” I asked.

  He nodded an awkward hello. “Lilly.”

  Great, he remembered me from the grocery store. “Do you happen to know if my dad is here?”

  “Yes. I helped your mom get him into bed in one of the rooms upstairs.”

  Shocked, I wondered how my father even let that happened, especially in his condition. “Oh. I bet that was fun,” I said, leaning over Drew to talk.

  “Oh, sure it was, after I punched him in the mouth for talkin’ shit to your mom.”

  “You what?!”

  Earl shrugged his shoulders. “It wasn’t the first time, and I bet it won’t be the last. At any rate, he should be out for the rest of the night and feelin’ like a peach when he wakes up.”

  I couldn’t help the grin that curled across my face. I still didn’t like knowing my mom and dad split up, and I wasn’t sure about this Earl guy, but I was starting to think I could get used to him. Anyone who could take on my dad got extra points in my book.

  After we pulled away and drove up to the guesthouse, we both got out. I started walking toward the house before I noticed Drew wasn’t behind me.

  “I’m going to head on back,” Drew said, standing in front of my car. “Please be sure to thank your mother for me. I really appreciate what she did, especially for a stranger.”

  I hurried back over and stood in front of him. “You’re leaving?”

  “Yeah. I only have this suit and didn’t bring a change of clothes. Plus, this is something you should sort out with your family, without me in the way.”

  “No. Please don’t go,” I said, tugging at the front of his shirt. I looked into his eyes as my own started to pool with tears. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I stepped closer and pressed my cheek against his chest. “Please say you’ll stay, I don’t want you to leave.”

  His hand brushed over my head and he kissed the top of it. He sighed, breathing heavily into my hair and we stood there a moment, saying nothing while his fingers combed through my hair.

  “Okay,” he finally said.

  After getting my bag out of the car and entering the guesthouse, I was surprised to see not much had changed since the days when my brother and I had sleep-overs and after-school parties here. It was a small, two-bedroom house with two bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room. One of the bedrooms was made into a game room. Overall, it would have been a perfect size for any small family to live in. I had no idea why my parents needed another house to go with the in-ground swimming pool, and thought it was a bit crazy. Funny, I never had those thoughts when we were hanging out with all of our friends. I guess I’d become more rational with age.

  In the back bedroom, I looked in the dresser to find a few leftover clothes from Jesse, who used to sleep out here during his senior year. With him having a job and coming home at all hours of the night, Dad thought it would be a good idea to let him start seeing what it was like to live on his own, and let him use the guesthouse. Too bad he wasn’t forced to pay any bills while he lived out here. Lucky him. I hated it. I protested that it was unfair, but was promised I could do the same when I became a senior Until then, I could just get over it.

  For some reason, I couldn’t bear giving up the clothes, even if it were for Drew. I took a peek in another drawer and found a couple pairs of shorts and a few tee shirts of my dad’s. I took them to him to see if they might fit.

  “Try these on. They were my dad’s from way back. Not sure if they’ll fit or not, but they look like they should.”

  He took them hesitantly. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course, you’re more than welcome. And the bathroom is just down the hall, if you’d like to take a shower.”

  Drew took the clothes from me and started down the hall. “Nah, I’ll take a shower in the morning.”

  While he was changing, I quickly slipped into my sweat pants and tank top, and took a handful of pins out of my hair before curling up on the couch with a blanket. It was a good twenty minutes before I heard Drew come back. “Feel better?” I asked.

  Drew sat down beside me on the couch.
“Yes. Sorry, I decided to go ahead with the shower. I feel much more relaxed now. The clothes are a little big, but comfy. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Did Jesse like to lift weights? I saw a weight set in the other room.”

  “Yeah. He ran a lot and lifted weights all the time. He was about your size though. He said he wasn’t interested in looking like Hercules, but wanted to be fit and toned. He always had girls lusting after him all the time.” I yawned, feeling my eyes burning from exhaustion and all the tears shed.

  “I’m tired too. It’s been a long day. Maybe you should take a shower too, you’ll feel better.”

  “No, I don’t even feel up to it. I’d rather get some sleep. I have a hunch tomorrow won’t be pleasant once my dad wakes up and realizes I’m here. I’m almost scared to be around him now. There’s no telling what he’ll do… he might hit me again.”

