The New Owners

by Marilyn S

  Haha, and it sure isn't as if I am not getting any sex!

  But after a week of that it sure makes it special when she did that this morning. Soo totally disgusting and yet I felt this huge wave of love and gratitude. How pathetic is that, feeling so grateful for a mouth full of come that I almost cried?

  It is Alyssa's first birthday. The party was fun. She was more interested in the wrapping paper than the toys. It was weird to see Kevin in that situation and helping with their grandmother's wheelchair. Don't know why. I guess that is not the side of him I usually see. If Nana only knew what her sweet grandson would be doing to the nice girl who brought her cake and coffee the moment she and the other guests had left.

  I told him I was worried about being bored down here alone all day tomorrow and he said he thinks I will have plenty of company. What does he mean by that? Worried.

  _____

  Mrs Barnabas says that I am going to spend the day down here because it is a holiday and I should spend the day doing something I enjoy and I said just yesterday how much I enjoy being a prisoner. And she says she is sure I will have plenty of company, too. I could let myself get really worried about that but I am just going to not let myself and trust her. Mostly I do trust her and she has been really good for a long time, but I have to always remember the ice tea party.

  Monday, September 04, 2000

  I don't know what time it is, but Mr Barnabas has been home for a while so it must be at least 7:00 or 8:00 and they are finally all gone. I am so sore. We weren't really having sex the whole time but it feels like it.

  At first it was just Kevin which was nice. It was so much better than when he drops in for a quickie after work. We fooled around some, but we also talked. I guess cause he knew he had all day he was not in any hurry. I had been using the dildo and took it out when I heard him arrive but he wanted to watch me use it. It was pretty embarrassing and not in a way that turned me on, but it didn't totally turn me off either and he seemed to really enjoy it.

  That was what I was doing when Steven – I think I like him better as Mr Bigcock – arrived and Kevin wouldn't let me stop which was pretty embarrassing. G_D, it is like being at the gynecologist's, except with an audience. I am lying on my back naked and spread open pushing a piece of rubber in and out of myself with two men watching. I totally felt like one of those sluts in the magazines.

  I was pinching my nipple and then Steven sat beside me and started doing it for me, but both nipples, so I started using my finger and suddenly everything just made sense with it. I don't know why. I think just everything - them watching and both nipples and the dildo - but it really started working. I didn't come or anything, but I definitely had that feeling like I might be able to!

  I think it being both nipples and someone else doing it was the main thing. I have used clothes clips but that’s not the same and it is hard to hurt yourself and it feels different because you are doing it. And of course I only have two hands. And it just looked so obscene, like a freak, when he would stretch them away from me.

  Anyway, with everything else that happened I think that was my fave part of the day. Just knowing that I might be able to do it.

  After that they started having sex with me. It was totally porno. At first taking turns while the other watched and then one at each end, talking to each other as if I wasn't there. That was so hot. I felt so used. The next thing I know Merv is standing watching and all three of them are discussing me, Kevin and Steven telling Merv what "an awesome slut" I am.

  It's confusing to have men talk about me like that. I feel both insulted and proud and happy and degraded all at the same time. They invited him to have "a turn" but he just wanted to watch for a while.

  That was when she came down with a sandwich for me, which kind of surprised me because I thought that seeing her brother having sex totally squicked her. But she told them that it was time to give me a break and that she had sandwiches for them upstairs and that maybe Merv would like some private time with me after lunch.

  I feel like she really did not want to come down but kind of forced herself because she was looking after me. Maybe I am just seeing what I want to, but if that’s true then it means so much to me that she would do something she did not want to just to take care of me.

  It also really made me believe that she had put me down here all day for a treat, not just to get rid of me because she had to make the sandwiches and even brought me mine so it was like she was serving me. It really was a holiday for me.

  Anyway, after lunch Merv came down. He just wanted to talk at first and seemed really nervous and I felt so...

  experienced, I guess, that I could ask him if he would let me suck his cock. I felt like such a professional slut talking like that, helping the shy "virgin". Imagine, me feeling like I am the pro. Haha. Some pro. But maybe I am compared to him. From the way he acted and how fast he came I may have had more sex in the last week than he has had in forever. I felt bad cause he started apologizing for coming so soon so I told him I thought it was totally hot that he found it that exciting and the great thing is that he can have some more as soon as he wants. I think she would be happy with how...

  welcoming I was.

  Then as soon as he went upstairs, Bane came down but he wasn't really into it. He seemed worried that I was okay even though I told him I was enjoying it. Then Kevin and Steven again and then Merv again and Mr Barnabas when he got home and it just kept going like that. Totally crazy. And I loved it. My face hurts from being so cramped and I am totally raw down there, but they all seemed to have a great time and I was really into it most of the time. Thank-you, Mrs Barnabas. That was an awesome holiday!

  Tuesday, September 05, 2000

  I got to sleep up in their room last night. It is stupid how happy and close to them it makes me to curl up at the foot of their bed. Stupid dog.

