Love's Ineligible Receiver

by Love Belvin

  “Hell you mean, inga?” my father coming in after me questions. “This his family’s house.”

  I don’t need these two going at it today. They’ve already gone rounds in the past few months.

  She freezes, giving him a hard stare. “Don’t start, Kadar. I’m genuinely surprised. Parker said Rut was in D.C. for work.”

  “And he home now,” my father pushes. “Is it a big deal he seeing about his family?” inga lifts her hands in the air, one palm opening in defeat. “C’mon, boy,” he pats Sharkie’s side. “We going out back for a run.”

  They take off toward the kitchen for the back yard. I go for the stairs, grateful that didn’t get out of hand. I had enough shit on my mind and pops knew it. I flew into D.C. two days ago to present my sneaker design to the Ase Garb design team. I was supposed to stay two days to hit up a fundraising dinner Stroy was hosting for his organization, but I changed my plans and flew into Jersey late yesterday. I needed to kick it with my pops.

  For over two months after that showdown at my moms’ place, he didn’t call and neither did I. It wasn’t until the day after Christmas when my phone rang and it was him, telling me he was taking my moms to an alcohol rehabilitation program. He’d noticed her drinking beer with her breakfast and vodka with her lunch. Him being there with her every day allowed him to see how she had spiraled with her drinking that had been heavy for years. She didn’t fight him on going much. Moms said she knew she was fucked up when I left for college. She was lonely and lost. Parker thinks it was because she didn’t have any true responsibilities regimenting her life. She didn’t work, didn’t have a lover, and had no kids to get up and out for school every day. All she had was bingo and nice monthly stipends from Divine and me.

  Since I arrived at the house in Ewing last night, we talked and politicked on some real shit. There were somethings I had to get off my chest with my father. And then I learned there was some shit he had to share with me. Then we got up this morning, had breakfast at a favorite hole in the wall in Trenton, and continued up to Connecticut.

  And now I’m here…

  One of the doors to the master suite is open, and before I make it that close, I peep two of three of my favorite girls. This view is different. It’s intimate and between mother and child. Parker’s breastfeeding Grayson, watching her in her left arm. Then her attention goes to her right boob. I don’t see anything, but apparently, it’s leaking because she picks up a burping cloth—one of a bazillion new terms I’ve learned in the past eight weeks—and presses it to her areola for a few seconds before putting it down. Her attention goes back to the baby. And my pupils dilate at the sight of Parker’s half naked body, sitting with crossed legs in the middle of the bed. The bright sun out is blasting into the room, making them both look angelic.

  Well, Parker looks like a fucking vixen with swollen tits and a narrowed waste. Her shrinking pouch now hidden behind my baby girl is even cute on her. Shit… This view is every-fucking-thing.

  She catches me.

  Parker’s eyes shoot up and land on me. After a few seconds, they narrow just slightly, something she does a lot lately.

  “I didn’t know you’d be coming today.”

  That shit burns me.

  She didn’t sleep well last night, so I had to wake her to eat. My breasts were so full they leaked. I’m zapped, completely yet blissfully knackered. This little being is far more than I bargained for. I thought I knew the joys of having a child; I’d dreamed of it since I could conceptualize family. But nothing has prepared me for seeing a little human being, who looks like something I made. Grayson has a few of my features at eight weeks, but she’s consistently looked like her father. She’s been as demanding and hard-nosed as him too. We’ve been warring over her sleeping in her bassinet since I brought her home. And because I’ve been so adamant, I’ve sacrifice much needed rest to battle with her. Last night was strange. She went down at her usual time, but what should have been the start of a night’s rest turned into a catnap.

  And now while she eats and sleeps peacefully, mommy leaks…from both breasts. I reach over and grab a burping cloth I keep handy and push into my nipple, which is absolutely useless. It’ll stop for a few seconds, before the dripping begins again. I need to pump and by the looks of Grayson’s little cheeks slowing, my hope of depleting during her feeding is now shot.

