Heartache

by Danielle Allen

  I lowered my voice to match his. “So are you vouching for her?”

  He nodded. “But just to be sure, she sleeps like a rock so I’ll check her email to see if anything was sent out to you.”

  Before we had a chance to complete our handshake and tell each other goodbye, Hannah’s impatient voice broke through.

  “Brad, whispering is rude and if you keep ignoring me, I’ll be ignoring you later on tonight!”

  Brad made a face before turning around. “Had to discuss something with my boy. You know how it is.”

  Getting a running start, Hannah leaped into Brad’s arms and wrapped her arms and legs around him. As Brad proceeded to carry Hannah away, she locked eyes with me and winked.

  She’s not fooling anyone, I thought, walking down the block. I know it’s her.

  _____

  Chapter Seventeen

  As it approached three o’clock in the morning, the house was quiet. Stretched out across my bed, I lay in the dark staring at the ceiling. Even though I felt I should either paint or go to sleep, I couldn’t do either. Something was keeping me awake.

  The alcohol in my system should have put me to sleep by now, I thought, pushing the comforter off of my naked body.

  I drank the last few beers that were left over from the party once I got in from my impromptu trip to visit Hannah. I spent most of the night pacing, drinking and thinking. I couldn’t quite decide if Hannah was fucking with me and she had Brad fooled or if she was fucking with me but seriously had no idea about the emails. Either way, it boiled down to the fact that Hannah was fucking with me.

  But if she’s dating Easy now, why would she do this?

  I started drifting to sleep when my phone vibrated against the night stand.

  Picking up the phone, I sat straight up in bed when I saw who it was. “B? Is everything okay?”

  “No. It’s not okay,” Bianca replied so softly that I couldn’t tell if she was crying or not.

  Panic seized me and I dropped back onto my mattress.

  Did something happen? I shouldn’t have left her. I should’ve stayed. I shouldn’t have left her alone. I should’ve stayed to talk to her. I should’ve answered her question.

  Suddenly I was transported back eight years, when the same thoughts had run through my mind. My chest felt like it would cave in as pain lanced through my body.

  “Roman, what’s wrong? Roman!” Bianca’s voice sounded alarmed. “Say something. Please!”

  I didn’t even realize I had made a noise. Rolling onto my back, I put my hand over my racing heart and I shut my eyes tightly. “It must have been the way I was twisted when I answered the phone,” I lied.

  My breathing was erratic and I felt the first beads of sweat starting to populate my hairline.

  “Are you sure? That sounded…bad.”

  The way her worried voice sounded affected me almost as much as the way her hurt voice sounded. I ran my hand down my face and shook it off. My focus had to be on her safety.

  “What’s going on with you? Why aren’t you okay? Are you by yourself?” I asked the questions in quick succession, matching the speed of my heart.

  “No, what’s going on with you?” she countered, her voice breaking with each word.

  “I told you, it must have been a cramp or something.”

  “I’m not even talking about just now, even though I don’t believe a word you’re saying to me. I’m talking…” She trailed off and took a deep breath. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have called. I shouldn’t be here.”

  Shouldn’t be here?

  I sat up again, this time pushing the sheet off of me. “Are you here?”

  My question was met by silence on the other end of the phone.

  I hopped out of the bed and turned on the soft light in the corner so I could find a pair of basketball shorts to cover my otherwise naked body. Once covered, I flew out of my room and down the steps. I almost dropped my phone twice, but I didn’t stop until I got to the door. Opening it wide, I found Bianca sitting on the porch.

  Even in the dark of night and through her black t-shirt, I could see her shoulders shaking. She didn’t make a sound, but her shaking like that could only mean one thing.

  “B,” I uttered, my voice cracking.

  She didn’t say anything, but she looked up at me and the moonlight cast a silvery glow over her. I could clearly see that her eyes were shiny. There was so much beauty in her vulnerability, but it was too much for me. I looked away.

