A Forgotten Affair

by Kanchana Banerjee

  Roohi agreed.

  Sagarika called up Shekhar and informed him that she would come over to meet him and Rishab the next day.

  ‘Why not today, Reeks?’ Roohi asked her when she hung up.

  ‘I have understood how Rishab’s mind works. I want to be calm and not do anything rash.’

  Akash continued to worry though – he believed that sometimes it was prudent to quietly walk away rather than face the storm. ‘It’s not going to be easy, Rika,’ he said. ‘He will do everything he can to stop you.’

  But Sagarika wouldn’t have it any other way. Sensing her firm resolve on the matter, Akash mentally prepared himself to take measures in case things got out of hand. ‘We should have a backup plan in case the situation gets difficult.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Roohi assured him. ‘I have already thought of that and made arrangements should the need arise.’ Everyone turned to Roohi, wondering what she had in mind. When she explained, Akash had to admit it was a good plan.

  ‘I’m really fortunate to have a friend like you in my life.’ Sagarika held her best friend’s hand, her eyes moist with emotion.

  ‘Ma,’ she said, turning towards Anindita. ‘I think you should stay back. I don’t want you to witness what I know will happen.’

  ‘But … I thought…’ Anindita began fumbling, looking at Roohi who was also taken back by the decision.

  ‘I know what I am doing, Ma. You stay here. Don’t worry.’ Anger and determination flashed in her eyes. Sagarika knew very well what she was doing.

  Rishab will have no choice but to accept my decision. I’ll not have it any other way.

  48

  As their cab waited outside the gates of Sky Heights, Sagarika peered outside the window.

  Akash and Roohi sat next to her. ‘Is someone going to join us?’ Akash asked, sounding perplexed.

  ‘Yes. Here they come,’ Sagarika said, waving at an approaching red Santro. The car parked right next to their cab. Dia and Jay disembarked from the vehicle.

  ‘Why was this needed? Why do they have to be here?’ Akash asked.

  ‘Please listen to me carefully and don’t question what I tell you. I don’t want you to come up with me,’ Sagarika said.

  Akash began to protest, but she put a finger on his lips. ‘I know you are worried about my safety, Akash. But this is something I need to do. This is Sagarika’s battle to fight. Not yours. I’m going to confront my husband. And I don’t want you to be there when it happens. Please try and understand.’ Her eyes looked resolute. There wasn’t even a hint of uncertainty in her voice.

  ‘But … those two … why are they going with you?’

  ‘I called Dia and asked her to come. I want to question Rishab about her in her presence, so that he can’t make up any more tales. And Jay, he insisted on being there for her sake. He’s her friend, after all.’

  Akash wanted to say something else, but Sagarika quipped, ‘There’s a café in the market ahead on this road. You can wait there. In case of any problem, Roohi or I will give you a call. Note down the flat number: H-1204. But please … do not come up unless we call you. It will complicate matters unnecessarily.’

  As Sagarika walked ahead along with Roohi, Jay and Dia, Akash couldn’t help but notice the difference in her gait.

  She’s very different now than what she was before the accident. She’s more sure and confident of where she stands.

  It made him happy.

  Rishab looked ashen-faced as he watched Sagarika enter the room with her entourage. He and Shekhar were expecting her to come alone.

  ‘Is that all, Sagarika? No one else you brought along? Just them?’ he said, taunting her.

  ‘Actually,’ she replied, ‘I wanted to come alone but they wouldn’t listen. They believe you aren’t to be trusted. Shekhar would agree, I’m sure?’

  ‘Wait, let’s cool down,’ Shekhar said. ‘Please, let’s just sit together and talk over things with a calm head. Okay? Can we do that, please?’ Shekhar stepped between Rishab and Sagarika and made sure they sat down at a safe distance from each other. He didn’t want things to get ugly.

  ‘Why do you want to leave, Rika?’ Rishab asked. ‘Why? What have I not done for you?’

