Reason Is You (9781101576151)

by Lovelace, Sharla

  Yes. There was a moment. A good one.

  My jaw dropped. And I felt sixteen. Or maybe I just felt forty because I didn’t get to experience that at sixteen.

  I looked back at the article and took some deep breaths. Something was seriously messed up there. I had to get away from it, and I was just given the perfect diversion. I would take a shower and bask in my first text message from a guy telling me there had been a moment. I was pathetic, as Riley would say, but I didn’t care.

  Tomorrow he’d probably be distant again, but right then was good. Even with an unanswered something nagging behind all the puzzle pieces and those last tortured burning looks from Alex. Right then was okay.

  THE next morning, I woke up with thoughts of Alex, and instantly pushed them aside for thoughts of Jason. I had to focus on something; the schizoid life was making me nuts. No pun intended.

  So I took extra care getting ready. Still jeans and a T-shirt, but my best T-shirt, good hair, and a little makeup. High fashion at the bait shop.

  I pulled up at the shop, with butterflies in my stomach. His car wasn’t there, but sometimes he walked, so that didn’t mean anything. I took a deep breath before I opened the door and walked in with a smile.

  “Hey there.”

  I stopped short. “Hey, Marg. I thought you were gone till Monday.”

  “Didn’t want to miss getting ready for the festival next week. Lot of things to prepare.”

  My God, what was with this freakin’ festival? You’d think it was Mardi Gras.

  “Oh, okay.” I went behind the counter and started my normal routine, grabbing a cup of coffee. “Jason here yet?”

  That sounded nonchalant, right?

  “No, I called him and let him know I’d be here. So he won’t need to come till noon.”

  Everything flopped. I felt like Shelby. I wanted to throw my coffee in the air and cry.

  “Gotcha,” I said instead.

  I’d smell like shrimp by noon. Groovy.

  “So did y’all miss me?” Marg asked, as she opened a crate of lures I’d put off till I could find a spot for them. Or till she got back.

  “Of course; how was your vacation?”

  “Hot. Don’t go to Colorado in the summer. Freaks don’t have air-conditioning.”

  I laughed. “What?”

  “Seriously. My brother-in-law says they don’t need it most of the year, because the humidity’s so low.” She dumped the crate over on the floor. “Whatever. All I can say is the summer is god-awful brutal with no air. House bakes all day and heat rises. Bedrooms are upstairs. You do the math.”

  The rest of the morning wore me out, waiting six hours to find out which one would show up—Jekyll or Hyde. Which was harsh, I knew, but the man was moody. And I found out in a way that only I could. Coming from the back, rounding the corner of the hall, yelling something back at Marg, I stopped just short of colliding with him again.

  He grabbed my arms as I teetered on momentum.

  “Oh!” I started laughing. “I’m sorry.”

  “We need mirrors and traffic lights in here.”

  We were awfully close, like body-heat close, and I found myself struggling to remember what I was yelling to Marg.

  “Eight dozen,” I said.

  He blinked. “What?”

  “Excuse me.” I pulled free of him and wound my way up front. “Eight dozen, Marg. That’s all we have left.”

  “All right, I’m posting that up front,” she said. “Bob said it’s tapped out. When they’re gone, they’re gone.”

  “Got it.”

  “Now I’m out of here. Try not to flood the place, will you?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Jason answered, and a smile played at his lips. He might own the place, but he was still a newbie. Margie Pete ran that particular ship for too many years to answer to an outsider. She turned to look at both of us as she reached the door and chuckled.

  I frowned as she left. “What was that?”

  But Jason had already dived into a box of hooks and weights.

  “Been busy?” he asked.

  “People are lunatics today,” I said, trying to get a read on his mood by staring at the side of his head. “Everyone is doing practice runs for next week’s fishing tournament.”

  “Don’t knock it—it means more business.”

  I nodded. Not that he saw it. He was elbow deep in merchandise. I headed to the back, wondering why I’d bothered with anything this morning. He was all business. Evidently, moments—even good ones—were few and far between. Or maybe he had just meant to acknowledge that yes, that moment was nice, but wasn’t implying any future ones.

