Love's Ineligible Receiver

by Love Belvin

  I shook my head as I leaned with one shoulder against the glass window. My phone chirped in my hand.

  Jade: And what about shoes? I got the cutest pair of Ase Garbs yesterday.

  Me: I just bought the Alexander McQueen booties I was telling you about. They’re so much better looking on.

  Rut hated them. He even sat with a nasty glower as I tried them on. But he knew not to complain. We’d been…strange. Our friendship had changed in many ways since our days at Jimmy’s place. We’d remained lovers and comfortably so after he swore he would sleep with no one else three weeks ago.

  After a nasty fight when he was trying to share with me Emily’s team’s decision for her and Rut to part ways after learning she was pregnant, and I thought he was breaking the news of impregnating her, he set the record straight. While on his knees in the shower, cupping my hips in his hands to feast between my thighs, he swore I’d been the only woman he’d slept with since meeting me—other than that following weekend when Emily went down on him. That irked my pregnant nerves for some reason, but he told me he wouldn’t change that practice until we changed the rules for our friendship. And that worked for me.

  No. I didn’t care to rush into anything with Rut after coming out of the most peculiar, convoluted, and draining arrangement with Jimmy. I needed time to rebuild my identity as a real single woman. Yes. It was a humorous concept considering I was pregnant by another man so soon, but I was insistent on taking things one day at a time. And if that meant risking monogamy with Rut, so be it. Though I’d apologized for my response to his reaction of the pregnancy, I would not compromise Parker any more than I had with Jimmy. I was almost thirty and couldn’t account for my twenties.

  Jade: Those booties are cute! I have to go. The big ogre is going off about the bikini I bought Ava Nese. RME! Can’t wait to see you at the airport! I’m glad we can’t travel with them to London. We can have our time without the guys.

  I laughed at that, wondering if Rut would be so protective over our little munchkin. My hand went to my belly.

  I could stand there behind her for hours, watching Parker rub her belly. It was the only time I got a glimpse of the “sweet” Parker I met. She’d been lukewarm lately. I figured it was because she wasn’t over me being angry about the pregnancy at first. But I’d been working hard to show her I could be better. And it had been hard dealing with that and managing my need of her. Being separated from Parker in training camp was hard for me. I was stressed out about this pregnancy, my pops coming home, Coach Brooks’ bossy ass, and adjusting to the demands of being a public figure. I needed her for those weeks. The fucked up part of it was she was a part of one of the problems I needed her for.

  Parker was my homie, lover, and friend since I lost B-Rocka. Lately, I’d been feeling like I lost a piece of her, too. I honestly didn’t know what to do about it. Maybe it was the pregnancy. I didn’t know. I still wanted her around me. When she agreed to come to Europe with me, I was happy as hell. Those premonitions of exploring the globe with her still happened every once in a while, especially when I ate her pussy. It was weird as fuck, but one of the many strange things in my life since I came to Connecticut. And I couldn’t wait for our first trip.

  I walked up on her and leaned down to her ear. “You should get butt ass naked in bed, and let me do that for you.”

  Parker didn’t jump. She looked up at me and hit me with the smile I’d seen a lot of lately. The one saying, “you can do whatever you want to my body, but I won’t say it.” It was one of my favorites.

  “C’mon.” I took her by the hand even though mine held her shopping bags. “Fats is gonna cuss you out,” I teased.

  She laughed as we started hiking it toward the entrance we were dropped off at. I browsed the window displays, looking at nothing in particular. When my attention went ahead, I groaned.

  Walking straight toward us with a few of her girls, her eyes blew up before she sneered like an evil witch.

  She tapped her girl to the right of her that I recognized right away. First, she whispered then she decided to get loud.

  “Oh. That’s her, huhn?” She stopped a few feet from us and her girls did, too. “Girl, I ‘on’t know why you fuck with him. Then again, I do. You snagged that nigga after that first endorsement deal. I ain’t mad at you!” Chestnut Cherries, Brandee, and some other chick I didn’t know stopped and the first two giggled like hyenas. The other one looked star-struck.

  After shoving all of the shopping bags into one hand, I pulled Parker into me, feel myself about to wig the fuck out.

