Hold On to Me

by Lucia Franco

  Rubbing the raw ache away, he would figure something out. Come hell or high water, he would. John was given one chance at life, and he was going to make the best of it.

  Standing on her tiptoes, Alyssa gently placed Brooke back into her crib. She rolled onto her side and sucked her thumb. Yawning, Alyssa left the nursery door cracked open then went back to her room. She was supposed to work a double later and prayed that Brooke wouldn’t wake up again. She was exhausted and tired and couldn’t afford to miss another day of work.

  As she opened the door to her room, the hallway light gave her a chance to see John splayed out on her bed in nothing but his boxers. One leg was bent up while his other one was cocked to the side. His arms were propped behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. Her eyes roamed his body, she couldn’t help it. He was solid muscle, his chest a pure work of art that was honed and defined to perfection down to his lean stomach. Stifling a groan, Alyssa felt her body coming to life as she stared at John remembering what happened only a couple hours earlier between them.

  Swallowing away her need, Alyssa had to stay focused.

  “What are you thinking about?” John asked softly, his voice carrying in the dark room.

  Alyssa shook her head as if trying to clear it of her thoughts. “Nothing.” John lifted the covers up for her as she climbed into bed.

  “Liar. What’s on your mind?”

  All thoughts were pushed aside at the sight before her. My God, she thought. John had turned on his side. His boxers were much lower than she thought but that wasn’t what caught her attention … It was the deep v that shaped his hips and dipped into his boxers. His body was in perfect shape. As if on command, her mouth watered just looking at him. Despite the fact that she had just told herself that she wasn’t going to let anything else happen between them again, she felt her body coming to life. She wanted John so bad that she ached down below.

  John grinned. “Want to try that again?”

  “Huh?”

  “Up here, babe,” John ordered with a snap of his fingers. “Damn, now I kind of know what it feels like when men do that to women, staring at their tits. You just eye-fucked the shit out of me.”

  Her jaw dropped and heat flamed her cheeks. Thank goodness the room was still partially dark and he couldn’t see her blushing. Her face felt like it was on fire.

  “I did not just do that.”

  “Babe, you stopped midway on the bed and zoomed in on me. You most definitely did,” he said, chuckling.

  A small smile tipped her mouth. John caught her gawking at him and she was embarrassed. How adorable. “Come on, sugar. Get into bed,” he said. “Let me hold you.”

  John scooted behind Alyssa and wrapped an arm around her soft belly. He pulled her tight to him as he spooned her. Her plush little ass was cushioned against his cock and he groaned inwardly. Her body pressed into his … fuck yeah …

  Whispering close to her ear he asked, “What were you thinking about?”

  “I wasn’t really thinking of anything important … Just that I’m supposed to work a double today, that is, if my sitter comes through. I’ll be on my feet for eleven hours straight and will need some sleep so I can get through the day. I mean, there have been days when I was running on fumes while working so I’m used to it, I just rather not be if I can help it.” The partial lie rolled right off her lips.

  “What happens if your sitter doesn’t come through again?”

  Alyssa sighed. “I pray that doesn’t happen, but if it does, then I would have to call out of work again.”

  Brushing the hair away, he watched goose bumps coat her flesh from his touch. John leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her neck. He had a crazy idea, but was going to give it a shot. She needed somebody, and he was there.

  “How about you call off your sitter for the day and let me stay with Brooke?” Alyssa stiffened in his arms.

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

  “Just like that? Alyssa, you didn’t even give it a second thought.”

  “Johnny, but you don’t know anything about babies.”

  “And neither did you when you became a mother but you learned quickly, didn’t you? I’m not stupid, I can figure it out,” he said, shoving a leg between hers. “If anything, my mother lives only a few hours away. Do you have any idea how happy she would be if I called her to help me? She raised four boys you know.”

  “Brooke doesn’t know you that well to be with her all day.”

  And didn’t that just sting? “Since when? Because last time I checked she reaches for me when she sees me.”

