Remember When...

by Scarlett Finn

  “I am in love with him,” she said and when he didn’t respond she let her eyes rise. Ginger never seen a person so in shock. Climbing over the picnic, she sat right beside her brother and picked up his hand. “You can’t tell him. You can’t tell anyone. But I… I thought it was attraction and curiosity, and I guess part of it is. But that thing I see when I look into his eyes, it’s not some big secret about him, it’s a big secret about me… My heart, my soul, everything I am, gets it… It’s my mind that holds me back. My frustration.”

  Squeezing her fingers, Owen mouthed silently. “And Calvin?” Before finding her rings, she’d have felt guilty. Now she was surprised to feel nothing but resolve as she slowly shook her head. Owen hissed, “Oh my god… You love Shane? I have to tell him, you can’t—”

  “You said we had brother-sister privilege,” she said, holding up a stern finger. “You can’t—”

  “But why?”

  “I’m scared.”

  He dismissed her with a huff. “You don’t have to be afraid of Shane. He’d turn himself inside out for you.”

  “I’m not afraid of him, I’m afraid of…” It was as she stood looking out over the lake this afternoon that she figured out the root of her discomfort. “I’m used to our life here. We see each other all the time, it’s just us, it’s quiet. Everyone’s under the same roof, it’s safe. I’m not… I’m not ready for corporate offices and big empty houses and living with a CEO. I don’t even know what that means. I don’t know what will be expected of me, of how people will react to me.”

  Owen stroked her hand, sympathizing. “You don’t want to go home with him.” She shook her head, chewing her lip, and coiling a finger round a loose strand of hair. “You know it’s funny, when it was you and Shane in a small group, you were the most confident person. In bigger groups, you only ever wanted to be in the background. All that mattered to you was being the focus of his attention. You were never gregarious, but… you’ve always been like this, always shunned any kind of spotlight, hated being the center of a group.”

  That Ginger was becoming more like herself was reassuring, but didn’t help that she’d have to tell Shane she was staying behind. “He can’t stay here forever. I feel like I still have work to do with the doctor. But after Julianna goes tomorrow—”

  “She’s not going tomorrow,” Owen said. “There was no time to tell you earlier, but there’s been an adjustment to their availability, which means we may be increasing our acquisition.” She didn’t even know what that meant, so shook her head at him and he explained. “There’s more to negotiate. They’re staying an extra day… but they’ll be leaving early the day after.”

  She might not be able to picture the distant future, but the immediate future was clear. “Oh god, this is going to be awful,” Ginger said and it was her turn to fill her brother in. “Calvin has associates at the lodge too, they’re doing some sort of deal.”

  “So now both of them will be holding warring conferences?” Owen said and grinned. Cam put the plastic fork in his mouth and she pulled it back so he didn’t push it too far. Her son argued with her and she continued to wrestle if from him as Owen continued, “That will be fun. You’re like a gauge for who’s the most powerful in a room, whichever one you want to jump after the meetings, will be the one with the biggest dick.”

  “Shane’s is bigger,” she said as Cam let go of the fork. Replaying her words, she lifted her head and gaped at her brother whose shocked grin became a snigger.

  “Did you just have a memory or do you have something salacious to share, sis?”

  She had something salacious in her mind, but not anything she could share. “Let’s forget I said that,” Ginger said, but he kept prodding and she laughed.

  “It’s nice to hear you laughing and…” Owen said, making a show of leaning forward to pull something from the back of his waistband. He held up a letter-sized envelope and waved it at her. “This was with the boxes, under the delivery notice. I guess it was at the front desk and they brought it down with everything else, maybe they thought it was part of the same shipment. Anyway, I didn’t think it was the right time for Shane to see it. With you yelling at us and all.”

  Oh, yeah, the other time she’d been a crazy person today. Maybe she was losing her mind. But Ginger didn’t know what it was that her brother was holding up, so she took it from him and unfastened the top. Emptying it out, she was awed and excited and overwhelmed all at the same time. “This is…”

  “Cam’s official name change documents, his birth certificate and passport… it’s official.”

