Remember When...

by Scarlett Finn

  “No,” she said quickly. “God, no, he was right, absolutely right. I can feel bad about something without regretting the way I acted. It was possible Cam’s father was a good guy, but it was just as likely that he wasn’t. And the longer I spent in the hospital without anyone coming to find me, I… I thought maybe it was a one night stand or a nothing relationship, you know, I mean, we knew nothing about the water. No one knew what had happened. As far as we know I was just left at the side of the road, there were so many possibilities and this…” She gestured around to the men. “This was never one of the ones we considered.”

  They kept talking about the early days and why they had and hadn’t acted in particular ways. She’d been taken to the hospital unconscious and had no memory of anything beyond waking up in the private facility Calvin had paid for to care for her. Shane and the others gave more details about their search and what had happened in the days and weeks after the sinking.

  It was probably a couple of hours later when they stopped for a late lunch that coincided with Cameron’s snack. Shane fed him and she went outside with Rocky. While she was reflecting on everything that had been said, she stayed close and as soon as Cam was done, she took him for a walk with the dog, refusing all offers of company.

  Everyone was nervous for her to be alone, but there was no problem with her short-term memory, so she found her way back.

  Cam was awake when they got back and he crawled around the yard with Rocky under Shane’s purview until it was time for dinner at the lodge again.

  All this activity meant she managed to avoid being alone with anyone except Cam and it was him that she was with now enjoying bath time before bed.

  Her boy was in his seat in the middle of the bubbly water, separating his ducks into what seemed to be warring factions. Laughing at her son’s enthusiasm for the toys, she joined in the war until there was a knock behind her and she looked over her shoulder to see Shane propped on the doorway between the bathroom and his bedroom.

  “Sorry, do you need in?” she asked. “We’ll be just two more minutes.”

  “No, I’m good,” he said and she did a double take to read his smug smile.

  “You look damn pleased with yourself,” she said, soaping up her hands to run them over her boy.

  Shane didn’t even bother to hide his smirking joy as he sauntered over and knelt down beside her. “Oh, I am. I am, baby. Very pleased with myself… and very pleased with you.”

  Ginger knew where this was going and wouldn’t look him in the eye. It was a good thing that she had Cam to focus on. “Don’t. Ok? Just… don’t.”

  But it seemed that Shane wasn’t going to be a gentleman. “You know what I’m thinking about, don’t you?”

  “Yes, I do,” she said, shampooing Cam’s hair much to his chagrin. He kept trying to push her hands away, but she persisted despite his protests. “And I’m asking you not to talk about it.”

  “Isn’t it better that we talk about it now? It’s that or it comes up at a therapy session.”

  “Then let it come up there,” she said, styling Cam’s hair in a soapy peak.

  Shane rested his chin on her shoulder, indicating that he was way closer to her than he should’ve been. But she had General Cameron to keep her busy, so she managed to ignore the man at her side. “In front of everyone, you really want me to talk about it there?” Her hands slowed in their soaping and she let them slide into the water. “You haven’t slept with him.”

  And there it was, her eyes closed slowly. “Shane.”

  “I know,” he said, grinning again. “I’m not supposed to be smug about it. I’m supposed to be calm and understanding, no judgement, but tell me, baby… why doesn’t he get you hot?”

  “Stop!” she exclaimed and even Cam was startled, so she smiled at her baby and blew a bubble with the soap, distracting him into a laugh. “It’s not like that and I have slept with him, I just haven’t… had sex with him… rather he hasn’t had sex with me.”

  That made Shane sit back and frown to ponder what she meant. His confusion gave her a window to lift Cam out of his seat to lay him back so she could rinse the shampoo from his hair. “I don’t even know what that means,” Shane said a minute later.

  “He’s had oral,” she said, pressing a thin smile to her lips that tried to be smug but didn’t quite make it. “There, happy that you know that?”

  “No,” he said, cringing like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever heard. “No. I’m not happy knowing that… but it’s better than what I thought this morning.”

