The Way Back to Erin

by Cerella Sechrist

  Again, she’d voiced more than she intended. Burke didn’t need to know just how much of the inn’s responsibilities she’d taken on in the last few years, nor did she want him aware of just how deeply the business was sinking into the red.

  “Well, can’t you hire someone to take care of the office stuff?”

  She snorted, a gut reaction she failed to check in time. “Um, no.” She looked back at her desk and straightened her spine. “I mean, it’s fine. I don’t mind doing it.”

  Not entirely the truth—the details of office work had never been her thing, but she loved the inn and was determined to bring things back on an even keel. With Aunt Lenora getting older and Gavin gone, it was up to her to keep the business afloat. It had been her and Gavin’s dream—to run the B&B, make it their home, raise their children there together and grow old surrounded by its walls.

  The inn had a rich history of families who had lived in it—from the time it was first built after the Revolutionary War, surviving the attack by the British on Findlay Roads during the War of 1812, serving as a spot on the Underground Railroad before the Civil War and sheltering generations of families up until the present day. The inn was old, but it was still alive with voices from the past.

  Erin ran a hand across the worn, wooden surface of her desk. She couldn’t remember its provenance, but she knew Gavin had told her it had belonged to a great-great-great-someone-or-other. Erin might have preferred to be in the kitchen of the B&B instead of the office, but she loved every square inch of this place.

  Her attention shifted from the desk’s surface to its edge as Burke came over and leaned against it.

  “It’s past lunchtime. When was the last time you took a break?”

  She glanced at the clock and felt a stab of shock. How had it gotten so late? She swept a glance across her desk. And how had she gotten so little accomplished in that amount of time?

  “I ate this morning, after the guests did.”

  Burke arched an eyebrow. “Wasn’t that at like seven or eight o’clock?”

  As if in reply, Erin’s stomach issued an audible growl. Burke laughed.

  “I guess that answers that. Come on. It’s time you ate something.”

  Erin hesitated. “I have too much to do. I’ll just make a sandwich and eat at my desk.”

  “I don’t think so.” His tone was playful but also firm. “You need a break.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she hedged.

  Burke shook his head. “Erin, you do know you’re not good to any of us if you don’t take care of yourself first, don’t you?”

  The words warmed her, a feeling of belonging settling on her spirit. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had tried to take care of her. In the months after Gavin’s death, there had been plenty of phone calls, cards, flowers and visits... But it had been almost two long years since his passing. In that time, everyone else had moved on, even if she still felt stuck in limbo. For so much of her marriage, Gavin had been deployed overseas. There were still some days when she woke up and started her day, not even thinking about the fact that Gavin wasn’t just away—that he was never coming back.

  “It’s a beautiful day,” Burke pressed. “Kitt and I packed a picnic lunch, but it’s way too much food for just the two of us.”

  She felt the tug of temptation. “What about Aunt Lenora?”

  “Kitt and I took her to the community center for the afternoon. Then we ran errands, picked up some stuff for the picnic.”

  Erin checked the clock again. Maybe if she stepped away she could clear her head. Although that seemed unlikely given that Burke was a large part of her mental distraction, and here she was, thinking of joining him for a picnic.

  “Come on,” Burke coaxed. “I promise it’ll be worth your while.”

  She pretended to narrow her eyes with suspicion. “I’m not sure what your game is, Daniels, but I’ll play along.” She pushed back from the desk and ignored a stab of guilt. She was only taking a quick lunch break. She’d make up the hours later tonight, after she put Kitt to bed and prepped the morning’s breakfast.

  Besides, she was starving, and she remembered that Burke always packed the most creative picnic baskets. A surge of giddiness swept away any lingering doubts. It had been years since she’d been on a picnic. What could an hour away from the inn hurt?

