The Zombie Rule Book: A Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

by Tony Newton

Food on the go

  Ensure the food you travel with is high energy and lightweight.

  Rule # 209

  Always carry a small mirror

  This is handy for signaling to other survivors and for use as a code to other members of the group when you are in the thick of it. Foil and even CDs can be used for signaling if you can’t get hold of a small mirror.

  Rule # 210

  S.O.S

  The S.O.S signal is three short flashes three long flashes then a further three short flashes with your mirror from the sun’s rays.

  Rule # 211

  Always have a way out

  Wherever you are, always have a way out that is safe.

  Rule # 212

  Spare weapons

  Always have spare weapons. Have three or more weapons on you at all times if you can safely carry them. Spare weapons don’t have to be a baseball bat and a crossbow or a machine gun, but easy-to-reach weapons that can be concealed on your body. A good idea is to have leg and arm holsters to put knives in, maybe a large survival knife at the side of your shin and a small throwing knife or two on your arms as back up.

  Rule # 213

  Never play pranks in the zombie apocalypse

  Things could go very wrong for you indeed.

  Rule # 214

  If you get bitten remove the limb immediately

  If you are unlucky enough to get bitten on your arms or legs, you aren’t that unlucky because if you were bitten anywhere else you would be mincemeat within minutes. Thank your lucky stars you got bit where you did and amputate immediately just above the part where you were bitten and you may have a chance of surviving. Bite onto something as you perform the amputation!

  Rule # 215

  Always keep your gun loaded

  There can be nothing worse than going to shoot a zombie in a close make-or-break situation only to find the gun wasn’t even loaded.

  Rule # 216

  Wait it out

  Be prepared to wait it out. Whether you end up in a relatively safe place or keep traveling, be prepared to wait it out for as long as it takes. This could take years to recover from and get back to some kind of reality.

  Rule # 217

  Get some chain mail

  Think like the old knights of years past, get some on your arms, legs and neck. This may just save your life, though bear in mind this stuff weighs a ton.

  Rule # 218

  It’s a zombie-eat-human world

  Now that things have changed always remind yourself that they are after your flesh and they are always a threat.

  Rule # 219

  Don’t get scratched by a zombie

  Whatever you do don’t get scratched by a zombie. It will most likely end up killing you but may take longer to infect you than a bite. If you get scratched go for the same tactics as if you have been bitten by removing the body part before the infection has time to spread throughout the body.

  Rule # 220

  Always wipe clean your weapons

  Don’t bring any blood into your base. Clean off weapons first. Make this a daily ritual.

  Rule # 221

  No second chances

  Remember there are no second chances. Okay, you may come back as a zombie but you only get one shot at normal life.

  Rule # 222

  Never let the zombies win

  Always remember this, never ever let the zombies win.

  Rule # 223

  Beware of children

  You may encounter young children who from behind look innocent enough but if they are infected they are as dangerous as the bigger zombies. But they will be more agile. Don’t be afraid to treat them as if they are normal zombies. They are just smaller versions of the walking virus.

  Rule # 224

  Never cover your body in their skin or organs for camouflage

  This is unhygienic; they carry all sorts of germs and diseases. If their blood goes anywhere near you (even a drop) wash it off thoroughly, you may have open cuts or blood may go into your mouth or eyes. Learn to keep away from zombies whether living or dead.

  Rule # 225

  Pimp your ride

  If you do have to use transport such as cars, pimp them out first with barriers, metal fences, anything that will give you that extra protection. You can even add sharpened bamboo or spikes to knock zombies out of the way.

  Rule # 226

  One bullet rule

  Always keep one bullet by just in case! I hope that you never have to use it, but rather that than the crazed zombies devouring your flesh when you are alive.

  Rule # 227

  Don’t be a hero and show off

  Whatever you do don’t be a hero and show off, this will get you killed. Don’t try to impress anyone, stay focused on your own survival.

  Rule # 228

  You can’t reason with a zombie

  Remember you can’t reason with a zombie (no matter how much you scream at it). Even if it is a family member or a friend or even a neighbor that you have known all your life, it will only end badly. You will be wasting your time and putting yourself and other fellow survivors at risk.

