Come to Me Recklessly

by A. L. Jackson

  Aly’s green eyes glinted, and she hugged his arm tighter against her stomach. “I have to admit, I’m not so good at sharing him. Even with old friends.”

  Untangling herself from his hold, she crossed back to me, led me over to the tables, and introduced me to their other guests. I shook hands with James and his wife Livette, James a friend of Jared’s from work. The little boy, Cayden, belonged to them. Two single guys, Kurt and Simon, were also both friends of Jared’s. The second woman, Megan, was Aly’s best friend.

  “It’s so nice to meet you all,” I said. Every second I spent here put me a little more at ease, and I began to wonder what it was I had been so freaked-out about when I stepped out my door. I liked Aly. There was nothing wrong with that.

  “Beer, wine, soda?” Aly asked, pausing before she went back inside.

  “Oh, go for the red,” Megan cut in, lifting her near-empty wineglass. “It’s delicious.”

  “Yeah, and if you have any more of it, your auntie duties are cut off for the night,” Jared called out from the grill, wielding his spatula in her direction.

  Megan chuckled and shook her head, her hold protective as she rocked Ella on her chest. “I’ve had half a glass.”

  “Exactly,” he returned.

  Megan widened her blue eyes as she looked at me. “He’s not overprotective or anything.”

  I giggled. Apparently not at all.

  She inclined her head to the empty seat next to her. “Come sit and keep me company.”

  Rounding the table, I settled down into the free chair. “Thanks.”

  Her smile was genuine, a lot like Aly’s. I had a hard time trusting women, always putting up a wall, never quite believing they wouldn’t turn around and sink their teeth into me. High school had been rough, all the taunts and teases for no apparent reason other than the gang of mean girls decided they didn’t like me. Didn’t like my family or what they stood for, since my father was a pastor. Because of them, I tended to keep most people at arm’s length. Real friends were hard to come by, and truthfully, I had none of them, no one except for my mom and Stewart.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Megan murmured almost conspiratorially. “This place is always overrun with men. I’m not sure how much more testosterone I can take.”

  “Hey,” Kurt shot out, taking a swig of his beer. “I’m sitting right here. I can hear you.”

  She slanted me a smile. “See what I mean?”

  I just sat back, fighting a grin, happy to accept the glass of wine Aly offered me, more than happy when Megan finally gave up her claim and passed Ella to me.

  My heart did that crazy thing again, pulsing with affection for a little girl I really didn’t know but somehow felt an affinity for, all the same.

  She was a Moore. A piece of him. Like Aly. Like Jared. Jared might not have been blood, but he and Christopher were bonded in a way few ever got a chance to experience. I knew firsthand how much Christopher loved Jared. How devastated he’d been. How it’d made him desperate and broken and lost.

  Emotion fisted my throat, pressing on my deflated chest as I stared down at the perfect face of the slumbering girl.

  What was I doing? Wedging myself into their lives? It was as if I was trying to carve out a spot for myself in a place where I’d always believed I belonged, forcing myself to fit when that place had been cut off long ago.

  Slowly, I rocked Ella, loving the feel of her tiny body curled up on my chest.

  Maybe it was pathetic and dangerous, being here. That didn’t mean it didn’t feel right.

  “All right, I think dinner is ready. You all better be hungry. Aly might have overdone it at the grocery store this afternoon.” Jared balanced a huge platter of burgers and brats as he went inside. We all followed him, filling our plates with too much food before coming back out to the patio, where we ate and drank, enjoying the descending night. Laughter rolled through their yard, voices free and kind.

  I allowed myself to relax into their peace, for once letting myself go.

  Three glasses of wine and a full plate later, I was stuffed and satisfied.

  “Dinner was delicious, Jared. Thank you.”

  He smiled over at me from where he rested on his chair, his booted foot casually tilting him back as he sipped at a beer. “It was good to have you here.” His expression shifted, searching, as if from across the table his ice blue eyes could see right through me, working to define my intentions, figuring out if I was the same girl Christopher had rescued and then destroyed.