  Ginger exhaled. “Please don’t make this a thing,” she said, sitting Cam up and wiping his face. “You might be ok with having dirty thoughts all the time, but not everything is about sex.”

  “Dirty thoughts?” he said and Cam splashed him.

  “Da!”

  “Da has dirty thoughts, did you hear that, son?” he asked. “Maybe I need to wash those off.”

  Moving back on his knees, Shane grabbed his tee-shirt at the back of his neck and pulled it off in one slick move. Pouncing to a crouch, he took his cell from his back pocket and thrust it into her hands.

  Before she could say anything else, he leaped into the bath, jeans and all, scooping up a screaming Cameron into his arms in the process. The water sloshed, soaking her knees, but she didn’t register. The sight of the shirtless father under his bouncing baby who was overjoyed by the craziness stunned her for a second, then she relaxed and laughed.

  Shane was soaked and his jeans would be wringing, but he didn’t seem to care. Cam was splashing him, smacking his chest and lurching forward to kiss his insane father. “You’re crazy,” she said, holding the phone in the air when more water sloshed. “And my hands are wet, your phone will be ruined.”

  “It’ll be fine, it’s water resistant,” he said. “And I can always replace a phone. I can’t replace the precious moments.” Like her memories, he couldn’t replace them, and it was like he read her mind when he clutched Cam close and covered her cheek with his wet hand. “We’ll make new ones.”

  Cam splashed him again and Shane shifted the baby so that he was sitting higher on his chest, giving them room to grab up the ducks to restart the war.

  Shaking her head, Ginger smiled at her son and for some reason, her gaze fell to the phone in her hand resting against her lap. The lock screen was lit and it took her a minute to realize that the picture on it was of her, in Shane’s arms.

  There it was. Evidence of their past. His arms were locked around her shoulders, their faces side by side. His mouth was turned into her hair, his lips by her ear and her mouth was open in a laugh. But it was her eyes that mesmerized her, they were lit and alive. She looked… happy.

  “Gorgeous, isn’t she?” he asked and her attention snapped up, he’d caught her looking.

  “I… I’m sorry, I…”

  “It’s ok,” he said and scooped water from the bath to wash bubbles from Cam’s back. “There are other pictures in there… you can look, whenever you’re ready.”

  “Pictures,” she said.

  “Sure,” he said, still stroking his son, he shared a private smile with himself. “Just don’t look at anything in the folder labelled ‘Relations.’”

  “What’s in there?” she said, grinning. “Your porn?”

  His smile got wider and his head bobbed. “Yeah. That’s the folder I use to get myself off.”

  “Well you know I have to look now,” she said and again, he’d diffused a difficult situation, putting her at ease with humor.

  Cam wriggled and put a duck on Shane’s defined arm. She’d tried not to focus on the fact that this man in her tub was half naked, but it was difficult now that he was relaxed and the water was settled. His body was solid, each muscle had been nurtured to its perfect peak fitness in a series of grooves and ridges that had once been hers to taste and tantalize.

  Blinking, Ginger shook her head and averted her attention. Had she really just been looking at his chest thinki
ng about how it would taste? Her eyes rose again, over the impressive girth of his upper arm to his rounded and capable shoulder. He had dedication to her body that—his body, shit, he had dedication to his body, to his physique, not to hers. Why had she been thinking about him and her… together?

  Her lips were drying, yet her tongue drowned as she turned her lips into her mouth and wondered about what he’d do if she leaned over the rolled edge of the bath and closed her mouth over that groove at his throat in the middle of his collarbone.

  “Shit,” she whispered.

  “What?” he asked, oblivious to her thoughts as he ran his fingers through Cam’s wet hair and it was his turn to do a double take, except he was confused, not smug this time. “Bit? Why are you blushing?”

  “I’m… I’m not,” she said and rose high onto her knees, but his hand shot out and he grabbed her wrist.

  “Don’t run away,” he said, frowning.

  That he was really actually worried about her only made this worse. How could a stranger care about her so much?

