Heartache

by Danielle Allen

I could feel my demeanor changing as I stared at the woman and then cast my gaze around the circle of people. My hands flexed, balling into fists and then uncurling repeatedly. My jaw clenched and I exhaled harshly through my nostrils.

  “Bianca hasn’t found a museum worthy of her talents yet,” I burst out louder than necessary, swaying the attention off of her and onto me. In a lower voice, I added, “But once she does, she will make an amazing curator because she’s a talented artist herself.”

  The group gawked at me before backpedalling. “Oh no, I was just curious as to what she was currently doing,” one explained to me before looking at Bianca. “I didn’t mean to come off as anything but curious.”

  “Congratulations on your achievements. Both of you,” another woman chimed in.

  “Let me refresh your glasses, ladies,” Mr. Baker announced as he walked up, seeming to sense the tension. The women quickly turned on their heels and filed out of the house into the backyard. Mr. Baker looked back at me, raising his eyebrows and giving me a slight nod.

  Turning my head, I caught Bianca staring at me with something other than hurt in her eyes for the first time in days.

  “Thank you,” she uttered quietly, looking everywhere but at me. “But you didn’t have to do that. You probably ruined your chance of being shown at the Richmond Art Museum.”

  “I did have to do that,” I replied roughly. I pointed in the direction of the backyard. “No one—and I mean no one—gets to talk to you like that. And that includes art groupies who volunteer at the museum.”

  A small smile cracked her stoic expression. Reaching out, Bianca pulled my arm down from where I was pointing out the door. “Stop pointing. You are so rude.” Her voice hinted at her attempt to cover her laughter. “I meant that you didn’t have to defend me; I can take care of myself.”

  “I know, I know. I just…”

  Get irrational when it comes to you, I silently completed my thought.

  I looked at the spot where Bianca’s hand still lingered on my arm. Her touch flooded me with images of her pressed between the wall and my body and her lips pressed against mine. I closed my eyes while I ran my hands up and down my face.

  God, why is this so hard? We just need to make a quick sweep outside so that Mrs. Baker sees us and then it’s time to go.

  Bianca averted her eyes and snatched her hand away from my arm. With a flushed face, she turned away from me. “Let’s get this shit over with so we can both leave.”

  We spent the next forty-five minutes moving through the crowd in the backyard, mingling with Bianca’s parents’ guests. Most of the guests assumed I was Bianca’s date for the evening and talked primarily to her. The guests who knew who I was talked primarily to me about art, the showcase and an article about me that I knew nothing about that had apparently run in the Richmond Times Dispatch.

  We were together, but we weren’t. We walked together and as we navigated between people, I’d take her arm and guide her. We acknowledged each other while we were talking by giving the other lots of eye contact and affirming nods. But the distance between us was there. We didn’t say anything to each other the entire time we moved through the party. It was killing me, but I didn’t know what to say. The last week had taken a toll on our friendship and I honestly didn’t know if we were going to be able to recover from it.

  “We’ve mixed and mingled, Mother. Roman has somewhere he needs to be so he’s going to head home,” Bianca announced as soon as we approached her coming out of the house with a glass of wine.

  “Yes, of course,” Mrs. Baker replied distractedly as she looked around. “Thank you. Have a good night. And try to contain yourselves on your way out. We have guests.”

  I watched, with a clenched jaw, as Mrs. Baker walked off.

  “Let’s go,” Bianca said, looking straight ahead. Her voice was strained. Without another word, she purposefully walked off, leaving me to trail her.

  I wasn’t dumb enough to think that Bianca had forgotten about the kiss, but I was hoping to not have to deal with it right before I had to tell her about the email. I was hoping to get to my car, tell her about the email, and then deal with the kiss and the mess of our friendship at another time.

  Preferably over the phone so I don’t get caught up in the way she looks…or the way she looks at me.

  We silently made our way to the front door and once there, Bianca didn’t make any moves to walk me to my car. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other with her arms crossed. Her face looked deceptively calm.

