A Light in the Window

by Jolyse Barnett

  Yeah, she remembered. He smiled and gave her all the details for tomorrow. He enjoyed his work, but bringing Jade along would take his passion for work to a whole new level.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jade stepped off a wood-paneled elevator into The Sagamore Resort’s chandeliered lobby. The space overflowed with poinsettias and comfortable chairs. She moved to the east side of the room for a few moments to enjoy a woman in a red evening gown playing Beethoven on a grand piano before she strode across the glossy parquet floor to the left hallway. Walking up carpeted steps to the restaurant entrance, she checked the time on her phone. Six fifteen. Ben and Jeremy should be there.

  She smoothed her fitted blue velvet v-neck blouse and black slacks while she scanned the stylish dining room packed with guests. The clatter of silverware on china and animated conversations was offset by the classical music filtering in from the lobby.

  A black-suited hostess approached her. “May I help you?”

  Jade nodded to the far wall where Jeremy waved to her. “Oh, I’ve located my party. Thanks.” Ben’s back was to her, and she ached to run her fingers through that thick black mane of his. How long could they keep their relationship secret when part of her wanted to shout it to the world?

  Her brother stood. “Hey, sis.” He greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

  “Hi.” She slid onto the chair next to him. “Did you boys have a productive day?” Aside from a few new wrinkles around Jeremy’s eyes left as a reminder of his recent struggles, he looked the same as before the accident.

  “We did,” he responded.

  She smiled. “That’s great. I did too.” Like hers, Jeremy’s scars were internal. It was only after she had talked with him for a few hours on the car ride here that she learned he was no longer the idealistic young man she’d left behind eight years ago. She looked across the table and met Ben’s eyes. Yeah, he missed her too. Her knees started to bounce and her mind wandered, thinking about the night ahead.

  Jeremy hadn’t yet noticed the electric pull between herself and Ben. He leaned around the table and gave her a rare hug. “I’m glad you came along for the ride, sis. Did you finish your shopping?”

  She nodded. She’d spent hours searching through the little touristy shops along Route 9N in Lake George Village, finally finding an outdoor wall thermometer for Ben’s house—complete with a picture of a Golden Retriever. That way, his guests would always know the correct temperature.

  “Great. Want to do mine next?” her brother joked. “That way I can stay on my lazy ass and just let Christmas flow right over me.”

  Jeremy was grinning, but something about the statement irked her, reminding her of her mother’s accusations about Ben, and the whole family’s fears that Jeremy might again fall down in his resolve. She took a sip of water and shook her head. “Christmas shopping is personal. Get into the spirit. You’ve already lost two years, Jeremy, and that scared Mom and Dad so much. Please don’t waste any more.” She registered Ben’s steady gaze and her brother’s sudden stillness. “I’m sorry. I know you were joking, but it’s something I needed to say.”

  Jeremy’s voice was flat. “Noted.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said again.

  “It’s okay. If you needed to say it, maybe I needed to hear it. I’ll do my own shopping. You’re right. My whole life is a slippery slope.”

  “You’ve done great. You’re doing great.”

  Jeremy signaled the waiter, signaling to Jade at the same time that they’d both said enough. “Ready to order?”

  She nodded, gazing at Ben across the table. He’d stayed quiet and watchful through the moments of tension, only relaxing when he saw that things were going to be okay. He cared about both of them. It was so clear, and it touched her so deeply. She opened her mouth to speak but everything she wanted to say was far too revealing, too personal.

  I love you.

  Ben’s mouth turned up slightly as he relaxed. “Jade, do you mind if Jeremy and I talk shop so he and I don’t have to meet after dinner?”

  “Sure. Talk away.”

  “Thanks.” He turned his attention to her brother, in business mode. “We haven’t talked about casting. What do you think about...”

  She enjoyed listening to Ben as he explained the logistics of interviewing potential cast members with Jeremy over appetizers and salad then moved onto filming location details during the entrée. Ben’s mind was quick yet her brother seemed to follow along easily, taking notes on his electronic tablet at intervals.

  Jade picked at her salmon Florentine, determined to focus on the positive. Jeremy was finally starting to sound like the boy she once knew, happy to be alive and looking forward to an adventure. Sure, there was that underlying sadness he covered with jokes and smirks designed to keep people at a safe emotional distance, but at least he’d connected with Ben enough to work at Stephens Productions. It was great hearing them talk about the upcoming project together. Maybe this was her Christmas miracle instead of her happily-ever-after with Ben, as she had begun to hope for ever since their night together.

  If so, it was enough.

  Dessert arrived and the three were enjoying their coffees when the center table caught the dining room’s attention once again. One of the diners was celebrating her birthday and the wait staff invited patrons to sing Happy Birthday. Everyone joined in the celebration, clapping when the young woman blew out the candle on her cake.

  Jade took a final bite of her Crème Brulée and set her spoon down. I’m not old, but I’ll be blowing out thirty candles on my cake in a few months. Who was she fooling? She had assumed she was losing sleep when her subconscious realized she wasn’t going anywhere in her career. She had made the right move by leaving marketing behind and forging a new path with more education. But she hadn’t started sleeping full nights again until after she had slept with Ben.

