Hush (Just This Once)

by Deborah Bladon

  “You look a little green.” Gabi tugs on the end of my hair. “Maybe it is the flu. It’s prime flu season. Don’t breathe on me.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “There are other symptoms with the flu. It’s not just nausea.”

  “You said you almost passed out at Evan’s apartment last week.” She juts her index finger in the air. “That’s another symptom. If I were a doctor, I’d diagnose it as the flu.”

  “You’re not a doctor,” I point out the obvious. “Maybe I need to go see mine.”

  “I get worried.” She reaches for my hand and gives it a tight squeeze. “I always get worried when you’re feeling under the weather.”

  I do too but this is not anything serious. I know my body. I’ve been in remission for years. “It’s nothing to be worried about, Gabi.”

  “Promise me you’ll make an appointment with Dr. Reynolds to get checked out.”

  I did miss my yearly physical so it wouldn’t hurt to have a check-up. “I’ll make the appointment as soon as we’re back at the office.”

  She shoves her phone into my hand. “Do it now, Chloe. She may have an opening today.”

  ***

  I scratch the back of my neck while I wait for Dr. Reynolds in her office. When I called for an appointment, the receptionist told me that they had a cancellation at the end of the day. I was tempted to pass on it since I felt so tired today, but I knew that Gabi would steal the phone from me and agree to the appointment herself.

  I twirl a piece of my hair around my finger. I have a feeling that she’s going to tell me to eat three square meals a day and work out. I strive for the first, but the second is where I falter.

  Going to the gym doesn’t fit into my schedule. I don’t have the time to devote to it right now and if she pushes, I’ll tell her that I’ll stroll around Central Park on my lunch break.

  I turn in the chair I’m sitting in when I hear the door to her office click shut. The sound is innocent but it washes over me like a tidal wave of memories.

  I spent too much time in doctors’ offices and hospitals when I was sick. I hated every minute of it and even though I know I have to have regular check-ups, I don’t rush to make them.

  “Do I have the flu?” I ask as Dr. Sadie Reynolds rounds her desk. She’s older than I am by a few years. Her long brown hair is braided to the side and her blue eyes are trained on the tablet in her hands. “My assistant is convinced that I have the flu.”

  “It’s not the flu,” she says with little emotion. “It’s not that at all.”

  I wait until she’s sitting behind her desk before I ask the next obvious question. “It is something though?”

  She nods silently.

  My stomach clenches in disbelief. I feel fine. I may have been nauseous on a couple of occasions and I had that near fainting spell at Evan’s apartment, but none of that was serious enough to warrant the concerned look on her face.

  She knows my entire medical history. She’s a general practitioner but she’s taken the time to understand all of my medical challenges to date.

  “What is it?”

  She closes the tablet and places it on her desk. “Chloe, I’m a firm believer in miracles.”

  I feel tears in the corners of my eyes. This can’t be happening. I can’t be sick again. I have a life now and a future.

  “How bad is it?” I whisper the words as I drop my head. “Just tell me how bad it is.”

  “Some people will tell you that the terrible twos are the worst, but my son is inching toward being a pre-teen and the attitude can spin my head around.”

  I look up and into her face. She’s smiling. Why is she smiling?

  “I’m sorry about your son but I don’t understand what that has to do with me.”

  She rests her hands in the center of her desk and swallows hard. “You’re pregnant, Chloe. You’re going to have a baby.”

  Chapter 30

  Evan

  I spot her sitting at a corner table when I walk into the Roasting Point Café. This is the first morning I’ve been able to pull myself away from the hospital in days. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen Chloe.

  I’m mildly surprised that she hasn’t shown up on my doorstep again. I half-expected her to and it’s possible that she has. I’m rarely home and since there’s no doorman, I have no idea if she’s been around or not.

  As much as I’m craving a cup of coffee, I don’t stop to order one. I’m too anxious to see Chloe. I want to touch her and kiss her.

  Most of all, I just want to hold her hand and gaze into those gorgeous hazel eyes.

  She looks up as I approach and I can sense that something is wrong immediately. She’s bundled up tightly in a wool coat even though temperatures are spring like today. Her eyes are sullen and dark. I can tell that she was crying at some point this morning.

  “Chloe,” I whisper her name under my breath as I reach for her.

  She doesn’t stand. Instead she leans toward me and squeezes my hand briefly before she drops it.

  I don’t question what that’s about. Instead, I take a seat next to her, tugging the wooden chair across the tile floor until our knees are touching.

  “Tell me what’s wrong?” I ask immediately as I circle my hand around her shoulder.

  She looks into my eyes before her gaze drops again. “I don’t know how this happened.”

  “What happened?”

  “I can do this. I know I can and I want to. I really want to but I’m so scared.”

  I skim my fingers over her cheek to catch a tear. “You can tell me what’s going on, Chloe. I want to help you but I can’t do that if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  “I don’t need you to help.” She reaches for my hand to cup it against her cheek. “I hope that you’ll want to but if you don’t I’m okay on my own. I have a good job and my apartment isn’t big but it’s nice enough.”