  Clearing my throat, I gently grabbed her arm. “Come here.”

  With her head down, she silently allowed me to pull her off of the steps and with my hand wrapped around her wrist, I led her into the dark house. As soon as we were both through the door, I turned so I could close and lock the door behind her. In the darkened hallway, I couldn’t see her face as clearly as I could outside, but I knew she was upset.

  “B, what are you doing here?” I let go of her wrist and trailed my hand up her arm until I got to her face. Using the back of my hand, I touched each cheek in search of tears.

  I didn’t feel any tears, but she was still shaking. I pulled her into a hug and her body melted into mine. She was so soft and she smelled so good. I felt my body starting to react to her in my arms and I fought it. I wanted to make the situation better, not worse.

  Kissing the top of her head, I repeated myself, “What are you doing here?”

  “I needed to talk to you. I needed answers.”

  “I went and talked to Hannah but—”

  “No,” she interrupted, pushing herself out of my arms. “I need to know why you kissed me.”

  All of the air left my lungs and my heart stopped momentarily. My eyes started adjusting to the darkness and I could just make out the intensity in her eyes.

  I hope I don’t look the way I think I look right now, I prayed as I tried to harden my face. I didn’t know what to say or how to respond.

  With her voice soft and raspy, she asked again. “Why did you kiss me, Roman?”

  “I didn’t mean to,” I croaked out.

  As dumb as the response is and as much as I shouldn’t have said it, it is kind of true. I didn’t mean to kiss her, I reasoned.

  “You didn’t mean to kiss me?”

  Okay now when she says it, it sounds worse than how I meant it.

  “I just meant that I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  “It didn’t feel like you didn’t mean for it to happen. It felt fully intentional.”

  I swallowed hard, feeling my skin starting to tingle. I hated being unable to control my emotions. I liked to show emotion on the canvas, not when I was being backed in a corner. I also hated that looking at her lips made me crave her.

  “Bianca, just drop it. Drop it,” I barked, harshly.

  “No! No. You can’t just end our friendship and then kiss me like…that. You can’t do that,” she argued, poking my bare chest angrily. “Why did you kiss me?”

  “I didn’t mean to kiss you,” I replied through gritted teeth, looking down at her.

  “I don’t believe you.” Her voice was becoming more animated with her growing frustration. “Why did you kiss me?”

  My heart drummed in my chest as I listened to her. I tried to bottle my emotions up, but I felt them threatening to erupt. I needed to put some distance between myself and Bianca. If I could just make her believe me and then get her home safely, I knew we would be able to calm down. I knew that making Bianca leave would be my only chance to get my emotions in check.

  The room was thick with tension and I felt like I was going to suffocate as we stood there staring at one another. Her breathing was coming more rapidly as she glared at me. Her face was contorted in a scowl, but her eyes were so sad that I had to look away.

  I dropped my eyes to her lips, but that was a bad idea. There was a feeling simmering inside of me, just under the surface, waiting to come roaring to the forefront. The overwhelming desire to feel Bianca’s lips on mine was back,
and it was worse than ever before.

  Because this time I know what her lips feel like against mine and how her tongue moves against mine and how her body responds to my touch, I thought despite myself. And I want it again.

  The silent admission made my stomach knot up and my dick twitch.

  Looking just over her head, I broke the silence. “I. Didn’t. Mean. To. Kiss. You.” I emphasized each word with enough force to drive out any doubt in her mind.

  “No,” Bianca hissed shaking her head. She stepped backward so that she was standing on the bottom step of the staircase. Her new position made us the same height. “You’re a liar.”

  The word clicked something within me and my eyes snapped to hers. “You want the truth?” I burst out in a harsh whisper. My voice echoed even louder in the quiet house. I stepped forward, bringing my face inches from hers and looking her square in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to kiss you. I didn’t want to kiss you. Do you understand that?”

  She tried to turn her face away from me, but I clasped my hands against her cheeks, forcing her to keep eye contact. Even in the dark, I could see that her eyes had filled with tears that she immediately blinked away.

