Chasing Butterflies

by Terri E. Laine

  I shook my head. “I think you want me to chase you.”

  Her mouth parted but snapped back closed. She glanced around before facing me.

  “Fine, but make it quick.” Then she whispered to her friend, who was already caged in by Chance. I couldn’t hear what she said at first, but she added, “I’ll be right back.”

  Brie nodded, trying not very hard to remove Chance’s hands from her waist. Lenny stomped off and stopped under one of the trees that had been planted on the quad to provide some shade.

  “What do you want to say? And no, I don’t want you to chase me.”

  “Too late for that. Ever since I met you I’ve been chasing you.”

  She rolled her eyes, and it was almost cute. “That’s not true. You didn’t even like me.”

  “The problem was I liked you too much when you had someone else, and that problem hasn’t changed.”

  Her eyes sparkled for a second like maybe I was breaking through her walls. But then they dulled and narrowed. “I don’t have time for this. What you and I had was a crush.”

  “Was it?”

  “Whatever it was, it’s over. I am with someone else.”

  I licked my lips before I bit my tongue. Her annoyance with me was further evidence she was happy with someone else. And she seemed perfectly fine without me. It wasn’t a repeat of the past when she didn’t want to be with that asshole and I’d been there when she realized it. Still, we had to get something straight.

  “Fine, you keep saying I didn’t come back,” I began. “And you’re right. I didn’t. But I called you, Len. I called your house several times once I found your house number and had a phone I could borrow.”

  “What?”

  I nodded. “Your parents shut me down every time. Their excuse was you weren’t home, you weren’t available, until they flat out told me you didn’t want to speak with me.”

  Her jaw dropped, and I continued.

  “I even mailed you a letter after we got settled. I thought if you read it, you’d understand why I couldn’t come back.”

  Betrayed. I felt it dead center and with so much pain.

  “They never told me you called, and I never got a letter other than the one Trina gave me.”

  His eyes closed and something like relief was in them when he opened them again.

  “When I finally got my truck, I toyed with the idea of coming to see you. So much time had passed. I wasn’t sure. Plus, I didn’t want to get caught with a warrant on my head.”

  “Warrant?” I asked, confused.

  “Remember the cops came for me? Ox and Debbie, they lied to the police.”

  Frantically, I shook my head. “I stopped that. Debbie retracted her statement to the cops, and Ox dropped the charges.”

  “What?”

  It was his turn to look dumbfounded. “I went to the police myself and made a statement. You were clear to come back anytime.”

  He stared at me for the longest second. But we’d stood alone together too long. No doubt my actions would be reported and my punishment for daring to talk to another guy would be swift and painful.

  “I didn’t know,” he stuttered.

  “Now you do. But it doesn’t matter. It’s too late. You’ve said what you had to say. And I’m going to ask you to leave it alone. Leave me alone, Kelley. I’m not the same girl you remember.”

  I walked away and prayed he wouldn’t say anything more. On the verge of tears, I wanted more than anything that things could be different. But I was trapped like a mouse in a maze. And I couldn’t puzzle my way out.

  He didn’t leave, which made me uncomfortable in ways I didn’t want to think about. No longer was he the boy from high school. He’d grown more beautiful in the years we were apart. His frame had filled out with lean and powerful looking muscles.

  When I couldn’t take watching girls fawn all over him, I made my escape. Brie was lost in her own world as Chance was another target for scantily clad females flocking like ants over a group of very hot guys.

  Kelley didn’t follow, which was a good thing. There was so much I wanted to share about what happened after he left town. What was the point when I was stuck in my circumstances with no way out? Not yet at least.

  With my ear buds in, I sat in the library, transcribing notes for one of my customers. He’d taped the lecture while he slept through it. It was my job to type up the notes for him.

  Movement had me glancing up to see Kelley slinking into the chair opposite me. I pulled one of the buds out and gave him my best bored expression.

  “You are starting to look desperate.”

  Where I hoped to strike at his ego, he said, “Maybe I am desperate.”

  “Desperation doesn’t look good on you. Why don’t you go sit with those girls over there? They might appreciate your company.”

  He glanced over at the giggling girls who made no attempt at hiding they were vying for his attention. I rolled my eyes and started to put my earphones back in.

  “You left these with me.” He slid my sunglasses back over to me. I snagged and tucked them in my bag. “Look, I know you have a boyfriend. But do you think we can at least be friends?”

  Was he serious? “Why?”

  He sat back and stared at me. I started to squirm under his scrutiny. “I don’t know, Len. Maybe because you’re the last person alive I ever gave two shits about.”

  His chair scrapped back, causing more than a few heads to turn in our direction.

  “Kelley, wait.” I felt like gum under someone’s shoe.

  “Oh, of course you’re here.”

  We both turned to find Shelly standing at our table. But then something happened I didn’t expect. The room suddenly got brighter. Only I saw that Kelley had dialed up the wattage on his smile.

  “Shell, I’m glad I ran into you.”

  He stood up and whispered something in her ear. She smiled like she’d won a Miss America pageant. His hand landed on her back as he guided her from the table without even a goodbye.

