A Light in the Window

by Jolyse Barnett

She forced herself to breathe. He had a right to be angry. She was cutting him off, cold turkey, like she had the sleeping pills. And it sucked—for both of them. “It’s not what I want any more.”

  “Why not?”

  How could she tell him she wanted more, that she couldn’t bear the thought of being his sometimes girlfriend until he eventually found the one he could love and marry and make babies with? She sucked in a breath. That would break her heart. And if she told him she wanted more, he’d have even more right to be angry, since she was changing the rules after they’d already played the game for weeks. No, it was better to say nothing. “I’m leaving. I don’t know what’s going to happen after I get to university...” She heard her voice trail off.

  “That’s it, then.” He nodded toward her house, signaling the conversation was over. “Merry Christmas.”

  She leaned over, tears in her eyes, and brushed her lips against his. “Merry Christmas, Ben. I’ll miss you.” All the energy drained out of her, she stumbled out of his SUV and into her parents’ dark house, up the stairs to her bedroom before she burst into tears.

  She stared out the window in the darkness. His SUV sat in her driveway for a long time. Finally, it rolled away down the street into the night.

  “Goodbye Ben,” she whispered through a tear-choked throat.

  Jade walked into her parents’ living room on Christmas evening and sank onto the sofa next to her mother. “Grandma’s settled.”

  “Thanks, Sweetie.” Her mother relaxed next to her in the soft glow of the Christmas tree lights, sipping her decaf.

  Cheers broke out in the den on the other side of the house and excited stomping shook the floorboards.

  Her father stirred from his post-dinner snooze. “What is all that racket?”

  “The kids are playing their new game system in the den with Jack and Hannah,” Gigi explained.

  Jeremy laughed. “Maggie and Mitch must be winning.”

  “Those kids could wake the dead,” Dennis grumbled and shifted in his recliner.

  Quiet descended on the four of them.

  Jade fiddled with the sleeve of her sweater. She had always enjoyed Christmas, but today, she was eager for it to end. She struggled to continue the charade that her world hadn’t crumbled after last evening’s Midnight Service.

  “Are you sure you’re all right?” her mother asked her for the hundredth time since breakfast.

  She nodded and swallowed hard, a lump the size of a snowball forming in her throat every time she pictured Ben’s reaction to the rejection of his gift. She had managed to hurt him again, in spite of her best intentions. She sighed.

  “She’s lying,” Jeremy observed.

  Jade shot him a look. “Dinner was fabulous, Mom. I forgot how much I love your cloved ham and mashed potatoes with pineapple gravy.”

  “Not that you ate any of it,” her father added.

  Jeremy rose from his chair. “So, what’s up with you and Ben?”

  I’m ready. He isn’t. End of story. She ignored her brother’s pestering and stared at the Christmas tree until it swam in her vision, a kaleidoscope of primary colors.

  Gigi spit out her coffee. “Ben? Excuse me?” She glanced between her two children.

  “My guess,” Jeremy drawled, “is that they argued. That would account for all her moping around today, on the most wonderful time of the year.” He sang the last part and stepped between Jade and the tree. “That about right, sis?”

  Jade glared at her brother before pasting a smile on for her parents.

  They weren’t buying it.

  Shit.

  “What’s this about?” Gigi’s eyes lit with concern.

  Jade pressed her lips together, her stomach churning.

  “Is there something going on between you and Ben?”

  She shook her head, tears threatening at the back of her eyes. “No, Mom,” she whispered past the growing lump, “you’ll be very pleased to know there isn’t.” She folded her hands together to keep from flying apart.

  Her mother set her mug on the coffee table, the clang of ceramic on glass ominous, like the clanging of a bell before a prisoner’s execution. “But there was?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, dear, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  Her mother’s words struck her like a whooshing guillotine. She wrapped her arms around herself and sank further into the sofa.

  Jeremy’s voice came through a wind tunnel. “Ben’s a good guy. He’s helped me out a lot the past few years.”