  CHAPTER SIX

  WHEN THEY ARRIVED at the park, Burke led the way, carrying the inn’s battered picnic basket in one hand and a worn, blue-checkered blanket in the other. The weather had provided the perfect excuse to lure Erin outside—the day was mild for June, with the temperature hovering in the mid-seventies, the sun shining brightly and a faint breeze coming in off the Bay to keep things comfortable, even in direct sunlight. The park was busy, but not nearly as hectic as it would be over the weekend if the weather stayed this nice.

  It was one of those days that almost made him forget why he ever left Findlay Roads. Though he’d traveled the world, on a day like today, it felt like the best place on earth was right here by the Chesapeake.

  Kitt kept pace beside him, and though his nephew didn’t speak, Burke sensed their outing excited the little boy. Burke stopped walking when they reached the lighthouse and then felt a twinge of hesitation when he saw the expression on Erin’s face. She paled and tucked her lower lip between her teeth.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Um...yeah. Sure. Of course.” It was too many reassurances, and he thought about calling her out on it. But then she grabbed the blanket out of his hands and began spreading it on the grass, and he decided to let it go.

  Even though they weren’t the only ones with the idea to take advantage of the beautiful day by heading to the park, there was no one in their immediate vicinity. A couple of guys were throwing a Frisbee back and forth nearby, a family was circling the lighthouse (likely visitors doing the town’s walking tour) and a couple was spread out on the grass a few hundred yards away.

  He helped Erin straighten the blanket and then placed the picnic basket on the fabric’s edge. Kitt was busy studying an ant mound he’d found in the grass as Erin settled herself on the blanket. She reached for the picnic basket, but Burke grabbed her wrist before she could make contact. He was suddenly in tune with her pulse, jumping erratically beneath her skin, and felt her skin warm beneath his touch. He released her as though burned and cleared his throat.

  “Sorry, but not yet.”

  Erin pulled her hand back into her lap and kept her head lowered. He saw the telltale hint of a blush staining her cheeks and was embarrassed that he’d gotten things off to such an awkward start. He decided the only way to break the rising tension was to push forward with his plan.

  “So, do you remember how, on your eighteenth birthday, you were all bummed because Gavin was deployed, and you thought everyone else had forgotten it?”

  Her head lifted, her cheeks returning to a normal hue. “Yeah.” A faint smile ghosted her lips. “My mom was out of town visiting friends, and Dad never called from wherever he was stationed. I was pretty grumpy that whole weekend.”

  He nodded. “You wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, and I practically had to drag you out your front door for a picnic.”

  The smile grew, and with it, so did Burke’s confidence.

  “So I told you—”

  “That we were running away to join the circus,” she finished, her smile turning into a soft giggle that set Burke’s heart to an elevated rhythm.

  “And you told me I was ridiculous, that we weren’t going anywhere.”

  “But you finally convinced me to at least trust you enough to see what you had up your sleeve.”

  “So you agreed to sneak out with me, and—”

  “You had it all planned,” she said. “You blindfolded me, and we pretended to walk the tightrope.”

  “You did cartwheels on the
shore.”

  “You had cotton candy and peanuts, popcorn and hot dogs for us to eat.”

  “And the ring toss, don’t forget that.”

  She burst into laughter. “You could not catch a break with that game.”

  “You destroyed me,” he admitted. “I couldn’t believe I lost so completely to you.”

  “And you had that stuffed elephant hidden in the picnic basket, and you pulled it out as my prize.”

  “Oh, yeah. I’d actually forgotten about that part.”

  “Are you kidding? I loved that thing. I still have it.”

  Burke was unable to suppress the ripple of pleasure he experienced at her words. “Seriously?”

  She nodded. “I kept it on my bed, slept with it every night until Gavin—well.” She broke off, and he wished she had finished the thought. Until...what? Until Gavin had returned? Until he’d asked her to marry him? Until Burke had left Findlay Roads? It shouldn’t matter. What was past was past. And yet, he couldn’t resist torturing himself. He never could. He had given his heart too quickly and too fully to Erin as a teenager, and he’d never quite shaken her hold on him.

