Chasing Butterflies

by Terri E. Laine

  “Don’t mind him,” he said to the girl. “He’s the silent type. He likes to watch, but he’ll get in on the action if you let him.” Just as I was about to cut in with a peace out, he added, “Have you ever had two guys at the same time? You’ll love it.”

  “Ah, we’re out,” I said quickly and strode away as Sawyer grinned at Ashton, who appeared to sigh in resignation.

  I wanted to get home before they did. I was grateful my room was across from Chance’s and next to Ashton’s. The noises that emanated from Sawyer’s room when I found myself in the hall would keep me up at night.

  On autopilot, I’d navigated toward Lenny. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to check on her before I left. Whatever it was, she swayed on her feet with wide eyes and a wide smile.

  “Come on, just one more,” she said to Chance’s ex, who held a cup out of reach.

  “Lenora, you’ve had enough.”

  Lenny made a go for the cup and stumbled. Automatically, I reached out and snagged her before she face planted.

  “Kelley, Kelley, Kelley,” she said.

  Her friend glanced between us. “You’re Kelley?” she asked, like she’d heard all about me. I nodded. Her lips formed an O.

  “Look, I’ll take her home. My truck is just over there.”

  “You can’t take me home,” Lenny protested, but her eyes went unfocused, and she slumped in my arms.

  Repositioning my hold on her, I lifted her up, cradling her like a baby.

  “I would take her,” the girl said. “But I’m too drunk to drive my car.”

  Chance cut in. “I’ll drive you home, Brie.”

  Brie’s eyes narrowed, but she wasn’t stupid. She nodded. I quietly asked, “You sure you’re up to driving?”

  He nodded. “I only had one drink.”

  “She lives in the Montague apartments just past the park,” Brie said.

  The campus was located in the middle of nowhere, boarding a small town. There wasn’t much of anything, including apartments. I knew which ones she was talking about.

  With a head nod, I carried Lenny to where I was parked. Brie and Chance were headed in the same direction and helped me get Lenny into the cab of my truck.

  “How are you going to get home when you leave her car?” I asked Chance. Just because we were near a small town didn’t mean the campus wasn’t as big as one on its own.

  He shrugged. “I’ll find a way.”

  “Why don’t I pick you up after I drop her off?”

  Brie said, “I’m in the Sadie Hawkins dorms,” which were the same ones Shell lived in.

  I nodded. “I’ll text you when I’m close.”

  Chance nodded, and I got in as Lenny quietly breathed in her sleep. The rumble of my engine didn’t stir her. I wondered if she lived with someone. Her boyfriend? But I didn’t let that stop me. If she did, it was his fault for not being there to keep her safe.

  I drove the speed limit the entire way. I wanted more than the couple of minutes it would take to get her home. I wanted the impossible—her.

  Parking in front of the small complex, I had no idea what apartment number was hers. I touched her arm, and her skin was soft and warm under my hand. Sliding my hand down her arm, I slowed at her wrist, which was covered in rubber band bracelets. Her eyes jolted awake, and she pulled her hand way, protecting it like I’d hurt her.

  “Sorry.”

  Large eyes filled with fear took a few moments before they cleared and blinked until anger replaced the expression.

  She turned and saw where she was. “You shouldn’t be here.”

  Scrambling, she fumbled with the door handle before I could help her and nearly tumbled out of the car, trying to get away from me.

  “Lenny, please—”

  She shook her head. “Thanks for the ride. But you need to leave.”

  The door shut on anything I could have said before she disappeared across the street and down the path. She pulled a key from her pocket and darted inside. I sat like a creeper and waited until a light turned on in the second floor. A few seconds later, it went out before another popped on for a short second before it too went dark. And then nothing. With no reason to stay, I fired the engine back to life and made my way back to the other side of campus to pick up Chance.

  The warm sunny day should have been a bright spot to my morning. But the meaty hand on my hip wasn’t Kelley’s, and it created a wave of revulsion in my gut. Slowly, I rolled away from his hold, wondering why he was home. Had he lied about being out of town to test me? If so, I’d failed.

