The Zombie Rule Book: A Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

by Tony Newton

  Rule # 21

  Water is the most precious commodity

  In a survival situation water will quickly become one of the most precious commodities, so store water as much as you can. Be sure to keep hydrated, by this I don’t mean guzzle all of your remaining water. Use your water wisely, spread it out, but you must keep hydrated especially if you are out in the sun a lot. Always be on the lookout for more water supplies. Not getting enough water will cause your body to dehydrate leading to energy loss, dizziness, fatigue, constipation and even cystitis. Use this tip when you need to hydrate quickly.

  To a litre bottle of water add half a teaspoon of salt and one teaspoon of sugar then give it a shake; this will aid rehydration when you need it most. Always carry water with you and always be thinking of sourcing more water.

  Rule # 22

  Learn to make Molotov cocktails

  The Molotov cocktail is an important part of your survival; it is versatile and very effective. A beer bottle full of flammable liquid with a handkerchief soaked in paraffin as a lighting device is ideal. You can use this against many zombies at a time.

  Rule # 23

  Do not eat the zombies

  This may come as a no brainer but there will be times when you are ravenous yourself and could literally eat anything and even the walking dead may look like a walking cheeseburger, but don’t attempt to eat their flesh either uncooked or cooked.

  Rule # 24

  Eat sensibly

  By this I don’t mean your five a day packed with fruit and veggies, but ration your food and make sure if you are walking for long periods of time that you refuel your body and at regular intervals.

  Rule # 25

  Never Keep Zombies as Pets

  It’s not only inhumane but they may attack you or other people and attract other survivors or zombies. These are vile, disease-carrying, germ-ridden beings that you certainly don’t want near you, so think on.

  Rule # 26

  Learn to drive

  There is no better time to perfect your driving skills than in the event of a zombie apocalypse, not being able to drive in this kind of situation is out of the question. Should you be unable to drive when the apocalypse strikes you will have to learn the hard way (better to be prepared). There will be times when you will need to be able to drive. If you are in a group of people and one of you can drive, teach the others. You can’t rely on one person, they may be eaten alive by zombies and then there’s no driver. If you are on your own, practice carefully whenever possible, it could save your life.

  Rule # 27

  Make your own weapons

  With the right tools you can make a weapon from most things. You may be stuck indoors but one of the first things you should do is equip yourself with as many weapons as you can find. Knives, screwdrivers and other household tools are fantastic. Even old bricks can be used as weapons to throw at zombies. Broken glass, broken furniture legs and power tools are all great weapons. Tying knives and other weapons to broom handles is also ideal.

  Rule # 28

  Start making plans for your future

  In the event that an apocalypse-type situation takes place, you will need to be planning ahead for your future.

  Ok, so things will be different now. You won’t be able to put money by for Friday-night pizza and movie nights but plan your food and drink rations as best you can.

  Choose a destination, maybe you want to get to an island, a pier or even a large boat. Start planning now. If you wander endlessly without a goal you will eventually succumb to the zombies.

  Rule # 29

  Don’t keep rotting bodies near your base

  This one’s important. Don’t keep rotting dead bodies in your base even if you have personal attachments to the deceased, you cannot do a Norman Bates here. Burying the dead is ideal but only if you are in a place where smoke and fire will not attract more zombies. If you cannot burn the bodies at least move them far away from where you are or bury them.

  Rule # 30

  Learn martial arts

  In the event of an apocalypse, being equipped with the knowledge of protecting yourself is the greatest weapon. You don’t have to be like Bruce Lee or get a black belt in karate but it is important to learn martial arts skills. Practice punching and kicking. A rolled-up mattress taped together makes for a great makeshift punch bag. Practicing in pairs allows you to be on the attack and the defense.

  Rule # 31

  Stock up on food and drink

  This one’s obvious but you would be surprised at how many people forget to ration their food. In the event of an apocalypse food will keep you strong. You need to know where your next meal is coming from or just how long your rations will last. Prepare, keep the cupboard stocked with things to bulk up on, such as rice and pasta which will fill you up and is cheap and convenient to stock up on and keep just in case you should ever need it.

  Food and drink will become the new currency and if you have prepared and have plenty of stored food not only will you be able to stay alive but you will be able to trade food for other things you may need. Keep a checklist so you are aware of exactly what you have and try to store tinned foods as they have a long shelf life and will be able to keep you going for a long time. Use a special cupboard in your kitchen for these foods and don’t allow yourself to dip into them unless the apocalypse has begun. The end of the world won’t wait if it ends on your weekly shopping day and you have nothing in.