  “So, what’s in the basket?” she asked, changing the direction of the conversation, somewhat to Burke’s dismay. “Don’t tell me you’ve got a pony in there.”

  “Not quite. And it’s not a circus theme, either. Kitt and I did, however, manage to pull together a few of your favorites.”

  Her eyes widened. “Really? Such as?”

  Kitt gave up on the ants to join them on the blanket. “Let me show her!” he demanded.

  Burke let him reach into the blanket.

  “We got baby oranges.” He held up the fruit.

  “Tangerines,” Burke corrected him as he grabbed another one of the fruits and tossed it in Erin’s direction. She caught it with one hand and sniffed the citrus skin. “Mmm.” She began peeling it before they moved on to the next item.

  “Hummus and pita bread,” Burke announced, pulling the items from the basket.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Roasted red pepper?”

  “Do you eat any other kind?”

  She beamed as he handed her the container and bag of pita bread.

  “I made a trip to that farm stand by the marina and picked up a few things like bruschetta, halloumi cheese, olives.” He pulled the containers out, one by one, and spread them across the blanket.

  “I got to pick dessert,” Kitt informed her.

  “Because that’s the most important decision when going on a picnic,” Burke said with a wink at his nephew.

  “Oh, that’s true,” Erin agreed. “There’s a lot of responsibility that goes with that. So, what did you choose?”

  Kitt fished around in the basket for a second before withdrawing a plastic container and holding it high.

  “Cookies with peanut butter chocolate chips.”

  “I knew I raised you right.” Erin reached out to draw Kitt onto her lap and dropped a few kisses on his sandy brown hair. Kitt pretended to squirm, but Burke could tell he enjoyed the attention. He wondered just how much time Erin had to spend with her son these days, given how much she juggled at the inn.

  Burke watched them for a minute, overcome by a swell of affection for them. They were his family. Erin, Kitt and Aunt Lenora were really the only family he had left that mattered. He had no contact with the distant relatives who had shuffled him and Gavin around in their youth, following their parents’ death. His parents were long gone. His brother had passed. He needed to appreciate the few loved ones he had left.

  Although it was obvious Kitt enjoyed his mom’s attention, he could only sit still for so long. He squirmed out of Erin’s lap to dig through the picnic basket once more.

  “Uncle Burke said we had to get this to drink.” He withdrew a couple of glass bottles, and Erin laughed.

  “Snapple?”

  She took one from Kitt. “Kiwi strawberry! I haven’t had that in forever!”

  Her little exclamations of pleasure brought him more joy than they should have. “It was always your favorite.”

  “I practically drank it by the gallon when I was a teenager.” She twisted off the cap and took a long swig. “Just as delicious as I remember.”

  “And the final touch...” He moved closer to the basket and pulled out a Styrofoam container. “Crème brûlée, specially made for you, from Callahan’s.”

  She stared. “You even went to Callahan’s and asked for it?”

  He shrugged. “As soon as I told Connor who it was for, he agreed to make some. Even gave it to me on the house. He said to tell you they all miss working with you.”

  She dropped her head again and fiddled with the peel of her tangerine, tearing off little flakes and tossing it onto the blanket like confetti. Burke knew to tread lightly.

  None of them said much for a time, filling the silence by snacking on the picnic contents. After consuming several cookies, Kitt had energy to burn off, and he wandered off to look for more ant mounds. Burke and Erin kept a close eye on him, but once they were alone again, Burke worked up the nerve to ask Erin a few questions.

  “So, what happened that you quit working for Connor?”

  He reached for the bag of grapes and fished out a few, popping them into his mouth and chewing while the silence stretched between them.

  Erin picked at another tangerine but didn’t taste it. He waited until she finally opened the box of bruschetta before he dared to speak again.

  “So what happened there?”

  “Hmm?” She didn’t look at him but pulled out a piece of bruschetta and began nibbling on it.