  He had a point. “It’s not that, Johnny …”

  “Then what is it? And don’t tell me that some seventeen year old girl knows more about babies than me. I watched my mother raise my younger twin brothers. I know a thing or two.”

  Alyssa squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t.” Her heart ached just saying it.

  John let go of Alyssa and rolled over onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes. Why wouldn’t she give him a shot? Everything he tried, she turned him down and he was getting sick of it. No matter what he did, Alyssa said no. It was never good enough. And here he thought they were making progress.

  “Well, I am. So call off your sitter. I want to stay with her today.”

  Alyssa’s heart thumped in her chest as she shot off the bed. “The hell you are,” she ground out. “That’s my daughter, and you do not make the decisions for her. I do,” she finished, jabbing a finger at her chest. “How dare you try to override me?

  “This,” she gestured with her hands back and forth “was a mistake. I should’ve never let it happen. Emotions get involved and no one ends up with what they want.” Grabbing her fluffy white pillow, she said, “If Brooke stays asleep, that means I’ll have four hours of uninterrupted sleep until I have to get up. It will be a miracle if that happens. I’m going to sleep on the couch. I’m sorry, but this isn’t going to happen again with us, Johnny. It can’t. I won’t allow it to.”

  “Whatever you need to tell yourself,” John retorted. Walking over to where Alyssa stood, he yanked the pillow out of her hand. “Sleep in your bed, I’ll take the couch. You’re trying to fuck this up, Alyssa, but I won’t allow it. You can’t do it all by yourself. One day you’ll see that. I just hope you’ll wake up and see soon. A guy can only take so much.”

  And with that, John walked out of her room and plopped down on her couch, frustrated, horny and exhausted.

  A bright light streamed through Alyssa’s bedroom window. Rolling over, she opened her swollen sleep deprived eyes and glanced at her clock. 7:12 am.

  And then it hit her. Brooke. She didn’t wake up again. It wasn’t like her daughter to sleep through the night. She usually woke around six to have a bottle and then went back to sleep. She couldn’t stop the alarm that traveled through her veins. Even with Ben in jail, she still feared he would somehow find them again.

  Alyssa shot out of her bed and raced to her room. Throwing open the door, Brooke wasn’t in her crib.

  Her heart dropped into her stomach, nausea taking root in her throat. Where was she?

  Sprinting into the living room, she stopped dead in her tracks. Chest heaving, her bones rattling from thinking the worst, she spotted her daughter lying on Johnny’s bare chest. She was curled up and sucking her thumb, a blanket covering her as she and Johnny slept peacefully with his tags in her hand. An empty baby bottle sat on the coffee table.

  What was with her and those tags?

  Alyssa was overcome with emotion at the sight before her. John’s large hand held Brooke to his chest. Fear had set in immediately and a million thoughts ran through her mind, but now she realized she overreacted for nothing.

  Right then, the air kicked on and she saw red lights in the corner of her eye. Her baby monitor. What the …

  That’s why she didn’t hear Brooke wake. When had Johnny taken it out of her room and put it next to the couch? She sniffled, and John’s eyes
cracked opened to meet her pained gaze. He pressed a finger to his lips to silence her.

  And her heart cracked again. How much more could she take? How much could she put Johnny through? John took matters into his own hands and helped her while she was defenseless.

  Alyssa watched as John carefully sat up. He placed both feet on the carpet then scooted Brooke higher on his shoulder, draping the blanket over her. Pressing a hand to the back of Brooke’s head and one to her lower back, he stood wearing only his boxer shorts. Brooke was sound asleep as Johnny carried her to her room and placed her in the crib.

  Alyssa sat on her couch and waited. He walked to Brooke’s room like it was second nature to him. She leaned forward and grabbed the empty baby bottle, a depressing breath rolling off her lips. She waved it back and forth between her fingers watching the left over breast milk coated the inside.

  John’s backside wasn’t overlooked in the process. In the daylight it was really something, especially with his boxers sitting so low. His back was honed to perfection … a golden hue with two dimples right above the lip of his waistband … his shoulder blades … his strong arms … and all while carrying Brooke.