  “It is,” she said, staring at the curves and lines of the letters that made up her baby’s new name… his real name.

  Owen’s voice got all soft. “You should show Shane.”

  Shaking her head, Ginger put her fingertip on the words and then took a breath before putting everything back in the envelope. “I can’t… I didn’t do this to win brownie points. If I show him now he’ll think I’m trying to distract him from the horrible way I acted today. This was supposed to be special, an important statement, not a cover for my behavior.”

  “Trust me, he won’t care about how or why,” Owen said. “He’ll be ecstatic… He’ll forget—”

  “That’s the point,” she said, annoyed that her brother didn’t get it. “I shouldn’t use Cam to get myself off the hook.”

  Her sibling was as irritated as she was. “Shane wants to see this,” Owen said. “I’ve been desperate to tell him. Now it’s here. We can’t hide it from him. A surprise is just a secret if you don’t share it. Why would you want to—”

  “I can’t show him. I can’t… Geez, Owen, I’m hiding up here eating dinner alone with my baby ‘cause I can’t face him. If I can’t look Shane in the face, how can I show him this?”

  “Then I’ll show him,” Owen said. “He’ll want to see it. You don’t know what it will mean to him.”

  All she seemed to do on this trip was argue with people. It was exhausting. “Won’t it mean more if I tell him when we’re friends?”

  “We’re not friends?”

  Both she and Owen turned toward the doorway to see Shane draped against the doorframe. “Dada!” Cam screamed and flopped into a crawl to scurry toward his father, right over the top of the picnic blanket, scattering everything.

  20

  “Making a break for it top man?” Shane asked, crouching to catch Cam who was on a mission. “Wow, check out the duds.” His grin got wider as he held his son up and turned him left and right. “I’m underdressed in here… you’re on it, buddy, looking almost as hot as your momma over there.”

  “I crashed their barefoot date,” Owen said, putting the envelope on the floor and eyeing her. “Show him.” Her brother grabbed his shoes and went to the door. Shane sidestepped, but lowered Cam when Owen nuzzled his face. “I think the biggest competition you have for Gin’s affection is this stunner.” Owen kissed Cam again and slipped out, closing the door behind him.

  Shane lifted Cam high on his forearm. Ginger felt his eyes on her though she couldn’t meet them. Cam leaned forward to smudge his mouth on his father’s jaw. “How’s that tooth coming, buddy?” Shane asked, sliding his finger into Cam’s mouth.

  “It broke,” she said, tidying up the picnic blanket. “Show daddy your teeth, Angel.” Cam opened his mouth in a big grin that made both parents laugh. Ginger reached over to pull the tray toward her so she could scoop some food out for Cam.

  “Well done, little guy,” Shane said, letting Cam pull his finger deeper into his mouth so he could chew on it again. Shane began to move closer and her heart sped up as she focused on the food. When he got to the picnic, he crouched, putting Cam on the floor between his legs. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

  Picking up the bib she’d put on the floor, Ginger leaned forward to fasten it around Cam’s neck and scooped some of the food into his mouth. She didn’t want Shane to go, but she didn’t want to fight and didn’t know how to apolog
ize.

  “It’s carbonara sauce, they made it with this non-dairy, baby-friendly sauce apparently, but it’s nice, not… like it sounds. You probably don’t remember, he had it at the lodge one night… Cam really likes spaghetti, can you believe it?” Cam tried to put his fingers in the food. She moved it away, but picked out a piece of spaghetti and put it on his fingers. “How does that feel, Angel?” she asked Cam, then spoke to Shane. “It’s good for him to learn the texture, he’ll make a mess, but—”

  “Bit,” Shane said, sliding his hand beneath her chin to draw her head up. “I love you.”

  Oh, god, why did he have to say that? Shifting to her knees, Ginger married her eyes on his. Just when she was falling apart, feeling awful for what she’d said to him, he came in here and made her feel good. Touching her fingertips to his lips, she smudged the sauce on him. “Does it taste good?”