  Green was so not my color, because envy didn’t change that I could never be as free as Shelly. And I couldn’t have Kelley even though I wanted him.

  Thank God for small favors. Shelly had class, so all I had to do was walk her there and pay her a few compliments before she forgot all about Lenny. A small price to pay so Lenny could have the happiness she had every right to. It made me sick in my gut, but I’d do it because I was pretty sure I was still a goner for her.

  When Chance and I walked in the house, we found Sawyer and Ashton sandwiching a redhead.

  “My eyes,” Chance called out.

  “You blind too?” I said in all seriousness while trying to hold back a laugh.

  Sawyer’s reply should have pissed out his guest. “Caring is sharing. You guys can join in.”

  “Um…” I pretended to think about it while holding my chin. “No, I’ll pass.”

  Chance brushed by me and headed to the kitchen on the left. “No thanks for me either. I, uh, don’t like my sexual experiences buffet style.”

  Sawyer sighed, while Ashton remained silent. “Let’s take this upstairs.”

  He took the girl’s hand, and they were at the foot of the stairs before I caught Ashton roll his eyes before getting to his feet. I glanced away when he started to look in my direction.

  “Mark my words,” Chance began. “Sawyer will own a sex club before he’s twenty-five. That guy…” He shook his head.

  “And what about Ashton?”

  “Don’t underestimate him. He’s more Batman, and Sawyer is Robin. I’m telling you.”

  “And what does that make us?” I asked, more amused by his analogy.

  He shrugged. “Mere mortals.”

  The next day found me in class staring at my grade back for the psychology exam. I needed help. Out of all the classes I had, that one was kicking my ass. So I found myself back in the library.

  “He’s back,” she announced when I sat down. “Though I’m not sure why. S
houldn’t you find your girlfriend?”

  It was the way she said it that had me smiling on the inside. She was jealous. Calling her out on it wouldn’t do me any good. So I used another tactic.

  “I need a favor.” Her eyes narrowed, so I rushed on to explain. “Your notes didn’t exactly help. I failed the test.” I pulled out the evidence and slid it across to her. “I can’t see how I answered the questions wrong. You did take this class, right?”

  She nodded and lifted the paper to look it over.

  “Here is your problem. You answered the questions verbatim like you memorized his lecture word for word. You should incorporate the text to show you did read.”

  She slid her chair over and started to explain. For several seconds her words diminished against the faint scent of wild berries. However, I caught myself and focused on the task. She used my text book to illustrate what I should have done.

  After the first example, I’d gotten it. Yet, I let her go through each question just to spend more time with her.

  Her phone chimed much later, and the lines etched in her face looked as though she’d gotten seriously bad news.

  “I’ve got to go. I’m late.”

  As organized as she was, it didn’t take even a minute before she was packed and on her feet.

  “Can you help me tomorrow?”

  She paused. “We both know you’ve gotten it. You let me go on because you know my weakness for helping people. You’re smart enough that you don’t need me. But if you really need help, you should ask Brie. Psychology is her thing.”

  I wasn’t calling Brie, and she knew it. The other part of her statement about not needing her was wrong as well, which made me dumb. She had someone and yet, I wanted to chase her until she saw reason.

  That night our place was far too quiet except for the noises coming from down the hall. I swore that Sawyer would win gold in the sex Olympics if it were considered a sport. The guy had a girl every night. The only thing I had was a couple of pictures I’d snapped on my phone of Lenny at the ice cream thing on campus. She hadn’t known, and I stared at her imagine like some lovesick fool.

  Channeling my aggression, I worked out my Lenny issues with the weights that next morning. Thankfully, I didn’t have psychology that day, so I didn’t have to rush to class.

  “Moore,” Coach said as I walked by his office. “Come in.”

  I did and sat where he indicated.

  “You’re doing really well, son. I appreciate your dedication.”

  That was new. Coach was easy about showing his displeasure and harder on doling out the compliments.

  “Thanks, Coach.”

  “But don’t kill yourself in there on the weights. You got girl problems, find another girl, or do whatever. But don’t risk hurting yourself or this team because of chicks.”

  Shit, was it that obvious.

  “Yes, Coach.”

  There was so not anything else to say. So I headed out when he waved me in the direction of the door, feeling like I was in the middle of the final play of the game with Lenny. I had to either throw a Hail Mary or admit defeat. The next time I saw her I could easily put my heart on the line, or walk away. It was time I made that decision.

  After leaving Kelley in the library, I practically ran. By the time I got home, I was tired and hungry. As much as I wanted to crawl in my bed and get some early sleep for once, I had responsibilities. I made dinner, which was the least that was expected of me.

  A hand clamped around my throat. “What is it with you these days? I feel like you’re testing me.”

  I could barely get air in my lungs, let alone speak. He pulled me back into his chest and worked a hand around my waist to my jeans. Bile rose in my throat. I hadn’t realized I was doing it until he said, “Stop shaking your head. It’s always no with you. I feel like I need a crowbar to spread your legs.”