  Love was the answer to my problem.

  Yeah, but the timing wasn’t right. She was ready for a serious relationship. If she were honest with herself, she was ready for marriage...and more... with Ben. But how could he be in the same place? He’d so recently broken up with a woman he’d dated for years. He said it was because they were on different paths, but perhaps the reality was that he wasn’t ready to share his home and his life with someone. There was no way Ben could be serious about her after such a short time, and after their rocky history.

  He cares for me, he desires me, but he couldn’t possibly love me.

  The check arrived. Soon, they would say good night and return to their respective rooms. She wouldn’t seek him out, but if he came to her room, she wouldn’t turn him away. They would have one more memorable night together, and then she’d have to call a halt, for her own emotional protection.

  Her bittersweet Christmas gift.

  A soft rap came on Jade’s hotel door about an hour after the three of them had parted ways. She turned off the TV, the only light left in the room cast by the vanilla-scented candles on the dresser and nightstands. She swished to the door in the new silk and lace nightgown she’d bought in town today in anticipation of their romantic evening.

  Heart pitter-pattering, she peered through the peephole. Ben’s ebony hair was damp, as if he’d showered in a rush, and he wore a black golf shirt and slacks. He was beautiful, and he was hers for the night. She opened the door, her throat tight. “Hey,” she breathed.

  Without a word, he swept into the room, closing the door with a foot as he folded her into his arms and took her mouth with his.

  She threaded her hands through his hair and held his head close, savoring his lips and tongue as they ravaged her mouth. I love you, I love you, I love you.

  He leaned back and growled, “This is all I could think about all day.” He took her mouth again.

  By the time they came up for air again she was dizzy with wanting, surprised to find herself with her back against the wall, arms above her head and hands entwined with his, her beautiful white silk nightgown in a he
ap on the floor.

  Ben took a ragged breath and leaned his forehead against hers. “I can’t get enough of you. Why did we wait so long?”

  Her mind a slave to her body, she could only moan in response as he slid his hands down the sensitive skin on the inside of her arms and cupped her shoulders, bending his head toward one breast. He was like a man coming home after days on the road, his suckling and kneading a mixture of desire and reverence and desperation. Her heart squeezed painfully. How could she ever let him go?

  She could be herself with Ben. He knew all her secrets, and he accepted her without reservations. He didn’t care whether she wore makeup or had a career or ate like a bird. Lifting one leg, she curled it around him and rubbed his muscled thigh.

  He hooked a hand under her knee and lifted.

  She slid up and around him, both legs wrapping firmly around his waist. She let instinct guide her, rocking up and down, teasing his hardness beneath his trousers as she kissed him—letting him know without words all she would never say.

  We’ve got to get closer.

  He must have read her thoughts, because he swung her around and set her on the king size bed while he stripped quickly, stooping to pick his trousers off the floor and retrieve packets out of a pocket before scooting next to her. He lay on his back next to her and reached out a hand.

  She wound her fingers with his and concentrated on breathing.

  He rolled toward her, leaning up on one elbow to look down at her. “I kind of like this arrangement. How about you?”

  She let her eyes trail the long, beautiful length of him. “Mmm.” Her heart cracked just a little at his words.

  He straddled her body in one fluid motion, still holding her hand as he peered down at her, a smile on his face. “In fact, I could get used to it, having you in my arms like this.”

  Her breath caught. Had their night together changed the game for him too?

  He leaned down to kiss her. “I’ll miss you, but we’ll have so much fun when you come home.”

  A quiet tear rolled down her cheek. There would be no more nights like this for them. She didn’t dare keep it open ended. She knew she had to cut it off clean.

  He brushed back her hair from her face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” She smiled. “Just happy.”

  For now.

  She pulled him close as she pushed away the sadness.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “There’s no room at the inn.”

  Jade gave Kendra two thumbs-up from her spot in her front pew. Midnight service on Christmas was her favorite, between the soft glow of the individually handheld candles, the altar decorated with brilliant red poinsettias, and holy incense—all lent to the festive, sacred vibe in her community church.

  “But if you want, there’s a shed where I keep the animals. That will be warm and dry for the night.”

  Jade signaled for the change of scenery.

  “They’re doing a great job,” Hannah whispered next to her. “But I’m worried about Mitch. Does he look green to you?”

  Jade eyed her nephew, one of the three angels walking up the aisle to stand behind the makeshift manger on the altar. “Did he get into the cookies again?”

  “I told him only two,” Hannah groaned.

  Jade gave her a sidelong glance as they stood with the rest of the congregation for two verses of “O Holy Night.”

  Her sister-in-law looked behind her. “I don’t see Jack. Do you?”

  She looked back and spotted Ben, three rows back on the end. She whirled around to the front and shook her head.

  Hannah was biting a nail. “What are we going to do? I think he’s going to hurl.”

  “Pray?” Jade joked, still shaken from the sight of the man who had stolen her heart.

  “I’m going to take him downstairs. See you in a bit.” Hannah blew out her candle and set her hymnal on the pew bench behind her.