  Opening his lips, Shane sucked her fingers and the vibration of her ragged breath stung her throat. It wasn’t enough. Rising higher, she forced her mouth over his before her fingers even slipped free. Clutching his shoulders, Ginger balanced herself over her son and pushed her mouth hard against her husband’s and he didn’t retreat.

  Easing up enough to keep her lips brushing his, she whispered, “I’m sorry. Boo, I’m so sorry. I would never keep you from Cam. I was crazy and—”

  “Baby, much as I hate to say it, Bishop was right. I was told and I didn’t give your fear enough thought… I don’t need an apology… You know all I need from you?”

  She’d give him anything. “Ma!” Cam called out and pushed her legs, but she stayed fixated on Shane.

  “What do you need from me?” she whispered.

  “Faith,” he said. “I need you to have faith in me. In us. That’s it. If you can do that for me, I promise we’ll get through this. We’ll conquer your fear together.” Linking her fingers at the back of his neck, Ginger felt slimy baby fingers on her leg, Cam must be feeding himself, yet she couldn’t withdraw from Shane’s mesmerizing gaze. “I promise not to take Cam near the water… but will you give me the chance to help you?”

  “You are helping me,” she said.

  “Will you have faith and let me help you?”

  “Dada!” Cam shouted out and Shane glanced down. “Dada!”

  She looked down to see Cam rocking back and forth, lifting and dropping his legs. Ginger could see that ending badly, so she lowered to her son and grabbed his waist. “Daddy’s face can take a blow from mommy’s head. His boy bits aren’t as hardy.”

  If Cam kept rocking like that he’d have fallen back and head-butted Shane right in the jewels. Shane shifted to sit on the floor properly and put a hand on Cam’s head as he stroked her hair and spoke into her crown. “And Mommy wants more kids.”

  Picking up Cam, Ginger moved him to the opposite side of the picnic blanket and sighed. “What a mess baby made,” she said. There was carbonara sauce was smudged on his clothes, his hands, his face, it was all over her dress and as she rose, she saw it was on Shane’s pants too. It didn’t take long for Cam to make a mess.

  Grabbing the wipes, she went back to Cam. Stripping him down, she wiped his hands and face and kissed his head. “Mama!” Cam said, babbling as she scooped food into his mouth.

  She gave him a spoon and an empty bowl, which gave him something to do as he banged them together. “I love watching you be a mom,” Shane said. He was sitting on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him, and his arms straight behind him holding him up.

  Cam was chewing his food and happy with his instrument. She was so disappointed that his suit was a mess. In consolation, he grew so fast that the suit wouldn’t fit him soon anyway. Dressing up to date a ten-month-old was a bad plan. Standing up, Ginger unzipped her dress and stepped out of it. There wasn’t a dry-cleaners at the lodge, but there might be one in the city.

  Bending to spoon more spaghetti into Cam’s mouth, he grinned at her. “Look at those teeth, Angel,” she said, kissing his sauce smudged mouth. “So handsome.”

  With her son happy, she moved the bowl out of his reach and crawled over the picnic to kneel by Shane. Unfastening his belt, she undid his button and pulled down his fly. It wasn’t until she grabbed his waistband and had to lean forward as he lifted hips that her body bumped his and she paused, realizing what the hell she was doing. She was undressing him like she had Cam… or like a wife would undress her husband.

  Shane’s hips were braced off the floor, his weight balanced on his extended arms and heels, and his brows were raised above his smile. “Keep going, baby,” he said.

  Sinking back onto her heels, she exhaled. “Can this really belong to me?” she whispered, caressing his solid thigh. “Can it really be ok for me to do…?”

  “Whatever the hell you want with me?” he asked. “Yes.”

  She might still be uncomfortable with some of the sex stuff, but the only way to get used to it was to push herself. Maintaining eye contact, she pulled his jeans down over his ass and shuffled down to pull them off over his feet. “This is a barefoot picnic,” she said and pulled off his socks too.