  “Why did you leave Callahan’s? I thought you loved working there.”

  “I did.” She shrugged. “But I don’t know. Life took over.”

  He tossed aside the bag of grapes and reached for the hummus. “Like how?”

  She fished a napkin out of the basket and put the slice of bruschetta on it. He felt a pang of disappointment that she was losing her appetite because of their conversation. And yet, he was curious to know why Erin had made the choices she had.

  “You used to say you were going to be one of those fancy pastry chefs,” he reminded her when she didn’t answer his question. “I thought working at Callahan’s was part of your plan to gain experience with how a kitchen works and then eventually go on to pastry school.”

  She made a face. “Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to.”

  He couldn’t argue with her there. “That doesn’t mean you had to give up on your dreams.”

  She didn’t respond, and he chafed at the silence. They munched on the picnic goodies for a few minutes, distracting themselves from the awkwardness by observing the park’s other inhabitants.

  Burke watched as the family by the lighthouse made their way toward the promenade that circled the Bay before he shifted his attention to the other couple relaxing on the grass. They were obviously comfortable with one another, their postures slack with ease. The same could not be said for him and Erin...but he remembered a time when it had been. When their relationship had been innocent, a friendship born of loneliness and shared interests. She made him laugh, and he’d given her confidence.

  Or so he’d once believed. Where was that girl now? Because he knew the girl he’d come to love still lived within the woman across from him.

  “I come here every Sunday.”

  The words were so unexpected that it took him a second to realize she was speaking to him.

  “Oh. To the park?”

  She gestured toward the lighthouse.

  “To the lighthouse. I come here to talk to Gavin.”

  He swallowed, remembering how Aunt Lenora had told him that Erin usually spent part of her Sundays here. That’s why she’d looked so unsettled when they first arrived at the park. He gave himself an int
ernal kick. Why had he chosen the lighthouse for their picnic? It was a beautiful day, they could have picked a dozen spots in town.

  But he also knew the answer to that question. The park was likely to afford him a little more privacy, the chance for some quality time with Erin. That’s why he’d picked it. He hadn’t realized the park would only make her think of Gavin.

  “The first time he kissed me, we were standing by the lighthouse.” She drew a deep breath. “And that’s where he proposed to me. It’s always been our spot.”

  “I’m sorry,” he automatically apologized.

  She looked puzzled. “Why?”

  “For infringing on your sacred space.”

  Her posture relaxed. “It’s okay, Burke.” She looked away. “I guess...maybe it’s time to make some new memories.”

  He could only hope she intended for some of those memories to include him.

  * * *

  ERIN DIDN’T KNOW what had come over her. Maybe it was the June sunshine coupled with the cool breeze blowing off the bay or maybe it was just getting away from her responsibilities for a couple of hours, but as Burke drove them back to the inn following the picnic, she felt light and lethargic in the best possible way. For the first time in a long time, the weight of loss didn’t feel so heavy on her shoulders.

  The day was beautiful. The future still held promise. She didn’t know what sort of adventures awaited her, but she thought it might be worth finding out.

  She slid a surreptitious glance in Burke’s direction and caught him sliding a similar look her way. She stifled a giggle as he quickly turned his gaze straight ahead. But she noticed the curve of his mouth, amusement curling along his lips.

  It had been a good afternoon. She had needed a break from the pressures and disappointments at home. And it was nice to be able to spend some uninterrupted time with her son. It was obvious that Burke cared about his nephew. Gavin had rarely been home enough to just take an afternoon to spend with her and Kitt. It was a strange but pleasant experience to have Burke take the two of them on a picnic.

  But then came a little swell of guilt. It wasn’t right, was it? To be comparing Burke and Gavin like this. Gavin had done the best he could, given how much time he’d spent away. She just wished...that he’d retired from the army sooner. That they hadn’t lost so much time together. That Kitt had had more days like this with his dad. But she didn’t want to tarnish Gavin’s memory with the what-ifs of their life together.