  “I didn’t want to kiss you…” I told her, my voice a low growl. My hands slid across her face slowly until my fingers tangled themselves into her hair. My thumbs slowly stroked the soft curvature of her ears.

  She tipped her face up slightly and I was acutely aware of how close we were to one another. Her scent infiltrated my nostrils and my attraction to her weakened me, drawing me closer. Everything seemed heightened in the dark. Unable to control myself, my lips hovered over hers.

  “I didn’t want to kiss you, I needed to kiss you,” I continued, ending the sentence with a shaky breath before I crashed my mouth into hers. I didn’t care about the consequences or the repercussions. All I cared about was how good it felt to kiss her, to touch her.

  She wrapped her arms around me as I parted her lips with my tongue. Moaning into my mouth, she kissed me harder. Slowly sucking on my tongue, her fingers moved across my skin, gripping my shoulders.

  Following her lead, I kept one hand in her hair and let my other hand travel down her neck, resting over her chest. Bianca’s heart was racing.

  I pulled away slightly and opened my eyes. A sexy whimper escaped her lips before her eyes fluttered open. Once our eyes locked, she licked her lips.

  We didn’t say anything to one another. We just stared at each other, breathing roughly.

  I had hoped the little taste I stole would be enough for me. But it wasn’t. I wanted more. I needed more.

  But not with B. I can’t go there with B, I told myself. B is my best friend and I shouldn’t be attracted to her. I shouldn’t want her. I shouldn’t…but I do. Shit! I need to stop this. This has to stop.

  Twisting the hand in her hair, I tugged gently, exposing her neck. She gasped.

  “You have to tell me to stop, Bianca,” I rasped between kisses against her neck. I was getting harder each time my lips made contact with her body. “Please tell me to stop.”

  With one hand in her hair and the other one relocating to the curve of her ass, I alternated between kissing and biting her soft skin.

  Breathy noises escaped her lips as I nibbled my way to the collar of her t-shirt before moving it back up to her ear.

  The diamond stud earring brushed against my lip as I quietly begged, “Please tell me to stop.”

  It felt like minutes had passed instead of seconds when she finally answered. “But I don’t want you to stop.”

  My skin heated at the way her voice sounded. It was breathy and sexy. The need in her voice matched the need I felt and her words melted the last bit of resolve I had. A low guttural sound erupted out of me as I pushed her head closer to mine, kissing her hard and deep. Guiding her with my hands and my lips, I moved her backwards up the staircase.

  We moved slowly and carefully up each step, stopping every few steps when our tongues touched. Kissing her was intoxicating and I didn’t think I’d ever been so turned on in my life.

  When she reached the landing, I took advantage of the position. Wrapping my arms around her and positioning my hands under her ass, I lifted her. Not breaking the kiss, I carried her into my bedroom. When we reached the foot of my bed, I hesitated to put her down. I liked her in my arms and her ass in my hands. I liked how she held on to my face like she couldn’t get enough of me.

  Gradually, with the intention of making her feel every muscle in my body, I let her slide out of my arms and to her feet. I wanted her to feel how hard she made me. I wanted her to know how much she turned me on.

  In the dim light of my bedroom, things were even more real than they’d been when were downstairs in the darkness. In the light, I could see the fire in her eyes. In the light, I could see the way her chest rose and fell as she breathed heavily. In the light, I could clearly see the woman in front of me.

  “Bianca,” I murmured more to myself than to her as my eyes focused on her beautiful face. Taking a step back, I cast my eyes down the rest of her. I licked my lips when my eyes dipped to where her t-shirt stretched over her large breasts. Her nipples were hard and protruding through the thin shirt. “Bianca.”

  Bianca, we need to stop, I continued my sentence silently. Bianca, we can’t do this. Bianca, stop looking at me like that.