  “Maybe he was just being nice,” I muttered as I picked up an empty box and tossed it to the big garbage bin, narrowly missing the shrimp vat. “Maybe I imagined the whole mess, text and all. Maybe I need to quit analyzing it.”

  “Maybe you just need to turn around.”

  I whirled in place, uttering a yelp that probably wasn’t the sexiest, and found myself looking right up into his face.

  “Oh—hey!”

  “Hey.”

  His eyes were playful and sweet and hot all at the same time, and I didn’t know whether to jump him or shake his hand.

  “You—shouldn’t sneak up on people when they’re—babbling to themselves.” Oh God. Just shoot me.

  He jutted a thumb behind him and backed up a step. “Should I go? Do you need to continue?”

  “No—no, no,” I said, laughing. I prayed for something witty to say. “Come back—where you were.” Yeah, that wasn’t it.

  He stepped closer again, and it became painfully obvious that the two of us combined had the romantic social skills of a tree. We stood there looking at each other waiting for—something.

  “So, where’ve you been lately?” I asked.

  Thank God he knew what I actually meant by that. A small silent chuckle crossed his lips.

  “Wondering if this is a really bad idea.”

  I nodded as my stomach fluttered. “Wow, that—”

  “Sounded horrible, I know.”

  “No, I know what you mean.”

  “Thank God.” He rubbed his eyes and I had to smile. “See, that’s just it. I can talk to you for some reason. That blows my mind.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t do that. Talk.”

  I nodded again and pretended to consider that as I watched his lips form words.

  “So what was your conclusion?”

  He inched closer. “That it’s still a really bad idea.”

  “And yet—” I gestured around us. “Here we are. In the bait room.”

  “Yeah, I can pick a hot spot, can’t I?”

  I started to laugh, and his hand came up to my face and into my hair, and I found it interesting that I could laugh without breathing. His face came down, mine tilted up, and I was reminded of that night on the dance floor.

  “Relax,” he whispered so close to my lips that I felt the word.

  Then it was on. As soon as his mouth landed on mine, my body remembered what to do. His lips were soft and searching and mine were hungry. He pulled me in, kissing me deeper. I wound my arms around his back and pulled him to me in response.

  He made a little moan in my mouth, and I got a rush of liquid heat that I hadn’t felt in years. Not in real life—with another person. The thought whizzed through my head that I was being way too easy, but the one that chased it off said that I was forty and tainted goods and too horny to care.

  He backed me up to the bait table and before I knew it, I was lifted and sitting on it, looking him eye to eye. Our hands shifted roles. I wound my fingers into his hair while his worked from my waist down my legs and back again. Over and over. It was everything I could do not to wrap my legs around him and hump him like a dog.

  Then he moved his mouth down the side of my neck and I thought I was done for. A little noise escaped my throat as he slid his hands around to my ass and tugged me against him.

>   It was crazy. Something in my head knew that. But my body was starved for the attention and judging by his reaction to my touch, so was his.

  Then the bell jingled up front.

  We both jumped as if we’d been hit with electric shock, and Jason backed up a step. He rubbed at his face with a shaky hand.

  “I’ll um—” He gestured toward the front. “I’ll go see.”

  I just nodded. Talking was out of the question. He backed up, not breaking eye contact with me until he left the room. It was like being an awkward teenager, except that I had one of those and she was much more together than me.

  I closed my eyes and fanned my hair out for air. I knew my chest had to be bright red and my face and neck were on fire.

  “Oh my God, what am I doing?” I said, pushing off the table onto shaky legs.

  Making out with my boss in the back room. He was right. Nothing about it was smart. So then why was my entire body in heat, recalling every place he touched like memory foam?

  Hearing voices, I decided to suck it up and go be a grown-up. I fluffed my hair out and swiped under my eyes, checking my reflection in an old glass poster frame advertising tackle boxes. I just hoped my chest and neck weren’t glowing, but that thought alone brought a fresh wave of heat to the surface. I needed to go stick my head in a freezer.

