Game Up

by Tara Jay Wimble

  Vianne blushed. “Not talking about it.”

  They watched as Rhian struggled to free herself from under Alexa.

  “Think we should stop them?”

  “Nah, man. This is pretty entertaining.”

  “Truth.”

  ***

  “HEY, Lara.”

  “Denise? Hey, what’s up?” Lara replied, thoroughly confused. Their interactions had basically dwindled to nothing after the initial breakup. Hearing her voice was a shock. She was briefly alarmed that something had happened to Asha, but quickly realized that Denise sounded far too calm for that.

  After some stilted small talk, Denise finally got around to the reason she had called.

  “Can you tell me what happened with you and Ash?”

  Lara’s heart jumped into her throat. “I...” She couldn’t find the words to continue, to explain. She could barely justify it to herself, how could she possibly explain it all to Asha’s best friend?

  They sat in silence, until Denise let out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, I figured. Look, Ash has been avoiding me. The only reason she avoids me is if she doesn’t want me to know something. You know damn well she can’t hide stuff from me.”

  Lara nodded, forgetting that Denise couldn’t see her.

  “I know, I’m...I’m really sorry. I can’t...I haven’t talked to her, I don’t know. I’m sorry,” she finished lamely.

  “It’s fine,” Denise replied, only her tone revealing her frustrations.

  The silence stretched on.

  “I miss my friend,” Denise said sadly.

  “We had a pretty major fight. I want to fix it. I don’t know if I can,” Lara finally mumbled.

  Denise felt a pang from the pain in her voice. She suddenly felt like she was intruding.

  “Okay, okay yeah. I hope you guys can work...can fix things. Sorry to bother you.”

  Lara stared at the phone after they hung up. That awkward conversation sparked a tiny bit of hope.

  Denise was right - Asha was avoiding her for a reason. Maybe she wasn’t over her. Maybe she still had a chance to make things right.

  But how?

  What if she was wrong?

  Could she handle ripping herself open for Asha, only to be rejected?

  Her brother’s voice came to her.

  You never gave up on me, you’re not a quitter.

  You don’t give up.

  Chapter 12

  ASHA felt herself starting to crack. The pressure was getting the best of her.

  The first practice at camp was a disaster. She just couldn’t pull off a decent save. Ball after ball hit the back of the net. She dove in the wrong direction, came off her line too early, fumbled the ball the few times she managed to snag it. Annica finally pulled her aside and warned her to get it together.

  On the way to the locker room, Asha could feel the others give her sympathetic looks - she refused to make eye contact with anyone.

  She immediately escaped to the showers, biting back hot tears.

  ***

  LARA arrived a day later. She tried again to meet Asha’s eyes, but it was useless. She obviously had no interest in sitting down and talking it out.

  This girl was so goddamn frustrating.

  ***

  ASHA’S throat closed when she saw Lara pull her pinnie on.

  Same team.

  Fuck.

  Having Lara in front of her made it very difficult to keep her attention on the scrimmage.

  Her play was mediocre at best, and she could sense Liam’s frustration boiling. She tried to focus on her back line, but managing it effectively was fairly impossible when she was doing everything in her power to avoid Lara. She could barely look at her, how could she possibly direct her?

  Another shot whizzed past her, her dive a shade too slow. Asha slowly got to her feet, wincing as her shoulder gave a powerful throb. She grabbed the ball and slammed it hard to the ground, her frustration with herself boiling over.

  Sashia knocked shoulders with her a minute later. “You okay?”

  “Fine,” she bit out. “Leave it.”

  Sashia put both hands up. “Just checking. Chill.”

  “I’m fucking tired of everyone checking.”

  Sashia just sighed and walked away, shaking her head.

  Liam finally pulled her, and she could feel Lara’s eyes trained on her as she walked to the bench.

  Asha accidentally made eye contact a few moments later, and it shook her to the core.

  A look of pity.

  Another crack sent racing up the wall.

