Cry For You_A Second Chance Romance

by Shaniel Watson

  Blonde hair, pouty lips, green eyes, and a great personality to match her figure. She hasn’t changed much from the night I met her. To any guy, she would be a great partner. But that wasn’t top of the list for me the night I met her, and we hooked up. Hell, I didn’t have a list. I hardly remembered her the next morning when I woke up in her bed. That was the beginning of us. Not a great how-we-met story to tell your kid or anyone else.

  I rub her leg, gaining her attention back. Her moist eyes are sparkling in the light. “We are doing the best we can to keep him from getting hurt. Transition and change are not easy for anyone, least of all a six-year-old who doesn’t know the full story of what’s going on in his parents’ marriage. Which we both agreed he shouldn’t.”

  She covers my hand on her leg with hers; they’re warm and soft like always.

  “I’m not sure if that’s the right choice anymore, Landon. I don’t know what we’re doing. Sometimes it seems right, and another time it doesn’t.”

  “We’re not doing bad. We need to keep being as honest as possible with him. Like I did tonight. I answered his questions the best way I knew how without lying to him. He was satisfied with the answers he got. We’ll keep reassuring him we’re here for him, and I think he’ll be okay.”

  I smile at her, giving her leg a squeeze. She smiles back. Her fingers brush the back of my hand. It feels nice. Familiar. They slide up, come together encircling my wrist. I know what’s going to come. I wish I wanted it to play out how it used to.

  She wets her lips, eyes fixed on where our hands make contact. Her voice lowers. “You don’t have to go to the other room. You can sleep here tonight, if you want.”

  I wish our problems were as simple as that. I don’t need to say anything. She knows. We both know. I kiss the top of her head, lingering for a second, and say, “Good night,” closing the door behind me after I leave the room.

  For a split second, I considered it, but knew what would happen: what always happens. We would have sex, and for a few days things will be all right. Then slowly things would go back to the way they were, and that feeling I had would sink back in again—the feeling of not being enough for her, because I can’t give her what she fully wants. I can’t love her the way she deserves. I never could. The guilt of that sets in and then being intimate with her feels all sorts of wrong, like I’m taking advantage of her feelings for me, for my own selfish needs. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s a cycle we go through that has to be broken. If it isn’t, we’re going to end up hurting the one person we do love—our son.

  So my past and my present have met up. Maybe I was a fool not to consider that it would when we moved back. But, we were a county apart before, and it seemed like another state, and it’s not like we haven’t been back here to visit. I guess it was only a matter of time before we ran into each other. We’ve been living here for a year. Subconsciously I had to know Lacey and I would see each other again. Didn’t want to get my hopes up, I guess.

  Sitting at the kitchen table, beer in hand, I call Trigg to see what’s up. It’s the least I could do after bailing on him. I should be working, but I didn’t want to leave after my talk with Jackson. He needs me here tonight more than the bar.

  “How are things going?” I ask when he answers his phone.

  “Same as usual. Customers rolling in, getting their drinks on. I’m taking inventory of the hot chicks. At the end of the night, I’ll make my final pick. See which one wants to go home with the strapping owner of this fine establishment.”

  I smile tapping the beer bottle. “You’ll never change, will you?”

  “You know how I do.”

  “I sure do. A crazy chick better not come back to burn down that fine establishment that’s half mine. I’m going to give her the fastest directions and a map to your house.”

  He laughs over the music and noise of the patrons in the background. “What up, man?”

  “Checking in, seeing if you need a hand. Sorry for bailing last minute. We can call in Teddy for the night to help tend the bar.”

  “You know we have this covered. What’s really up?”

  “Ran into my past yesterday.”

  “Did it look good?”

  “Same as I remember. Even better.”

  “Does the past have a name?”

  “Lacey McQueen.”

  “Holy shitbags. You can’t drop news like that on a guy without warning. You got me wasting good tap and—Shit!—I’m going to look like I wet myself!”