  Sometimes I thought if Christopher had just left me for the vultures who flocked around me in high school, I would have fared better.

  Maybe Jared recognized that I was not the same – simply because it was Christopher who had changed me – because his eyes narrowed infinitesimally, as if maybe he was just now asking himself all those questions I’d been silently asking for so many years.

  But deep inside me, pieces of that shy girl remained, the one who’d so stupidly fallen hard and fallen fast.

  A crush, my mother had said.

  But crushes didn’t last for years. They didn’t tear you up and rip you apart.

  On a heavy exhale, I stood, for a moment needing to remove myself. “Can I use your restroom?”

  “It’s right down the hall,” Aly answered.

  “Thank you,” I said as I excused myself, hating the bipolar mess I seemed to be, one second getting all cozy in their house and the next again having that overwhelming urge to run.

  In the guest bathroom, I freshened up, hoping to clear my head. Studying myself in the mirror, I dug in my pocket for the tube of lip gloss. I smeared the clear, shimmery gel over my red lips, puckered them before they spread out into their natural pout. My blue eyes were sad and soft, as if they were letting me glimpse the state of my heart after spending the evening with these amazing people.

  I blew back my bangs and tucked my lip gloss away, unlocked the door, and ventured out.

  Stepping into the hall, I froze, and my heart lifted to my throat in the same moment my stomach completely bottomed out. My feet faltered and I reached for the wall with my shaking hand, catching myself before I fell to the ground.

  Because being here had done exactly what I’d anticipated it would do, what I’d secretly hoped would happen even if more and more being here had become about spending time with Aly and her family.

  It had brought me face-to-face with Christopher.

  Only he hadn’t seen me in the shadows of the darkened hall, and he had no clue I was there. I watched him, my fingers digging into the textured wall to keep from falling to my knees.

  God, how many times had I imagined this? Seeing him again. What it would feel like, if it’d feel the same or less or more, if I’d burn up with desire or if I’d realize the years had only exaggerated the memories of him, building him up into something he was not.

  What I never imagined was he would crush me anew.

  As much as I wanted to look away, my gaze was locked on the boy who held every piece of my heart. There was no question of it now. No denying what I felt or the way he affected me.

  Only now he was no longer a boy, but a man. From my vantage I watched as he smiled his cocky smile, predatory, both warning and promising his prey of the plunder and pillage he was getting ready to unleash on her. He oozed danger and menace, all of that wrapped up in one big, playful bow. His perfect jaw clenched as a tease fluttered all over his full lips, his green eyes gleaming as they prowled over some girl he’d brought with him. She faced away from me, facing him.

  He gripped her by her bare thigh, her shorts so short every inch of her long legs was exposed, and he pulled her flush against his body.

  He wore jeans and a tight, tight tee, it clinging perfectly to the span of his wide chest, every defined muscle flexing below the thin dark gray fabric. Bold, colorful ink curled out from under one shirtsleeve, and another black tattoo was stamped on the inside of the opposite forearm. He was lean but strong, taller than any man
had the right to be, the power of his presence imposing and enough to steal every breath of air from my lungs.

  He dipped down and burrowed his face in her neck, his black hair wild and mussed, sticking up in every direction. She squealed and drove her fingers into it, tugging on the length as he bent her back, kissing her up and down.

  My heart squeezed so tight I could feel it splintering, disintegrating into dust.

  Coming here hadn’t just been foolish.

  It was reckless, plain and simple.

  Still I stared, unable to look away from the man who had meant everything to me. One I should hate and blame, for the way I let myself give up and give in. But I knew I was crumbling only because I couldn’t stand to see him this way, wrapped up in another woman’s arms, when every whole part of me wanted that girl to be me.

  How sick was that?