  “Do you mind if we walk and talk?” I asked, moving over so that I was in her line of vision.

  She didn’t answer, but she sighed and followed me out of the door.

  We walked in silence until we passed her car.

  “Where are you parked?”

  “On the street.”

  We fell back into an uncomfortable silence.

  “Listen—,” we both said at the same time.

  We both stopped and smiled. The entire exchange was painful and just reminded me of how close we’d become and how different things were between us now.

  This was the woman I used to talk to about everything and now I’ve fucked everything up.

  I shook off the thought, but I couldn’t shake the guilt.

  “Bianca,” I started, putting my hands on her shoulders. Feeling her soft skin under my fingertips was too much, too soon. Praying she didn’t feel what I’d just felt, I let my hands fall by my side. I swallowed thickly and started over. “Bianca, I stopped by tonight because I got another email.”

  I pulled my phone out of my pocket to show her the email. I watched her eyes shifting as she read each line. I watched the way her eyes widened. I watched the way the corners of her mouth turned down. I watched her beautiful, expressive face and I felt another wave of guilt come over me.

  Looking me in my eyes, Bianca chewed on the corner of her lip. “Eliminating your distraction? What is this supposed to mean?”

  She looked scared and I wanted to pull her into me, but I didn’t know what protocol was in that situation. I had to clasp my hands behind my head to prevent myself from grabbing her.

  She closed her eyes and let her head fall back. With her face turned toward the sky, my eyes dipped to her neck before I looked away.

  “How does she even know my name, Ro?” Her voice was low, barely a whisper, forcing me to look at her.

  Looking into her dark brown doe eyes was all it took. I broke.

  Grabbing her, I pulled her into me. Feeling her body flush against mine made my heart clench. The softness of her body and the sweetness of her scent overwhelmed me. My breathing faltered when she wrapped her arms around me, laying her head against my chest.

  “I don’t know,” I whispered into her hair, inhaling her scent. “But I swear to God, I won’t let anything happen to you. I’m going to search the web to find Hannah’s phone number so I can find her tonight. Once I do, I’m going to question her and then I’m going to the police.”

  Lifting her head, Bianca looked up at me. “Isn’t Charlotte Spence’s big thing ‘no drama’?” Shaking her head, she continued, “Don’t go to the police yet. If it’s nothing, that’ll bring unnecessary attention to you and you don’t want anything to derail your success.”

  “But if it is something, I can’t run that risk, B. There wasn’t a reason to go to the police before. It was annoying and creepy, but I didn’t feel like it was a threat. I don’t know what this is now, but if she knows your name, she may know where you live. While she’s unaccounted for, I don’t want you here alone.”

  “There are a lot of people here. My parents are here for at least twenty-four more hours and then I won’t be at this residence much longer so…” She broke eye contact and stared off over my shoulder. Although her arms went slack, she didn’t make a move to back away from me.

  I held her tighter. “Bianca, I don’t want you here alone.”

  Bianca pointed to the gate. “I have a gate and an
alarm, I’ll be fine.” She looked uncertain as she rubbed her fingers against her forehead. “Just figure out who it is so this can be over.”

  Why doesn’t she see that I’m trying to help her? What doesn’t she get about the word eliminate? She is being stubborn and oppositional and frustrating.

  Frustration bubbled up from within me and I couldn’t contain myself. “Tonight you’ll be fine. Tonight you have a bunch of people in your house. But what about tomorrow? What about when you’re in this house all alone again?” I asked forcefully.

  Her eyes snapped back to mine, narrowing in the process. Her body tensed. “What’s it to you? You’ve made your role in my life very clear so don’t worry about me. I’ll adapt. I always do.” She countered with just as much strength in her voice.

  Without thinking, I automatically blurted out, “No, not with this going on. You’ll just stay with me.”

  Bianca’s beautifully plump lips parted and a puff of air escaped. My stomach twisted in knots with each passing second. The silence settled between us as I tried to think of the least offensive way to backtrack, but each excuse I came up with was silenced by the idea of harm coming to Bianca.