  “That’s how it was dropped on me when I picked up Jackson. He asked me to wait for his best friend, Jacob, who was late being picked up. His new best friend’s mother is Lacey.”

  “No-fucking-way, man.”

  “Fucking way.”

  “Timewarp, all the way. Man, what are the odds that both of your kids would end up in the same class, as best friends? Triple shit, man.”

  “I know.”

  “How is she?” he asks, a ring of concern in his voice.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, already knowing what he’s getting at.

  “Did she freak out? Was she cool about it?”

  “At first she didn’t say anything. Neither did I, until the boys said something. We recovered fast enough. Shook hands, and said a brief nice-to-meet-you. I could tell she was uneasy about me seeing her son.”

  “Yeah, well…you all but told her you didn’t want anything to do with him. I know things were difficult. Who could blame you for not wanting to take that on? I thought the choice she made was the most courageous and selfless I’ve witnessed in my life. You had a decision to make, and you made the best decision you could at the time. I, for one, think it was the right decision for both of you.”

  “I don’t know.” I fidget with the label on the bottle. “Maybe if I was more understanding we could have made it work.”

  “Landon, your head wasn’t in the game for that situation. You were crazy over that girl. You could have—and almost did—kill for her.”

  “I’ve never said this, but thanks for having my back that night. You’ve always been there when it counts.”

  “Nowhere else I would have been but right beside you.”

  That’s why he’ll always be my friend. For life.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do. Jackson came home excited because Jacob invited him to the monster truck rally. I didn’t know what to tell him. I said we’ll think about it, that maybe he was going with his mom to visit his grandparents that weekend.”

  “Rough.”

  “That’s one word for it.”

  “What about Bree?”

  “Bree…you know how things are between us. How they’ve always been.”

  “You gotta tell her. That inked declaration of love has come between you more than once. She doesn’t know half of the incredible story behind it.”

  “I’ll tell her. But I think the last thing she wants to hear is, ‘by the way, I ran into my ex. You know, the one whose name is burned into my skin. Her kid’s best friends with ours.’”

  “Rough.”

  “You think?”

  “Oh, come on. Dammit! Landon, two drunk knuckleheads are about to get their asses booted.”

  “Go handle that.”

  “Catch up with you tomorrow. Get some rest if you can. Maybe try to leave the past in the past.”

  I pour the rest of my beer down the drain and head to my room. Unlike many times before, I let my mind drift back to that night. Trigg with the gun, holding off those guys. Me, covered in blood, hands beat up, out of my mind with the greatest anger and rage I’ve ever felt in my life. Heart racing, rage pounding and ripping through my body. I don’t remember making a decision to stop when I did. All I know is an image of her flashed in my mind, and I stopped. She needed me.

  I would have spent the rest of my life in jail starting that night. But I knew she needed me. Damn, I feel myself shaking, just thinking about it. This is why I do
n’t let myself think too far back to those days; this always happens. I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath and think about the good times we had. The shy, innocent, happy girl I once knew. I feel the tightening in my chest, and I put my hand against it.

  My life isn’t simple; God knows hers isn’t. I should have anything but her on my mind. But how can I stop? I could never stop thinking about her. As I tend to do ever so often when I’ve thought about her, wondered about the life she has now, my hand goes to my heart. The one place she’ll always be. No matter how much I try, I never succeed in leaving us and the time we had in the past.

  Mom, I’m going to be fine. I’m not a helpless little girl. I can pick my child up from school without having a meltdown. I’ve done it countless times; it’s not my first time,” I say, exasperated, as she stands in the living room with her suitcase by her feet.

  “I know you can, but you haven’t had to deal with something like this before. Shay said she would rework her schedule at the garage. Things could run smoothly as usual. No disruptions for anyone.”

  “Picking up Jacob from school is not a disruption in my life. It’s what most parents do every day. I would love to do it myself if my schedule permitted. He’s not Shay’s child; he’s mine.”