  My mouth went dry when he suddenly stilled, the corded muscles of his tanned arms rippling as he slowly lifted his head as if he sensed my presence. His green eyes met mine, widening with shock, before they flashed with something dark and fierce. Then his face twisted in arrogance, those green eyes narrowing as if he knew he had me trapped.

  Just like he had that night.

  I was helpless to look away, and he held me captive as he went back to work on her neck, his mouth at her jaw and at her chin. The entire time he never released me from the prison of his contemptuous glare.

  It was the wrecked pieces of me that were wise, ones that already knew Christopher Moore had the power to destroy me. He’d done it before, and by the way he was looking at me now, I knew he’d gladly to do it again.

  Not because he wanted me. But because he wanted to play with me. Like he’d done all those years ago. I’d believed him – that he loved me and cared about me, that he cared about my brother – that he hadn’t just been seducing me into becoming an unsuspecting pawn in his sick, twisted game.

  It didn’t take me long to realize that’s exactly what I was.

  It took everything I had to compose myself. I steadied my feet and shaking hands, but there was nothing I could do about my bleeding heart. Thankfully it was safe and hidden away, in a place I’d no longer allow him to see.

  I lifted my chin in nonchalance, as if seeing him meant nothing at all, all the while praying to God my legs were strong enough to carry me out back so I could give Aly and Jared my thanks, grab my purse, and go on my way.

  Because really? All I wanted was to run.

  But I wouldn’t be giving Christopher that satisfaction.

  I wound around him and the girl, who’d just come to recognize that Christopher wasn’t giving her his full attention because his eyes were pinned on me. I smirked a little, catching her surprise, and immediately felt bad because this girl probably had no idea what an asshole he was.

  She probably was just as naive as I had been.

  I stepped outside, where the night had taken hold, a few bright stars breaking through the glow of the city lights, Aly and her family and friends still completely relaxed and enjoying each other.

  “There you are,” Aly said with a casual smile, before her eyebrows creased together when she caught the expression on my face. “Are you okay?”

  “Yep, perfect,” I lied, grabbing my purse from where I’d tucked it under the chair when I first arrived. “But it’s getting late, so I’d better get home.” I looked between her and Jared. “Thank you so much for inviting me. It really was great catching up with you.”

  My attention jumped around the tables at the people who I’d been foolish enough to somehow think of as friends. Of course Christopher would snuff that out, too.

  “It was nice to meet you all.”

  “Nice to meet you, too,” went up as a chorus, and I wound back around the table, leaned in close to Aly, and brushed my fingers through her daughter’s soft hair.

  Aly frowned and I gave her the best smile I could manage, hoping she understood how much I truly appreciated her and hoped for her happiness.

  I knew I wouldn’t see them again.

  Then I turned and rushed to the sliding glass door. I went to duck inside, when my path was obstructed by an imposing figure at the doorway, the man a full foot taller than my five foot four. I didn’t want to look up, but I couldn’t stop myself from being drawn, and his warm breath washed over my face.

  Chills cascaded in a dizzying wave down my spine, before the venom in his voice lifted the hairs at the nape of my neck, the words cold and deathly quiet. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”

  Lost in the searing anger blazing in his green eyes, I stammered for an answer. “I… I…”

  I swallowed hard and he leaned in closer, his nose brushing mine, and I was suddenly drowning in everything Christopher Moore – the way he smelled, clean, like a breath of the morning’s freshest air, but still something else entirely intoxicating, like sex and lust and everything I’d ever wanted but knew I shouldn’t have.

  My thoughts went fuzzy as I got lost in it, before that wicked voice snapped me back. “Stay away from my family.” Like a caress, he trailed his finger along the line of my jaw, lifting a line of goose bumps in its wake, before he hooked it under my chin, bringing his mouth a centimeter from mine.

  There was no stopping the way my lips parted on instinct, as if they’d forever been waiting for his. His heat spread across my face, and I felt myself leaning forward.

  “And stay the fuck away from me.”

  Stunned, I stared, my mouth gaping open with offended shock and my body reeling from the need he’d spun up in me.