  Alyssa sighed and bit her bottom lip. The Marines did his body damn well. And holding a baby wasn’t helping his cause.

  John thought for sure Alyssa would follow him. He almost wished she had because he had no idea how to get his little cupcake off his shoulder and onto the mattress without waking her. How the hell did she do it?

  Ever so carefully, that’s how. John felt like he was walking on eggshells. He knew Brooke wouldn’t break in his arms, but he was still very careful. With gentleness he didn’t know he possessed, John placed her in the crib. He covered her up then left, closing the door behind him.

  Walking out to the living room, Alyssa was sitting on the couch waiting for him. Their eyes locked, she was gearing up. He knew she was going to lay into him by the darkening of her eyes. John had a restless night, he was tired as hell. He really didn’t want to hear her shit this early in the morning.

  Alyssa was still wearing his shirt as he strolled over to her. He woke up wanting Alyssa desperately. He couldn’t get her out of his head. Then Brooke woke up and that’s when he planned to knock down her stupid walls. Damn. She looked sexy as hell for just waking up. As she stood, Alyssa went to open her mouth to speak but John stopped her.

  “Shut up,” he ordered. Then he pushed her down onto the couch. “Sit on your hands.” When Alyssa’s brows furrowed, he said, “Don’t make me say it again.”

  She did as he ordered.

  John leaned over and gripped the back of her couch behind her shoulder. Using his other hand, he cupped her cheek, his thumb gently stroking her. He slid his palm up the side of her jaw, their eyes never leaving each other’s, and then through her hair. John pulled her hair gently back, her chin lifting to meet his gaze. Her lips parted and her chest began rising. Bending a knee, John straddled her, locking her in with his body.

  “John?” she whispered.

  Lifting a brow, John cut her off. “I said, shut up, Alyssa.” John scooted as close as he could to Alyssa, his knees hitting the back of her couch, his cock nestled between her thighs.

  John squeezed her with his thighs, not too tight, but enough for her hands not to move either. As he rested his weight on her, he watched her eyes dilate. His gaze traveled down her face, past her neck he couldn’t wait to kiss and to her chest.

  “Don’t say a word, sweetheart,” he whispered. “I know this is hard for you, but trust me. Okay?” Alyssa nodded, and he saw the truth in her eyes.

  John hovered above her lips and her eyes rolled shut. A sigh rolled off her lips, waiting for him to press his mouth to hers, but he wouldn’t. Not after how she treated him last night. He would make her work for it.

  John grazed passed her mouth to her ear, leaving a hot trail on her skin. He floated just above touching her. It was hard as hell for him but he wasn’t going to give in just yet.

  She took a deep breath and John glanced down as he watched her chest lift in his shirt. Fuuuccckkk. Her nipples were hard as pebbles and the fullness of her breasts showed through his shirt. He wanted so bad to reach down and press his face to her chest.

  “Just relax,” John whispered. “Cupcake is sound asleep which means you’re all mine to do with what I want. Shhh …” he said, running his lips over the shell of her ear and pushing his hips into hers. The slightest, smallest moan escaped her lips.

  “Johnny,” she sighed breathlessly.

  John groaned rolling his hips into her and she spread her legs wider, relaxing against the couch. “Honey, when you say my name like that it’s hard for me to hold back from taking you. I love how you say it.”

  John grabbed her lips in a no surrender hold. He kissed her hard, and he kissed her good. He kissed her to make her forget everything around them. He wanted her focus solely on him, on them. Alyssa moaned into his mouth and kissed him back with the same intensity. She struggled to move under him, but John wouldn’t allow it. He kept her locked in and under his command.

  Pulling back, he breathed against her mouth, “I’m going to take you right here on this couch. Just thought you’d like to know now.” John’s tongue skated out and licked along her lip. He tipped her chin up and he leaned in for a kiss.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea—”

  “Stop thinking.”