  “I’m looking out for you.”

  “I know. I’m grateful for your help and concern. But I think by now I’ve proven I can handle the hard stuff. Believe in me.”

  “Honey, I do. I do. It’s hard for me to see you hurt. To potentially have the grandbaby I love dearly, potentially hurt. I just wish I could keep you guys in a bubble. Safe.” She fans her eyes.

  “Mom, don’t cry. We’re fine. You can go on your mission trip with the church. Please, go where your help is needed the most. We will be here when you get back.”

  “I’m going to call every day.”

  “I know.” I sigh.

  “Don’t get mad at me. I’m going to want to speak to my grandbaby, too.”

  “I know you will.” I smile. “What about Shay? Are you not going to check in with her too?”

  “Oh, please. You are going to have to check in with me after that conversation. I love both of you girls equally, but Shay is the reason half my head is gray. I like to slow the process by not knowing what she’s actually up to every day.”

  I laugh and give her a hug, walking her to the door, picking up her suitcase before she changes her mind.

  “Make sure you water my plants in the front once a day. Change Ms. Whiskers’ litter box twice a day. You know she can’t go if it’s not changed regularly. She’s particular about cleanliness, God bless her little cat heart.”

  “I know, Mom. We go through this every time you go away.”

  “See you when I get back. Love you.”

  “Love you.”

  I blow out a long, slow breath, turning all three locks on the door. I’ve gotten better. There was a time when I had to have six locks. I’d double-check them twice at night. With much therapy, and not wanting Jacob to grow up paranoid, I learned to stop that and get rid of a few locks. I think maybe it’s time I get rid of one or two more. One is good enough. I’ve made tremendous strides.

  Mom and Shay worry too much about me and Jacob—especially me. They should know by now that I’m not easily broken. With their help, I’ve conquered a lot, but they can’t be there for everything. There are things I need to face head-on, by myself. One of those things is Landon. It’s hard seeing him. All the bad things rise back up, but at the same time, there is so much good.

  His eyes on me used to send the warmest rush racing through me. The slightest touch of his hand against mind would send a flutter to my heart. He loved me. This I know. He also left me when I needed him the most. He was supposed to be my rock and then he wasn’t. I sank so far into the depths of despair, loathing myself for being weak. In those times, I would relive the happy moments, the ones he couldn’t take away from me like he took away so many things, including Landon. Things that made me smile. My little rays of light in my darkened hours.

  I can’t believe he’s my boyfriend. Here I am, Lacey McQueen, high school senior, sitting in the corner at the end of a bar, of all places. If my mother finds out she will kill me. I’m doing my homework, waiting for Landon Jessup, my boyfriend, to finish his shift, just so he can spend a little time with me. Me. Walking me home.

  Hearts all over my school would be breaking if they knew he was with me. That is, if I was the bragging type. I’m content knowing he’s mine. Enough people know about us to satisfy my need to shout it through the streets.

  I look up from the page in my calculus book. I can’t concentrate, ‘cause I’ve been checking my own boyfriend out for the past twenty minutes. I smile, watching his muscles flexing as he wipes down the bar. It’s going to be the cleanest, blindingly shining top there ever was. I stop smiling when I see a girl walk up behind him. Blonde, big boobs, cut-offs, and a T-shirt which I doubt could fit over two of my fingers.

  With a low raspy voice, she says, “Bye, Landon. I’ll see you later, I’ll save a special dance for you.” She runs her hand across his shoulders.

  He turns to her, saying something I can’t hear, but I see the sides of her lips turn down. She looks at him, shakes her head, and leaves. I wonder what that was about? This is the problem with dating a guy out of your league— Jealousy sinks in at the slightest provocation. I may be young, but that was a come-on if I’ve ever seen one. Attached with an invitation, I’m sure, for the things she is skilled at doing that I’m not, because I’m a high school girl dating a college guy that’s out of my league.