  My day began with chores that couldn’t be avoided as much as I wanted to flee the confines of a prison of my own making. Eventually, I made it to the park across the street. Feeding the ducks, I sat in the sun, trying to remember what happiness felt like.

  But I wasn’t off the hook. By Monday I scurried into class with the evidence of my attempt at independence shinning on my face. No amount of makeup would cover it, so I did what I could and entered class at the very last minute, sitting in the back with my head down.

  For each of my other classes, I did the same with good results. Nobody noticed. By lunch, I wished I could go home, but that wasn’t in the cards. I headed to the café to use my lower than basic meal plan, which allowed for me to eat one meal a day on campus.

  I was halfway down the hall when he stopped me.

  “Lenny.”

  The cadence of his voice was filled with a plea. I stopped and did a slow turn. Somehow he’d caught up to me by the time I did.

  His eyes widened and his hand reached out to brush light fingertips over the yellow, greenish bruise on the right side of my face as he peeled my sunglasses off.

  “What happened?” he growled, as if he planned to defend my honor. Little did he know how far I’d fallen, and no amount of rope could pull me out of the hole I’d dug for myself.

  I didn’t know how much of a liar I’d become until one popped out of my mouth without thought.

  “Nothing but drunk face planted. My fault, I knew better.”

  Wasn’t that the lesson I’d been taught yesterday?

  “You shouldn’t drink so much.”

  I understood his words. Hadn’t I seen the evidence of his father’s drinking? But I’d been chastised enough. And I didn’t have to take it from him too.

  “Why do you care? You never came back.”

  “Lenny,” he called out as I turned, fleeing my past and into my present nightmare.

  Brie found me in the lunch line. When she touched my arm, I’d flinched and whipped my head around, thinking Kelley had followed me. But he hadn’t. And I shouldn’t have been disappointed. It was better that way for both of us.

  “What’s up, chica?”

  I shook my head, glad for the dim lighting in the buffet area. It hid the uglier side of certain mystery meats and worked in my favor since I’d left Kelley holding my sunglasses. She hadn’t noticed my face yet. I moved to the checkout line and breezed through. We stood searching for a place to sit in the crowded seating area when arms circled around me.

  Brie glanced up and her lips barely curled. She had no love for my boyfriend, and I understood why. She’d figured out what a control freak he was.

  “Prescott,” she muttered.

  “Brie,” he said, matching her tone.

  “Looks like we’re late today. I see two seats. Why don’t you let Lenora sit with me, so we can have girl talk?”

  His reply made him sound suspicious. “Why? Has she told you she doesn’t want to sit with me?”

  I felt him go rigid behind me. Pleading without words, I stared at Brie, willing her not to say anything that could make this worse.

  “Of course not,” Brie said. Her smile warmed, while not reaching her eyes. “It’s not that. It’s just I hardly see her. I wanted to hang out a little bit, unless I can convince her to go to dinner with me tonight.”

  I said nothing. Some lessons had taken time for me to learn, but they were now ingrained in my bra
in.

  A cool hand snagged my left hand and held it out in front of Brie. Shock registered on her face and it was too late. His other arm snaked over my right one before he gripped my wrist in what appeared to be a loving gesture. Pain brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let them fall.

  “Lenora has obligations as my future wife. If she goes to dinner with you, what am I to eat? We’re building something. And maybe you don’t understand that. The future of our family depends on each of us fulfilling our role.”

  For anyone listening who didn’t know our dynamics, it might sound reasonable, even romantic especially the way he held me and the plastic smile on my face. But Brie was no dummy. I continued to silently beg her with wide eyes to let it go.

  “Well,” she began after letting out a deep breath. “Putting it that way, I guess I understand.”

  I closed my eyes in relief as she said her goodbye, and I was grateful that I remembered to put the ring back on before coming into the lunchroom. I didn’t wear it unless absolutely necessary.

