When We Collide

by A. L. Jackson

  “Hey, Tom, it’s William. Change of plans. I’m getting Maggie and Jonathan out of here.” I stirred in anticipation, still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this was really happening. I swallowed and focused on the road as I drove toward my parents’ house, strain evidenced in my tone. “We’re heading north, not sure where, maybe New York or Vermont. Maggie will do whatever it takes to keep Troy away from Jonathan. I don’t care what it costs…whoever we have to hire. Just…tell me who to contact and what information you need.” I released the air from my lungs in overt gratitude. “You don’t know how much I appreciate this, Tom. Thank you.”

  Pressing end, I dropped the phone to my lap and took the last turn into my parents’ neighborhood. Unease curled my fingers around the wheel.

  In the driveway, I shifted into park. Dad’s truck was gone. He’d have left for work hours ago. The house seemed quiet—no movement from the windows, no sound as I stepped out and rounded the corner to the back of the house.

  I climbed the steps, knocking quietly before I let myself in. “Ma?”

  “Is that you, William?” she called from upstairs.

  “Yeah.”

  Footsteps echoed down the stairs. Mom smiled in surprised pleasure when she appeared in the entryway, her head cocked to the side in curiosity. “What are you doing here so early?” She walked across the kitchen and topped off her coffee cup. “Would you like some coffee?”

  “Sure.” I took a seat at the breakfast table, my knee bouncing as I struggled to rein in the discord playing havoc with my heart and mind, smoldering turbulence of hope and joy and outright fear.

  And shame.

  I should have told my mom, when instead I’d pushed her aside. That in itself made me a coward, a fool who’d rather punish my family than face what had torn me up inside.

  When she turned back to me, she had that look on her face, intuition tightening her features, as if in those few seconds with her back to me she’d been stricken with my turmoil. Since I’d been back, she’d never pushed, although there was an obvious understanding between us that one day I would share whatever secrets I’d kept hidden. It was clear now she knew I was there to finally let her in.

  She set the cup down in front of me.

  Pulling at the edge of my mouth was a small smile, a minute portion of the joy locked up by the acute anxiety I felt making its way out, though I knew the overriding apprehension was apparent in the way I trembled.

  Mom looked away, seemed to take time to ready herself for whatever I said, then settled in a chair across from me with her hands flat on the table.

  “You know you can tell me anything, William.” Even though she tried to control it, her voice faltered at the end.

  I spun words through my mind, searching for the best way to tell her.

  I decided to just lay it out.

  Looking up, I met the unconcealed worry in her gaze.

  “You know Maggie Krieger.” It wasn’t a question, but a preface, a reference back to that time when Maggie didn’t bear Troy’s name.

  Confusion creased her forehead, and her eyes narrowed as she made sense of the name.

  “Well…of course I know her.” A tremor of her hands, a twitch of her jaw. I was sure she was sifting through every possible scenario in her head.

  Shifting forward, I lowered my voice as if it would lessen the blow. “Mom...Jonathan is my son.”

  She paled, and her arms dropped to her sides as she shrank back in her chair. Her head shook with a slight movement. Silently she mumbled no. “You wouldn’t do that,” she almost begged, though the tears gathering in her eyes asserted she knew I had. I felt sick when she closed her eyes as if to block the sight of me. “You…you left her?”

  I stretched my arm across the table, reaching for the hand that was no longer there. “No, Ma. I would never do that. She ended things with me the night I left. I didn’t know about Jonathan.”

  Her lips pressed into a thin line, still shaking. “But you slept with her?” The legs of her chair screeched across the floor, forcing distance between us, though she didn’t rise, just looked blankly at the wall behind me. “The girl I welcomed into this house, to help her, you slept with her?” Disgust lined every crevice of her face, her voice cracking with disenchanted anger when her attention snapped back to me. “Where, William?”

  I couldn’t say anything, just stared at my mother with patent guilt.

  “Here? In my house? Oh my God.”

  “Mom…please…it wasn’t like that. I loved her.”

  “Did you even know why she was here? Did you know anything about her, or did you just look at her like she was one of those little tramps you were so fond of in college?”

  “Ma—“

  She raised a shaky hand to stop me. “Do you have any idea what happened to her when she was little girl?”

  The chair beneath me flew back. A loud crack bounced off the walls as the chair clattered to the tile.

  “Stop!” Every doubt I’d ever had slammed into me full force, the worry that I’d pushed Maggie too far, crossed boundaries she hadn’t known how to draw. But even if I had, it didn’t change anything. “I knew every goddamned thing, and all I wanted to do was help her...save her. I loved her so much I couldn’t sleep at night.”

  I turned away, burying my hands in my hair. I’d not expected this. Disappointment, yes. But contempt, no.

  Pacing, I worked to gather my thoughts. I looked at the door, forcing back the inclination to run. I refused to walk out like that again. My footsteps were light when I moved back to the table. I pulled out the chair nestled under the table next to my mom and placed it facing her. When I sat, she kept her head bowed, her hands in fists on her lap. Our knees touched when I leaned forward and placed my hand over hers.

  “Ma.” With my voice soft, I implored with her to just look at me. “Please listen to me, because I don’t have much time.”

