Reason Is You (9781101576151)

by Lovelace, Sharla

  “She’s not gonna take that gracefully, you know that, right?”

  “Do you care?”

  “Only if it affects Riley.”

  He nodded slightly as if he just remembered that. We were so close, my face was in his neck and he smelled delicious. I avoided the urge to lick him.

  I knew all my tension had returned but I didn’t realize it showed, till he jiggled my hand and squeezed me. He lowered his head so that his mouth was against my ear.

  “Relax.”

  Jesus. Just his lips against my ear nearly had me on the floor. How’s that for relaxed?

  “Thank you, by the way,” I said after a bit. He lowered his head again to hear me.

  “For what?”

  “For that back there with Shelby.” I laughed. “I mean, we’re gonna pay for it, but that was—really nice.”

  He tilted his head to look at me, which put our faces so close, I could have twitched and touched him.

  “Who said I was being nice?” he said with a smirk. “Maybe I was selfish.”

  I let the smile come that wanted to and watched his eyes drop to my lips and hold time still in that moment that could go either way.

  The song decided it for us. It came to an end and lights changed, as a more upbeat one replaced it. Our eyes met again, and we both blinked away the intensity as we let go of each other and made our way back to the table. My heart pounded five hundred miles an hour, making me almost light-headed. Lord, I hadn’t experienced all that physical rush stuff in a long time. A long, long time.

  We sat and both grabbed our mugs for a quick swallow and something to do. A waitress approached with an apologetic smile.

  “I’m afraid they lost your ticket when I checked on your dessert, so they’re fixing you up right now. Sorry for the wait.”

  I gave her a wide-eyed look. “No problem.”

  Jason set his mug down. “You totally forgot about that, didn’t you?”

  “Completely.”

  We both smiled. It was different then, like we’d crossed a line, but yet not. And things felt very blurry. Till I caught Jason’s expression as he looked past me and frowned. I turned to follow his gaze and that was a mistake. I met with an entire plate of shrimp scampi across the right side of my face, shoulder, and down the front of my shirt.

  “Oh!” I was on my feet in seconds and turned to look face-to-face with Matty’s sidekick, Blaine.

  “Oh damn, Dani, I’m sorry,” he said, his mouth oozing the words but his droopy eyes darting.

  I heard the snickers behind him, and I leaned to my left to give them my full attention. Everything went red in my brain. Lisa Marlow and another woman looked down at their plates, as if hoping I wouldn’t turn them into lizards. I walked around Blaine to Shelby, dimly aware of Jason on my heels, and it was everything in my power not to yank her up by her hair. I flicked a shrimp on her instead.

  “Seriously?” I said in a low tone as I attempted to contain the humiliated rage boiling within. “You’re really this childish?”

  Shelby held up two hands. “I don’t know why you’re being ugly to me, Dani, but lord, what a mess.” She eyed me up and down slowly. “Maybe one of your little voices had it out for you, huh? Tripped Blaine up?”

  I stopped breathing and time stopped with it. I was back in high school. Then another voice intervened, one that wasn’t there back then.

  “What’s wrong with you people?” I heard Jason say, from what sounded like a mile away. “Grow the hell up.”

  I turned to look up at him, amazed. No one had ever stood up for me before. No one alive. Tears came to my eyes and some of the anger dissipated.

  I grabbed some napkins off their table and swiped at my face as I walked away. I met the mortified waitress at the door, pulled a twenty from my pocket to trade for the beer and the dessert she held, and walked blindly back through the hallway, avoiding the giant mirror. I shoved the heavy wooden doors open into the night, and stood on the boardwalk trying to push back the emotion.

  Seconds later, Jason was by my side.

  “You all right?” he asked.

  I took a deep breath and forced a grin I didn’t feel. “Can’t you just see the appeal in coming back here?”

  “Why did you come back here?”

  “Got laid off from Cairn Design and jobs were scarce. Finally had to suck it up.”

  “Cairn Design? You worked for an ad agency and now you’re at a bait store.”