  And why hadn’t she turned the bathroom light all the way up? The dimmer switch had been a novelty, but now made the lighting in the room seem intimate.

  A thrum between her thighs became an insistent tingle and when it rose in a roiling heat into her belly she felt blood heating her clit, making her more aware of it than she’d ever been. He pulled her an inch closer and his head tilted like he was trying to read her. God that hold, the strength in that grip, it owned her without scaring her, how the hell did he do that?

  She wouldn’t look him in the eye, couldn’t, and when he pulled her again, her curled fingers unfurled of their own volition and that was it.

  He got it.

  But he didn’t say anything, he wasn’t smug as he lowered her hand to his pec and pressed it down hard.

  The vibration had ascended to her diaphragm. Weakness struck her hard and her knees gave way, making her chest drop against the edge of the bath. “Is that it?” he murmured, the coating of his voice over her skin made her eyes close and her lips part in a whimper. “Is that what you need, baby?”

  She didn’t mean to nod, but she was sure she did, although with her eyes closed and her mind descending into a mist of hormones, she wasn’t sure if this was real or fiction. “I should…” she exhaled, unable to get any strength into her voice.

  He pushed her hand up to his shoulder, across to his throat and down until it was touching the waterline. While he rubbed her hand over his torso, he didn’t say anything, just gave her permission to fulfill her fantasy.

  “Do you want to join us, baby?” he asked, and he let her go, leaving her hand there on his ribs, so he could touch her mouth, smudging his wet thumb against her lips.

  She must have been infected by his craziness because she parted them a few millimeters and pressed a deep kiss against the pad of his thumb. When her eyes opened, they met his, which were aflame with the same heat tormenting her insides. She did it again, this time letting his thumb go just a fraction deeper so she could drag her teeth on it in a light bite.

  It was nice to see him unnerved and he was. His Adam’s apple bobbed in a shaky swallow and she sank back, letting her hand slip out of the water. “I guess you do like biting,” he mumbled.

  Looking to her son, she stood up and put the phone on the side before retrieving Cam’s towel. Picking her son up out of the water, gave his father leave to leap to his feet. But she was retreating to her room.

  “Leave your wet clothes in the tub or you’ll make a swamp,” she said, “good night, Shane.”

  Closing her bedroom door and locking it from her side, she stood still, trying to process what had just happened and what it might possibly mean.

  “Mama!”

  Smiling at her son, she kissed his head. Thank God she had him to concentrate on. He was her rock, he needed her, and she needed him… apparently more than she knew.

  7

  His wife still knew how to drive him nuts. Whatever last night was, Shane wasn’t complaining, in fact he’d like more of it. She’d been aroused by him. Shane grinned and looked down at the picture on his lock screen.

  “What’s got you so happy?” Murphy asked, coming over to join him on the porch swing. “Therapy this morning was a head fuck.”

  They’d had therapy, and had lunch. Everyone had gone their separate ways since then. Calvin was at the lodge with his mother, Ginger and Cam. Owen was upstairs on the phone to his husband and with the advent of video calling, the less Shane thought about that, the better.

  Therapy this morning had been a discussion of childhoods in an attempt to make Ginger feel better about Cam’s life so far. He figured she was looking for some clue about what was wrong with his parental relationship and was disappointed that there weren’t any back then. His upbringing had been fine and normal; it was in his adult life that the problems arose.

  But this was a gradual process, and Shane was impressed by Guinness’ attempts to keep some of the pressure off Ginger, who hadn’t shared much today, but had learned some things about her childhood from Owen. Shane liked to see her smile when he shared memories.

  Looking down at the lock screen picture again, he considered all the memories they’d shared that she might never remember. Murphy leaned over to look at the image. “When’s that from?” his brother asked.

  “Just a random moment,” Shane muttered and those were the ones they’d never get back. Birthdays she would ask about, anniversaries, their wedding, she’d ask about all of them eventually. But this picture was from one of those times when they were just happy, it wasn’t an event, it was just a day in their lives.