  Rule # 229

  Don’t get yourself backed into a corner

  This will get you killed. You will have nowhere to go. Always be on the look out and take note of where you are going. This rule applies down alleys and also sideways. Make a mental note of this so as you are moving you are constantly looking for ways out. Don’t enter places that don’t have multiple exits.

  Rule # 230

  Don’t back track

  Whatever you do don’t back track. If you go back there may be zombies or even unwanted survivors. You don’t want to get yourself lost and end up walking into either a trap or worse.

  Rule # 231

  Get used to the sight of blood

  You will have to get used to the sight of blood you will be seeing a lot of it, you won’t have time to react to the blood and gore which you will inevitably come across during the zombie apocalypse, those split seconds could mean the difference between life and death. Learn not to be squeamish at the sight of blood.

  Rule # 232

  Use sunscreen

  Try to use sunscreen whenever possible. Stay in the shade and avoid being directly in the sun between the hottest parts of the day, which is normally between eleven am and three pm. If you don’t have and can’t acquire any sunscreen just cover up as much as possible, get a hat, shade yourself under trees or use umbrellas for protection.

  Rule # 233

  Don’t depend on power tools

  This rule is very important. You are about to kill a zombie that is heading straight for you and the chainsaw has run out of petrol or power. This rule applies to all power tools and tools that use petrol. Power tools can be an asset, a nail gun would be very handy for making your base safer.

  Rule # 234

  Acquire a crossbow or bow and arrow

  The arrow as a weapon is ideal. It is silent but very deadly. You won’t attract zombies using this and you can reuse the arrows. You will have to train and practice using the crossbow or bow and arrow. Don’t expect to just pick it up and automatically be a skilled marksman.

  Rule # 235

  Don’t rely on other people

  Relying on other people for your own safety may end up getting you killed. It doesn’t matter if it is a family member or a fellow team mate, the only person you can truly rely on is yourself.

  Rule # 236

  Poison is useless on the undead

  Remember this rule whether you are using poisonous gas or a poisonous dart, these will have no effect at all on the undead and will be almost useless. The only thing you may end up doing is putting yourself into danger.

  Rule # 237

  Assume that all technology will not exist

  At the first sign of the zombie apocalypse the Internet and even the phone towers may still be operational but it won’t be long before all forms of technology will become a distant memory.
If you’re lucky enough to find the Internet or phones working at the start of the apocalypse make the most of it by contacting relatives and finding out as much as you possibly can and if there are any safe zones you should be headed to.

  Rule # 238

  Initiate new survivors

  It is important to initiate new survivors to your close-knit group. When a new member joins your team it is important to test them and ensure that they are trustworthy. Try leaving the supply cupboard and exits open. I wouldn’t suggest leaving weapons unattended or else the test may go very wrong. Always tell other survivors your plans so that they can guard the exits if the shit hits the fan.

  Rule # 239

  Know your nose

  Get to know certain smells, from poisons to drugs and tainted food or drink. Learn the different smells and know when certain foods are safe to eat or not, this applies to food that has gone bad also. Using your nose could save your life.

  Rule # 240

  Carry a fanny pack/bum bag

  These are great for keeping your personal belongings, a survival knife and even small supplies of food and water. A fanny pack will allow you to carry these items conveniently in front of you without compromising your ability to protect yourself, by leaving your arms free. Fanny packs are ideal as they can be hidden under clothing and either worn at the back or front and kept secure by putting through the belt loops on your trousers.

  Rule # 241

  Be prepared to leave everything behind

  The one thing that is the most valuable to you is your life. Be prepared to leave everything you own, even possessions of great sentiment. You may even need to leave your base if it’s unsafe, which may mean leaving behind food and water supplies but don’t risk losing your life trying to reclaim belongings.

  Rule # 242

  Do not invade or loot from other groups of survivors

  Only do this if it is a matter of life and death. By this I mean if you have run out of food, water, ammunition or if your shelter has been compromised. Try first to reason with the new group, offering them trades either for information, personal belongings you may have or a trade of skills or knowledge. Only attack if you really have to, chances are you won’t come out alive.

  Rule # 243

  Don’t leave your base/house when being invaded by looters

  This rule is very important. Don’t leave your house and go to investigate. Whether you are investigating zombies or looters you will leave yourself open to attack. Survivors who are attacking you won’t know how many of you there are. Stay inside and make lots of noise. If you are on your own inside, let the outsiders think there are more. Use dummies, things shaped like heads, music or anything to make the rebel survivors think twice before attacking you. If you see attacking survivors and they haven’t seen you, do the opposite. Be as quiet as possible. Try to go undetected.