  Aly’s frantic voice penetrated from behind. “Christopher, what are you doing here?” The metal legs of her chair screeched as she pushed it back to stand. “You said you weren’t coming.”

  I grasped for clarity, berating myself for my stupidity, for my foolish reaction. That’s all I’d been since the second I’d spotted Aly in that store. Foolish.

  What in the hell is wrong with me?

  Christopher jerked his attention up and outside, and I took the opportunity to push around him, a shock of breath wheezing into my burning lungs when I was freed from his hold. The girl he was with stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed over her chest, looking pissed off, as if I had ruined her entire evening.

  I wanted to laugh in her face, because she had no clue.

  Shouldering by her, I ran for the door, fumbled with the lock, and threw it open. Outside, beneath the summer’s night, I grasped my head, gasping as I fought back angry, broken tears.

  When it came to Christopher, foolish was all I’d ever been.

  Just a foolish, foolish girl.

  And I swore I would never be her again.

  FIVE

  Samantha

  Late August, Seven Years Earlier

  I cringed, my shoulders held up protectively against my ears, wishing I could hide. I ducked farther into the safety of my locker as I dug around for my math book. Of course, I already knew exactly where it was, but I was delaying, doing everything I could to ignore the taunts Jasmine hurled my way.

  She edged in close to my back and leaned over my shoulder, the caustic smell of her thick perfume making me recoil. Jasmine laughed, obviously thinking it was her face all up in mine that had me shrinking away.

  Anger burned deep in my spirit, a feeling I despised, but one I’d been experiencing more and more lately.

  “Aren’t you praying hard enough, Sam? Is that why your brother is sick?” she taunted. Jasmine glanced behind her to the pack of snarling girls staring me down, all of them at the beck and call of their vicious ringleader. “Maybe the little prude isn’t as innocent as she leads us all to believe,” she said to incite her little crowd.

  The Bitch Brigade laughed and threw in their own jeers.

  I wanted to spit in her face. Maybe wrap my hands around her neck. Worse yet, I wanted to wish my brother’s sickness on this girl instead. But I kept my mouth pressed tight, holding in all the harsh, evil words I wanted t
o set free.

  My parents taught me never to match this kind of provocation, warning that people would always judge me for who I was.

  The pastor’s daughter.

  It was something I had discounted, never believing my parents’ caution, until Jasmine and her crew had somehow set their sights on me toward the end of last year. Every day it got worse and worse, as if the insults they slung were never enough. Or maybe it was just that I never gave them the satisfaction they craved.

  Jasmine grabbed me by the shoulder, her fingers digging painfully into my skin. She jerked me around and pushed me back up against my metal locker. It rattled behind me.

  My eyes went wide as they all closed in on me, and fear slithered under the surface of my skin. I’d never been frightened of them before, but there was something on Jasmine’s face that told me maybe I should be.

  Because it was filled with pure hatred. A hatred I had neither earned nor understood.

  “Prissy bitch… such a little cock tease, prancing around here like you’re God’s gift to the earth.”

  The shake of my head was flustered, confused. I’d never come close to teasing anyone. People rarely even talked to me or gave me a second glance. For the most part I was invisible… until word had spread about my brother, and for a fraction of a moment, I’d become the center of attention, as unwelcome as it’d been.

  That’s what this is about?

  “You’re pathetic.” I whispered my anger around my dried tongue.

  That flicker of fear grew stronger when Jasmine edged in closer, but I didn’t care. I wouldn’t stand silent and listen to them slander my brother, my family, even if it spurred Jasmine on.

  I could take it.

  A loud crash of metal caused me to scream, and the lockers shook with the force of the bash that came just above my head. Pinching my eyes, I waited for a lance of pain, for the strike to register on my face, but none came. Slowly my eyes flickered open to find Jasmine stumbling back when she met with the face of Christopher Moore, who had wedged himself between me and the girl who’d taken it upon herself to make my life a living hell.