  She barely raised her head.

  “I came to tell you I’m leaving…with Maggie and Jonathan. They’re not safe, and I’m going to do whatever I have to do to change that.” My voice wavered, and her hand trembled beneath mine. “I missed so much…Blake’s wedding, the girls, the last years of Aunt Lara’s life. You. I spent so much time running from what I left behind here, and I don’t want to miss any more. I have to get them away from here, but I don’t want it to be forever. I want to come back. I want you to know them. I’m sorry I disappointed you, but I will never regret loving her. I know what it looks like, and the only thing I can tell you is all I ever did was care about her. We kept it a secret because Maggie wanted it that way. She was scared of…everything.” Her father. Troy. Possibilities.

  Mom struggled to pull in a breath and lifted her head. Tears streamed freely down her face. “Do you have any idea what it feels like to find out Jonathan is my grandson? After all these years of seeing him from a distance, to know he was right there all this time?”

  I squeezed her hand, dipped my head to meet her eyes. “Do you have any idea what it felt like to find out I have a son?”

  She stilled as we stared at each other. It was as if I could see it all—experience it with her—the hurt I’d inflicted and she’d harbored through my absence beneath excuses only a mother could make. It was all set free, winding itself through her consciousness, the shock and disillusionment merging, and the underlying faith she had in me covering it all.

  She placed her hand on my cheek. “This kills me, William. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “I was hurt...I can’t...” Blinking, I waded through the memories and tried to put them into words. “It was easier to be angry, to blame everyone else than to admit how badly Maggie had hurt me.”

  I chewed at the inside of my lip, then proceeded to tell her everything. What Maggie had done to me, how she’d caused me to trip headfirst into a love that had weakened my knees. I attempted to describe how I’d felt that night, when everything had been torn wide and ripped from me in one moment. What it�
��d felt like to turn my back and walk away. How I’d hardened myself, feigned indifference. Hid. The misery that had come with it and how many mistakes I’d made because of it. The joy I felt now.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. Please believe me.”

  She covered her watery mouth with her hand. “I do. Promise me you’ll be careful...and that you’ll come back.”

  Leaning forward, I hugged her, whispered that I would.

  Yeah. I was leaving.

  But this time it was different.

  When my mother and I had said our goodbyes, I drove back to the guesthouse, anxious for the moment when Maggie felt ready. That anxiety compounded when I turned on Blake’s street and Maggie’s van wasn’t sitting in front of Amber’s house. It hadn’t moved once the entire week.

  Hurrying down the street, I jerked to a stop in the drive and grabbed my phone as I hopped from the car. Grace was on the porch, heading my direction. I ran up the steps, and she threw her arms around my neck. Worry clamped my jaw, the words, what happened, stuck in my throat.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Grace whispered near my ear when she hugged me.

  Relief slackened my hold, and Grace stepped back.

  “Maggie was here and she told me about your plan. She wanted me to give you this.” She held out a folded piece of paper.

  I opened it, reading Maggie’s words.

  “She left about twenty minutes ago,” Grace continued on, “You’d better hurry.”

  I reread the message.

  I’m ready. I don’t want to wait any longer. Meet me in Jackson. I love you.

  Beneath it was the address.

  We’d already decided we were going to ditch Maggie’s van at one of the long-term parking lots near the airport in Jackson. We’d report it once Tom gave us some direction, once I knew who to call and who could help us.

  I looked up from the letter.

  Grace smiled. “Go.”

  I grabbed her and hugged her hard. “Thank you.”

  I hit I-55 on the way to Jackson just before ten. Maggie and Jonathan weren’t more than thirty minutes ahead of me, but I couldn’t help pushing past the speed limits. Forest rose up on each side as I sped down the open road, weaving around the few cars creeping along in the slow lane. Excitement hammered a staccato at my ribs, crashed with the anxiety that had my stomach in my throat. It left me lightheaded. Every few seconds I glanced at the clock glowing on the dash, every minute bringing me closer to the moment when I got my family back.

  I glimpsed the backseat through the rearview mirror. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to look back there and see Jonathan sitting in that spot. Couldn’t fathom how much all of our lives were going to change. It was all so sudden, yet somehow felt like a lifetime coming. No, I had no idea how to be a father other than the burning need I had to protect the child, to wrap him up in my arms and never let him out of my sight, to love him as much as I loved his mother.

  I figured that was a good start.

  As I neared Jackson, the trees cleared and the freeway became more congested, though nothing like the freeways I’d grown accustomed to in L.A. I followed the navigation, a thrill rocketing through my nerves when I exited and took the few turns to the small lot off the road to the right.

  I pulled into an open spot near the front of the nearly vacant lot. I craned my head as I searched for her van. An old truck was parked at the far end of the lot, a newer sedan parked in front, and a shuttle idled in the pickup zone just inside the gated lot behind the small building. A handful of cars were parked in the long-term spaces, few enough that I knew Maggie wasn’t there.

  Maggie’s note lay in the passenger seat. I unfolded it, looked over my shoulder to verify the address.

  I grabbed my phone and felt a stir of panic when I saw it was void of messages.

