Holding Onto Hope

by L. Grubb

  “Fucking cunt!” I bang a fist on the coffee table and notice Hope jump from the corner of my eye. I don’t want to scare her so take a few deep breaths to calm the anger that’s rolling through me, making my blood boil and stomach churn. What kind of a father was he? Hell, did we even know the real him? “Sorry, Hope. I just can’t imagine him doing shit like that. He loved you very much and talked fondly of you.” I shake my head in dismay. Did he put on a front for us? Or did he get into some shit that he had no way of getting out of? But there are other ways to get around things. To pay your debt with your daughter? That’s fucking wrong.

  “I thought the same as you, don’t worry. I found out when I got to… wherever the fuck I was.” The curse word that slips from her mouth goes straight to my groin. I love a woman that doesn’t care about swearing. Especially a woman who isn’t in this life. She sighs and drops her head in her hands. “I feel like a dirty whore.”

  I stare at her. “Why the fuck would you think that?” My tone is hard but she doesn’t move a muscle. “You’re not a whore, Hope.”

  “You don’t even know me,” she mumbles into her hands.

  “So you’d rather I thought you were a whore?” A smirk lifts the corner of my mouth because I can’t quite figure her out. She’s like one of those irritating puzzles that you can never finish.

  She groans and then laughs, the sound hitting me square in the chest. There is something about Hope that captures my attention. Her beauty? Most definitely. I don’t know jack shit about her but I want to.

  “Look, you’re safe here, you’ll be sharing a room with me but don’t worry, I’ll take the sofa that I have in there.”

  “I don’t even know you and I have to share a room with you?” Her stunned expression has me snorting with laughter. “What’s so funny?”

  “You, babe. I’m there to keep you safe. I’m not dangerous, not like those other men. I promise you, I’ll tuck my hands behind my head and I’ll stay that way.” The grumble from her tummy has me raising an eyebrow. “When was the last time you ate?”

  Her brows furrow as she thinks back to when she last ate. “Um, the day they took me?” Again, anger boils under the surface and I’m itching to punch Lynx in the face. Or shoot him… again.

  “Dammit. Okay, come, let’s eat. I’m hungry too.” I stand and reach my hand out for hers. She looks at it while biting her bottom lip before placing her small hand in mine. The electricity that shoots up my arm has my back stiffen momentarily and I look at her. I notice the blush colouring her cheeks which she’s trying to hide behind her hair. She felt it too. This gives me hope, no pun intended.

  Hope

  The spark that flew through me when my palm touched Mack’s shocked the shit out of me. I mean, I’ve been in relationships in the past where this has never happened. What could it mean? The guy is smokin’ hot, can’t deny that, and I can see the muscles he’s packing under his shirt. My cheeks are aflame, even though I tried to hide behind my hair, I can tell he’s noticed the blush that’s creeped onto my cheeks.

  He walks us out of his office and down the short corridor to a big open room that has tables dotted around. Similar but not too similar from the place I was rescued from. The bar is long and covers the back wall and there’s no stage, but there are poles scattered about the far wall. My shoulders sag, and my stomach settles. This place is entirely different, I think to myself, nothing like the shit hole you were held up in. Mack leads us to a spare table and pulls a chair out for me… what a gent.

  “I’ll be back, okay?” He gives me a reassuring look before heading through a set of swinging doors by the bar. I look at my hands that are folded on the table and concentrate on my breathing. I know others are in this room and I can feel their eyes on me. Whether it’s the girls or the men, I don’t know. I don’t want to know.

  It feels like forever before Mack returns with two steaming plates filled with food. My mouth salivates and I unconsciously lick my lips as the smell of eggs and bacon drift up my nose. He places a plate in front of me and hands me utensils. I smile kindly before digging in. I don’t care if I look like a pig; I don’t think I’ve ever been this hungry.

  We eat in silence with only the sounds of our knives and forks hitting the fake-china plates. It’s a comfortable silence, and not once do I feel threatened.

  Finishing, I wipe my mouth with the napkin he placed next to my plate and I groan as I rub circles over my now full tummy. “I think I have a food baby now.”