  I try to tangle all those pieces of information together into something that makes sense. “I’m not following you. Can you slow down and start from the beginning?”

  “I can.” She nods her head. “I can start from the beginning.”

  That’s something. I take both of her hands in mine and kiss them. “I’m here for as long as you need me. Start at the beginning and take all the time you need.”

  She hiccups through a soft sob as her eyes lock with mine. “I went to the doctor a few days ago.”

  I try to keep my hands steady. “Are you still feeling faint?”

  “It was only that one time at your place.” She bites her bottom lip. “My friend, Gabi, insisted I go because of my medical history.”

  “Your medical history?” I ask with a cocked brow.

  “I was very sick when I was a teenager.” She sighs heavily.

  “Cancer?” I question as my stomach knots.

  “Leukemia. Chronic myeloid leukemia. I don’t know if you know what that is.”

  I swallow hard. “I know.”

  “I’m in remission but the chemo it did things to my body.”

  It ate it from the inside out. I know. I don’t need her to tell me what it can do to a person. I’ve seen it firsthand.

  “Evan.” She turns to face me. “I need you to know something.”

  I kiss her softly as I rest my forehead against hers. “Tell me.”

  “If I thought there was any chance, I would have told you.” Her eyes close. “I would have taken precautions, but I thought it was impossible.”

  “You thought what was impossible?”

  Her eyes open and it hits me. It fucking hits me before she says another word. “I’m pregnant. I don’t know how it happened but you and I are having a baby.”

  ***

  I want to bolt. There’s a part of me that is tempted to head straight for the door and leave this in my past. I can’t go through this again if it’s going to end the way it did last time.

  My work is my family now. I love caring for people and every form of comfort I need I c
an get in the corridors of the hospital when I’m doing my job.

  “I’m terrified,” Chloe says softly. “I never thought this would happen to me.”

  If I were a dick and she were any other woman, I’d push her to clarify what exactly her fertility specialist told her. I don’t do that because I know she’s as genuinely shocked by this news as I am.

  “I always wanted to have a baby,” she goes on as she picks at a corner of the table with her fingernail. “I gave up on that dream when my husband left me.”

  Asshole.

  The man has to be insane to leave a woman like this behind.

  “Life is funny,” I offer in a hushed tone. “You never know when it’s about to throw you a curve ball.”

  A smile blooms on her lips. “This feels like more than a curve ball.”

  It is. I feel like my entire world has been turned on its axis. “We should talk about what we’ll do.”

  Her hand reaches for mine. “I meant it when I said I can do this on my own. I have my family to help and my friend, Gabi. I make good money. I can fit all the baby stuff I need in the extra bedroom of my apartment.”

  There’s no way in hell that she just learned about the pregnancy today. She’s been sitting on this information for at least a day or two. “When did you find out, Chloe? When did you see the doctor?”

  She circles her thumb over my palm. “Two days ago. I came by here yesterday morning but I couldn’t find you. I wanted to tell you.”

  “Give me your number.” I tug my hand free and reach into the front pocket of my jeans to grab my phone. “I need it, Chloe. You’re having my baby.”

  She calls out a series of numbers and I type them into my phone before I send her a quick text.

  Her eyes drop to her phone’s screen. “Is that your number?”

  I give her a curt nod. “Enter it into your contact list. I want you to use it whenever you need to.”

  I type her name into my contact list along with her number before I put my phone back on the table.

  “We will talk about all of this, right?” She tilts her head to look at me. “You’ll think about if you want to be a part of the baby’s life, because you can tell me it’s not for you and I’ll get it.”

  She’s too nice for her own good. “I’m not going anywhere, Chloe. This baby is as much mine as it is yours. We will figure out the logistics and get everything in place before its born.”

  Her expression shifts slightly. “Thank you for not freaking out. I did enough of that for us both.”

  She has no idea how hard my heart is hammering inside my chest right now. I’m still trying to absorb the news. A baby. My baby. I’m going to be a dad.

  “I need to get to my office.” She moves to stand. “I’ll be in touch soon, Evan.”

  I stop her before she can walk away. “I still want to see you, Chloe. I know this is a lot and it complicates everything, but I hope we can see each other again.”

  A beat passes before she says anything. “I’d like that. Call me sometime for a date. I might say yes.”

  Chapter 31

  Chloe

  Evan is the only person I’ve told about the baby.

  I’ve never been pregnant but I know that the risk of a miscarriage is highest in the first trimester. I don’t want to get too attached to the idea that I’m going to be a mom. It might not happen.

  I’m still coming to terms with the news that I’m pregnant. I tried for so many years and with each disappointment I fell deeper into a pit of depression.

  “Ms. Newell, we’d be thrilled if you’d join in on this discussion.” The mediator looks to where I’m sitting next to my client. “I’ve asked your client the same question four times and since you seem oblivious to her voice, I thought I’d attempt to reach you.”

  I look at the woman sitting next to me. Margo Chance hired me to represent her after she lost her job at a retail store. She spent much of the past twenty years selling shoes to Manhattan’s elite and when the owner decided to expand to an online presence, her job as a sales clerk was cut.