  “I … I don’t … You have me all confused.”

  John chuckled. “I have you confused because you want me, and you don’t want me to stop as much as your brain tells you to. Alyssa, you want me, and I want you. What’s the problem?”

  John sat back on his haunches. He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m trying, Alyssa, but you have to try, too. It takes compromise. A relationship is a work in progress. There is not one relationship that isn’t. I can’t be the only one putting everything in. You need to meet me halfway, otherwise we’ll never make it out alive. The question is, do you want it bad enough?”

  “Who said this was a relationship?”

  John’s voice grew deep. “Are you really going to go there?”

  Alyssa shrugged. She didn’t know where she was going. Of course she wanted it. Alyssa always wanted John to begin with. From the moment they met he stirred something inside of her. There was no question about it. But the real question was could she risk the heartache of him coming in and out of her life should it happen?

  “Johnny …”

  “Honey, like I said, I’ll try my damndest. But you’re not alone. This is how it is for many couples with a spouse in the service.”

  Alyssa just stared at him, her shoulders dropping.

  “I know, I know. We’re not a couple,” John emphasized. “But can’t we just try?”

  Trying to find the strength, Alyssa swallowed then said with an unblinking gaze, “I can’t … Not yet.”

  Disbelief was written all over his face. “Then what the hell was last night?”

  Last night was one of the most emotionally compelling nights of her life. It was a night she would never forget and hold close to her heart forever. John was truly there for her in every aspect, and she could never thank him enough.

  Her chin quivered, unshed tears threatening to fall. She was guilty for pushing him away at every corner. One minute she wanted him, the next she couldn’t. She needed to meet half way, but the distance was too far to reach.

  “I’m going to push past those walls and strip you down, then you’ll be mine irrevocably. Every chance I get I’m going to be here.”

  A small smile tugged at her mouth. She needed to give an inch if he was willing to give a foot. It was a pivotal moment between them. John placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. He lingered for a moment then snuck up her mouth and planted a wet kiss to her lips. When she didn’t hesitate but leaned in for more, John slipped his tongue into her mouth and kissed her until she was breathless. He lapped at her lips slowly with precision as he held her jaw i
n both palms, his thumbs gently stroking her cheeks. When she made a sound that indicated she wanted more, John purposely pulled back.

  Arousal filled eyes gazed back at him. Grinning, John said flirtatiously, “That was the last kiss you get.”

  Because with them, it always started with a kiss. It was only a matter of time until she wanted more.

  Alyssa was going to do it. She was going to leave Brooke with John. An hour or so after their conversation on her couch, Alyssa called Natalie and told her she had the day off. Her nerves were already shot and it wasn’t even ten in the morning yet.

  A chuckle echoed down the hallway. Alyssa smiled as she applied her mascara. Brooke’s baby laugh was the most adorable thing to her. She could just picture drool dripping down her chin as her body bounced from laughing. Brooke was her heart. That laugh is what got her through each day.

  Walking out to the living room, John was sitting shirtless with his feet propped on the coffee table in only basketball shorts. He didn’t even notice her as she watched from the entry way. He held Brooke’s hands as he balanced her on the crease of his thighs, her little legs holding her up. Gently, he eased her back onto his knees and blew raspberries onto her belly. Laughing, Brooke’s pasty white legs kicked out as she giggled from being tickled. Bringing her in close, John let go of her hands and hugged her before he blew another set of raspberries into her neck. A bundle of emotions took over and she was left reeling them in. Her daughter was laughing and smiling. To cry was silly, but the joy she felt watching them together was overwhelming.

  Alyssa sighed. She didn’t know what to do. She was only twenty and with no mother to turn to. Every day was trial and error for her. She just prayed she was doing it right.

  “Is that my baby girl I hear laughing?” Alyssa said, walking into the room. At the sound of her voice, Brooke turned and reached for her. Smiling at John, she asked, “Can I?”

  “Who am I to say no? She wants you. I know the feeling pretty well.”