  Mack’s laugh tells me he’s a smoker, but the deep rumble reverberates through my body and heats my insides. I want to mentally slap myself, I can’t go there. I will never be with an MC man, not after what I’ve been through. And especially what my dad told me about clubs. There’s so much shit and drama that I don’t think I could even cope.

  “Are you alright, Hope?” Mack’s voice sounds from across the table. I turn my head to look at him and he looks concerned. “Have I said something to upset you?”

  “I’m fine, just bewildered I guess. Why would you think you’ve upset me?” A tick in his jaw has me momentarily distracted. No idea why I think that’s hot, but I do and I swallow against the sudden dryness.

  “The distant look in your eyes and the frown on your face.” He pointed to my forehead and I wiggle my brows to get them to stay normal which makes Mack chuckle. “I want to know what I can do to help you.”

  “I don’t think anyone can help me anymore than you already have by rescuing me. My head is full of the shit that happened. I don’t think anyone can rid me of that.” I lift my shoulder in a shrug and swallow past the lump that’s firmly lodged in my throat.

  “You’ll get past it in time, babe. Trust me.” Mack’s eyes are burning a hole into my head but I just can’t look at him without the dam bursting and tears streaming forth.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever trust another human being again,” I whisper, biting my lip to stop the onslaught of tears. “My faith in people has obliterated into nothing. Why would anyone do that to someone else?”

  “I can’t answer that. There are some sick individuals in this world, Hope. You’re not naïve enough to not know that. I’m just sorry you were ever caught up in something like this.” He clutches my hands that are pressed firmly on the top of the table and I look up to see compassion in his eyes, a little twinkle that if I didn’t look up at that moment of time, I would have missed it. “But I can tell you that you’re safe here. No one can get to you here, okay?”

  “Okay,” I mumble, not all that convinced if I’m honest. I have to try and trust him, even though my mind is telling me not to. If I can’t have faith in him, then who do I have to fall back on? No one. No one at all.

  Mack

  Soon after we had finished our breakfast, I could sense how uncomfortable Hope was with sitting in a room with people she doesn’t know or trust. It’s hard for me to be patient with her, I’ve never had to be soft with anyone in my life and suddenly finding that I have to is fucking hard. "Would you like to go somewhere else?"

  Her sarcastic laugh makes me cringe, maybe I didn't word that properly. "I'd like to go home but I know that isn't a possibility." She narrows her eyes at me like it's my fault, I raise mine in response. Considering how scared and timid she is, she certainly has some balls.

  "I meant, away from these knuckleheads. The yard, your room, the gym..." I trail off and cross my arms over my chest. She chews her bottom lip as she contemplates what she wants to do. I'm not the most patient man in the world, even though I'm trying to be for her sake. "Well?" I prompt.

  She jumps in her seat before swallowing hard, her hands wringing together on the table top. "Can I go get some fresh air on my own?"

  "Sure. I'll show you how to get out then I'll leave you be. I won't be far but don't be afraid to walk around this place. No one, and I mean no one, will come near you. Ranger might, but he has good intentions." I stand and wait for her to do the same before leading her, with my hand on the small of her
back, to the glass sliding doors off to the side of the bar. "Just through these doors, okay? I'll be at the bar if you need anything."

  She nods once before sliding open the door but before disappearing outside, she turns and asks, “don’t suppose you have spare cigarette, do you?” I pat my pockets, finding I have a packet and hand them to her along with a lighter, saying, “keep them.” She gives me a brief smile before stepping outside and sliding the door shut behind her. I stand there and watch her sit on the swing chair before turning and planting my butt onto a wooden bar stool. "Yo, Hype, grab us a beer."

  "Sure, Prez," he replies, getting to work on pouring me a pint. Hype is our newest prospect, our bitch boy as we like to refer to him as. He does everything and anything so that works for us. A few minutes later, after he's perfected the damn thing, he puts it on the bar in front of me, smiles and saunters off to the other side of the bar to clean dirty dishes.