  “Go… go get some rest. Don’t worry about your father. If he even thinks about hitting you, he’ll be on his back before he knows what hit him.”

  I leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you. Thank you for staying, for coming to find me… for everything,” I mumbled into the crook of his neck. “Thank you for understanding.” It was the first time I noticed he didn’t hug me back. Instead, his arms hung limply beside him. I pulled back and raised an eyebrow at him. “You okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I’m fine. Just tired. I think we both should get some sleep.”

  “Oh, okay. Let’s go to bed then.” I started to move and grabbed his hand when he pulled away.

  “I’ll take the couch; you can have the bed.”

  “No, that’s crazy. It’s a king-sized bed, plus, we’ve slept together already. I hardly think now is the time to start worrying about that.”

  “I’m not saying it is. I’d just prefer to sleep on the couch since this is your parents’ house.”

  I was a bit perplexed as to why he would worry about this now. We were both adults and my mother obviously could tell Drew and I were involved. I doubted she would care, let alone know we shared the bed.

  “Okay then, goodnight,” I whispered as I leaned up for a kiss.

  Drew turned his head as I was about to press my lips to his and instead, kissed my cheek. “Goodnight Lilly. I’ll see you in the morning.” His fingers brushed across my cheek before he grabbed the blanket and switched off the lamp.

  Something was wrong. Drew had never refused to kiss me. I didn’t say anything more and stumbled in the dark, back to the bedroom. It was comforting to have Drew here, but I still felt uneasy sleeping alone. I pulled off my pants, threw them over the chair next to the bed, and climbed between the sheets. I slept most comfortably that way. It was cool in the room and I pulled the covers up to my neck and closed my eyes, hoping sleep would take me away. I didn’t want to worry about what was going to happen tomorrow, or what my dad was going to say to me or Drew when he found out we stayed the night. As for Drew, I wasn’t sure if he was truly exhausted, or only acting as if it didn’t bother him that I killed Jesse. Maybe he was only putting on a good front around me. If that were the case, I hoped that once he left here and resumed his normal life, he would run as far away from my crazy life as he could get.

  Chapter 25

  Waking up with a start, I covered my face with the comforter as the sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains. I must have slept well; at least, I didn’t have any nightmares, but I still felt exhausted. The night slipped by as if I just closed my eyes one moment and opened them the next. Looking at the empty space beside me, I wished Drew was asleep beside me, but he opted for the couch instead. I only hoped his mood was due to exhaustion as well, and that he’d have a better attitude this morning.

  As I made my way down the hallway, I saw the empty couch and my stomach sunk. The blanket and clothes I gave him the night before were folded and stacked neatly on top of it. My eyes instantly teared up when I realized I was wrong. He couldn’t handle my problems after all, and left without even saying goodbye.

  A loud cackle caught my attention and I followed the sound through the kitchen and out to the covered sunroom at the back of the house. My mother and Drew were sitting opposite each other, drinking from coffee mugs. Drew was wearing his grey suit again, minus the jacket. When I stepped into the doorway, they both looked up at me.

  “Morning, honey,” Mom said in a cheery tone.

  Her voice sounded too upbeat to me so early in the morning. I glanced at the clock over the stove and couldn’t believe it was already nine-thirty. “Where’s Dad?” I asked.

  “Oh, don’t you worry about him. He’s been out cold since… well, never mind that. I’m sure it will be after lunch before he’s up and about.” Mom stood up and patted Drew on the shoulder as she walked past him. Standing in front of me, she cupped my cheek with her hand. Her eyes softened when she looked into mine. “I really have missed you, Lilly. I’m glad you decided to come home, whatever your reasons.” She glanced in Drew’s direction and I got the feeling they’d already talked about what happened the night before at the charity event.

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Mom? Why didn’t you tell me everything you were going through with Dad?”

  Mom patted my cheek. “We’ll talk about it later. Find something to eat and get dressed. Since you’re here, I’ve got something I need for you to do.”

  Mom walked past me and out the front door, leaving me standing alone beside Drew. I frowned at him, still hurt that he was going to sneak out. I turned away and walked back into the living room to the couch. Hearing his footfalls behind me, I picked up the clothes I loaned him and swung around. He stopped in the kitchen and looked at me. A lone tear slid down my right cheek, but I swiped it away.