  Rule # 32

  Board up all doors and windows

  Securing your home is very important, do this well and as long as you are stocked up on food you will be able to stay in the confines of your home for as long as possible. This will be the safest place to be. Use any available wood, breaking up tables, doors, wooden furniture and nailing them to windows and doors. If you are well-prepared you may not have to leave your house for some time, and if no zombies can get in you will have a greater chance of survival.

  Rule # 33

  Use your loft

  If you have one use it. If you have a loft, keep some of your supplies there. If you have everything you need in there you can cut yourself off from the rest of the world, closing the loft hatch behind you. To be on the safe side make sure you have a window or a way out if the shit hits the fan. Best to take a rope ladder with you in case you have to climb down from the building.

  Rule # 34

  Only shoot if you have to.

  By this I mean the gunshot will alert other survivors and possibly hordes of flesh-eating zombies. If you can safely get out of the situation using another weapon then do so.

  Rule # 35

  Sleep upstairs

  If the house is secure chances are you’ll be safe. However, should zombies or other survivors get into your home whilst you’re sleeping upstairs, you will have more chance of being woken before anyone gets to you. If you have locks on the doors in your home, keep the bedroom locked at night as an extra preventative. A great tip is to remove the stairs/partially remove the stairs (where applicable) using a ladder instead. This way you can haul the ladder up when you are upstairs, preventing anyone or anything else coming up.

  Rule # 36

  Medical supplies

  Stock up on medical supplies. Things like aspirin and paracetamol, even down to medical supplies like hay-fever tablets nasal sprays and eye baths could be needed and if you stock up on these bartering is always an option. If you are on long-term prescription medication try to put in a repeat prescription slightly early each time so that you have some spare should you need them, the pharmacy may only be round the corner but if the world ends this will be the first stop for lots of survivors and you may run the risk of having to go without.

  Rule # 37

  Keep lights off

  When it’s dark keep lights off so as not to alert anyone to your location. A dark house will look unoccupied but a light on will send out a signal to both infected and survivors to come in. Use dull lighting in rooms of your home whe
re the windows and doors are well boarded. You can also nail sheets up over the boards to stop any light escaping. You will obviously need light when you are preparing food and such, but keep it to a small candle and keep in the dark as much as possible.

  Rule # 38

  Always sleep with your weapons close by

  This may sound obvious but it is important to always sleep next to your weapon or weapons. When you wake up with a jump (when someone calls in the middle of the night) you can be disorientated and unable to find your weapon. If it’s right there next to you, you will have a chance to defend yourself before being attacked.

  Rule # 39

  Always aim for the head

  As we know from numerous zombie movies, body shots are a waste of time and ammunition. Whether you are shooting or hitting with a hammer always go for the head or you will be just wasting time and energy.

  Rule # 40

  Cover all wounds

  It’s important to cover any wounds or open cuts that you have on your body or that people you are traveling/staying with have on them. The smell of fresh blood is very attractive to the undead. Think safety, keeping your wounds covered will be more hygienic and lessen the chances of you getting infected.

  Rule # 41

  Don’t run with your knife

  This rule may save your life, remember your mum always saying don’t run with scissors or knives? Well there’s a lot of common sense there, if you are running and carrying a knife at the same time always face the blade downwards or away from you. You would be surprised at how many people make this mistake and in this situation it could cost you your life.

  Rule # 42

  Wear a survival vest

  This will depend on availability or where you can obtain or steal one from but as soon as possible get one. If you are out and cannot carry a rucksack due to carrying or collecting other items, a survival vest with lots of pockets and pouches is ideal to carry your pocket knives, ammo, and some first-aid essentials.

  Rule # 43

  Cover your tracks

  Cover your tracks, don’t lead anyone to you. You can even make false tracks to confuse other survivors. Your tracks can easily give you away so carry a long stick and use it to sweep over your tracks as you go.

  The last thing you want is to lead other survivors to your base.

  Rule # 44

  Camouflage

  Camouflage is very important, you not only have to be undetectable to zombies but you will also need to be undetectable to other survivors who will be trying to steal your food, water, clothing and anything else they can get their hands on. Ok, so you can’t pop down to the local army surplus shop but use your surroundings, in woodland areas use branches, twigs, ferns and mud to disguise yourself.

  Rule # 45

  Eliminate zombies

  It sounds obvious but every one that you kill is one less that will bother you later on. It may seem like an endless battle but do what you can to keep the number of zombies in your area to a minimum.