  I can’t have unnecessary drama in my life be the reason someone I care about gets hurt again. I can’t and I won’t. I have to protect her. And it won’t be for long. Once we figure out who it is, it can be dealt with and it’s easier to keep an eye on B if she’s with me. It’ll likely just be for the weekend and then things will go back to normal. Well, things will go back to the new normal of B and I not being friends anymore, I thought, talking myself through my rash decision. It’s for the best and—

  “No,” Bianca answered, interrupting my thoughts. Pushing herself out of my arms, she shook her head to emphasize her point.

  I’m trying to fix this. What doesn’t she get about that? What the hell is the problem?

  “No?” I repeated incredulously. I felt my face scrunching up in confusion.

  She took a little step away from me. “No.”

  I took a little step toward her, closing the gap between us. “Why the hell not?”

  “Because of everything that’s happened between us.”

  “None of that matters right now. What matters is that you’re safe,” I explained gruffly, resisting the urge to pull her into me. “What don’t you get about that?”

  She shook her head and took another step back. “What don’t you get about the fact that you hurt me?”

  The words cut me to my core. I swallowed the guilt that crept up my throat.

  “Until this situation is taken care of,” I started, lowering my voice and speaking slowly. I took a step toward her. “I need you to stay with me. Just until we get this figured out. Please let me do this one last thing. Please.”

  It was important for me to make sure Bianca was safe, but as I pleaded with her, it felt bigger than that. Maybe it was my guilt, but I needed to keep her safe.

  I couldn’t save—.

  I cut the thought off before I could complete it.

  “B, please.”

  Squaring her shoulders, Bianca tilted her head upward and gave me a look that made my heart stop.

  “Why did you kiss me?”

  Her whispered question caused all of the air to leave my lungs and I didn’t respond.

  Because I couldn’t help myself. Because I couldn’t go one more second without tasting you.

  “I don’t know,” I choked out, pushing my thoughts away.

  Bianca’s expressive face gave nothing away as she took another step backward. “Yes you do.”

  “Bianca, I came here to warn you. I’m still here because I want to make sure you’re safe. Be at my house tomorrow. I’ll be home by seven.”

  The tension between us grew thicker with each passing second. The ever-present sexual tension was pulsating between us, but I also felt the tension of Bianca’s frustration with my answers growing. The result was stifling.

  Narrowing her sad eyes at me, she replied, “Tomorrow is Saturday night. I have plans.”

  Feeling the irrational anger toward plans I assumed were with Ashton bubbling up inside me, my eyes narrowed in return. “You have plans to be at my house at seven o’clock.”

  With that, I turned and walked off.

  _____

  Chapter Sixteen

  Driving home, I tried to push thoughts of Bianca out of my head. Specifically, I tried to push thoughts of Bianca’s kiss out of my head. Every time I tried to focus on something else, she would creep in. So when my phone vibrated in the cup holder, I answered it without looking at who was calling.

  “Roman!” Elizabeth squealed in surprise.

  My entire body deflated upon hearing her voice. I am not in the mood to deal with this shit right now.

  “Hi Elizabeth. Everything okay?”

  “It will be. I want to talk to you about Benjamin.”

  “What about him?” I asked, parking in front of my house. I cut the engine off and just sat in the dark car waiting for her response.

  “He’s not well, Roman.”

  He’s a fucking sociopath.

  “I believe it,” I replied. I held the phone to my ear and let my eyes scan the neighborhood. A few people were out, but it was a pretty quiet night.

  “His heart is messed up.”

  “I believe that too.”

  “No, Roman. You don’t understand. Benjamin had a heart attack last year,” Elizabeth explained weepily. “He made it through, but it changed him. He has wanted to meet up with you since he was released from the hospital. He wants to talk to you.”

  With no emotion in my voice, I replied, “I’m glad he didn’t die.”

  “Roman, he wants to make things right before it’s too late! I don’t know all of the details of his trip, but he’s been gone for almost two weeks and if you haven’t seen him yet, I’m worried!”