  I slung scampi from my hair. “Yep. Thanks for nailing that down.” I left the boardwalk and hit the road at a clip, wishing I’d ordered five more desserts.

  “No, Dani, I didn’t mean—” I heard him actually jog to catch up with me. “I’m sorry.”

  He circled in front of me so that I had to stop, ironically in the same spot that Alex had done that. I couldn’t help scanning the area.

  He put a hand on my arm. “Seriously, I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t—always say things right.”

  “Hmm.”

  “My people skills aren’t the best, and my communications skills are even worse, so—”

  “So you’re a real catch, huh?” I said in an attempt to lighten up the turmoil in my gut.

  He blew out a breath. “I guess.”

  We stood there awkwardly for a moment, then I gestured toward the road ahead. “Need to get back home.”

  “Did you walk?”

  “Yes.” With one of my little “voices.” God, I hoped he hadn’t heard that.

  “So did I; I’ll walk with you. You don’t need to be out here alone at night.”

  It was very déjà vu–ish to walk there with one man and back with another.

  “Sorry you had to witness that,” I said after a bit.

  “Seems you’re just destined to wear shrimp today.”

  “Oh God,” I said on a laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “You handled it gracefully,” he said looking sideways at me. “Better than I would have.”

  I felt the familiar stomach twist of the outcast. “Lots of practice.”

  “They’re idiots.”

  I nodded. “Yes, they are.”

  “What was that ‘hearing voices’ comment about?”

  My throat clenched and I broke out in a sweat. “You know how kids are,” I said, hearing my voice shake a little. “And Shelby’s still the bitch she was back then.”

  We reached the gravel drive, and I could see the glow from the windows.

  “I’m good here, Jason. You don’t have to walk me all the way.”

  “You might get attacked by a bear, you know. You do smell pretty good.”

  I laughed. “Plenty of garlic.”

  “You’re safe from vampires.”

  “Well, that’s important.”

  As we approached the porch, I heard voices and realized that Riley and Grady were there. Oh joy.

  “Well, hey, Mom,” Riley said, laden with innuendo.

  “Well, hey, Riley,” I shot right back, tilting my head at the sight of Riley draped sideways on the porch swing, her legs across Grady’s lap. “Grady.”

  To his credit, he shoved her legs off of him so hard she nearly fell off the swing, and he got up to stick his hand out.

  “Mr. Miller.”

  Tough choice, going for the boss first or the mom.

  “Grady.”

  “Did you get my text, boog?” I asked.

  Riley got up and perched on the porch rail. “Yeah, but Alex had already told me.”

  My whole body failed me. I rooted to the spot and I seriously wanted to throw up right there. Thank God we were lit only by moonlight, because I was pretty sure I glowed red.

  “Who’s Alex?” Jason asked.

  Grady shrugged. “I didn’t see anybody, I guess I was inside.”

  Riley looked so mischievous, thinking she was playing coy between Alex and Jason. She had no idea.

  “Friend of my mom’s,” she said with a grin at me. “He came by and saw me out here and said you h
ad gone to Ella’s for pudding.”

  I held up the bag. It was all I could do.

  Riley sniffed the air. “I don’t smell pudding.” She sniffed again. “I smell shrimp. Again. But in a good way.”

  “She had a run-in with a plate of scampi,” Jason said.

  Riley looked amused. “You sure know how to live it up, don’t you, Mom?”

  “Yeah, I’m a regular party girl.”

  She tugged on Grady’s sleeve. “Let’s go down to the dock.”

  He followed her like a smitten puppy, and Jason turned back to me.

  “Well, I’m here,” I said quickly. “No vampires or bears in sight, so I think I’m safe.”

  “So—Alex is your—what?”

  Right now? My aneurysm. “My best friend.” Wasn’t a lie. And it was the best I could do considering I never normally acknowledged his existence.

  “Mmm.”

  “Thank you,” I said quickly before he could analyze and start interrogating. “For tonight. For what you did. And also for the company.”