  ‘You tell me, Rishab! I am the one without any memory of the past. Why is it that you want to keep me away from my memories? You kept me at the hospital for a whole year when it wasn’t needed, you took me away from familiar Mumbai to Gurgaon – a strange new place for me … You even threatened my mom and made her stay away … and let me not even get started about Deepa…’

  ‘I just wanted to protect you,’ Rishab said, getting up from his sofa and walking away from her.

  ‘Protect me? From what?’ Sagarika asked, following him. ‘Look at me when I’m speaking to you!’ she said, wanting him to confess every ugly plot he had hatched against her. ‘You wanted to keep me away from my memories. From my past. From my life.’

  ‘You would have left me again, if you remembered the past. I would have lost you.’

  ‘Did you try love, Rishab? Instead of duping me, lying to me and scheming against me, you should have tried to love me. Maybe that would have worked better.’ For a second her voice softened, seeing the despair on his face.

  ‘But what did you do?’ she asked. ‘You hired Dia to meet me as my cousin and tell me lies. You considered drugging me. You even hired goons to kidnap me. THAT’S NOT LOVE, RISHAB. That’s something very sick and disgusting.’ She spat out the last few words viciously.

  ‘You can’t go,’ Rishab said, grabbing Sagarika by the arm. ‘You can’t leave me like this. I have given you everything. You don’t lack anything in life. You can’t leave me and have people laugh at me. I will not allow this!’

  He began shaking her. Shekhar and Roohi ran in and tried to break her loose but he continued to hold her with an iron grip. Sagarika winced as her arm hurt. Jay calmly moved in and the trained judo instructor that he was, pressed a small nerve near Rishab’s neck. His grip loosened immediately as a stabbing pain shot through his back. Jay moved Sagarika aside with a single sweep of his arm and stood between her and Rishab.

  ‘If you hurt her, I will not think twice before hurting you badly,’ he told Rishab, who backed away.

  ‘Rishab, please calm down,’ Shekhar said, stepping in.

  ‘Tell me,’ Sagarika said, facing her husband again, ‘are you upset about my leaving because you care, or is it because of what people will think? Get this clear, Rishab: I’m leaving you. I’m not going away for a while to think. I’M LEAVING YOU. I don’t want to live with a man who treats his wife like this. I don’t want to be a part of your life and I don’t want you to be a part of mine.’

  ‘How can you do this, Rika? We have almost ten years of life behind us. Have you forgotten all that?’

  ‘Yes, Rishab. I’ve forgotten all that. The bomb blasts did that for me. I don’t have to carry those memories as a burden. But I’m leaving you not for what you did to me in the past. I’m leaving you for what you’ve done since the time you found me after the blasts. I don’t trust you, I don’t feel safe with you.’

  ‘You’re going to regret this … I will make life a nightmare for you. In no time you will come crawling back to me,’ Rishab said, breaking away from Shekhar’s grasp, and growling like a cornered tiger.

  Sagarika shrunk back. ‘Finally, your love speaks!’ she hissed.

  ‘You have no idea what I can and will do. You take one step towards that door Sagarika, I’ll forget we were married. Mark my words, your life will become a nightmare. I will make it my mission to make it so.’

  ‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ Roohi spoke up, walking up to stand next to her best friend. ‘I will have NGOs dealing with domestic abuse stalking you wherever you go. I will tell the whole world about who you are and then we’ll see how your company treats their golden boy. Last I heard, MNCs don’t really pat the backs of domestic abusers with fat bonuses.’

  As Roohi spoke,
Sagarika looked at her, marvelling at how she had thought of it all. Sagarika clasped her hand.

  ‘And I.’ It was Dia who spoke up now. ‘I will tell everyone what a monster you are. Everyone will know how you hired me and for what. I have enough pictures with the date and time stamp to tell the world what you did to me.’

  Rishab once again tried to break free. Shekhar pulled Rishab back. The situation was spiralling out of control.

  ‘Rishab, please let her go. Please. Don’t do this. Rika, you leave. I’ll handle him. Just go,’ Shekhar yelled.

  Sagarika looked at the others and walked towards the door. Roohi, Dia and Jay followed her out. As they closed the door behind them, they could hear Rishab let out a bloodcurdling howl, like an animal in pain.