  The bubbling emotions she had tried to suppress for so long were about to break through and rage.

  ***

  AGAIN, she avoided all eye contact in the locker room, escaping to the shower. Rhian cornered her afterwards and grabbed her arm before she could take off.

  Asha tried to shrug her off, but Rhian only gripped harder.

  “Dude. Let go.”

  “What the hell is up with you today?”

  “I’m playing like shit, what do you think? Should I be bouncing around and dancing when I can’t fucking do my job?”

  “It was one practice.”

  “You don’t get it.” Asha rubbed her temple hard with her free hand.

  “Maybe, but you’re not even giving me the chance. Talk to me, maybe I can help.”

  Asha laughed harshly. “Sometimes you act like you’re the fucking ‘Asha whisperer.’ You’re not. I don’t need your help.”

  “Hey, that’s not what...”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. Jesus, you’re fucking always smothering me. Just leave me alone. For once in your life, stop being a fucking pest and leave me the fuck alone.”

  Rhian recoiled with a sharp, pained gasp. Asha closed her eyes, not able to look at the hurt painted all over her face.

  By the time she was brave enough to open them, Rhian had walked away.

  ***

  ASHA sat in the ice bath long after everyone had left.

  Why doesn’t she love me? What did I do wrong?

  She tried so hard, but it didn’t matter. With Lara, with soccer – she just couldn’t catch a break. And she was taking it out on her friends, her friends that had put up with all her shit this entire time. She knew that everyone had their breaking point, the point where they finally give up on someone, and she feared she had just pushed Rhian past hers.

  Despair crept up and washed over her like a thick, black blanket, choking back any rational thought.

  Why wasn’t she strong enough to get over her?

  Pathetic. I’m fucking pathetic, weak. I ruined everything.

  Asha was shivering uncontrollably. She checked the clock, and grimaced when she saw how long she had stayed in. She dragged herself out of the tub, her bright-red skin already starting to burn and tingle.

  Asha prayed that Payne wouldn’t be in their room; hopefully, she had already left for dinner. She knew she couldn’t hold her front anymore.

  It was taking all of her willpower to make it to the room and not collapse in a sobbing heap in the hotel hallway.

  She was about to breakdown, and it was going to be ugly.

  ***

  THE first thing Asha saw when she walked into the room was Payne reading a book on her bed.

  Of fucking course.

  Payne glanced up. Worry immediately crossed her face once she saw Asha’s expression.

  “Ash? What happened?”

  Asha crossed the room to the window, and stared out, arms wrapped tightly around herself.

  “Can you go? I need to be alone,” she asked in a small, shaky voice.

  Payne walked up behind her, and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. “I can’t leave you like this. What’s going on? Talk to me, babe.”

  Asha flinched from the contact and withdrew, shaking her head.

  “Was it practice? Everyone has bad days, Liam’s not going to hold one practice against you.”

  Asha stepped away and s
lumped onto the ground, leaning against the bed. She threw her head back, gently slamming it again and again on the mattress.

  “Payne, please. Just go,” she begged.

  Payne eyed her carefully, unsure.

  “Ash,” she began. But the rest of her sentence caught in her throat as tears began to stream down Asha’s face.

  “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.” Asha’s tears turned to sobs.

  Payne slid next to her and wrapped her up, stroking her hair. Her body jerked as she tried to breathe.

  Payne was at a loss. She now had a strong feeling that this was all connected to Lara.

  “Ash,” she tried again.

  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

  Payne squeezed tight and shushed her. She could barely understand her, she was crying so hard. Payne realized there was no point in talking until she calmed her down. Asha was hyperventilating, on the edge of a panic attack.

  “Breathe with me, babe. Okay?” Payne took one of Asha’s hands and placed it firmly on her chest. “Feel that. Feel me breathe. Deep breath in. C’mon. Now out.”

  Asha managed a few but then lost control, overcome with panicky, shallow breaths.