  Rule # 46

  Don’t miss

  When you aim at a zombie try to hit it, don’t miss, especially if you only have one bullet left in your gun.

  Rule # 47

  Kill anyone who shows signs of becoming infected

  This is imperative, be vigilant and kill anyone who shows signs that they are turning. This rule may save your life.

  Rule # 48

  Use a knife with a good grip

  It’s important that the knife which you carry with you as part of your survival equipment has a good grip and won’t fall from your hand. You can use a parachute cord or rope, and leave a loop big enough as a handle, think of a Wii remote cord, you want to be able to fight without losing a grip on your knife.

  Rule # 49

  Acquire a slingshot

  These are an important accompaniment to the zombie apocalypse survival kit. You can use these to smash windows from a distance and to confuse zombies by making a sound in a different direction than the one you are heading for. A slingshot can also be used for defense and for hunting.

  Rule # 50

  Keep your hair short

  You don’t see many boxers or fighters with long hair. This is for a good reason. It is safer to have short hair, long hair can be grabbed at, get caught up, and block your peripheral vision putting your life at risk. This goes for men women and children. A shaved head is ideal.

  Rule # 51

  Gratitude

  This may be hard, and yes for most people their family and friends have turned into rotting, walking and eating corpses, and their homes have turned into urban wastelands. Be grateful for your survival when hundreds of thousands of people across the globe haven’t. You are a survivor, you are alive, you are a fighter, be grateful for that, this will give you a new outlook on your life.

  Rule # 52

  Learn to be a Liar

  Learn to be a very convincing liar, you may need to lie your way in and out of situations. Don’t get caught, practice being convincing, this may save your life some day.

  Rule # 53

  Store candles

  Candles are a fantastic source of light and last for a long time, however, candles are no use whatsoever unless you have a lighter/matches. Candles could also be used for bartering. If you manage to stay in your home for as long as possible with windows and doors boarded up, you will need some light. Remember to stock up on candles and keep them in a safe dry place.

  Rule # 54

  Do thirty pushups daily

  Thirty, why thirty? Well, thirty is a great number; ten is too small and twenty is ok but easily do-able. Thirty pushups daily will improve your physical stamina helping you fight off zombies should you need to. This will help with your overall fitness.

  Rule # 55

  Do one hundred sit-ups daily

  In your quest for overall fitness and to help defend yourself against the undead one hundred sit-ups a day will increase your physical ability and stamina. Remember, the better shape you are in, the more chance you have of survival and that is the name of the game.

  Rule # 56

  Get some Earplugs

  You may need earplugs to sleep. The undead aren’t renowned for being quiet. Listening all day and night long to the cries and screams of dead/dying people is disturbing and you could end up going crazy. Using earplugs is only ideal if you have at least one other person with you on watch. You cannot afford to block up one of your warning devices if you have no one else to alert you.

  Rule # 57

  Pretend to be a police officer

  In certain situations, to calm and assist, pretend to be an officer of the law or a figure of authority. It is ideal to have a back story to make it more believable.

  Rule # 58

  Try to cover up the rotting smell

  Aftershave/deodorants and air fresheners are ideal. This may sound like the last thing you would need but the smell of rotting flesh and corpses is disgusting, you will need something to cover the stench.

  Rule # 59

  Get some Caffeine

  Coffee is a great stimulant. It tastes good and is great for keeping you alert during the night should you be on look out. Most homes will have coffee so it shouldn’t be too hard to find and will be useful when you need warming and perking up. If you can’t get hold of coffee try to acquire some caffeine pills or a good strong cuppa.

  Rule # 60

  Run for twenty-five minutes daily

  I call this one the running machine. I’m lying, it’s standing on the spot and pretending to be on a running machine and running. Do this for twenty-five minutes plus, daily, to improve your stamina and overall fitness.

  Rule # 61

  The squat

  The squat will improve your overall fitness, each of these exercises preparing your body for enduring pain, strengthening and lengthening your muscles to better your chances of survival.

  Rule # 62

  Acquire a whistle

  A whistle is a grea
t tool to have; you can use this as part of a group to signal to other members without attracting too much unwanted attention. You can work out a code between the members of the group, for example one means stop, two means go, three means abort mission etc. This is a very useful communication tool to have.

  Rule # 63

  Head for high ground

  Try to head for high ground as this will give you an advantage; always be able to see your surroundings.

  Rule # 64

  Meditate

  Meditation is very useful as this will help you to de-stress and give you a positive outlook on things. Be sure to meditate only when you are 100% safe. I suggest having someone on guard.

  Rule # 65