  The walk up front gave me a second to hold my head up, just in time to see Matty Sims turn around. I almost groaned. He gave me a once-over.

  “How’s it going, Dani?”

  Well, I was getting lucky till you showed up. I chanced a look at Jason, ignored the flutter in my belly, and pasted on a smile. “Great, Matty, how are you?”

  He had a different sidekick with him, one who looked familiar. And not in a good way.

  “Dani Shane, wow,” the new guy said, and the voice brought me all the way back. Back to the snotty doctor’s son he was and the gropes in the hallway when Lisa-do-you-remember-me wasn’t looking. Carson Marlow, Lisa’s now-husband. The guy who pretended to like me and invite me to my one and only party. That got me wasted and then threw me out when I still had enough snap to turn down him and his friends. The night I met Alex.

  Before I could open my mouth, the door opened again and a big teenage boy walked in followed by another slightly smaller one. I recognized the bigger one from the bait shop as Lisa’s bag-hauling son. The other looked to be a younger brother.

  “What can I help you with, besides the lures?” Jason asked.

  Matty smiled at him and then at Carson. “We want to sign up for the tournament next week. The boys, too.”

  “No problem.” Jason pulled some forms out from a drawer. “Fill these out and it’s fifteen each.”

  “Oh, come on,” Carson drawled, throwing what I assumed to be a charming look my way. His eyes were red and floating in scotch. Charming had left the building. “For old friends of Dani’s? You could waive that, couldn’t you there, big guy?”

  My mouth went sour. Jason actually laughed out loud.

  “Yeah, I’ve seen how close you are. Sorry, guys. Tournament rules.”

  Matty leaned his big arms on the counter, and Carson followed suit, taking my left hand in the process.

  “No ring, Dani?”

  I yanked my hand free before Jason could swoop in. Assuming he had swoop intentions. Truth be known, I had no idea what his intentions were. If he would be jealous, indifferent, angry, possessive—I had no clue what the hell we were outside that bait room.

  “You know, boys, your dad and I went to school with Miss Shane, here,” Matty said, not turning around. “Come say hello.”

  They looked at each other with that unmistakable tolerance of those forced to live with assholes. That look of going through the motions to keep the peace, as they ambled up behind Carson.

  “My sons, Drew and Derry,” Carson said. I held out a hand and both boys reached around their dad, who was planted firmly.

  “Are you Riley Shane’s mom?” Drew asked. He was the one I’d seen before and was already taller than Carson.

  “Yes, I am. You know Riley?”

  “Kinda.”

  I blinked at the short answer. Okay.

  “I think we’ll get some live shrimp, too, just in case they don’t bite on artificial. See what the trend is before next week,” Matty said.

  “How much?”

  “Four dozen or so.”

  I headed to the back to count out “or so” as the two boys headed out and around to meet me with a bucket. I opened the back door and grabbed the net off the hook as I waited.

  “Hey, you seen that Riley Shane chick?” I heard the younger one ask, and I held my breath in anticipation. I heard the zipping sound of a lighter, and realized they were grabbing their thirty-second smoke break.

  “Riley? Yeah.”

  “She’s hot.”

  A snorting laugh. “She’s out of your league, dude.”

  “Yours, too.”

  “Bullshit.”

  A laugh from the other one. “You’re full of it, Drew. You’ll never hit that.”

  “I’m telling you, once that guy she’s been hanging with goes back to wherever he came from, that tight little ass is gonna be mine.”

  I almost dropped the net. I lost feeling in my fingers.

  “You think he’s doing her?”

  “Hell yeah. They were all over each other the other night when we were skinny-dipping.”

  I covered my mouth before I could cry out. Skinny-dipping? With Grady? I saw red and purple and five other colors.

  “You saw her naked? Damn.”