  “It’s okay, Ash. I’m here. I’m right here. Let’s try it again.”

  ***

  “I need to get out of here.” Asha’s sobs had finally subsided. She felt hollow and exhausted. And a little ashamed of how easily she broke down, how she completely shattered in the arms of her friend. She was stronger than that. She should be stronger than that.

  Payne nodded. “Want to hit the pitch? Kick the ball around?”

  “Yeah.”

  They walked to a nearby field in silence.

  Asha’s eyes were still swollen and bloodshot. Her shoulders slumped and her body was tense, prepared for attack.

  Payne glanced sideways. “Ash? You ready to talk?”

  “No,” she said forcefully, yet the slight break in her voice revealed how fragile she was.

  Asha jogged to the goal, and pulled on her gloves.

  Payne sighed and spun the ball, setting it on the grass.

  ***

  “ASH, I’m tired. It’s cold. Let’s get some food, alright?” Payne tossed the ball to Asha.

  “Fine.”

  Payne hesitated, then turned and took a few steps. She hesitated again and spun back around. She watched as Asha took off her gloves and leaned into the net, breathing hard, eyes fixed on the ball that lay at her feet.

  “You’re not coming are you? Ash, c’mon, talk to me. I’m worried, I know this is about Lara.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be fine. Go eat. I’ll be up later.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. Take a walk, it’s nice out. Clear my head.”

  “It’s fucking freezing.”

  “I need to be alone.”

  “No, you need to talk to someone.”

  “I said I don’t want to fucking talk! Why can’t you just drop it?”

  “Because I’m your friend. Clearly, you’re going through some shit, I’m not letting you wander the streets of some strange city.”

  “If you were my friend, you’d listen to me. I need some space.”

  “Again, what you need is to fucking talk to me.”

  “...”

  “Asha.”

  “Don’t...” Asha whirled around and slammed her hand into the post.

  She winced - oh fuck, that was dumb - but she reared back and swung, again and again.

  Payne grabbed her, wrapping her arms, dragging her away. “Ash! The fuck are you thinking! Stop!”

  Asha struggled against her hold, crying and cussing. She managed to wrench free and took off.

  Payne started to follow, but quickly realized catching her alone was pretty pointless.

  There was no way she could control her by herself.

  ***

  “ASH just ran away.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, I need your help.”

  “Okay, can you give me a minute?”

  “Vianne, no, we have to find her.”

  “Alright, alright. Where are you?”

  “Meet me in the lobby.”

  Payne sighed and tapped her foot anxiously as she watched Vianne stroll towards her. It had been a toss-up between Vianne and Rhian. She knew that Rhian and Asha were very close, but Vianne exuded calmness. She figured that would come in handy if they managed to track down Asha. But right now, Vianne’s calmness was driving her crazy.

  “So you gonna tell me what’s up?”

  “She took off.”

  “Yeah, you said that. She does that though, sometimes. I’m sure she’s fine. Maybe she just needs some time alone.”

  “No, Vi, you didn’t see her. It was...I’m scared.”

  “Scared?” Vianne’s eyes widened a little.

  “She was hysterical, she started punching the goal post. She’s lost it.”

  Vianne chewed her lip. “Okay. Well, does she have her phone?”

  “Yes, but I’ve tried that. She was pissed, she’s not gonna just answer our calls.”

  “Does she have money?”

  “How the hell should I know? Maybe? Why does that matter?”

  “If she had money, I’d say she was at a bar.” Vianne shrugged.

  “That’s all you got?”

  “I dunno, dude. I guess we start walking.”

  ***

  SO they did. They had been walking the surrounding streets for almost two hours. They checked in at the closest bars, but no one remembered seeing her. Every time they called her phone, it just rang and rang.

  “If we don’t find her soon, I have to tell Pearce.”

  Vianne nodded. She knew that telling their captain was the last thing Payne wanted to do to her friend.