  “You’ve had that on your phone forever… it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile at it like that,” Murphy said.

  Owen came out of the back door to join them, propping himself against the porch railing opposite them. “Don’t hate me,” Owen said, offering both of them beer, but Shane paused before taking it.

  “For what?” he asked, in this scenario, anything could be going on.

  “You have to go back to California.”

  Shane laughed and snatched the bottle to take a long drink. “You’re funny, Owe, thanks, I needed a laugh.”

  “The acquisition is falling apart. Ventura are talking about going a different way… Julianna said the sale was dependent on meeting you and guess what? She hasn’t done that yet.”

  “Look around you,” Shane said, gesturing to the surroundings. “I’m on a beautiful lake with my two best friends, my girl, my son, and my dog… is there any amount of money that will make me walk away from this?”

  “Your girl’s fiancé and future mother-in-law are here too,” Owen said. “Murph and I can hold down the fort here, it’ll be like three days.”

  “Nope,” he said. “I’m not leaving until she’s with me.”

  “Seriously?” Owen asked.

  “I’m not leaving here without my wife and son,” Shane was sure but Owen and Murphy were exchanging a dubious look.

  “You know I’m all about confidence,” Murphy said. “But she’s with him. I’m not saying you won’t win, I know you will, but… we could be talking years. You knew her a year before you told her you loved her for the first time and it still took you like a year after that to get her to agree to go on a date with you.”

  “And they were married a year later,” Owen said.

  Shane slurped. “Would’ve been sooner if she’d been into the Vegas idea.”

  “Mom would’ve killed you if you eloped,” Owen said and Shane laughed because it was so true. “She needed the year to plan the wedding of the century.”

  Sharing happy memories helped him hold on, and it was his responsibility to do that while Ginger couldn’t. “Yeah, and in the end it was me telling Ginny to be patient,” Shane said. “By the time we got married it felt like we’d been together forever.”

  “You had,” Owen said. “Fun as history is to talk about, you know if it repeats t
hat you have to wait a year before you tell her you love her, then another before she’ll agree to date you, and then it will be a year after that before your man and wife again… Ventura won’t wait that long… this lodge won’t be here that long.”

  That was an exaggeration. Shane scowled at an innocent Owen, and shook his head. “It won’t take us three years to be man and wife again,” he said.

  “Oh yeah? We taking bets?” Murphy asked and held his fingers away from his beer bottle in turn as he counted. “Let’s take into account the fiancé, the mother-in-law, the doc, who I can’t figure out… oh yeah, and the continent between where we are now and where you live… you’ll be lucky if it’s a year.”

  “More like two,” Owen said.

  But Shane was encouraged by what he’d seen last night and hid his smirk behind his beer bottle, but not well enough because his friends saw it and eyed each other, then him. “How long do you think?” Murphy asked, his voice full of suspicion.

  “A week,” Shane said and both men leaped to their feet.

  “No way!” Murphy hollered.

  Owen crouched in front of him. “What happened?”

  “Did you fuck her?” Murphy asked.

  Owen hit Murphy’s leg. “That’s my sister.”

  “Oh sorry, did you make sweet, sweet love to your beautiful wife?” Murphy mocked.

  Shane laughed. “No, I just know my girl… ok, maybe we won’t be man and wife, maybe that will take a bit longer, but I think we’ll be back… ‘there’ in a week or two.”

  “Shit,” Owen said, clutching his chest. “I don’t know how you do it. I think I’m going to have a heart attack.”

  Murphy smacked his shoulder and sank to sit again. Owen pulled one of the wicker chairs over and they all touched bottles. “To making memories,” Shane said and they all drank.

  “How’s Derek?” Shane asked and they talked about life at home for a while.

  They were still talking about it about ten minutes later when the screen door creaked open and they turned to see Ginger hanging out the door with Cam on her hip. “Hey, buddy,” Shane said and opened his arms. “Want me to take him?”