  “Ditto. You made a bad day end good.”

  I smiled. “Now, see that was the right thing to say.”

  We stood there on the second porch step like awkward teenagers till I broke the barrier and reached out and hugged him. He stiffened; I guess it was different being there alone as opposed to a noisy dance floor.

  “Relax,” I whispered, and I felt him loosen up as he chuckled. “We’re on my father’s porch, with my daughter right down there. It doesn’t get any safer.”

  His hands came up my back to return the embrace as he laughed lightly. It felt good. He felt good. Really good.

  “Have a good night.”

  “You, too.”

  And then he was on his way down the long gravel drive. I peered over the azalea bushes trying to see Riley in the night glow, before I gave up and trudged into the house.

  For the first time in my life, I hoped Alex wasn’t upstairs. I really wanted to do the girly basking thing and think about the odd evening with Jason. Before crustaceans got involved.

  Chapter 10

  EARLY mornings on the dock were a favorite of mine as a kid. For the solitude, I guess. Not that there was a lack of that in my life, but there was something about the fog on the water, a hint of light glowing through it, water still as glass. Even the animals were still asleep.

  Bo was spread across my bare feet as I leaned against a piling. The coffee in my hand still had wisps of steam, but I knew not for long.

  When Bo lifted his head and his ears twitched, I followed his nose to see Alex. He was leaning up against a tree, hands in pockets, typical stance for him. Also typical was his distance from the river. The one place I could count on him not being.

  I knew he would stand there all morning waiting for me, so I tugged my feet loose and hauled myself up. Bo took off ahead of me, running right past Alex. His head swung from left to right, nose twitching. Poor guy could never quite get that he’d spend the next half hour sniffing the yard and never find what he sought.

  Alex turned to watch him run. “I had a dachshund named Brandi. I miss her when I see dogs play.” He pushed off the tree. “Especially with kids.”

  Okay, that was new. “What happened to her?”

  Alex shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess my parents probably got her.”

  “You never went back to, like, check on things? On people?”

  He smiled as if amused and started walking, knowing I’d follow. “It wasn’t a chosen vacation, Dani.”

  “Well, I realize that,” I said wryly. “I’m just saying, I mean—you came here.”

  “That wasn’t a choice, either.”

  What? “What?” I assumed he came and went anywhere he pleased. I felt stupid over the amount of things I didn’t know about him.

  “Brandi was the best dog I’d ever seen.”

  “Nice dodge. Subtle.”

  “She could throw her own tennis ball,” he said, ignoring me.

  I gave him a look. “Of course she could.”

  He laughed. “No, seriously, she’d roll over and get it out of her mouth with her front feet and shove it. Then get up and chase it before it went under the couch.”

  A moment went by, and we made it to the porch and sat on the steps.

  “Your daughter’s dog?”

  I felt the tension set up like concrete between us.

  “Yes.”

  I played with a fingernail. “So will you tell me her name?”

  “We’re doing this again?”

  I laughed to keep it light. Or that was the intention. “What? You know my daughter’s name.”

  He got up and stared out toward the water, although it couldn’t really be seen from there.

  “Your daughter’s not dead,” he said.

  Well, so much for light. “Okay, sorry. I just thought—we share everything else. And yet the most basic things about you are a mystery.”

  He turned and studied me for a second. “Not a mystery. Private.”

  A cough came out of its own accord. “Private? This from the man who morphs out of the wall with no notice.” I met his hard gaze, determined not to look away. “Fine, never mind. I just thought—whatever. But then don’t go chat with mine when I’m not around.”

  “Oh, that’s what this is about.”

  “No, that just came to mind, actually, but it’s relevant.”

  “So is telling her the truth.”

  “Oh, wow, that’s new.” I rubbed my eyes.

  “Time’s running out, Dani.”

  “For what? Is she gonna blow up?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t play that. You know what I’m saying.”

  “Whatever.” I got up. “You want to keep your memories and your life to yourself and play the privacy card, fine. Then mine is private, too. I’ll tell her when the time is right.”