  49

  At the café, Akash had finished gulping down three cups of strong coffee, roaming the lawns and constantly checking if his cellphone had the requisite charge to ensure that a call would come through. He was going insane thinking about what was going on in Shekhar’s apartment.

  I will start looking for a job as soon as I reach Mumbai. Enough of this nomadic life of a writer. I have Rika in my life to think of. And yes, I will need to hire a cook. She’s a disaster in the kitchen…

  Just then he spotted Sagarika walking towards the café.

  ‘Cheeni!’ he yelled out.

  Akash left his table and ran towards her, engulfing her in a warm hug.

  Planting a peck on her forehead, he said, ‘Time to go home, dear. What do you say?’

  ‘Yes. But don’t you want to know what happened?’ Sagarika tucked her arm in his elbow as they walked out towards the cab.

  ‘Yes, but not now. Some other day. What’s important is that you are here. Safe. Unhurt. Let’s go home now, baby. Please?’

  The love in his eyes warmed her heart and she held him closer.

  This one will be tougher to handle.

  As the two boarded the cab and headed back to the homestay, Sagarika pondered about how to tell him what she had decided. She knew that love was always more difficult to fight than hate. Those who mean the world to us, those for whom we are the reason to be, are difficult to deal with, difficult to convince.

  ‘What did you just say?’ Akash didn’t trust himself to have heard her right. There must be some mistake.

  ‘You heard me right. I’m not going to Mumbai with you, Akash.’

  Sitting down with a thud on the bed, he looked at her with the question writ all over his face. ‘You don’t think I can take care of you. Is that why?’

  ‘I don’t want to be taken care of any more, Akash. Please try to understand. I don’t want to depend on anybody. It’s not that I don’t trust you.’ This was turning out to be more difficult than she had envisaged.

  ‘With me, you don’t have to depend on anyone, Cheeni. You’ll be taking care of yourself. See, I’ll take up a job. And you can stay at home and paint. Where’s the question of dependency here?’ he asked, looking so innocently befuddled that it broke her heart.

  ‘I need to remember who I was,’ Sagarika said. ‘I can’t go ahead in my life not knowing the past. I just can’t go ahead pretending everything is fine. Everything is not fine.’ She was getting tired of explaining the same to everyone. Why was it so difficult for others to understand something so simple?

  ‘But I love you,’ Akash said, unable to understand her intentions. ‘Your memories are with me. In Mumbai.’

  ‘But just love isn’t enough, Akash. I want to find myself. And I want to do that on my own. I need to remember. I need to know. I need to be whole. Right now, I’m scattered … like pieces of a jigsaw. I need to feel whole to be with you or anybody. Please understand why I’m doing this.’ She cupped his face in her palms. He looked so devastated, it killed her to see what her words were doing to him.

  ‘No, no, no…’ Akash said, taking her hands in his, pulling her closer. ‘I’ve let go of you once. I will not make that mistake again. That morning, like today … when you asked me if I wanted to commit. I was silent. Foolishly silent. Today I’m going to say it: I’m ready to commit. I want you in my life.’ He was kissing her hands and talking at the same time, trying to arrest the tears that were threatening to spill out.

  ‘I want to live my life with you,’ he said. ‘That morning, I didn’t know. Today, I do.’

  ‘What morning are you talking about? I have no memory of any morning.’

  She pulled her hand free and stood up.

  ‘I’ve forgotten everything … maybe that has happened for a reason,’ she said. ‘Maybe I needed to forget it all, so that I could see something else clearly. Sometimes … sometimes you need to forget everything to recognize what matters most.’

  She looked at him, unsure how to go on.

  ‘I love you, Akash,’ she continued. ‘I can feel the love. And I know I mean the world to you. But right now it’s not love that I seek. I need to find myself. The real Sagarika, who lies buried somewhere deep inside me. I need to find that person and that’s the journey I am ready for. I can’t be with anyone without remembering, without putting together all the pieces, until I find myself. And that’s something I need to do on my own.’

  Akash noticed that there wasn’t a shred of doubt or hesitation in her voice or her eyes about what she was saying. She had made up her mind: he had lost her again. With the tired look of a man defeated, he looked at his palms which had held her just a while ago.