  “Nah, just to her underwear. But it got see-through real fast.” He laughed. “Man, I’m telling you I’d have thrown Micah aside in a heartbeat to have that wrapped around me like he did.”

  “Mom would have a shit fit if you came home with her. Remember she said they’re weird.”

  “Who’s talking about bringing home? I’ve got Micah for that.”

  There was the scrape of snubbing cigarettes out on concrete so they could pocket them for later. I was glued to the floor. And sick. I wanted to run, grab Riley, and drive as far from there as possible. Drive till the land ran out.

  Instead, I slowly released the breath I’d been holding and swiped at my eyes as they strolled in. The tall one, Drew, stopped a little short when he saw how close to the door I was, and gave me a polite smile as he handed me the bucket. I clenched the bait net as hard as I could to stop the trembling, or to keep from beating him with it.

  I turned to the shrimp vat and had to close my eyes for a second or two and breathe. When I opened them, it was still there—the fantasy of drowning him in there with the shrimp. Holding his pretty head under the water until the bubbles ceased and the quiet lights came. I cleared my throat and started scooping. Drowning wasn’t nice. It wasn’t a good way to die. Where did that come from?

  Besides, the little brother would rat me out.

  When they left, I didn’t go back up front. I couldn’t. I sank onto a stool, instead, and leaned over on my knees. How could I have brought Riley here? To this particular portal of hell where history was determined to repeat itself. Where fathers passed down their toxic waste like baseball cards.

  “You okay?”

  I turned to focus on Jason, but all I could see was the image of Riley and Grady skinny-dipping in the lake.

  “Yeah, sorry, I’m just—”

  “A million miles away.”

  “Somewhere in that area.”

  He rubbed at his neck, looking awkward, then pulled over another stool, sitting far enough in front of me that we couldn’t touch. I was glad of that. Sort of.

  “Look, Dani, I—” Jason shook his head. “I didn’t mean for that to happen earlier.”

  His earnest innocent expression made me chuckle in spite of the turmoil boiling through me. He looked like he’d been caught with his dad’s Penthouse magazine.

  “You accidentally fell in my mouth?”

  He gave me a look. “No
, I meant—I just—”

  I laughed lightly and held a hand up. “I know what you mean. I—didn’t mean to get all carried away like that, either.”

  He looked relieved. “I don’t know—what came over me. I guess it just felt—” He stopped as he made eye contact.

  “Really good,” I finished.

  “Really good.”

  I caught my bottom lip with my teeth, still tasting him. The memory of that made my stomach do a little shimmy.

  “Look, I can’t deny I’ve wanted to kiss you since the other night,” he said, stopping to breathe in deeply. “And I really want to do it again. But I never planned on all those fireworks. That’s not what I want.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Okay, of course that’s what I want,” he continued. “But I guess what I’m not saying very well is I don’t just want to bang you on a bait table.”

  “Really?” I said, tickled at that. “Because if that asshole hadn’t come in, we’d be—”

  “Please don’t. I might cry.”

  I burst out laughing. He was funny? Who knew? I felt a little of the tension release. A little.

  “Oh lord, Jason,” I said after the giggles subsided. I looked away and scooped my hair back. “What are we doing?”

  “I don’t know.” He laughed to himself, looking at the floor. “God knows I’m nobody’s catch. I’ve got a mountain of baggage and I suck at this.”

  “You do better than you think,” I said softly, bringing his gaze back up to me. “And your little baggage has nothing on my steamer trunks.”

  “Steamer trunks?”

  “Titanic worthy.”

  “Okay, you win.”

  I smiled, then felt it fade as reality crept back in to settle in the crevices. “Jason, there are things—” I paused, startled at the sudden urge to confide in him. I’d never felt the desire to do that before, and it was foreign. Scary. “Things you don’t know about me. Heavy things.”

  My eyes burned with unbidden tears as the subject came to the brim. That’s as far as I could bring it.

  “And there’s crap going on with Riley,” I continued, diverting. I ran a quick hand under my eyes. “Probably not the greatest time.”