  And I’ll have to do it now—

  My attention goes from a fully sleeping Grayson to…her sexy father. My god. My temperature spikes for a few seconds long as I drink him in. He’s standing against the closed door of the set with his arms crossed, exposing the bulge of his biceps. And one leg’s crossed over the other, revealing his erection. My spine shivers.

  Motherhood brings the most bizarre changes. One is the tricks it played on my libido. In my third trimester, I had little desire for sex. Rut would be his usual needy self, always teasing, prodding my new body, and pulling down my panties. I complained little, understanding it was a part of my duties if I wanted to keep this thing monogamous. I put on my best efforts but had very little orgasms and was often left unsatisfied.

  But, boy! Postpartum? Not only has my appetite returned, it’s increased tenfold. It’s been so bad I couldn’t adhere to the six-week postpartum abstinence rule. Now, it’s been poor Rut, who has to endure while I’ve taken what I’ve needed because he’s so worried about “breaking something.” The difference is he’s been rewarded each time with a happy ending.

  Rut has been present. The Kings didn’t make it to the Super Bowl this year, but it had been a solid season for Rut. He’s recorded more than eighty receptions, eleven hundred yards, and twelve touchdowns in a rookie season. He also broke the rookie record for the most average receiving yards per game. Because of all of this, Rut was the recipient of the 2018 Offensive Rookie of the Year award by the league. And as soon as the season wrapped for the Kings, he had endorsement obligations to fulfil: a commercial to shoot and a sneaker to design. Next week will be the first of two grand openings for his sneaker boutique, Rubber Soles.

  The man has been busy being a business mogul and being…devilishly sexy. I’m sure to school my face, something I’ve mastered over time with Rut.

  “I didn’t know you’d be coming today,” I breathe, hardly able to hear the words leave my throat.

  He grumbles something I’m sure is inappropriate as he pushes off the door and strolls into the room. To distract myself from his stimulating countenance, I go back to Grayson and gently pull my nipple from her. Her lips puckers adorably and tongue sucks the roof of her mouth with more fervor than it had my nipple. I prop her over my shoulder for a burp that comes virtually in seconds.

  Her father is standing over me as I pat her tiny back for more. Although I have no idea what’s going through his mind, I doubt it’s what’s going through my body. It’s been insane, my insatiable appetite for Rut. And for him only. I’ve never been attracted to another man as I had Rutledge Amare. It’s everything about him: his height, girth, sordid vernacular, surprising intelligence, and most appreciative, his resiliency.

  Rut has undergone so many changes. Several women have stood ground against his misogyny and patriarchal world views. We’ve fought against twenty-five years of development until Rut saw his flaws and sought to change many of them…

  He didn’t agree easily to my name choice for our daughter.

  Her middle name derives from B-Rocka. Brianna was as close as I could think could come from Brian. Rut appreciated that gesture. It’s her first name he felt it was a feminist sucker punch.

  When I’m satisfied Grayson’s belly is without excess air, I lay her on her side facing the bathroom. Rut’s attention is on her as I place her burping cloth on the far end of the bed. Catching his attention on my way back, I take little time pulling down my shorts, rendering myself completely naked.

  I refuse to waste any time with this. Rut wasn’t supposed to be back here in Connecticut until tonight. At best, I would have seen him tomorrow
. Excitement of his untimely presence is now pooling between the folds of my sex. I spread my thighs and lay back but not before catching his eyes flash open with surprise. And I love that ability over him. Now down on my back, I’m peering between my legs at him, watching him stripping out of his clothes.

  Rut wastes no time taking to the bed and crawls up the mattress. The moment his mouth meets my core, all the wind is knocked from my lungs and my head collapses. His immediate actions warmed me. With Rut, I didn’t have to hide my desires. As he’s been doing since training camp last year, Rut’s always ready to deliver on any of my needs.

  Him diving just now to the depths of me is no different than three months ago when I decided on a living room set I desperately wanted but couldn’t quite afford. Via text, I proposed he help out until I could repay him his portion. Without confirming, he went and ordered the set that was delivered three days later. He was that intentional with pleasing me. Or when it was time to have Grayson’s ears pierced, with just few words shared of fear, he volunteered to be in the room with her.