  Jade nodded and snuck another peek at the tall, black-haired man singing with the rest of the congregation, his rich baritone one more piece of what she adored about him.

  She turned back to face the altar and signaled the appearance of the wise men.

  She and Ben hadn’t been together since returning from Lake George a week ago, between his work and her volunteering and trip downstate to see her friend with her mother. She had told herself it was just as well. She peeked over her shoulder and this time he caught her eyes. If looks could melt, she was a puddle.

  The service ended and people spilled out of the church with smiles and yawns. She congratulated the children on their performance and wished their families a Merry Christmas. She looked around for her green wool coat and then remembered she had left it in the church hall. She turned to look for her parents and Grandma Bertie, but they were nowhere to be seen. Must be in the car.

  She sped to the church hall, retrieved her coat, and was walking to the exit when a shadow crossed it. She stopped short.

  “Want a lift home?” Ben stood in the doorway, looking better than a man had the right.

  “Grandma didn’t make it through the service, did she?”

  “Nope. Jack asked if I’d mind bringing you home. I don’t.” He smiled.

  She walked with him to the parking lot, empty except for his SUV. “People must have been eager to get their little ones home in bed before Santa’s visit,” she said to fill the silence.

  They stopped at his vehicle and he opened the passenger door for her.

  She slipped onto the chilly leather seat and rubbed her new pair of gloves together.

  “So what’s up? I got your texts about the excitement downstate with your friends. Everything okay?” He closed her door and jogged around to his side.

  She chattered away, catching him up on all the details of her girl friends’ dramas, omitting the part about how much she missed him and had a change of heart.

  “It’s like a living soap opera, isn’t it?”

  “You’d love them,” she said without thinking.

  “I bet I would.”

  His gaze had her thinking impossible thoughts. “Where’s Sadie?”

  “She better be sleeping on her bed instead of eating the presents under the tree.”

  “Well, here’s a present she has permission to chew to her heart’s delight.” She pulled out the mega rawhide bone she’d purchased for her favorite pooch. She sniffed and swallowed hard. I’ll miss that cuddle bug.

  He started the car and turned on the heater. “We could deliver it to her personally. She’s at the house.”

  She fought the temptation. It would only make leaving all the more difficult. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You’re on Santa’s naughty list, for sure.”

  “Fine with me, as long as my gift is you.”

  “We’d better not.” She set the present on the seat between them. “It’s late, and I’m worried about Grandma Bertie. She’s had some setbacks recently.”

  “But it’s Christmas.” He tossed the gift onto the backseat and pulled her close for a kiss.

  She savored the touch of his lips against hers. But she couldn’t let herself lose sight of the hard truth. She loved him but he didn’t feel so strongly. He wanted a temporary gift, she wanted forever. She pulled away. “Yes, Merry Christmas.”

  He cocked his head.

  She pushed a silver-wrapped box onto his lap. “I got something for you, too.”

  He smiled. “Can I open it now?” At her nod, he ripped off the silver wrapping and opened the lid. He chuckled.

  “Now you’ll always know exactly how cold it is on your porch.”

  He leaned forward and gave her another slow, mind-numbing kiss before pulling away. “Thank you. It’s perfect.” He reached inside his jacket and pulled out an envelope. “And this is for you. I really hope you like it.”

  She stopped breathing for a long moment, not having considered what Ben might give her. “You really didn’t have to.”

  “I wanted to. C’mon. Open i
t.”

  She tore open the envelope and pulled out a folded paper—a travel brochure. A smaller envelope slipped out as well, falling onto her lap. “What’s this?” She stared at the round trip plane ticket. “Oh.” He’d put thought into her gift too.

  He wants to see me again.

  “You said you never got to Williamsburg.” He pushed back a lock of her hair that had fallen to cover her eye. “Say yes. I’d love for you to join me on your Spring Break.”

  Every fiber of her being wanted to say yes, to accept his generous gift. It would guarantee they’d see each other, be in each other’s arms again—for an entire blessed week—a few months from now. But she couldn’t. It would only curtail the agony. “Ben, I really appreciate all the thought you put into this gift. I do.” She swallowed, struggling to stay strong. She carefully placed all the papers back into the envelope. “But I’m sorry. I can’t accept it.”

  “I thought you said you’d love to get together, do stuff.” Anger laced his words. He turned away, but not before she saw the hurt in his beautiful eyes.

  God, this was harder than she’d anticipated. But they’d both move on sooner if she made a clean break. “I—I’ve changed my mind about our arrangement.”

  “I see.” He shifted the truck into gear and shot onto Main Street.

  She stared out the window until the festive storefronts gave way to clapboard houses and snow-covered fields. Turning the envelope over in her hand, she leaned forward and placed it inside the glove box.

  Was it her imagination or did he flinch when she clicked the glove box closed?

  Eventually, he pulled into her parents’ driveway. He shifted into park, fingers rapping on the steering wheel. “Well, at least you didn’t make confetti out of it this time.”

  Eighth grade, again.

  “So that’s it?” he said. “We’re over?”

  “No strings, we said.”

  He turned and met her eyes, a confused expression on his face. “And for you that means pulling the plug with no warning.”