  “You were going to let me sleep and just leave, weren’t you? Just going to let me wake up to find you gone? Without even saying goodbye?” My feelings were crushed to think he’d do such a thing. He couldn’t say to my face how screwed-up my family was not to mention my life. Instead, he took the coward’s way out.

  Drew’s eyes riveted me with a hard stare. “Seeing as I couldn’t sleep, I was up early. There wasn’t a thing to eat or drink here, so I changed to run out and get a few groceries. It’s cold outside; I wasn’t about to go there in a tee shirt and gym shorts. I assumed you would still be sluggish when you woke up, and thought it would be nice if you had some hot chocolate. Your lovely mother greeted me at the door when I returned, and we’ve been chatting ever since.”

  A lump formed in my throat and I could hardly swallow as I felt my eyes pricking with tears of embarrassment. Drew reached across the kitchen counter and grabbed a coffee mug from the stand, slamming it on the counter top. I jumped at the sound.

  “I,” Drew emphasized, “would never leave town without telling the person I care most about goodbye.” He hurried past me with a glare, brushing my shoulder. “Your hot chocolate is on the bar. I’ll be over there, helping your mother.”

  Tears dripped down my cheeks and I jumped again at the sound of him slamming the front door. As if I needed to give him another reason to hate me, I just assumed he was going to leave me. Maybe he’d be better off if he did leave.

  I stood there, my eyes fastened on the door. It seemed like the longer Drew was here, the more pissed off he became. Or maybe I was a side effect of his poor attitude. Either way, I felt horrible for accusing him. I sauntered over to the bar to fill my cup and felt even worse when I saw a fresh bagel and a muffin sitting on a plate with a small container of cream cheese beside them. If only I had looked before going into the sunroom, I wouldn’t have opened my big mouth. Frowning, I left it all sitting there. I didn’t deserve the comfort it brought. I headed to the bathroom for a shower and let my growling stomach serve as a reminder of my sucky attitude.

  My body felt better after I pelted it with the hottest water I could stand. In an effort to get my mind off Drew, I thought about what my mother wanted his help with. As I remember, they let t
he housekeeper do all the hard work around the house. Whatever it was, I hoped my father wasn’t awake yet. I wasn’t ready to deal with him, and unsure what to do anymore to improve our relationship. It felt like a lost cause. We had the normal father/daughter relationship growing up, despite the times he fell short at putting his family first, but it was only because of his career. After the accident, everything went to hell. Slowly, he started withdrawing from Mom and me and began drinking. He couldn’t deal with what happened, or what I did, and instead of seeking help, he made alcohol his best friend.

  I climbed the winding staircase to the second floor of my parents’ house; my hand polishing the cherrywood banister as I went up. Sunlight caught the crystals hanging from the chandelier, creating a rainbow of colors that spilled across the wall and hardwood floors. Nothing seemed changed in the time I’d been gone. Some part of me wished it looked different, as a way of moving on, but another part reveled in the comfort of its familiarity.

  As I reached the top of the stairs, I called out for Mom and Drew.

  “Down here,” I heard my mother answer.

  She stood on the right, down the hall, in front of an opened door, its light beaming across the floor, with bags and boxes scattered around her. I moseyed down the hall to where she stood and peered into the open room. It was a larger hall closet with an access panel to the attic. Drew was perched on a ladder about midway up. “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Making use of good, ol’ muscle power while it’s around the house. I’ve been getting rid of stuff here and there, boxing up things I don’t use, until I can give it away or something.”

  Drew climbed down the ladder and moved in on another box when I noticed he was wearing a whole new outfit. The tee shirt was a bit tight through his chest and around his upper arms, so I knew he couldn’t be wearing my father’s clothes. The jeans fit snugly across his backside, but the boat shoes seemed to fit him perfectly in every way. I couldn’t help ogling at the pull of the shirt across his chest once he lifted the box. It was hard not to stare. I remembered the night we shared, and his soft hands caressing my body, his hot flesh pressed against mine. Now, I wondered if he could stand to touch me that way again. His eyes caught mine for a few heartbeats and I gave him a half smile, trying my best to convey my apologies with a simple look. He made no indication he understood, or if he was even willing to try.