  Cars flew down the road, traveling both directions. None slowed.

  “Damn it, Maggie, where are you?”

  Chapter Twenty

  Maggie ~ Present Day

  Beautiful.

  Every part of him.

  I had no other way to describe the man who watched me from the bottom of the street. His hand was raised in a goodbye that appeared more like a promise of tomorrow, his mouth turned up in a tender smile of encouragement and devotion.

  William would do whatever it took.

  I would no longer be the fool who questioned it.

  Last night had been something of a dream, a fantasy I’d played through my mind a million times. A connection I’d only shared with one man, our bodies and spirits joined, caught up to a place only the two of us knew existed. Years had not erased it. Instead it had been amplified in our separation, solidified as a bond that could never be broken.

  As a young woman, William had made me see I could be loved.

  Now, I finally truly believed it.

  I turned from him and headed up my sister’s walkway. Disquiet fluttered its wings in my belly, danced and taunted, melding with William’s flame that could no longer be contained. The two combined smoldered as a nagging dread.

  For so long, I’d survived in surrender, but just existing was no longer an option, even when it meant facing every threat Troy had ever made.

  I wanted a future for my son, a chance for him to really live.

  And I wanted a chance for myself.

  Pressing the key into the lock, I turned the knob. I froze when I saw Amber standing just inside.

  “Where were you?”

  “Amber…”

  “I’ve been worried sick about you. I woke up two hours ago to check on the kids and you were gone.”

  I grimaced, hating I’d taken the coward’s road once again. But I’d wanted just one night for myself. I’d finally made the decision to take a chance and was going ask William to take that chance with me. I didn’t want to explain everything to Amber before I knew for sure myself.

  I took a step forward. “I’m sorry, Amber. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  She sucked her bottom lip in as if trying to bite back the worry I’d caused her. “I know, I just...I was panicking. I almost called the cops. I mean, what if...”

  I reached out and took her hand, and Amber stilled. “I need to talk to you.”

  She frowned, but turned and led me into the den. Darkness still shrouded the room. She eased herself onto the couch, and I sat down facing her.

  She remained tense as she anticipated what I would say.

  “I was with William.”

  She sat back, blinking in confusion. “Who? You mean, Blake’s brother?”

  I nodded and began to relay every detail of the story, beginning with the bonfire that had started it all years before. It was incredibly difficult to tell my sister my secrets. Not the ones about William, but the ones that had kept me here and bound me to this place.

  I watched as I broke my sister’s heart a little further.

  “Oh my God, Maggie. You stayed to protect me?” she asked.

  “I didn’t tell you so you’d feel guilty, Amber. I told you because I need you to understand why I made the choices I did, and so you’d understand why I’m leaving now.”

  “Maggie,” she choked over my name. I understood everything in it. It wasn’t fair, it shouldn’t have happened, I should have just told her. “You need to call the police. Troy shouldn’t be out there.”

  “I’m going to...I just...have to get out of here first, get Jonathan far away.”

  She blinked and wiped her nose. “When are you leaving?”

  I averted my attention to the floor, pulsing the hand I held in my lap in and out of a fist. “I don’t know…soon.”

  Amber touched my cheek. “What are you waiting for?”

  Lifting my head, I met the face of my baby sister. “I don’t really know.”

  She smiled a sad smile. “Maggie, go.”

  I reached for her hand and squeezed it. It was Amber who pulled me into an embrace.

  “Thank you, Amber.”

  “You ha
ve no idea how much I’m going to miss you, but I’m so happy for you. You deserve to be happy. I’m so proud of you.”

  I understood my sister’s relief. Worry had plagued her as she’d glimpsed my life repeating our childhood. It had been Amber who’d finally sent our father away. She was the one who’d found the courage to make the call and confirm all the rumors of the town.

  For me it had come too late.

  Pulling away, I ran my fingers down the side of her face. “Please don’t cry.” I tried to smile, but tripped over the emotion building in my throat. “I promise it’s not forever.”

  Amber released a soggy laugh and wiped under her eyes. “I know…this is a good day.”

  Standing, I straightened my shirt. “Okay then.” I forced the air through my lips. “I’m going to get Jonathan. I have to somehow explain all of this to him.”

  Amber nodded and stood.

  “I’ll give you two some time.” She walked from the den and disappeared into the quiet house.

  I crept into the children’s room. Early morning light glowed behind the drapes. The room was tossed in silhouettes and shadows. Samantha was in the crib, tiny breaths pressed in and out of her open mouth as she slept on her stomach. She looked so big there, no longer an infant. Sadness swelled. I had no idea how long it would be before I’d see my niece again. I ran my hand down her back and murmured that I loved her. She barely stirred.

  Christopher was sprawled on his back in his racecar bed, one foot hanging over the side, and his covers on the floor. I kissed his forehead, wishing I didn’t have to say goodbye.

  But it was time.

  I looked to the floor where Jonathan slept on a pallet made of thick blankets.

  My precious boy.

  Kneeling on the floor, I gently prodded him, my hands a caress as I broke into his slumber. At first, he resisted with a groan, and then he sat up and rubbed his eye with his fist.