  Forgot to mention my tip bowl! She put it on the furnace yesterday and told them how I don't have any money for my morning latte. So if they want they can throw in a quarter or two for me if they "think she deserves it", but she made them promise that it has to be less than a dollar because I should have to work for my lattes. Great. So if I fuck 5 or 10 times I might save up enough for a small.

  G_d.

  And the thing is I'll do it, too. I made $3.17 yesterday and part of me felt completely pathetic but another part was like "Oh, thank you, thank you for my $3.17.

  I felt so disgusted with myself counting out my change at Second Cup this morning. Everything I went through and I didn't even have enough for a medium. And even that was with a whole bunch of pennies. That totally makes my pussy winge. Pennies are so hot. Very degrading. But G_d, did that latte taste good. Maybe because it has been a couple of weeks, but I think just because I had to do what I did to earn it. I left the cup on my desk all day like a secret trophy. If they only knew!

  Funny, I used to think she can read my mind. Then I found out she was just reading this journal. But now I really feel like she knows me better than I do. This is so perfect and I never thought of it. I don't think I can express how perfect this tip bowl is. Merv just left and on his way out he pulled out some change and tossed it in the bowl and I was totally sincere when thanked him for it. Then as soon as I heard him on the stairs I got the bowl to count. 65 cents. I sucked his cock and he fucked my very sore pussy and I honestly felt grateful for him giving me 65 cents.

  And now I have 98 cents toward my next latte. How pathetic is that?

  Haha. So now my big dilemma is should I leave the change in the bowl so I have to count it every night before bed and hope I have earned enough, or take it out so I can see how little they have tipped me? I think I'll leave it in.

  Haha. I just wrote "Will fuck for Lattes" on the TIPS sign.

  You know, I am glad I have no idea what the monthly money arrangement is for me, and yet begging for pennies and quarters for a cup of coffee is just so pathetic that I love it. That whole thing about how much she could get for me made me feel
worthless in a bad way. This makes me feel even more worthless – 65 cents, loose change – but in a totally degrading hot way.

  I thought of something a few days ago but I think I forgot to write about it. It was about that trust thing where I am always remembering that time she had her friends over. I wonder if that was just a mistake. If she didn't think it would be as bad as it was.

  I have to really work hard to remember that she is all new to this, too. I mean, what if yesterday had been way too much for me? Or if I had felt really hurt by a 65 cent tip. How could she know until she tries it? I think I expect her to be perfect. To always know the right thing to do and never make a mistake. That isn't really realistic or fair. I am going to try to trust her completely and not worry about that stupid party and if she ever does anything else that is too horrible then I will try to believe that it was just another mistake and that she is trying to do what she thinks is good for me.

  My tip bowl scores HUGE points!

  I was just thinking, if she did make a mistake then it would have been so much easier if she had just said so so I wouldn't have felt like she deliberately did something that was so horrible. But then I thought, maybe she feels like she has to be perfect, too. I hope not. I am sorry if I made her feel that way

  Wednesday, September 06, 2000

  Mrs Barnabas is at her improv classes with Shelly. I am very happy that because of me she can take a night class.

  Driving home tonight I found myself hoping someone comes over tonight so I can earn some more latte money. Then I was thinking it is so weird how important those few coins are to me and I decided it must be because I have so little now. No apartment, no money, no choices. But if I can save up a few more coins I can have my treat. It sounds so pathetic to write it, and I know it is, but it doesn't feel pathetic to me. You know those fantasies about being a prisoner and forced into prostitution to earn my food? It just feels like I am really there, like it is so right. How many people get to live their fantasy?

  Time to go make Mr Barnabas' dinner.

  _____

  I really don't want to talk about it right now, but she told me to.

  So Bane came over right when Mr Barnabas was finishing his dinner so Mr Barnabas said it was okay if I came down with him. But he just sat on the bed talking about how much he likes me and how sweet he thinks I am. Then he started saying how much it bothers him how badly you treat me and that you don't respect me.

  I tried to tell him that I am happy and that you only treat me like this because I enjoy it, but it was like he wasn't hearing it. He said I just think I am happy but I am not really, and that I don't understand how badly she is using me.

  It was so frustrating. It really bugged me that I was telling him how I feel and he is telling me I don't really feel that way.

  But then he says he wants to help me. I didn't understand what he was talking about because I don't think I need help and then he is talking about how nice Australia is and I was just confused. Then I suddenly realize he is trying to take me away and I just started getting so mad. He was still blabbering about how it had to be tonight because she is away and I am not locked up and how to get my stuff and he is starting to pull my wrist and I am just getting madder and madder until I just started screaming at him to get out and when he wouldn't I started hitting him trying to get him away from me. I have never hit anyone in my life! I don't know why I got so crazy angry. I went totally mental. It was so totally not me. But I am glad I did. Grrrh. I totally want to rip his face off.