  ‘Are you breaking up with me?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m not leaving you, Akash!’ She hugged him. ‘I know we belong together and we will be together. Just not today. I’ll come back to you,’ she said, ruffling his hair. ‘I know I will. But today you must let me go.’

  50

  Two days later, Sagarika, Anindita and Roohi were at New Delhi railway station, about to board the Rajdhani Express to Kolkata.

  Akash had tagged along too, only to see them off. While Roohi and Anindita were in high spirits, he and Sagarika looked sad and uncomfortable. Akash was almost on the verge of tears. The happy world of domestic bliss that he was dreaming of had been rudely shattered. But he loved and respected Sagarika too much to hold any grudge. He understood the reason behind her decision.

  Once their luggage was safely kept under their seats, Anindita saw Akash and Sagarika step out of the train on to the platform. This was the man who had done so much for her daughter, she thought. She had a thousand questions about his relationship with Sagarika. But the details didn’t matter any more. She could see how torn he was to let go of her, and it broke her heart to see him in pain.

  She followed them out and called out to him. ‘Come to Kolkata and stay with us, Akash. Anytime you want. I mean it,’ she said, touching his face lovingly.

  Akash nodded and smiled. Anindita walked back to her seat, letting them have their last few moments alone.

  ‘Akash, look at me,’ Sagarika said. ‘It’s time to say…’

  ‘No. It isn’t,’ Akash said, looking away. Anger and hurt flashed in his eyes. ‘This isn’t goodbye,’ he said, now looking into her eyes. ‘You’re just going away for a while. You’ll be back.’

  ‘I know. I will be back. I can feel it in my heart too. I hope you understand why I’m doing…’

  ‘I know, Cheeni. I know your memory fails you still. I know you have far bigger issues to sort in your life right now than me. I understand.’ He could barely speak.

  She held his wrist. A tear fell on her hand. It was his. He wiped it away, giving her a sad smile. Another drop fell. This time it was hers.

  He covered her hand with his palm, gently stroking it. She looked at his fingers, smiled and said, ‘You have lovely fingers. They feel soft and good. And your nails…’ She touched them, circling them slowly with her fingertips. ‘I love them. They are lovely.’

  ‘I know. So I’ve been told.’

  Sagarika inched closer, breathing in his cologne. ‘Essenza Di Wills Mikkel.’ She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.
‘I love the scent. I really love it.’

  ‘See you soon, Cheeni,’ Akash kissed her forehead and looked deep into her eyes. Slowly, he let go of her hands.

  As the train began moving, Sagarika stood at the door. In a long red skirt, fitted near the hips and then flaring out, a short white top with the Satya Paul scarf he’d gifted her wrapped around her neck, her curly hair now touching her shoulders, she almost looked like her old self. Akash continued looking at her. He would have given anything to be with her, to keep her in his life.

  A smile broke out on Akash’s face as he waved to her. He blew her a kiss. She smiled back.

  Then he turned around and walked away. Sagarika saw him disappear into the crowd. She felt sad knowing she had broken his heart but she didn’t regret her decision.

  EPILOGUE

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  Sagarika lives with her mother in Kolkata. She paints often and exhibits in various galleries in the city. Her work is slowly finding more and more takers. Vina lives with Sagarika and takes good care of her.

  Rishab requested the company for a transfer and moved to New York City. Shekhar is doing very well at work. He and Rishab are still very close.

  Jay continues to be a judo instructor and often moonlights as a bouncer in pubs and discs. Dia went back to her old ways as soon as the bruises healed.

  Roohi now teaches yoga and divides her time between Dharamshala and Mumbai. She and Sagarika speak regularly on the phone.

  Akash is working on his second novel. His first novel’s manuscript finally got accepted by a publisher and he received a fat advance, enough to let him move to an upscale apartment. But he refuses to leave the tiny apartment in Andheri. He chats with Sagarika often.

  One afternoon, Sagarika called him and said, ‘When it rains, the Western Ghats look like a lush-green carpet, don’t they? And the corn cobs taste so sweet. I want to go there again, when it rains. Will you take me?’