  “Man, don’t come over here on no bullshit!”

  “What?” Chestnut Cherries, who I couldn’t believe would start nonsense, spit.

  “Where ya boy at? Maybe he don’t stunt like you do,” Brandee sneered before her girl could finish her sentence.

  Ignoring her, I replied to Chestnut Cherries. “You heard what the fuck I said. You wanna autograph, all you gotta do is ask.”

  She wanted to get new on me, I knew how to piss broads like this off.

  “That’ll be more than you ever gave, cheap ass!” Chestnut Cherries looked directly at Parker. “He use other girls to get you off—”

  “And he don’t give you no money!” Brandee shouted over her.

  Chestnut Cherries continued while laughing spitefully, “I ‘on’t know why you let him raw dog you. He’s a stingy nigga. Girl, you better lawyer the fuck up!”

  That’s it…

  I tightened my hold on Parker and pulled her around them birds to go.

  “Lawyer these nuts, bitc—”

  “Aye!” Parker’s hand flew to my mouth so fast, she kinda slapped me.

  That added to my anger. I balled my lips tight to keep all the words I wanted to shoot at them chicken heads inside.

  “Fuck you, Rut!” they began yelling behind us.

  “I hope you break a mutherfuckin’ leg or arm your next game!”

  “Sucka ass!” They wouldn’t stop, now drawing attention to us. “I’m gonna ignore your ass in Arch & Point next time, nigga!”

  Parker’s legs kept up with my lunges until we were at the Yukon and I opened the door for her. When she was safely inside, I didn’t mean to slam the door so hard. The truck rattled and I went over to the other side.

  Damn!

  Where’s my cousin, Sheema, when I need her ass?

  The entire truck vibrated when he slammed the cargo door, too, after tossing the bags in the trunk. My brows hiked and eyes coincidentally met with Fats from the rearview mirror. Rut threw his lengthy body inside with swift agility. His whole frame was visibly teeming with combustive energy. The man was so mad he couldn’t face me.

  One thing was for sure: I had never seen as much drama in my life as I did when with Rutledge Amare. Another thing made clear to me, even in the fit of his ire, he was embarrassed. We were out of the parking lot, turning onto the highway and he still hadn’t looked my way.

  I scooted closer, being sure lean my breasts into him. I actually found the incident funny.

  “Your old Arch & Point crew?” I murmured.

  Rut didn’t answer. My hand pushed onto his thigh and caressed it until going for the band of his sweat shorts. I found his resting member and wrapped my palm around it.

  “They don’t know you can be generous with the right twerking booty?”

  Rut’s head turned and his narrowed eyes met mine as I stroked him. I bit my lip from busting out laughing in his face. He was awakening from my efforts.

  “You think this funny, Gray? You’re pregnant. They coulda stressed you out…hurt the fuckin’ baby!” his voice was gravely low.

  But his eyes were softening as I shook my head.

  “They would’ve had to upset me to hurt the baby, Rut. Do I look upset.” He didn’t answer. “Or do I look turned on?” I reached up and kissed his lips, loving the feel of him growing in my hand. “Now, answer me this…” I used the tip of my tongue to trace the seam of his lips. “Am I going to
get that belly rub first…” I pecked his lips. “or do I have to earn it with a twerk? Because it looks like you’re no longer welcomed in Arch & Point.”

  I coughed a light cackle, pausing my stroke on him.

  Rut turned to me, pushing my arm to finish my fondling job and growled, “I’ll fuckin’ buy Arch & Point before that happens.”

  “Look at her go,” Stroy teased Parker as she cleaned her plate.

  She smeared the last of the cream of some sweet shit I couldn’t pronounce then forked it into her mouth with a satisfied smile. And damn was she beautiful. Parker rocked a silk scarf, wrapped around the crown of her head with a fedora over it. It reminded me of the cutie whose phone I picked up at Eli’s party almost six months ago.

  “I remember them days,” Jade shared. “I was eating my heart’s content in my second trimester.” Her eyes went into the bright blue air and her hand to her chin, thinking about it. “I just didn’t burn off the calories as fast.”