  Anyways, then Mr Barnabas was there holding him and looking like he was going to punch him out and asking me what was wrong and I was so upset all I could say was "get him out of here."

  It still makes me so mad when I think about it. Who the hell does he think he is?

  Please, is that enough? I need to calm down now.

  Thursday, September 07, 2000

  Okay, I have been thinking a lot about last night and why I got so upset. Partly he was insulting me by not respecting my choice to live like this, but why did I react so strongly? I mean, who cares if he doesn't respect me? I really don't.

  It didn't make sense to me but I felt violated. I mean, it's not like he tried to rape me, but that is how it felt.

  Then I figured it out. It was not that he doesn't respect me, it is that he doesn't respect Mrs Barnabas. What made me so mad was that he thinks she is a bad person. I don't care what he thinks of me but I hate that he thinks she is bad. That he can't understand how totally lucky I am that she understands me. That I enjoy the mean things she does to me so she is being kind to do them, not mean. But more than that, he was trying to steal from her. I think that’s why I felt violated. It was her he was trying to violate and that made me WAY angrier than if it had been me he was trying to hurt. KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY MISTRESS' PROPERTY!

  Asshole.

  Thief.

  _____

  Oh my G_d! He isn't even really an author! Kevin says that book he says he wrote was really by some other guy who's also named Bane Willems! How pathetic is that?! Can't write his own book so he passes someone else's off as his own. What a pathetic limp-dick loser. And cut your pretentious hair, you loser freak.

  Oh G_d, every time I think about it I get furious. I have that same "want to scrub myself really hard to wash him off" feeling. Could I have a spanking please?

  Okay, I have vented now. He's just a loser. He won't be back. I have to let it go. I think a spanking might help, but I am going to just try to let it go.

  Friday, September 08, 2000

  Mrs Barnabas says she thinks four is a good number of customers for me so Miss Shona is bringing a friend tomorrow night. But then Steven was here and said he has a friend that would love to join and he thinks would really work well, so they are both coming tomorrow night. I don't know if Mrs Barnabas is just going to choose between the two or take both, but I just want to say that if she wants to let both then I would be okay with it. I know I don't get a vote or anything, but I do spend a lot of time down here and so far most nights it is only one or two men coming over.

  Oh you slut! Okay, so what I really mean is I would like to try five if you don't think that would be too many people for you coming through your house.

  _____

  Well, okay, maybe I don't need five customers. Last night it was just Kevin and the night before that it was just Bane the Loser, but right after I wrote that all three of them arrived almost at the same time. I think she must have had a talk with Kevin because he is coming over after dinner now. Which I like better, but, fun as Monday was, I don't know if I am ready to have five guys all show up a few times every week. I don't think my hoohoo can take too many of those nights. Maybe a few nights of no visitors is better than nights with too many.

  Saturday, September 09, 2000

  Sunday, September 10, 2000

  Last night wasn't so good. Miss Shona ended up bringing two friends, Doug and Anthony, and Steven brought his friend Glenn and, Merv came and they all hung out upstairs with Mr and Mrs Barnabas, coming down one after the other. I had trouble getting into it but I knew they would be disappointed if they thought I wasn't into it so I just acted.

  I was feeling pretty disgusted with myself by the time the second new guy was doing it to me. I don't know what made me go to a not-so-good place, but I just started seeing myself from the outside. I couldn't stop picturing Gwen or Deanna or my dad watching me and what they would think.

  And because I couldn't get into it my hoohoo was really getting hurt which turned me off even more. I tried to get them to use more lube but they always want to put it on me instead of on them and it does not get inside where I need it.

  I think I need to start being more careful what I say I want when I am masturbating. When I was alone and horny all I was thinking was that if I had more customers I wouldn't be horny and alone so much. So now there are six men who are paying her to be able to come over to fuck me whenever they want. That sounds really hot when I am horny, b
ut what about when I am not? Worried.

  What if I can't keep up? What if I start to hate this? Now I have six men who expect me to just keep doing this and I am worried after last night that I may find that I start to hate it. I had a great time last weekend but now that she has told them that every other Sunday will be like that I really wonder if it is going to keep being fun or just turn into a horrible ordeal I have to endure.

  I do like the rest of my new schedule, though, although I am not sure why she would want it. From now on I am only open for business between 8:30 and 11:00 and all day every other Sunday. If Mr Barnabas is home early that will be after dinner and dishes and if he is late I just have to start dinner and she will finish and serve it and bring me mine.

  That does not seem right to me. That should be my job. When we first started this she said it was okay as long as it did not interfere with my service and now she has to serve dinner.

  Anyways, it is blowjobs only for a few days until my hoohoo is better.

  Monday, September 11, 2000

  We had an amazing talk and I am feeling way better about things than I was last night. She told me I am not committed to being a whore and she will only make me do it for as long as it is working for both of us.