  I swirl my finger through the condensation running down the glass, lost in my thoughts of Hope, the situation and unknowingly, her petite frame and curvaceous arse. You can tell she's gone a while without eating, her clothes are hanging off her and the curves I came to memorise from the images we have, have all but disappeared... except her arse. I know it's wrong to be thinking of her this way. I mean, for fuck sake, she was a brother's daughter. A club princess in her own right but that doesn't stop my mind thinking dirty things. I won't violate her. I can't touch her but that doesn't stop my cock from twitching at the mere thought of it happening.

  "Mack? YO!" Ranger screeches in my ear. I jump slightly and frown. "Daydreaming there, mate?"

  "Fuck off," I grumble. "It's none of your business."

  "Whoa, someone has a stick up their arse today. Take a chill pill, Prez." Ranger orders a beer and continues to burn daggers into the side of my head. After taking a sip of his pint, he says, "I don't know what the fuck you're thinking about but there's no need to take your shit out on us." Ranger is the only brother here that can call me out on my shit and get away with it. But that's only because we've grown up together.

  Deep down, I know he’s right… I am being a complete asshole for no reason. “Sorry, Ranger. A lot of shit in my head right now.” I scrub a hand down my face, my palm scratching against the five o’clock shadow covering the lower part of my face. “I don’t mean to take my shit out on anyone, but as you know, we are under a lot of fucking pressure. Those dicks are probably back at their clubhouse by now and they would have realised two of their girls have gone. Though Hope was never theirs in the first place.” I take a deep breath and blow it out in a long winded sigh. “They’re fucked up and it makes me angry at what they’ve done. I wish I could save all those young girls but that would be stupid on our part.”

  “Wow, I don’t think you’ve ever opened up to me like that before.” He looks at me with bewilderment and I shove my middle finger in his face. “It’s good, you know you can always off load to me, Mack. We’ve known each other a long fucking time and I’d be worried if you couldn’t trust me.” I chuckle and shake my head. He’s right, it would be fucked up if I didn’t trust him.

  “Enough of the girl talk, yeah? You’ll fuck up my rep.” Ranger bellows out a laugh with his head swung back.

  “So, what’s happening with Hope?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows. “I’ve seen the way you look at her, especially when she just walked out those doors.”

  I narrow my eyes at him and a tick in my jaw alerts me to my clenched teeth. “None of your fucking business, Ranger.”

  “Oh, come on, Mack,” he says, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. “I may be a bit dense but I’m not a fucking idiot.”

  “I can’t touch her even if I wanted to. She’s under protection from the club and technically she’s a club princess. Her father may be dead but that doesn’t strip her of that title, you know that.” Frustrated, I grip my glass tighter.

  “It’s not like her dad can fuck you up is it? Even if he was alive, he would have been shot if he tried. You’re the boss around here, mate, act like it.” Ranger clucks his tongue and I give him a funny look. Since when did he cluck his tongue? Isn’t that a sign of disrespect or some shit? “You need to sort it out, Mack. I’ll leave you to wallow in your pint.” He salutes me as he grabs his glass, turns and walks to the pool table at the back of the room.

  He kinda has a point. I sneak a glance out the glass doors and see Hope exactly where she was when I last looked. She’s swinging gently, her head hung down to her chest with her hair covering her face. To me, she looks so fucking lost and a wave of sadness envelopes me. No woman should ever be made to feel like that. I hope, in time, that she’ll come to trust us, or at least be able to confide in me about her feelings.

  I drain the last of my beer and decide to watch the news. Anything to stop the many thoughts invading my mind space. Anything to avoid looking at a solemn Hope.

  Hope

  The swing calms my slightly frazzled nerves. I keep my head low to avoid anyone looking at my face and reading my thoughts. None of these people will understand the turmoil and anxiety that’s gripping my insides, making my gut churn. The bile at the back of my throat is ever present and I have to swallow loads just to stop it coming out. Do these guys not know how dangerous the Devil’s whatsits are? Don’t ask me their MC club name because for the life of me, I can’t remember and I really don’t want to. But I'm serious, those guys, from what I know of them during my brief stay there, are dangerous. I imagine they don't like to be told ‘no’ from anyone, or have things they class as property taken away from them in the blink of an eye. I guess it's their own fault, no security because of over confidence was a huge mistake on their part. I'm not complaining though, I got rescued and I'm glad Lucy came along as well. She's a sweet girl, naïve and young. She got thrown into a life she never thought possible, made to do things that no fourteen-year-old girl should ever do. A shiver races down my spine at the thought of the dreadful things she's had to do.