  “Yeah, I can see that’s your priority,” he said softly.

  I frowned. “What does that mean?”

  He looked away. “Nothing. You just seem busy.”

  “You mean last night.”

  “Nah, you just went for pudding last night.” He said that like it was a dare.

  I blinked. “Yeah, I did. Got the beer, too.”

  He rested one foot on a step. “How’d that work out for you?”

  “Not bad.”

  He nodded, but the tension set in his jaw told me that he wanted so badly to say something. There was the sound of movement inside the house and he nodded again toward the door.

  “Your family’s up. Better go take care of them.”

  IT was cool outside, and that was the first hint. The second was that I had on a halter dress. A yellow one. I knew it didn’t add up, but dreams have a way of just pulling you along, whispering in your ear to just go with whatever is unfolding in front of you.

  A breeze stirred a big tree swing ahead of me, and I walked toward it, curious. We didn’t have a swing. As I looked around me at the big rambling trees and spongy earth, I realized we didn’t have this yard, either. The swing’s ropes were thick and braided, matching the mass of the tree it hung from, and the seat looked to be three inches of thick hardwood and long enough for two people.

  As soon as I grasped the rope—which surprised me in its smoothness—I felt fingers brush the back of my neck, moving my hair. Without looking, I somehow knew it was Jason. But why? Why would Jason touch me like that, and—oh—run his lips down my neck like that? My breathing quickened, and I let the delicious sensation tell me that dreams can be fun that way, so I reached behind me to pull his head down as I twisted mine up to meet his lips.

  I turned in his arms, wrapping my fingers in his hair, searching those hot green eyes for answers that didn’t appear to have questions. We were just there, kissing long and deep and enjoying the feel of each other’s bodies—something my nerve endings were vitally awake and aware of.

  My skin felt hot against the chilled breeze, and there was a random thought
that asked me why I wore a halter dress in cool weather, and actually why I wore a halter dress at all. Then Jason sat on the swing and held it steady as he pulled me onto him, staring at me with a smile and eyes that had changed to blue as I straddled him on the giant swing. More odd random thoughts flitted across my brain that the green actually suited him better and how much easier it was to straddle a man with a dress on.

  I felt him hard against me, and that sent a rush of heat through me, but that had nothing on what jolted through my veins when he ran his hands up my thighs. All the way up. Oh, the dress idea had definite advantages, I decided, my head swimming with desire. I closed my eyes as he ran his lips down my neck to my cleavage, kissing the insides of my breasts.

  I dropped my face to his hair, and inhaled deeply the aroma of him before he lifted his face, his expression heavy and aroused. And belonging to Alex.

  I sucked in a breath and froze, but he just whispered, “It’s okay, love.”

  It was okay? It—it was okay to touch him? Feel his hair in my hands, his body against mine? I lowered my mouth to his and kissed him softly, tentatively. He made a little noise in his throat and kissed me back, working those hands that used to belong to Jason. I pulled back a little and stared at him. It was the dream thing, my brain told me. Roll with whatever unfolds. But—nothing felt dreamy. It was cold and breezy and the wrong time of year for a dress I’d never wear, in a yard I’d never been to, making out with a man I could never touch, but other than that it was all pretty damn realistic.

  I closed my eyes, feeling very awake and yet afraid to wake up, not wanting to lose what I had in my hands. I could smell him, feel him, feel his mouth travel down my neck again. Feel one of his hands come back up to move fabric aside so that he could feed my breast and nipple into his mouth.

  “Oh!”

  My eyes flew back open, and for a split second I was afraid he’d be Jason again. Then I felt guilty about that. Then I didn’t care who he was, because his other hand was between my legs and the thumb was under my panties, mimicking the tongue motion at the same time.

  “Oh my—G—”

  It was exquisite. And I’d never known the sensation before, yet my body seemed to. I knew exactly how to react, how to move, and another random thought rolled by as I wondered why I’d be wearing panties in a sex dream. I mean, really? Why?