  Fortunately for her, she signed an employment contract that guaranteed a sizable pension upon retirement. It’s my job to negotiate the terms of her severance and secure as much of that pension as I can for her.

  “What was the question?”

  The mediator shuffles the papers in front of her around on the table in a lame attempt to intimidate me. This isn’t the first time that I’ve dealt with her and I know all of her tricks.

  “Ms. Chance is prepared to take a smaller severance in exchange for her full pension.” I don’t wait for the mediator to pull the question out of the blue. “Anything else is unacceptable to us and the terms of her employment contract back up our position.”

  The mediator looks to the lawyer representing the store when he starts to speak. “Chloe, we’re not changing our stance on this. She’ll get six weeks of pay and we’ll graciously allow her the benefit of twenty-five percent of her pension.”

  “And you wonder why I was ignoring you, Norman,” I volley back to my not so esteemed colleague. “She’s been a loyal employee for decades. Her sales kept the business afloat through a string of lean years. Give her what she deserves. You don’t want her to fill in her retirement income with a job at your competitor, do you? There’s nothing in her contract about trade secrets. You can quote me on that.”

  He slams the file folder in front of him closed. “Fine. We’ll sign off on what she wants, but it comes with the stipulation that she retires as of today.”

  Since she’s nearing seventy-years-old and is eyeing a condo on Florida’s sunny coast, it fits right into her schedule. “Agreed, Norman.”

  With that the meeting is adjourned and I’m free to head back to my office to think about the fact that I may be holding my baby a little over seven months from now.

  ***

  I spot Evan instantly when I walk into the near empty restaurant. It’s almost eight p.m. and I was already at home in my sweatpants and a T-shirt preparing notes for my court date tomorrow.

  He said he needed to talk to me and since he had an opening in his schedule, I put on a bra under my T-shirt, traded my sweatpants for jeans and took the subway to this place.

  “I’m glad you came.” He stands as I approach him.

  I’ve never seen him in scrubs before. They’re light blue and even though he’s wearing a black hoodie over the top, it’s obvious that he left work and came directly here.

  His arms circle me in a tender embrace as his lips skim my forehead. “You look good. I can tell you’re more rested than you were the last time we saw each other.”

  I am. I still wake up in a panic at least a few times each night but I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’m going to be a mom.

  “You look good too,” I offer, not just because it’s polite but it’s true.

  He’s gorgeous and now that I know that I’m having his baby I can’t help but hope that it will have his blue eyes and smile.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask as I take a seat.

  When he called his voice was low and his tone serious. He didn’t go into details about why he wanted to see me but I instinctively knew that it wasn’t for a hook-up. Judging by the serious expression on his face, I’m right.

  “How are you feeling?”

  I shrug off my sweater and sigh. “Good. I still have mild nausea in the morning but the dizzy spells have passed. I’m more tired than I usually am but Dr. Reynolds says that’s to be expected.”

  “Sadie?”

  I lock eyes with him. He knows my doctor. She works out of an office on the Upper East Side but does see patients at one of the hospitals too.

  “Your doctor is Sadie Reynolds?”

  I nod. “She’s been my primary care physician for a few years. She’s the best.”

  “She is.” He smiles broadly. “I’m glad you’re in such good hands.”

  I let out a sigh. “She told me at my appointment yesterday
that I’ll need to see an obstetrician soon. She’s putting together a list of recommendations for me but she said some may not be available.”

  “Rita Bergstein is the best in the city.” He waves the server who is approaching us away. “I can make the arrangements for you to see her.”

  It’s a kind gesture and would take a load of worry off my shoulders. “I’d like that.”

  “I’ll make the call first thing tomorrow morning.”

  The persistent server approaches again. “Can I get you anything?”

  I glance at the almost empty plate of pasta in front of Evan. It’s obvious that he had a meal before I arrived. I took this as a dinner invitation even though I ate a salad and a piece of salmon at Gabi’s place earlier.

  “I’ll have a cup of herbal tea,” I say quietly.

  Evan doesn’t respond so the server takes off in the direction of the kitchen.

  “I don’t know how to bring this up.” He nervously taps his foot against the tiled floor. “I know it’s early and we haven’t discussed in detail how this arrangement will work.”

  “This arrangement?” I question with a raised brow.

  “I want to be there for you and the baby, Chloe.” He blows out an exasperated breath. “I’ll help you with any medical costs and I’ll make sure that the baby is taken care of.”

  I’m grateful for that. I earn a good living but I didn’t realize how much stuff I’ll need to welcome my newborn home. I started adding it all up yesterday and I had to close the calculator app on my phone because of anxiety.

  “I appreciate that.” I swallow hard. “But it’s so early. We don’t have to get into all of that yet. I haven’t even gotten through the first trimester yet.”

  “My lawyer says it’s never too early to get a plan in place.”

  “You have a lawyer?”

  He nods. “He’s technically a friend. He practices family law so I thought I’d check in with him. I don’t know the first thing about two people who just met having a baby together.”

  His words sting. We may not know each other very well, but I’ve started to feel a strong connection with him. I thought the feeling was mutual but apparently I misread that.