  He looks over at me, smiling. I put a half-hearted smile back on my face and look down at my book, as if I could concentrate on whatever the hell is on the page. All my mind is going to accomplish is worrying about what was said between them, and wondering how well they know each other. Argh!

  As soon as his shift is over, with absolutely no homework done, the first thing I say to him is, “Why was that girl looking at you like that, stroking your shoulder?”

  I wish the way I said it sounded angrier. Instead it sounded like, “Could you past the mustard please?” I can’t even do angry, jealous girlfriend right. Damn my mother. This is her fault, for telling me to mind my manners. Proper ladies don’t raise their voice or make a scene in public. I should take a page out of Shay’s book of “I don’t give a damn.”

  He sits next to me on a stool at the bar. He doesn’t say much of anything, just stares at me, then bestows on me the smile that does funny little fluttery things to my heart. “That’s Maxi.”

  “Hmm.” I turn my head, close my book, cap my pen and go about putting my things in my book bag.

  “Hmm?” he mocks, stopping what I’m doing with his hands. He pulls me between his legs with his hands on my hips.

  “Hmm…nothing,” I say, not looking at him.

  He presses his lips against my neck. As much as I like it, my eyes do a quick look around to see if anyone is looking. I know I’m with him, but I’m still under age in a bar, and I look every bit of my actual age. The next word out of his mouth is like he’s reading my mind.

  “Don’t worry, you’re with me. My boss knows. No one’s going to give a shit, as long as I don’t hand you a drink, and you stay out of sight over here.” I nod, looking at him. “Good. Put your hands on my shoulders and touch me. I missed you.”

  My cheeks are on fire. “How could you? I was sitting here by myself for two hours, watching that girl touching you and whispering in your ear.” I’m trying my hardest not to pout like the kid I feel like.

  “There’s the, hmm.”

  I turn my head, and he puts his face in the line of my vision, smiling and gripping my hips tighter, leaving no space between us.

  “We went on a couple of dates a long time ago. We were only talking just now.”

  “Uh-huh…” I say skeptically.

  “She asked me who my little friend was.”

  “What did you say?�
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  With a broad smile, he gives me a peck on the lips. “I said, my girlfriend.”

  “Okay,” I say, somewhat relieved.

  “Come on, Lacey, what do you think I would say?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug.

  “You should. I told you; I’m in this. I’m not changing my mind. If I ever do, you’ll know. I don’t see that happening. You’re kind of stuck with me.”

  “I don’t mind; you’re growing on me.” I crack a smile, feeling relieved.

  “Is that so?”

  I nod, reassured he still wants to be with me. Feeling daring, I say, “Tell Maxi to keep her eyes and hands off. She was drooling over you like a slab of meat. You’re my pork chop, not hers.”

  He laughs, gently yanking a piece of my hair. “I’m reduced to a slab of meat? How sexist.”

  He gives me another kiss, the ones I like the best—the kind that drive my insides crazy, mixing me up. He packs all my things away for me and carries my bag. I couldn’t help but ask on the way home, with his hand clasped around mine, when he parked a block from my house to walk me to my door.

  “A friend of a friend of mine heard something about you.”

  “Yeah, what was it?”

  “Nothing really bad…she said something about you sleeping around with half the girls in the school when you were there.”

  He smiles. Not a trace of irritation, always patient with me and my doubts. “Believe it or not, I haven’t slept with that many people,” he says in an even tone. “I can count on one hand how many.”

  “You can?”

  “Yes. What, you think I sleep with everyone I go out with?”

  “Well, yes.”

  He smiles again, bringing our joined hands up, kissing the back of mine. “Young Lacey, I have higher standards than that.”

  Brows knitted together I ask, “So what do you do at the end of the date?”

  He gives a light chuckle. “Whatever I want or don’t want. Going out with a girl and having sex with her is not the end game for me.”

  “What is?”

  “That we had a good time. It doesn’t need to include sex.”