  “I’ve already burned a few this morning,” Parker’s nasty ass smiled, still chewing her food. Her eyes swung over to me. “Oh, and I plan on working more off later,” she told the whole damn table throatily.

  That had everybody cracking up, loud as hell. It was a good thing we had sidewalk tables at L’olive. I tried to give her a nasty eye, but Parker wasn’t bothered by it. Then my attention went to the row of houses around. It was a bright ass day in St. Tropez. The temperature was just perfect: not too chilly or hot. The breeze hugged us and the sun was gentle.

  Parker’s hand at my leg caught my attention. She was wiping her mouth.

  “Don’t forget the souvenir. There should be some shoppes down there to look in before we go.”

  Oh…

  I glanced down the sidewalk. It was good she reminded me. I actually asked her to not let me forget to pick up something for Coach Brooks while we were out here. Me and the only female coach I ever had in any sport had developed a rhythm. Whenever she complemented me on a game—after tearing into my ass about it a few times—I’d gift her something. To be real, it wasn’t about tit-for-tat for me. I honestly had grown to like the lady. She and my therapist were like aunties, who didn’t take my shit but would still remind me of the greatness in me. When I told my head doctor I was coming here after the London game, she told me not to waste my time bringing her back “a wasteful knickknack that would only collect dust.” That shit had me dying.

  I nodded at Parker to tell her I was ready then pushed back from the table.

  “Oh, hold up!” Jordan barked, his one arm in a sling. “Before we move on to our next excursion, we gotta acknowledge the work.” His wife, Cole, lifted her glass of sparkling water after he did. “TB, do the honors, preacher man.”

  We snickered at the table when Trent rolled his eyes. He switched his baby girl, Ava Nese, to the other leg then went for his glass. The group followed suit.

  “The Wembley game was a W, but a mere one,” he referred to the game yesterday against the Jaguars when we won by just three points. I may have been having a killer season, but it had been hot and cold for the Kings. “To the game that drives us, inspires us, and blesses us. May we do right by it. Let’s evolve, take risks, and continue to change the game!”

  “Here! Here!” Stroy shouted.

  His two kids cheered, too. Kyree, TB and Jade’s son, hooted then yanked TB’s arm to go himself. Cole and Parker stood at the same time. We were hitting the yacht in less than thirty minutes, so we had to shoot off to do whatever little shopping that had to get done before then.

  The group broke away and Parker and I headed west and walked in and out of stores, looking for cool souvenirs. Parker was able to find little goodies for our moms, my pops, and Nurse Jackie in the second store.

  “Let’s go down a little further. The woman at the counter said there are more down there.” She pointed down a much narrower road. It wasn’t littered with bodies like the current one had been. I didn’t like it because of the unevenness of it. It wasn’t as flat as the main street. Parker must have seen my unease. She grabbed me at the arm. “Oh, come on, Rut. We don’t have much time.”

  As I always did with Parker, I let her have her way. We started down the road for more stores. There were garbage cans against the brick buildings, no cars, but a stray cat zipping past. Parker didn’t seem to care. She kept trekking on, looking into each building we passed.

  “How you walk so fast in them shits, yo?” Already, I was annoyed.

  Totally ignoring me, Parker slowed a little. Her eyes blinked and her hands flew to her face. “I forgot to ask the hotel to bring up the foot bowl to soak your feet tonight. Your trainer said every night until you get back.”

  “We’ll handle it,” I muttered then took her hand, wondering how she could think of something so random while walking down this glossy ass road.

  Her body swung toward me a bit and she took a deep breath, scaring the shit out of me. “You should get Coach Brooks one of the string, banded bracelets with the metal plates on it. The one at that first shoppe had the nameplates that said courage, dignity, hope, and power.” She smiled from ear to ear. “That’s so her. Right?”

  “Stop.”

  I dropped to one knee before she caught my command. Then I pulled her back to me by her calf, my eyes locked on the fancy bootie things she bought at the mall last week.

  I heard her breathy giggle over my head. “What are you doing?”

  I didn’t answer, just went about the job of fixing the buckle of one of her high heeled boots. And by fixing, I mean making sure they were tight enough. Maybe that would make sure she didn’t fall.