  Lost in thought, I don't hear the glass doors sliding back, I don't pay attention to the crunch of shoes along the stones that litter the patio until a weight tilts the swing slightly. My head shoots up and my wide eyes land on Mack. I breathe a sigh of relief that its him. "You scared the ever loving shit out of me."

  The deep chuckle that comes from his chest sends goosebumps over my skin but I ignore it. Nothing good can come of starting something with a guy that leads a dangerous life. "Sorry, babe. I didn't mean to. I'm not the quietest of people so I wasn't sneaking about if that's what you're thinking."

  That's the last thing I would think of right now. "No, I wasn't thinking that at all. I was lost in my head so I didn't hear you. I should be more aware of my surroundings, it's why I'm in this situation in the first place."

  "How were you to know someone would come along the road and take you, Hope? You've not lived a sheltered life, you also know the kind of life your dad chose to pursue. Yet, you’re blissfully unaware of anything but what goes on in that pretty little head of yours. That's why you got into trouble," he says, his eyes boring into the side of my face.

  "I know." I sigh. He's right, I should have been more alert to things around me, I chose to ignore where my dad's life lead, of my official title within the club. My dad once told me how I had to keep my wits about me, that I had to be on the ball in case anything was to happen. He didn’t shy away about telling me the dangers of the MC life and to tell you it petrified me would be an understatement so I chose to ignore it. Now look where that's got me? "I should’ve listened to my dad."

  "What's done is done, babe. Unfortunately, we can't turn back the clocks. If we could, I'd be the first one to punish your father for his behaviour." The sincerity, with a hint of anger and danger, in his voice has my shoulders relax a little. It's nice to know that someone out there would bother with little old me. I've been alone for so long that it's strange to be in the company of someone that is willing to help me.

  "You would?" I'm
not happy about hearing someone wanting to 'punish' my father, but then thinking about what he had done to me, I actually wouldn't care so much as long as I didn’t know the details.

  "Yeah, he's not as loyal as what we believed him to be. He broke a rule, but now he's dead anyway so it doesn't matter." I see him shrug a shoulder from the corner of my eye.

  Changing the subject, I ask him, "Are you sure you're ready for them?"

  His brows furrow in confusion and he gives me a funny look. "Them?"

  "Yeah, you know, the Devil's... whatever they're called." I roll my eyes. He's forgotten already? Surely not.

  "Oh, yeah. We're as ready as we can be. Do you understand the meaning of lockdown?" he asks me, his look softening. He doesn't wait for me to reply, instead, he continues, "We can't leave this clubhouse except for the prospects if we need supplies. We can't make contact with anyone on the outside. Our razor wired fence is powered to electrocute anyone who touches it. The gates are also locked. If you need anything... female wise, let one of the Old Ladies know."

  I nod my head, I already knew what it meant. It's been explained to me before when I used to pester my dad as to why he would disappear and not contact me for months on end. "How long do you think it will be like this?" I start swinging the swing slightly, calming my nerves.

  "Undetermined. It depends on what happens. I've got my best IT guy on it, searching the dark side of the World Wide Web. I'm sure we'll hear something soon. They're going to be loud, they're going to be gunning for blood. But I'm certain they think we're ignorant to them all being active still." He takes a deep breath and sighs. "Especially as I shot Lynx a while back and thought he was dead. But then again, your dad was mostly associated with us, and we took you, his daughter. It can go any which way, but we need to stay on our toes and be ready for when they figure it out. Regardless of what those arseholes look like, Lynx is a smartarse so I'm sure he'll work it out eventually. Until then, you stay with us. I promise to keep you safe, Hope. I hope that soon, you'll trust me enough to believe my words."