  His tongue swipes and dips inside of me. My back bows over the mattress in pure, tantalizing bliss. His big hands cup my waist, caressing my skin up and down. My hips burrow into his face, sex into his mouth. Greedy hands grab his head, grinding against it as I enjoy the pleasure of his tongue. I ride the wave of his yielding, his efforts, his vulnerability. His love. My hips lift more, spine curves more, head rolls onto my crown to the vista over my bed. It displays the glorious sun, winding trees, and dancing leaves. It mimics my world—or what could be if I just let go and flow with the treasure before me.

  Lost in that view, time jolts still and everything moves in slow motion. I can isolate each pleasure point, feel the slither of his tongue on each inch of my sex. Sense the caress of his hands, and know I love this man from the depths of me. Knowing him for less than a year, I can’t imagine the next chapter of my life without Rut. He’s integrated himself into each corner of me. Filled me with a love and awareness of myself I’ve never known.

  And without warning, I snap out of the trance into an unexpected orgasm shooting from my core, rocking my entire frame into a frenzy.

  “Oh, baby!” I cry.

  “Just like this,” I can hear above my head as I suck her clit between my tongue and top lip. “We can do it forever. Just like…”

  I keep going until she’s back on the mattress. Pulling up on plank, I give her clit one last long and hard lick. Her whole damn body shivers. My dick is hard, damn belly is dancing, I’m so ready to be inside her. I run my tongue from her navel to between her big ass titties. My dick pressing into her opening, I check on Grayson before I plunge. She’s still sleeping peacefully. They tell us all the time to enjoy the first weeks of her sleeping life. Being able to do this makes me enjoy every minute of it.

  My head is pulled to face her mother’s. Parker’s eyes strain as though she’s high. My mouth work could do that to her. I love every fucking minute of it, too. But I can also see the ‘V’ between them.

  She licks her lips. “I want to be free with you again,” she whispers, cupping my face. “I want to get back on the freefall again.” Parker pauses for a moment and I don’t know what to say. “I got off. Even after I apologized for doing it, I stayed off the ride. I’ve been scared, Rut. That night, after the Brielle concert, my life took on a drastic change. You leaving me, me accepting my pregnancy, Jimmy being snatched away, my being kicked out, being homeless though I was given this beautiful house.” Her tears arrive, and I just want to hold her in my arms to chase them away.

  “That was a traumatic period for me, I realize now. Nothing had been familiar for so long. And when you finished camp, I decided to take whatever you gave me. I decided to stick around and accept whatever you offered, and not in the desperate way. In a very stubborn way, with just one condition of monogamy. I shut you out and I’m sorry.” Crying, she reaches up and kisses my stained lips. “You’re my familiar because you stuck around during my indifferent days. You gave me a home, accepted my mother and friends to help out, you nourished my body—even my postpartum body—while I’ve locked you out of my heart. You’re now my familiar, Rut.” Again, she goes quiet and stares at me.

  Again, I don’t know what to say.

  “All these months I was avoiding the heartache of yet another man who didn’t let me into his home with pure intention but circumstance instead. But you’ve given me so much more, and I want to try a new relationship with you.”

  My face goes tight. “What kind?”

  Her body trembles then tears fall and she covers her mouth to hide it from me as though it’s possible.

  “I want to be your gir—girlfriend,” she whispers so low I’m sure Grayson couldn’t even hear it. “I think we should try it out. Just for a little while. We can see how it goes.”

  My dick is hard again, and this time with a fucking vengeance. I swivel my hips until I know I’m at her opening again and dive in. Parker jumps, sucking in a breath. I hold to see if she’s okay. When her hips pull up, I know, and start driving into her. My mouth brushes down her lips to her neck where I suck. Then I move down to her boobs and lick her sweet nipples. She moans so seductively, pushing them into me. Her nails go to my back, scraping down to my ass. I plunge and plunge until I reach the ends of her.