  But Brie didn’t give up that easily. A week or so later she sent me a text shortly after my last class, perfect timing on her part. I met her on the quad where she was setting up tables with some other people.

  “What’s up?” I asked when I reached her.

  “We’re shorthanded. I’m hoping you’ll help us out.” She waved a hand like it was a magic wand over all the boxes stacked. “The guys need to get more supplies and my other cohort hasn’t showed up.”

  She launched into what she needed to do. When she was finished, I was already prepared with my excuse.

  “I really have to get to the library,” I said. If he came to check on me and I wasn’t there, I’d have hell to pay.

  “Is he hurting you?”

  “Who?” I asked, even though she was talking about the same he I’d been thinking of.

  “Prescott.”

  Her eyes were soft, and I wanted to tell her the truth. But she wouldn’t understand. I would have to confess it all for her to know. And I’d kept my secrets for more than two years by staying on the fringes. I’d gone to class and home with little to no social activity. I’d kept people at a distance so they wouldn’t ask questions about things I didn’t want to answer. Despite all that, Brie had never given up on me. She kept trying to break down my walls and be a friend to me. What would she think of me if she knew the truth? And could I trust her?

  “No, of course not.” The lie came out as smooth as satin.

  She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, if you’re not busy, then help me, please.”

  When she started to bend on one knee, I laughed and hauled her back to her feet.

  “Okay, okay, I’ll help. But I don’t have a lot of time.”

  With my book open on my lap, I tapped my pen on the empty page in my notebook. Although I had a laptop, a used one my high school coach had given me, my typing skills sucked. I blamed that on not having a computer in the house growing up. I hardly ever got to use it unless I went to the library. So I still used pen and paper for notes.

  I couldn’t focus. All I could think about was the last time I saw Lenny in the café. I’d been heading to a class I couldn’t be late for. Her smile was missing in action like it always was these days with the brief exception of her drunkenness at that party. She was so different from the Lenny I remembered. I’d been rushing not to be late, so I couldn’t chase after her. Which was why her sunglasses sat like a trophy on my dresser.

  Sawyer’s voice broke through my thoughts. He and Ashton were coming downstairs but hadn’t noticed me yet.

  “I don’t know what your problem is. You had your share,” he said.

  “Maybe I’m tired of sharing,” Ashton said.

  Sawyer huffed. “Then get your own, bro. No one’s stopping you.”

  Ashton reached out, eyes dark as night. He snagged Sawyer’s arm to stop him. Ashton mumbled something I couldn’t hear. But so far, he’d said more than usual.

  Sawyer’s eyes narrowed. “That shit happened a long time ago, and I’m not going there.” He snatched his arm out of Ashton’s hold when he spotted me.

  He changed his path, and a smile curled on his mouth.

  “Kelley, what are you doing here? It’s Friday. Coach gave us off for practice. I thought for sure you’d be with Chance chasing pussy tonight.”

  I shook my head. “Nah, studying for midterms.”

  “Dude, don’t be like Ashton.” He hooked a thumb in the guy’s direction. “Life is short and pussy is never going to be better than it is now. We have no fucking responsibilities. No wife or kids and shit. We are like gods at this school. Pussy is never in short supply.”

  I shrugged.

  “Don’t tell me you have a thing for that brunette.”

  Tightening my jaw, I ground my teeth together. Apparently, my silence was answer enough.

  He shook his head as if he were disappointed with me. “She’s dating one of my fraternity brothers.” Over his shoulder, he glanced at Ashton. “If you can call him that. He wouldn’t have been voted in if his father wasn’t legacy.”

  “Prescott is a douche,” Ashton said.

  “Yeah,” Sawyer concurred. “He’s pussy whipped. He treats her like those porcelain dolls my mom collects. There is no in. Trust me, I tried.”

  “And I ended up saving your face,” Ashton muttered.

  Sawyer waved him off. “I had no idea. She’s hot as shit, but believe me when I say she has an unavailable neon sign strapped around her. Don’t waste your time.”