  Asha had been quiet about the whole situation, Vianne had heard little about Lara. She had sensed that her friend had been off, but she stayed back, waiting for her to open up if she was ready. Vianne had no idea it had gotten this bad, how’d it get to this point without her noticing?

  Vianne watched her feet as they trudged down yet another street.

  Payne glanced at her, noticing the guilty look Vianne wore. Jesus Christ.

  “Vi, don’t you start now. I didn’t notice either.”

  “I live with her,” she pointed out glumly.

  “Don’t blame yourself. She’s...” Payne trailed off as they passed a small park, noticing a figure on the ground, half-leaning against a playset.

  “Vianne.”

  Vianne stopped short at her tone. She followed Payne’s gaze.

  “I think we found her.”

  Chapter 13

  PAYNE dialed Asha’s number again, and they walked closer, straining to hear.

  Their hearts sank with conflicting feelings of trepidation and relief as the small sound of Asha’s phone drifted in the still, crisp air.

  “Vi.” Payne’s voice was strangled.

  There was hesitation – both were struck with fear of worst-case scenarios. Payne was the first to break from their frozen state.

  “Vianne,” she repeated. “That’s...”

  “Yeah.”

  They took off running and slid to a stop next to Asha. The smell of alcohol hit them both.

  Asha clutched a mostly empty bottle of rum in her hands.

  Vianne gasped. Asha’s right hand was swollen and starting to bruise, her knuckles split and covered with almost-dried blood.

  “Bro, what did you do?” Vianne carefully reached out to grab the bottle, trying not to spook her. She really didn’t know what to expect out of Asha – she never would have expected something like this - but for now she thought that keeping her as calm as possible would be the best course of action.

  Asha drunkenly lifted her head, her face stained with tears, her eyes dull. She had stopped crying some time ago, but it was quite clear what the past few hours had been like for her.

&nb
sp; “Well, well,” Payne dryly remarked as she scooted closer, examining the hand gently.

  Vianne glared at her, but Payne just shrugged.

  Asha slurred something out, and both leaned forward trying to catch it.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she repeated.

  A fleeting thought broke through her drunken haze - you definitely fucked up this time. Asha’s chest tightened as she scrambled for the bottle, needing the sharp burn to erase the terrible weight that had been crushing her.

  Vianne pulled it back before she could grab it.

  Asha reached for it again, and simultaneously swiped at her face, ashamed of the evidence of her tears. Unfortunately, the alcohol had destroyed any semblance of coordination, her movements were too clumsy. She swiped too hard, and whacked herself in the face. She whimpered pathetically in pain.

  Asha’s anger surged again. She lurched around and swung her hand into a wooden beam of the playset behind her, her surroundings only registering in flashes.

  Again.

  A sharp pain shot through her hand, through her body, through the numbness of the alcohol, making her gasp.

  The two grabbed her arms too late, their shock delaying their reaction a few beats too long.

  Asha managed to swing one more time before they could wrench her away.

  Payne cursed as they struggled to control her flailing.

  “You weren’t kidding,” Vianne yelped as an errant hand hit the side of her head.

  They wrestled Asha flat to the ground and Payne sat on her, knees pinning her arms as she held her chest down with both arms. Vianne held her shoulders down awkwardly, not entirely sure what else to do. Asha struggled half-heartedly for a few more seconds before finally relaxing as the sobs started again, wracking her body.

  Payne carefully released her hold and rolled off, knowing she was way too wasted to run like last time. Flight was absolutely out of the question, and she seemed to be crying too hard to attempt to fight again. Payne felt incredibly guilty for being thankful for this fact. But it was true – a sobbing Asha was a lot easier to deal with than an angry Asha. Now they just had to keep her away from solid objects.

  Vianne curled up beside her as Payne leaned back, trying to come up with a game plan.

  Asha’s breathing got deeper and slowed. She was on the verge of finally passing out. She shifted closer, rolling on her side and resting her head on Vianne’s chest, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as if trying to hold her body at bay.