JUSTIFIED

by Danielle James

  “I would like to visit Jamie,” she said.

  Jon sobered instantly. He had known there would be the chance of that very thing. He nodded and kept his attention on the road. “When would you like to go?” he asked.

  “Now, please.”

  Jon made the rest of the drive in silence. The playfulness of their conversation had diminished and was replaced with a more somber tone. He knew how much Jamie meant to Sarah and how much she missed him. How could he not take her to see him? Jamie had been the light of her life before Sarah had gone to prison. She told him of many things they used to do together. The park was one of those things. Jamie used to love to push his mamma on the big tire swing, and Sarah had loved to let him. Jon tried to keep his mind in the now, but it was hard when he knew exactly where he was going, and exactly how long it would take to get there. He had visited himself several times over the course of two years. He didn’t really know what prompted his first visit, but after that he came back every few weeks just to be sure that everything was being taken care of.

  He spared a glance at Sarah. She kept her eyes on the passing scenery but said nothing. He knew that she was nervous, possibly even scared. Jon didn’t really want to visit Jamie right off but then he knew that Sarah needed this. She needed to be near her son. He knew that the pain in Sarah’s heart would never heal otherwise. That didn’t mean he wanted to go through with it.

  He turned onto the road that would lead Sarah to her son. The narrow passage was lined with trees and shrubs, concealing the layout of the land. But Jon knew where to go. He made the final turn and parked his car.

  “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked.

  Sarah shook her head. Again he had expected that answer. This was something she thought she had to do alone. She was so stubborn sometimes. She sat so still for a moment that Jon thought she might change her mind. But Sarah didn’t. She opened the door and slid out of the car. She walked the several yards to her son and stopped. She dropped down to her knees and began clearing away weeds and old flowers from around the headstone.

  Jon tried to give Sarah her privacy. He watched her pull weeds for a minute, and then turned his attention to his surroundings. This was the saddest place he had ever been. The cemetery had lovingly named this section The Row of Innocents. It was a special section devoted to children. Jon had to fight the pain welling in his chest just from sitting in such a sad place. So many children cut short in their lives. He was surrounded by so many children who had not had the chance to live yet. And Sarah’s son was among them; a child, forever eleven years old. It would have been easier to accept if Jamie had been sick. Lots of children get sick. But Jamie was a healthy, vibrant child, from what everyone told him. Perhaps it would have been easier if his life had been claimed by some random accident. But it was not. No, Jamie had been murdered. It was deemed a random act of senseless violence that had stolen the life from a child.

  The police had listed his death as unsolved. But Sarah and everyone else knew better. They knew the truth. The only problem was, they couldn’t find enough proof to solidify the case.

  Jon was running the toe of his shoe along the grass bordering the walkway when his thoughts were interrupted by a heart wrenching wail of agony. It raced from his ears all the way down his spine and back up again to wrap around his heart and squeeze it tight.

  He didn’t need to look to know where the sound had come from. He raced to Sarah’s side without a single thought. She was doubled over on herself, two fistfuls of grass over Jamie’s grave. Her whole body jerked with the force of her sobs and Jon dropped to his knees beside her. He gathered her in his arms and held her close to his chest. She fought with him at first, pounding her fists into his shoulders and screaming incoherently at the top of her lungs. Jon only held her tighter. He didn’t say anything; there was nothing he could say. Minutes passed, maybe even hours. Time stopped for them as Jon did his best to surround Sarah with all the strength he had to give her. He held her and let her cry until she regained control only sniffling instead of sobbing.

  Suddenly her head jerked up and Jon loosened his hold on her. Without saying a word, Sarah jumped to her feet. Jon had never seen that look on her face before. It was angry, yes, but there was more. Pure, untainted, hatred. Jon stood just in time to follow her as she sprinted off through the cemetery.

  Jon didn’t try to stop her, as he knew it would be futile. She needed to get this out of her system. She had been keeping it all inside for two years, eating away at her. It was harder than Jon had expected to keep up with her though. When he lost sight of her, Jon got a little worried. But soon enough, he heard her voice.

  “Stupid Bastard!” she screamed. “I hate you! I hope you’re rotting in Hell!” She was still screaming and cussing a blue streak that would have made a sailor blush when Jon found her. “Hell is too good for you! I hope you get what you deserve!”

  She was standing on another grave, kicking furiously at the headstone. Jon got closer and was able to read it. William P. Hayden, Loving Father and Husband. No wonder Sarah was having such a fit. This was a scenario he hadn’t contemplated. “You weren’t loving!” she screamed at it. “You were a degenerate, low life, bastard! I hate you I hate you I hate you!” Jon kept his distance and let her vent until her fury ran out. Sarah collapsed to the ground, her strength spent.

  Jon finally went to her and hugged her tight. “It’s not fair,” she cried. Her chest was racked with the force of her sobs and her face was swollen and red.

  “I know,” Jon said. “I know. Just let it out,” he crooned while rubbing her back. “Will you tell me, Sarah?