  Thankfully, Chance came through the door and tossed me my keys. “Many thanks, man.”

  He held up a six pack of beer. “Want one?”

  Ashton nodded first, and Chance tossed him a can. Sawyer held up a hand and didn’t even really look but caught the flying can with no problem. When they stared at me, I shook my head. Chance shrugged and popped the top.

  I hadn’t realized I’d wrapped my hands around the tags until Sawyer asked, “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Who do those dog tags belong to? Your dad?”

  The metal bit into my skin as I shook my head. “My brother.” Before they could ask, I told them. “He died in Afghanistan.”

  It was a story I didn’t tell often, but these guys were different. In the weeks I’d lived there, they’d accepted me on and off the field. I hadn’t had that in so long. And I’d slept better in years since moving away from her. So I told them the ugly truth about the roadside bomb that killed my brother.

  “Damn, man, that sucks,” Sawyer said.

  Even though he and Ashton had grown up far different than me, with parents who were still living, I believed Sawyer felt bad for me.

  “So it’s just you and your mom.”

  He and Ashton had been there when I moved in. They believed that the woman who’d come with me had been my mom. “My stepmom. My mom died from complications of MS.”

  “Fuck. You’ve had some shit to deal with.”

  I nodded, grateful when Sawyer got up and didn’t ask about my dad.

  “Wanna go get free ice cream?” Chance offered, ending the awkward silence.

  Ashton grunted. It was unusual for him to opt in before hearing what Sawyer was going to do.

  “We’ve got ice cream here,” I said when Chance glanced at me.

  “Yeah, but here we eat alone. There we find pussy for the night.”

  Sawyer’s eyes brightened. “Hell, I’m in.”

  I sighed. “Fine.”

  “Good, because you’re the designated driver.”

  As odd as that sounded, I figured we’d be out until late and there would ultimately be a party with alcohol and whatever else. They all piled in my truck. Sawyer and Ashton opted to sit in the flatbed. After we were underway, I asked Chance a question.

  “Who’s giving away free ice cream?”

  A little too quickly, he said, “The science club. According to the flyer, they’ve mixed alcohol and ice cream in several experiments. They need human tes
ters to prove out theories or some shit. Whatever it is, it’s free ice cream and beer, what else matters?”

  “Un huh,” I said, knowing there was more to the story. Chance had been relatively girl free since the bonfire.

  “The psych club might also be involved. They are studying human behaviors. Something like that.”

  He’d tossed that in. Chance was a math major of all things. I wasn’t sure why he was interested in the psychology or science clubs.

  We parked and made the short walk between buildings onto the quad. The afternoon was scorching, so it wasn’t surprising to see the line near some tables set up near the center.

  Sawyer sped up when he spotted all the available women dressed in very little due to the heat.

  I spotted Lenny’s friend Brie first. A glance over at Chance said he caught wind of her too. Then she took a step to the side, and I saw her. The breath escaped my lungs like I’d taken a hit in the solar plexus.

  “Jesus,” I said out loud.

  “I know,” Chance said next to me.

  Ashton glanced between us, then shook his head before rushing off to catch up to Sawyer.

  “We’re fucked,” Chance said.

  “Yes…yes, we are.”

  Lenny’s legs from her toes led straight up to unnaturally tiny shorts. I wanted to cover her in a sheet so no one could see. Her long hair was pulled up, exposing her neck, and I had to lick my lips.

  My stomach flipped over several times as I made a beeline for her, which probably wasn’t the brightest move. But logic had fled the building long before I stepped behind her and fought the urge not to press my lips to the nape of her neck. Instead, I touched her shoulder.

  She spun around, eyes the size of quarters that shone like they were newly minted.

  “Can we talk?”

  “Kelley,” she said breathlessly.

  “That’s my name, but I prefer you saying it like that when you’re underneath me.”

  Her fucking perfect cheeks flamed, and damn if my dick didn’t swell all proud like.

  “Please,” I added.

  “You aren’t going to give up, are you?”