  On instinct, I locked my thighs together. Violently, he shoved me, and I stumbled forward. Too late to stop my momentum, I connected with the wall and went down. As I lay there panting, I thought, and not for the first time, to make a run for the kitchen and a knife. I could kill him. Then again, life in prison didn’t seem worth it. So I stayed down, playing possum. Air left my lungs when I heard the front door open and close.

  The next day, I wore an infinity scarf around my neck, the first layer tightly against my throat. I needed to rework my schedule so I could get a job. I wasn’t sure how much I could take.

  When I reached class only to find out it had been cancelled for the day, I thought for sure luck was in my favor. That was until I turned to find Kelley leaning on the wall, staring at me.

  I felt like a fish being lured to the bait despite knowing it was a trap. What choice did I have? I asked myself as I strode in his direction. The closer I got, I heard passersby say things like, Great game, dude, you were awesome. Call me.

  His eyes never strayed from mine as I watched him say things in response.

  “This is boarding on creepy,” I stated.

  “What? Me getting out of class and seeing you?”

  I scowled, having no response.

  “Fine.”

  I didn’t get two steps away before he said, “Do you want to grab lunch?”

  “What, so we can reminisce about the past?”

  “Kind of. I have some questions, like do you know what happened to Joel?”

  Defiance had already formed roots in my gut. And I’d paid dearly for it. Still, I couldn’t help taking back my freedom in small ways. So I found myself following him to the café.

  “He and Trina took off after graduation. I’ve seen a few pictures of them posted online. But other than that, I haven’t talked to him.”

  “I saw that coming.”

  “Yeah, they were a thing all the way until graduation and still are if the pictures are to be believed.”

  I thought he’d ask about Debbie and Ox. Instead, I was surprised.

  “Did you get your prom? The limo, the whole deal?”

  I could have told him the truth. I could have outed myself right then.

  “Did you?” He shrugged, which only made me realize my mistake. “You know what? I have a free hour. I should probably go to the library and get some work done.”

  My escape opportunity came when a gorgeous blonde walked up to Kelley as if I didn’t exist.

  “I heard about tonight. I’m so going to be there,” she said to him, totally ignoring me.

  The way she touched his arm felt like a brand, and I wanted to slap her hand away. Clearly, as I stayed put like quick set concrete had been poured over my feet, I’d lost my mind.

  “Lenny.” I glanced up. I had no idea what he’d said to the blonde. She gave me the once-over and dismissed me as she walked away. He spoke again, and I trained my focus on him. “I get it. I lost my chance with you. You have someone else to make you happy. You’re happy, right?” I nodded because I couldn’t choke out the lie. “We’re having this thing tonight at the house. It’s just a small group of us. You should come. Bring your boyfriend and Brie.”

  “Brie?” I asked, like the idea of bringing my boyfriend was even possible. If I even explained whose get-together it was, he would go Mike Tyson on me.

  “Yeah, you know. If we could get her and Chance in a room, maybe they can work things out.”

  “I never saw you as a matchmaker.”

  His broad shoulders rose and fell as he pushed back his hair from his face. “It’s easy to see when two people want to be together.”

  Mismatched eyes so vivid in color stared at me with so much intensity, I swallowed.

  “I don’t know. Maybe. Anyway, it’s the middle of the week. What’s the occasion?”

  The smile that graced his beautiful mouth was the saddest I’d ever seen. A phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen.

  “I finally got one of these.” He held up the phone. I caught a flash of a woman’s picture. “Sorry, I have to take this. But to answer you
r question, it’s my birthday.”

  I took the call while heading into the café. Lenny could have come, but she didn’t.

  “Hey,” I said into the phone.

  “Kelley. Happy birthday.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  I could hear the smile on her face. She got a kick out of me calling her that.

  “Do you have plans?”

  The plans I wanted with Lenny weren’t happening. She was happy, and who was I to break that up? I shouldn’t be selfish wanting her for myself if someone else was there for her. Wasn’t that what a good guy would do? But was I good?

  “Aww, you know, this and that.”

  “Un huh, like you don’t have all the girls in that school in some sort of mating frenzy.” She laughed.

  I groaned. “Don’t say mating. It’s weird.”

  As her laughter subsided, she said, “I taped your game and watched it. You were every bit as good as I knew you were.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’m going to get off and come to one. It’s hard, though.”

  “I know,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I feel bad. I used to make all your games.”

  “Really, it’s cool.”

  “I should probably get back to work, but I wanted to call you. There’s just one thing.” Her pause was a little too long.

  “What is it?”

  “Your dad.”

  He wasn’t a topic of our conversations. Once we’d rid ourselves of him, he wasn’t brought up unless the school reminded me that a parent needed to sign certain forms.”

  “What about him?” I asked through clenched teeth.

  “I ran into him. He’s in town and has been asking about you.”

  Asking implied she’d talked to him more than once.

  “Is he bothering you?”

  “No.” Another lingering pause suggested that the asshole had gotten to her. He had that charm about him. Had she been duped? I wouldn’t be.

  “If you see him again, tell him I’m not interested in anything he has to say. Okay?”

  “Kelley?”

  “Pam, no.” I regretted saying her name. I didn’t have to see her to know she cringed. “Look, Mom, I’m sorry.”