  Gigi shot off the sofa, trembling with anger. “How can you defend that man? He enabled your drinking.” She pointed at Jade still frozen on the sofa. “He broke up with a girl, set his sights on my daughter just a few days later and broke her heart – your sister.”

  Jeremy wove a hand through his dark blond hair. “I didn’t need anyone to enable my drinking. No one poured the stuff down my throat or twisted my arm.” His voice shook with emotion. “My old boss didn’t want me back. No one else in town thought I deserved a second chance, except for Ben. He was the only one. I have a job today because of him, and I’m proud to call him my best friend.”

  Jade leaned forward to watch the drama unfold. She glanced at her father, his face mottled with red.

  “He encouraged you to go out and party with him,” Gigi retorted.

  “Other way around, Mom.”

  “He threw around his money. You were in a fragile condition after the accident. He may have meant well, but he put you in harm’s way,” Gigi finished her well-rehearsed litany.

  Jeremy moved to gently grasp her by the shoulders. “Mom, listen to me. Ben has never been one to throw money around. That was all Sofia. She liked his money more than he does. She’s the one who would call for rounds and have it put on Ben’s tab.” He sighed. “Besides, Ben wasn’t with me when I snuck drinks at work, or drank myself into a stupor each night at home.” He shook her gently, his voice brooking no argument. “He had nothing to do with it. I’m the one who caused my problems. Me, and no one else.”

  Squeals of excitement from the den split the tension-filled silence.

  After a long moment, Gigi reached up and placed her hands on her youngest child’s face. “I wish I had known how much you were hurting. Maybe that’s what this is about. I should be beating myself up, not hiding behind anger against someone else.” She glanced at her husband, their eyes both wet and faces lined with regret. She shook her head. “We had no idea. It took us too long. I’m so sorry.” Tears tumbled onto her cheeks.

  Jeremy’s voice was soft. “Don’t cry, Mama.” He hugged her close, rocking her like she was the child. “Ben didn’t do anything wrong and neither did you or Dad. In fact, you all saved my life.” He glanced at his father. “You put together that intervention.” He gazed at his mother. “You gave me all the love and support I could want.” He leaned back enough to poke a finger at his chest. “This has always been my problem. Always remember that.”

  Jade’s father rose to wrap beefy arms around his youngest child and wife.

  Jade’s heart swelled and she burst into tears. Jeremy looked at her over their mother’s head. “Come here, you.”

  She unfolded from her cocoon to join them, savoring this moment of acceptance and love.

  “Hey, what’s going on in here?” Jack asked. Soon, he and his family joined the group hug, making the unit complete.

  Almost.

  Grandma Bertie was sleeping upstairs...and Ben was next door at his family’s house.

  As they slowly parted amid tears and smiles and hugs, Jade wandered into the den and gazed out the window through the dark to the lights next door. They drew her in, welcomed her. She ignored the tears still flowing onto her cheeks and trailing down her neck.

  I wish I could go to him. I can’t. It’s over.

  She turned away from the window and wandered back to the living room.

  Her father was talking to her brothers. “So what did happen between Ben and J
ade?”

  Jade stilled and stepped back into the hallway, peeking around the corner.

  Jack shrugged and turned to his younger brother with a quizzical look.

  “They were crazy for each other.” Jeremy leaned forward. “You should have seen them at The Sagamore. I never saw Ben look at Sofia the way he did Jade that night over dinner.”

  “But what about her?” Jack asked. “Jade has always been a flitter. Do you think she loves him? Would she turn down the opportunity to attend USC for him? Ben’s business is on the East Coast. He couldn’t just pick up and move to California.”

  “I don’t think we need to worry about it. It’s far too soon after his break-up with Sofia for him to get serious with anyone. Even someone as wonderful as your sister,” Dad observed.

  Jade turned, pressing herself back against the foyer wall, her eyes squeezed shut. Even her father could see their relationship was doomed. She pulled out her phone and sent a mass media message to her four girlfriends: Merry Christmas! Anyone want company tomorrow? I’m headed your way. oxo

  Ben’s doorbell rang. Thank the Lord, three excruciating days had passed but she had finally come to her senses. He grabbed the envelope he’d set on the mantle early Christmas morning before running to whip open his front door. “Hey.”