  And Parker must feel me there, too, because her damn pussy quakes around me. Her arms hold me in place, anchoring her while she throws it to me. I’m losing my mind trying to hold out for her. Her thighs move around me, her tits smack my face, warm milk squirting my eyes, nose, and mouth. And I’m in fucking heaven with liquids all over me.

  Shit…

  My balls go warm then jut. Quickly, I lift from her thighs, pulling my dick from her, and slam my body over her to sandwich. My body shook like a damn fool as I bust between us. My damn feet curl as I bit into her shoulder.

  “Rut!” she moans.

  I pull my mouth from her soft skin. “Sorry.” I try catching my breath.

  Then I push up off my hands and arms to lift from her.

  “That!” Her eyes are down her body.

  I follow and see it.

  “Shit!” I whisper as I stand to my knees.

  “You have to either move up my body after pulling out or pull out faster!” Parker’s annoyed as she takes inventory of my bullet game reaching underneath her belly button into her pubs. “This is how we got in trouble the first night,” she groans.

  I leave the bed as she uses my baby’s burping cloth to wipe up her stomach instead of down. It takes me minutes to shower and brush my teeth. When I come back to the bed, Parker’s up and dancing toward the bathroom. My attention goes straight to my pride and joy, laying in the same position. That gives me enough time to find some clothes in the closet to slip on. Doing that takes seconds, then I’m hopping into basketball shorts and switching the contents of my pockets.

  I sit on the edge of the bed, the side Grayson’s sleep positioner is. Shit. She’s beautiful. Parker thinks she looks like me. I only see Grayson, my baby. When we FaceTime’d my moms last week at the facility she’s in, she said Grayson looks like my grandmother. My business partner, Jeremy, who visited her in the hospital says she thankfully looks like her mother, Parker. Divine and Jade thinks my baby looks like my pops. I don’t care who she looks like. I just want her to be smart like her mommy and swagged out like me.

  Parker comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She goes to the other side of the bed and pulls out the breast pump. That’s when I hear little squeaks and snorts. Grayson’s waking up. I go to lift her from the bed. Before I put her on my shoulder, I remember she needs a burping cloth. The one available to her before I showed should now be burned. Quickly, I carry her out of the room and down the hall to her nursery. I pluck a cloth from the drawer and toss it over my shoulder. Now I’m able to put her up there.

  As we go back to the master suite, I’m rubbing her little back. Parker’s pumping session is already in motion
. She sits on the side of the bed while on her phone, letting the machine do its thing. I cop a spot on the floor next to her but on the floor, against the bed.

  “Today’s Trent’s birthday?” Parker asks above us as I kiss Grayson, who seems to be very awake and moving. “They’re having a private surprise party at DiFillippo’s tomorrow! I completely forgot. Oh, god! I’ve got nothing to wear,” she fake cries. “Jade told me about it a couple of weeks ago, but I’ve got baby cave brain. If I didn’t just check Facebook, I would’ve never remembered. Are you going?”

  “Were you gonna invite me?” I ask.

  I pull Grayson’s little fists to my mouth and watch her frown at me, sniffling.

  Parker goes quiet for a minute. “Like… What do you mean?”

  “You said you wanna be my girl. Were you gonna invite me as ya man?”

  “Well… I assumed he told you about it.”

  “You just said it’s a surprise party, Jade told you about it. She ain’t got my number.”

  “But she could get it. You and Trent are signed to the same sports agency. You both have relationships with Azmir Jacobs. She could get your info if she wanted to.”

  “I ain’t ask what she wanted. I asked about your intentions since you said you wanna be my girl.”

  There’s another pause. I’m just fucking with Parker, but want to see how she comes out of this.

  “I don’t know what to say,” she whines like a baby.

  “I think she needs to be changed. She need a bath, too?” I’m prepared to handle it all.

  Parker doesn’t answer me, so I look up at her from over my shoulder. She’s biting her lip, I could tell stewing on what I said. I guard my face.

  “You thinking ‘bout what you gonna to wear?”