  “This is beautiful, isn’t it?” her voice was low, dreamy.

  I didn’t answer, but she knew what I’d felt. This was more than beautiful, and it wasn’t because of where we were for me. It was because of the peace I felt having her with me. For real.

  “First London, now St. Tropez. I can’t believe we’re in France—”

  I popped up from my knee, squaring in her face when she froze. Then she took a deep breath and a step back like something had occurred to her.

  “What’s up?”

  “You love me.”

  Whoa!

  Her eyes bounced around and now she looked angry. Then she closed them tight and shook her head.

  I stepped closer, worried. “What’s wrong?”

  She kept shaking her head. “That look in your eyes… I’ve seen just about all of your expressions, and maybe because we’re in a new place, the revelation just hit me hard. It’s not about the shoe. The house you bought me…” She pinched her nose. “It wasn’t about the baby, I knew that. You bought it before we found out. But I never understood why until you looked at me. And it’s not with anger from the stupid heeled bootie. It’s because you have deep feelings for me. It’s love, Rut.”

  My mouth moved as if to speak, but she raised her hand to stop me.

  “That’s the problem. You’ve never expressed what you felt about me—and I was okay with that. I didn’t force you or have that expectation because you were twenty-four and wild. There was no way I expected you to acknowledge those feelings or act on them at your age or with your lifestyle.” She licked her lips, looking away.

  “I’mma grown ass man, Parker. I ain’t never have a problem expressing my feelings.” I put my hands in my pocket, switching the weight to my other leg. “Can’t lie, though. It ain’t been easy doing it since you moved out to the house. You’ve been different, Gray.”

  Damn, that was hard to say. It sounded like a bitch statement, but it felt good as hell to finally tell her.

  Parker nodded, admitting to it.

  “I fell in love with you.” I almost choked on my spit. Parker nodded, making her words clear. “At Jimmy’s, we were on a freefall.” She shook her head, those long dark lashes meeting. “Getting to know the other person—consuming each other—exploring each other’s opposing views without care.” She squinted looking up at me. “Now, I’m afr
aid of falling any deeper. We’ve been so powerful together, we made a baby before we had sex.” She chuckled to herself. “Imagine what more we can do if we just let go. I’m not sure you can handle that.”

  I took her at the shoulders and grabbed her into my chest. Her arms felt good on my back, gripping me. I whispered over her head, “My therapist lady told me I only chose chicks who were of a certain class because it’s what I knew and was used to. It’s been hard being with a woman who’s wiser and more mature.” My eyes rolled closed, hard to speak these words of truth.

  “If I could go back to July twenty-fourth when we left the Brielle show, I would. I would be real with you and tell you I was scared. No, I ain’t wanna be a father, and at that point in my life, I only wanted you. Nothing or nobody else. Then I would’ve held you tight and told you we’d get through it together, no matter how we sliced it. And then I would’ve taken the next few days to realize, because of what you were carrying in your belly, it meant I have more of you.”

  I could feel her shaking in my arms. “I’m sorry, Park. Sorry you fell in love with a man who’s had a late start in learning how to handle your heart.” My belly jumped and I skipped a damn breath when sharing, “But on everything I own, everything I’ll ever be, I got you from here.” I cleared my throat and vowed, “I’mma be that eligible receiver.”

  ~Epilogue

  Grayson Brianna Amare

  February 20, 2019

  5:26 AM

  7lbs. 6oz.

  17.5 in.

  I let us into the house, Sharkie’s paws tapping at the floor.

  “Yurp!” I call out to his happy ass. He stops and and turns to me. “Chill. A’ight!” I grumble.

  inga comes out of the kitchen with her forehead wrinkled, drying a baby bottle.

  “Oh, hi!” She finally smiles. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

  That shit snips my fucking balls, and I stand there looking at her like she’s a damn fool. I couldn’t give a shit she’s been here, holding Parker down for months. She’s a fucking mother and got a few years to make up for when Parker put her ass on knock off. inga’s been cool as shit, but every once in a while I’m reminded of her low view on men.