  “Hey back.” Jeremy stepped across the threshold. “I broke my phone so I couldn’t call you first.” He patted the binder under one arm. “I have the scripts Craig sent.” At Ben’s blank look he added, “You mentioned going over them prior to shooting next week. I figured now was as good a time as any.” He looked at the envelope in Ben’s hand. “Or not?”

  Ben shook his head. “No, it’s fine.” He led the way to the kitchen. “Can I get you something? I still have Christmas leftovers. My mom wouldn’t let me leave her house without enough food for an army.”

  They grabbed refreshments then moved into the dining room and sat together at the table, soon immersed in the details of the script. Sadie eventually rose from her spot under the table and left the room, her nails clicking on the tile as she trotted into the living room. The clicking stopped, replaced by a short whine.

  “She must want out.” Ben stood and stretched.

  “Whoa.” His friend looked at the clock and stretched his arms high over his head. “I had no idea I’d been here this long.” He stood and grabbed his coat off the back of the couch. “I promised Mom I’d be there later for dinner and I have other errands yet to run.”

  “Did you end up going there on Christmas?” Ben asked.

  “Got there late. It was hard at first, I won’t lie. But it was nice.” He stuck his arms through his coat, and asked, as if an afterthought. “Have you talked to Jade?”

  Ben shifted. “Why?”

  “Well, I may be a recovering alcoholic, but I’m not blind. The way she was acting the other night, I’m guessing my suspicion is correct. She played with the kids, participated in conversations, but she was off. You know what I mean?”

  Ben sat back down and wiped a hand across his face. “Look, I really care about her. I actually thought we could have a future together, but I figured we’d work it slow, and then she just cut off.”

  Sadie uttered a short bark.

  “Just a minute.” He strode to the sliding door and let the dog out. “Was I wrong? Hell, I would have given her a ring if I’d thought in a million years she’d accept it.”

  “What did you give her?”

  He glanced at the envelope on the table. “Plane tickets for a getaway, and she turned them down. Did you talk to her?”

  “She wouldn’t. That’s how I knew you were the one responsible.” Jeremy fastened his coat. “Maybe...you gave her the wrong gift.”

  Ben walked his friend to the front door. “This doesn’t make sense. I put a lot of thought into it. She’s always wanted to go there. I thought it signaled... all the right stuff.”

  “Maybe she was looking for something more.”

  Ben shook his head in disbelief.

  “She’s turning thirty soon. The writing’s on the wall, as they say.”

  “Slow was wrong. Despite what she said.” His heart skipped a beat before jump-starting again. He spit out an expletive. “You think she wants a commitment?”

  “Why not?”

  “Because she’s Jade.”

  “Yeah, and you’re Ben, the guy who ended a five-year relationship a week before you ran into each other.”

  Ben grabbed his coat and followed his friend outside.

  Jeremy glanced over his shoulder. “Where are you going?”

  “I have to talk with her.”

  Jeremy jumped in his truck. “Too late.”

  He grabbed the door before Jeremy shut it behind him. “What do you mean?”

  “She left day after Christmas. Sorry, buddy, she’s in the city, seeing her friends before she starts school in January.” Jeremy yanked the door shut and started the engine before powering down his window.

  Ben’s mind swirled and he started back toward the house, leaving a string of curses in his wake.

  “What are you doing now?” Jeremy called.

  “Taking Sadie to my parents. I’ve got to go see Jade, wherever she is.”

  He stepped onto the porch, the porch where they’d made that stupid agreement about friends with benefits. He should never have accepted those conditions. He’d felt far more for Jade than friendship or a casual hook-up. He yelled across the yard to his friend and gave him a wave. “There will be an update on this, trust me. And thanks. I owe you.”