  Letting out a deep breath, I tried to calm myself down, but the knot in my stomach pulled tightly. It was taking everything I had not to rip her clothes off. I was shaking.

  Fuck me, I thought, watching her gaze move over my body. She licked her lips when she stared at the tent I was making in my shorts.

  “I want you,” I admitted, my voice low. I reached out and touched the hem of her t-shirt. “So bad, Bianca.”

  When my fingertips grazed her skin, I heard her sharp intake of breath. Hooking my fingers in the waistband of her leggings, I pulled her flush against my body.

  “But I can’t do this,” I said hoarsely. “No matter how bad I want you…”

  She moved her head so she could look up at me. When our eyes met, I knew I had to have her. I craved her in a way that made my entire body shudder.

  Be strong, I told myself as she created a little space between us.

  “I can’t…”

  My sentence faltered on my lips.

  Her eyes didn’t leave mine as she slipped her t-shirt over her head. Dropping it to the floor, she looked so sexy standing in just a sheer bra and leggings. My heart pounded in my chest as I gaped at her.

  She looked at me and it wasn’t just desire in her eyes, it was something else.

  I tried to look away, but I couldn’t. She had a hold on me.

  “Bianca,” I whispered, wrapping my hands around her neck. I let my thumbs caress her cheeks. “God, you’re making this hard. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  She ran her bottom lip between her teeth while she stared up at me. “You won’t.”

  I will. I can’t give you what you want and you deserve so much more than what I can give you, I silently pleaded with her.

  I opened my mouth to say what I thought, but nothing came out except for a moan as Bianca moved her body against me.

  My restraint was slipping as I brought her mouth closer to mine. “I’m no good for you. I shouldn’t do this to you,” I told her, swallowing around the lump in my throat. “I can’t do this to you.”

  Reaching behind her back, Bianca unhooked her bra, letting it fall to the ground between us.

  “Ro, I want you. Do you want—?” Her murmured question was cut short as my lips collided with hers.

  All of the pent up sexual tension between us exploded and I knew there was no turning back. Her tongue played with mine in a way that made my toes curl. She would teasingly nip at my bottom lip before diving back in and kissing me full on.

  As the kiss intensified, we pulled each other closer, kissed each other deeper, pressed against each other harder. She let her hands play over my musc
les, feeling every ridge, setting my skin on fire. There was no area of my back and arms that Bianca didn’t skate her soft hands across.

  My hands had a mind of their own as they moved down her neck to her chest and then finally to the swell of her breasts. When I reached her nipples, I used the pad of my thumb to gently tease them. She moaned. Hearing that sound from her and feeling how hard her nipples were, all I could think about was putting one of them in my mouth and making her moan louder.

  Slipping one of my hands back into her hair, I pulled her head back, breaking our kiss. She let out a sexy whimper.

  God that’s sexy.

  Kissing down her neck and chest, I finally made it to her perfect nipples. They were brown and upturned and with them being so hard, they looked like Hershey’s kisses.

  As I sucked one of them into my mouth, she moaned loudly. I swirled my tongue around it while I used my other hand to tweak the nipple I wasn’t sucking on. I hungrily alternated back and forth, spurred on by the sounds she kept making.

  Still kneading one of her breasts, I kissed down her belly until my lips met the cotton of her leggings. Looking up at her, I used both hands to roll the tight fabric down her body. With each inch, my breathing became more labored. A wispy piece of sheer lace covered the second pair of lips I couldn’t wait to kiss.

  “Step,” I commanded, helping her remove her leggings and shoes.

  She’s wet, I noticed, staring at the damp piece of fabric in front of me.

  I inhaled deeply while running my nose over the only thing separating me from Bianca.

  God, does she taste as good as she smells? I wondered before roughly pulling her G-string down.

  Bianca was standing in front of me completely naked and I couldn’t get enough of her visually. Everything about her was new, but familiar. She was shaved completely bare and her round ass was so much better in real life than it was in my mind. She turned me on in every possible way.