  SEVEN

  Three years earlier…

  Sarah had been out with her girlfriends. She made the drive home feeling better than she had in weeks. It had been too long since she had a good old fashioned GNO. Sarah smiled to herself. She knew that William would be pleased that she had come home earlier than expected. In the past, Sarah had stayed out until at least two in the morning with her friends. But on that night, Sarah was headed home before midnight.

  William hadn’t really wanted her to go, but Sarah wasn’t concerned. He hated it anytime she went out without him. He felt like he was not wanted, uninvited, to go. He had good reason to feel that way. Over time, he had alienated all of Sarah’s friends, and most of his own. His drinking and his attitude was damn near unbearable at times. The thing with friends was, they didn’t have to deal with it. They didn’t want him around. In all honesty, neither did Sarah. William had a tendency to drink hard liquor whenever they went to a bar. That wouldn’t be a problem, except that he didn’t know when to stop. Sarah went out with her friends to enjoy life, to dance and laugh with her friends, not to babysit her drunken husband. This was exactly what would happen if he went. So Sarah stopped inviting William to go.

  At first he was unwilling to accept that his friends didn’t want him around. He thought it must have been something Sarah said or did around them that kept them away. Certainly he never did anything wrong. Sarah smiled as she thought of how he would react if he knew that most of the time when she went out with friends that included his old friends as well.

  Sarah pulled into her driveway, tired but happy. She had danced and danced until her feet hurt. She chastised herself for wearing her boots to a club. But they were fashionable and looked good on her. Sometimes fashion overrides comfort, and this had been one such occasion. The many looks she received and the number of men who bought her drinks and asked her to dance was well worth the outfit. Besides, Sarah was coming home with the same amount of money she had left with.

  Sarah opened the back door and stepped inside. She dropped her keys on the table and took off her jacket. The house was quiet. She had expected to be met at the door by William since all the lights were on. He probably fell asleep on the couch, she thought. It was not unlikely to find him passed out in front of the TV. She hated when he drank when Jamie was around, but he had been better lately so she let it go.


  As Sarah walked further into the kitchen, a strange feeling crept up around her neck. Something wasn’t right. The house was too quiet. Had her husband finally drank himself to death? Not likely, she told herself. She couldn’t be so lucky. Then she felt bad for even thinking it. Sure, William was an ass, but he loved her and Sarah knew it. He had a funny way of showing it sometimes, though.

  Sarah walked into the living room and her heart stopped in her chest. Yes something was wrong. Everything was wrong. Jamie was lying in the floor, surrounded by a puddle of blood. Sarah ran to his side. “Jamie!” she cried. She brushed the blonde hair from his face and checked his pulse. It was there, just barely. She looked to her right and saw William lying on the floor as well. He was bleeding from a wound in his side, a large knife on the floor beside him. William was unconscious.

  “Jamie!” Sarah cried again, shaking his little shoulders. “Talk to me! Please! Fight!” Sarah choked back her tears as she examined her son. He had a large wound on his belly and it was bleeding profusely. Sarah grabbed a blanket off the couch and pressed it to her son’s belly. With her free hand, she dug her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed 911. “My son has been stabbed!” she hollered into the phone. “My husband too. Please hurry! You have to help me!” She gave the operator her address and waited for help to arrive. She only left Jamie’s side to check that William’s heart was still beating, and when it was, Sarah abandoned him to stay with Jamie.

  Sarah fussed over her son until the paramedics arrived. They were accompanied by several police officers. Jamie woke up just when they got there. “Dad,” he said with a hoarse voice.

  “Your dad is going to be fine,” one of the officers said to him. “Can you tell me who did this to you?”

  “Dad,” Jamie whispered again. “Where’s Mom?”

  “I’m here baby,” Sarah said to her son holding his hand tighter in her own. “You’re going to be ok,” she said, hoping to God that it was the truth. “What happened?”

  “Dad,” Jamie said again, and then he fell back into unconsciousness. The police decided that the boy was concerned for his father. Sarah wasn’t so sure. She watched as they lifted her son’s small body up and onto a gurney. He was so small, so innocent. Who could do this to him?

  And William, he had been stabbed as well. Sarah could imagine any number of reasons for someone to hurt him. But not her son.

  “Ma’am?” an officer said. “I need you to tell me what happened.”

  Sarah told him exactly what happened when she came home. A quick survey of the house proved that nothing was taken. The police felt that possibly this was a burglary gone bad. But Sarah’s mind was screaming something else. How many times had William pretended he was going to use a knife? How many times had he threatened to stab himself in one of his poor pitiful me stages? How many times had Sarah gotten on to him for being too hard on her son?

  “I think there is another explanation,” she told the police.

  “Are you sure?” the cop asked after Sarah explained. “Those are very serious charges you’re throwing around.”

  “Sure enough that I want you to investigate the possibility.” Sarah rode to the hospital with one of the officers behind not one, but two ambulances. Her main concern was that of the one carrying her son.

  Sarah waited in the emergency room waiting area with her sisters and William’s parents. Sarah didn’t know who contacted them, but she was grateful for the company. She did not speak her suspicions about how this all happened to anyone, because if she was wrong, and she hoped to God that she was, such horrible accusations could never be taken back.