  “You don’t owe me anything, Ben. Go get her.” Jeremy backed out of the yard onto the main road heading back into town.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jade sat in the Westchester County airport waiting for her return flight to Plattsburgh, her trusty carry-on at her side and knees bouncing non-stop. She had been lucky the airline agreed to change her itinerary without charging extra. Then again, it seemed like everyone around her was in a jolly mood, including the ticket agent at the counter. The Christmas spirit must have staying power, since New Year’s was around the corner. She’d take it, and bring it home with her, if she could.

  Being with the girls had centered her. They’d listened to her story, Bree offering advice, Kara offering wine to go with Elena’s offer of chocolate and Cass’s serious offer to slap Ben Stephens silly.

  Now, she smiled. They were true friends and she had been wrong to cut them off, keep them at an emotional distance. Coming to New York for a few days had been the right choice, and now it was her choice to go home. In the few days she had been away, she’d missed Starling, her family, the community’s Christmas spirit and...Ben.

  “Is Jade here?” Ben asked the petite brunette.

  The young woman came onto the porch of the beautiful old house, closing the door behind her very deliberately. “Is she expecting you?”

  “No, but...you’re Sabrina, right?”

  She nodded, giving him a thorough once-over. He’d made a visit to Jade’s parents and bared his heart to them. Something had happened over Christmas. Mrs Engel’s attitude was softer, warmer. She’d given him the addresses he’d asked for, and she knew exactly why he wanted them, and what he planned. Whether he would receive the same cooperation from Jade’s friends now seemed doubtful. He set his jaw.

  “Wow.” Sabrina said coolly. She glanced at her phone. “Yeah, so you hit rush hour, although it had to be lighter than usual with the holidays.”

  “I apologize for arriving at the dinner hour,” he answered steadily.

  I-87 had been a nightmare as far as Albany, with winter weather advisories in effect. It had opened up until he hit Manhattan. There, the pedestrian traffic clogged the intersections, making most a two-light wait minimum. Not to mention the three-hour crawl on the Long Island Expressway to Holly Point. But he had made it. That was all that mattered.

  He looked past the pretty woman with long brown hair and peered in the window next to the door. A girl made in
the same image as her mother peeked through the panes at him, a slice of folded pizza in her hand.

  Two seconds later, the door opened again.

  “Who are you?” the girl in tee shirt, jeans, and sneakers asked as she bit the end off the slice.

  The scent of spicy tomato sauce tickled his nose and his stomach growled in earnest. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast, stopping only once in the Diamond District to pick up his purchase from a cousin who worked there. His ears perked up. Were there women talking and laughing inside? Yes, there were. She had to be there. He bounced from foot to foot. “Hi, my name’s—”

  Sabrina’s tone was matter-of-fact. “Charlie, this is Ben. He’s the reason Aunt Jade is so sad.”

  The child called Charlie stuck her tongue at him and trounced away with her delicious pizza and bad attitude.

  Bree closed the door again and smiled without humor. “Normally I wouldn’t stand for such rude behavior from my offspring, but in this case, I think I’ll let it pass.”

  He tried again. “I really would like to talk to Jade. If you could let her know I’m here.”

  She folded her arms and stuck out a well-shaped hip.

  He sighed. How many people would he have to spill his heart to before he had the chance to spill it to Jade herself? From the look on the woman’s face, he wasn’t done yet. “Bree...”

  “My friends call me Bree. You can call me Sabrina.”

  His fingers tightened into fists. “Sabrina then. Look, I’m in love with her, and I want to tell her that in person before she goes to California.”

  She wasn’t impressed.

  “I plan to join her there if she’ll let me.”

  Still no dice.

  He pulled out the black velvet ring box. “This is for her—if she’ll have me.”

  That got a reaction. Jade’s friend clucked her tongue and frowned in mock disappointment. “Yeah, well, I hate to tell you but you made the trek for nothing. She’s over at Cass’s place.” She opened the door and moved to slip inside.

  “Wait.” He pulled the paper Mrs. Engel had given him out of his pocket. He read the address for one of two Manhattan addresses. “Is that it?”