  “Then you should call him.”

  “I did. But he just says he’s okay and that’s it. He doesn’t tell me anything. You boys keep me in the dark and…”

  I stopped listening to Elizabeth as I caught a glimpse of pink sneakers jogging toward me from the park on the opposite side of where I parked.

  “Elizabeth, I’m going to have to call you back. I’ll call you soon. I promise.”

  Ending the call, I watched until the pink sneakers passed the street light and I could confirm it was who I thought it was.

  Hannah.

  Stuffing my phone and keys into my pocket, I slipped out of the car after she passed by. I followed behind her silently until she stopped about ten townhouses down. The street light wasn’t very bright near her front door so I kept my distance and leaned against the trunk of a tree.

  “Hannah,” I called out when I was close enough that she would see it was me.

  Hannah jumped and let out a loud scream as she recoiled from the sound of my voice. Looking in my direction, she let out a relieved cry. “Oh my God! Roman! You scared me to death!”

  Lifting my hands apologetically, I gave her a slight smile. “I didn’t mean to scare you. But we need to talk.”

  Pulling her hair down from her ponytail, she shook it out. I could see the sweat glistening on her skin as she put her hands on her hips. “What do you want to talk about?” Her voice was unnecessarily breathy. “You here to tell me what to do again? Because usually I don’t like being told what to do, but when you did it, it was kind of hot.”

  Obviously I’m going to need another tactic.

  “Hannah,” I started, running my hands down my face. “Stop.”

  “Give me a reason to stop,” she murmured, taking a step forward.

  Is she serious?

  “This isn’t a game so cut the shit,” I growled, narrowing my eyes at her. I had to keep myself firmly planted against the tree or I was going to go the fuck off.

  Rolling her eyes and backing away, she sighed. “I seriously don’t get you. You play hard to get and then you get all jealous and demanding when I mo
ve on. You yell at me and tell me to leave you alone and then you show up here.” She sighed again. “You are exhausting.”

  What the hell is she talking about?

  I folded my arms and stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

  “The hot ones are always so much work,” she muttered, pulling out her cell phone and checking it. “Speaking of…” She typed something on her phone before looking up at me. The glow from the phone emphasized the smirk on her face. “Look, the guy I’ve been seeing is on his way so I have to go.” She backed away slowly as if she wanted me to stop her.

  I can either call her on it directly or I can just go to the police and have them figure it out, I thought, watching her. With each of her exaggerated steps and her playful smile, I knew she didn’t take the situation seriously. She was backing her way up the steps when I decided to spell it out for her.

  “The emails, the gifts, the waiting around while I’m on my run, the showing up where I am, the stalking, all of it needs to stop. It—”

  The sound of a fucked up engine revving up and then rolling to a stop outside of Hannah’s house shut me up instantly.

  “Brad!” Hannah exclaimed.

  “Easy?” I uttered, in shock.

  As Brad hopped out of his car, his eyes widened at the sight of me. He glanced over at Hannah and then back at me. He ran his hands through his blonde hair before he spoke.

  “Hey,” Brad greeted us.

  Hannah turned to me with her hands on her hips. “So what were you saying about me being a stalker?”

  “You thought it was Hannah?” Brad laughed uncomfortably before jokingly saying, “Although she’s crazy enough to do some shit like that, it wasn’t her.” He turned to her. “It wasn’t you, right?”

  “I don’t even know what you two are talking about!” she wailed annoyingly.

  Brad and I looked at each other, but didn’t say a word.

  Hannah stomped her foot like an overgrown toddler. “Is someone going to tell me?”

  Ignoring her, I turned to Brad. “If I don’t figure it out tonight, I’m getting the police involved.”

  Lowering his voice, Brad glanced at Hannah before positioning himself so that she couldn’t see his mouth. “We’ve been hooking up since the party so I don’t think she did it. Don’t get me wrong, I do think she’s crazy enough to do something like this, but I don’t think it was her.”