  After two hours of waiting for her family to come through surgery, Sarah finally saw a doctor headed her way. Her heart stuck in her throat. Would he be bringing her good news? Or would it be bad?

  “Mrs. Hayden?” he addressed her as he walked forward.

  Sarah stood. “Yes?” she asked, hopeful.

  “Your husband is out of surgery and in recovery. He had a nasty cut, but the inner damage was minimal. The blade sliced clean through his side, only nicking his liver. We were able to repair the damage and after a day or so in observation, he will be able to go home.”

  “What about Jamie, what about my son?”

  The doctor’s eyes fell. “Maybe you should sit down,” he said.

  “I don’t want to sit down,” Sarah snapped, “I want to know how Jamie is.”

  “Your son had a lot of internal damage, Mrs. Hayden. He lost a lot of blood. We repaired the cut, but his little heart couldn’t take the stress. He went into cardiac arrest. We shocked him and performed CPR, but, despite our efforts, we were not successful. I’m sorry.”

  Sarah stood there, stunned. He’s sorry? Unsuccessful? Did that mean…No! It couldn’t be! No no no no! “I don’t…I don’t understand,” Sarah whispered. Her family had gathered around her by then and she felt several hands on her back and arms. The floor seemed to fall away from her feet as she stood suspended in time and space. The room continued on around her but to Sarah there was a bubble around her, separating her from everyone else. She could hear someone sniffling. She wanted to run, to hide away somewhere he couldn’t find her to speak the terrible news. Somewhere safe where she could wake up and realize that this was all just a very, very bad dream. Her legs refused to work. Sarah knew what the doctor would say next, but she didn’t want to hear it. It could not be true!

  “Ma’am,” the doctor said quietly, “For all our efforts, we could not save your son. He passed away on the operating table. He felt no pain, I promise you. I’m so sorry.”

  Sarah felt the whole world drop out from under her. Her son! Her baby! He was gone. Sarah saw his face in her mind, heard his laughter, saw his smile. She would never see it again. She would never watch him running in the yard with his friends, never see him fussing over a video game, never hear him tell her that he loves her. She could never hold him in her arms and tell him how proud she was to have such a wonderful loving son. His short life was over, and she knew just who to blame. The pain in Sarah’s chest was heavy and sharp and quickly became too much to bear. Her throat was tight and she battled just to breathe. It was like someone had poured concrete into her lungs. She forcibly dragged air into her lungs, but couldn’t get enough. There was a loud wailing in her ears, and Sarah covered her head with both hands in a fruitless attempt to shut it out. It took Sarah only one moment of clarity to realize that the sound was coming from her own mouth.

  EIGHT

  Jon listened quietly to Sarah tell the story about her son. The entire time she was sitting Indian style on her husband’s grave, pulling fistfuls of grass out of the dirt. Of course, he had read it all before in her files and from her sisters, but never from Sarah’s own mouth. He had never heard it firsthand. The details that she remembered were amazingly accurate. When she spoke of her feelings, Jon felt them as if they were his own.

  Although Jon was giving her his undivided attention, he found himself thinking about her journals. Had she written about this? He hoped so. It would explain so much. He wanted the world to know that Sarah wasn’t the cold blooded killer that she made herself out to be. He felt it in his bones. She wouldn’t hurt a soul, not without serious provocation. If only he could convince Sarah of that little fact. But she would be difficult. She thought herself to be cold and vicious. It was one of many reasons he had pushed for the weekend pass. It was why he had insisted that she get a roommate. He had his suspicions that Sarah would be sorely displeased with him if she ever found out that he was behind it all. Well, himself and her sisters.

  But what else was he to do? Sarah had grabbed a small portion of his heart from the very first time he met her. Jon was not usually a man of feelings, but for some strange reason, he felt a connection to Sarah. And, although he didn’t understand why, her happiness was important to him. Perhaps it was because he had always thought to one day have a family of his own. Perhaps it was because the way Sarah lost her own family sickened him.
It made him angry on a whole new level. Anger like he had never felt before.

  “I’m ready to go,” Sarah finally said, breaking Jon’s inner thoughts.

  “All right. Let’s get you to my apartment, where you can clean up and change. Your clothes are all muddy now,” he said.

  “Yeah, and the caretaker won’t be happy about all the grass I pulled up,” Sarah offered with a sad smile.

  “I won’t tell if you don’t,” Jon teased.

  Jon walked Sarah back to his car with his hand on her lower back. It was a possessive gesture that Sarah didn’t understand. In fact, she didn’t understand why he did half the things he did for her. He was her attorney. Walking slowly, Sarah decided he was also the best friend she had ever had. He looked out for her, even if she didn’t deserve it. When they reached the car, Jon removed his hand from Sarah’s person. The spot instantly felt cold and Sarah felt bereft from the loss of his touch.

  She slid into the bucket seat without giving it another thought. All she wanted was a hot shower. A hot, private shower. Something she hadn’t had for two years. Sarah had been apprehensive about leaving the prison for two days, but now that she was out, there were small pleasures that she wanted to partake in. Like decent food. Privacy. A computer.