  “You never let me keep my socks on,” Shane said. Ginger bowed to kiss the top of his big toe making him laugh.

  She gathered up the dirty clothes and took them to the changing table where she put Cam’s suit back on its hanger. When she turned around, she saw Shane pulling off his tee-shirt. “Is that dirty too?” she asked, wondering how on earth Cam had reached his torso.

  “No, I just felt overdressed,” he said.

  Somehow their barefoot picnic had become an underwear picnic. She was in her bra and panties, Shane was wearing boxers, and Cam was bouncing on his diaper in only a vest. He was babbling to himself, then flopped forward with the food bowl in sight.

  “Shane!” she called, pointing at the impending disaster. He flipped around and snatched up the bowl like a pro before Cam could reach it.

  Cam berated his father for being so quick and spoiling his fun. Going back to join them, she stepped over Shane and sat down between him and the blanket. Taking the bowl from Shane, Ginger bent forward with her knees and elbows on the floor so she could reach her son and scoop more food into Cam’s mouth.

  Shane’s warm rough hand slid over her ass and she froze for a second. It was her impulse to sit back and slap him away because she hadn’t been touched like this.

  Being on all fours with Shane behind her, it was a vulnerable position, and an intimate one. But she was feeding her baby, so she kept her attention on him, replying to his blathering and feeding him in time, while Shane became more handsy.

  He stroked her ass cheeks, down the back of her thighs and back up to the line of her thong. When his fingers slid down over the crotch of her panties, Ginger sat up, finding herself nestled in the crook of his body, in front of his hips.

  She caught his hand. Taking it off her ass, she coiled it around to her opposite hip. “You can’t touch me there,” she whispered.

  “I love your body,” Shane said. “I always did.”

  “Mama!” Cam called out.

  “Would you like some spaghetti?” she asked Shane. “There’s plenty for us all to share.”

  Admiring her for a second, he said nothing, then he cupped her cheek and rose enough to kiss her. “I have never been happier than I am right now,” he said. “Sitting here in our underwear with our baby, it’s perfect.”

  “In the almost dark eating cold, baby-friendly carbonara?” she asked.

  “Exactly,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her again. “Are we friends again?”

  Ginger wanted them to be friends, but it was Shane who had the right to deny her, not the other way around. “I don’t know, are we?”

  “Yes,” he said before nodding past her. “Now do I get a peek?”

  “A peek at?” Glancing back she saw the letter-sized envelope on the floor. She’d forgotten about it. Given what he’d just said, this had become a good time. Reaching for it, she pulled it ov
er to them, pausing to feed Cam the last of his carbonara on the way. “I’ll show you. But I… I haven’t told anyone else about it. Only Owen knows.”

  “This is what you were talking about in the bathroom?” he asked, taking the envelope to open it.

  He took the first item out and his serious eyes lightened, he took out the other and his smile grew. “How do you feel?” she asked.

  “Baby,” he exhaled. “It’s the… this is amazing.”

  “It’s what we signed for… I just thought—”

  He snatched her up and pushed his mouth over hers. His tongue delved deep and she struggled to catch her breath, but it was made harder when he yanked her close. “Thank you, baby, this… it means everything to me. You’re fucking incredible.”

  “Dada!” Cam hollered, but Shane kept kissing her, sliding his hands down over her body. “Dada!” Shane stopped kissing her when Cam crawled over and pulled his hand away. “Mama!” Cam used her to pull himself up and he squeezed between his mother and father to babble his anger.

  “Is he pissed at me for touching you?” he asked.

  With Shane lying on his side now, she was leaning against his torso, her arm on his ribs which let her caress his muscles. Cam was still between them and Shane put an arm around him to rest a hand on her knee, giving Cam support to stay put.

  “I think he’s pissed that we’re not looking at him,” she said, both she and Shane kissed his opposite cheeks at the same time. Cam turned to put both arms around her neck and Shane slid his arms up to copy him, squeezing Cam between his parents.