  Rule # 244

  Rules aren’t meant to be broken

  Rules aren’t meant to be broken. One of the last rules here is this – don’t break these rules. I’m not telling you that you can’t bend them slightly to suit your needs and your situation. They may work better in some situations than others but try to stick as close to these rules as possible. It will save your life.

  Rule # 245

  Learn CPR

  Before applying first aid make sure the patient needs it. Lightly tap on the patient’s shoulder and speak to them in a slow, clear and concise way. If you get a response there is no need to perform CPR. Apply the appropriate first aid.

  If the person is not breathing as they normally should be or even coughing or moving, start chest compressions. Begin by pushing down in the center of their chest twenty to thirty times. Pump hard and fast, make sure the pumps are faster than once per second.

  Make sure you tilt the head back and lift the chin. Pinch the nose and cover the mouth, placing yours over it, and begin to blow until you see the chest rise. Give an immediate burst of two breaths. The short burst/breath should last approx one second.

  Then continue to administer thirty pumps, followed by blowing. Repeat this step. For as long as you need to.

  Rule # 246

  Always be on the look out for dangerous creatures

  Don’t let the fact that zombies are on the loose take away the fact that you may encounter some very dangerous creatures like poisonous spiders, scorpions and snakes. Always be on the lookout, especially when setting up camp. Don’t set up your bed for the night on a red ants’ nest. If you are well-prepared try to get some insect repellent. Mosquitoes may be carrying the virus so always keep an eye on bites and stings and apply antiseptic creams where applicable.

  Rule # 247

  Acquire a Parry knife

  If you only have one knife in your bug-out bag or with you at all times, make it the Parry blade survival knife. This knife was designed in the mid nineties by Mel Parry from the British S.A.S. The Parry Knife is strong and heavy, the knife has a powerful chopping stroke and has many uses from prying, levering, cutting, whittling, and digging. This knife will cut through almost anything without breaking. It’s a good idea to wrap some para-cord around the handle of the Parry Knife, this will not only give you extra grip but you will always be equipped with para-cord for any survival situation. The knife itself measures approx 88” from the hilt to the point and is perfect for general uses and overall survival, protection and defense.

  Rule # 248

  You can never over prepare

  There is no such thing as over preparing, so keep preparing for any situation that may arise. Even if it doesn’t you will know that you can handle it if it does, and will survive.

  Rule# 249

  Don’t try to take or loot items from a zombie

  The zombie you have just killed may have that pair of sneakers you have been after for the last year or that designer hoodie (with only a few blood stains on it) but don’t even think about it! It is far too dangerous to try to acquire items from zombies either moving or dead, their clothing and belongings will also be contaminated with the virus.

  Rule#250

  Wear a face shield/ mask

  This is a simple yet very affective rule. Always wear a facemask where possible, not one that goes anywhere near your eyes but a small one, like a painters dust shield mask. This will stop blood splatter, fumes and airborne viruses.

  Rule# 251

  Acquire ninja throwing stars

  Ninja throwing stars (shuriken) are a great weapon and very deadly if they are handled correctly. The shuriken was once a highly guarded secret in Japan for good reason. You will need to practice using the shuriken. Also be careful when handling and carrying them. They are a fantastic weapon for defense from looters. If an unwanted survivor shows, throwing a ninja star in their direction will be enough to stop them in their tracks. Ninja throwing stars are light and easy to carry but should not be your first weapon of choice against zombies.

  Rule#252

  Acquire a stun gun

  Stun guns or stun batons are great as a deterrent. They easily fit in your pockets and come in a variety of sizes. There is even a large range of them disguised as everyday objects, from mobile phones to small tins. A great weapon for personal security against looters but don’t attempt to use it on a zombie or you won’t be the only one shaking. Stun guns are great as a back-up weapon but can’t be used multiple times without power to recharge.

  Rule#253

  Get yourself a monkey fist

  A monkey fist is a very easy to carry self-defense weapon. The monkey fist is basically rope or para-cord wrapped around a metal ball, normally the ball is around three quarters of an inch and made of steel. The cord can be made adjustable to reach as far as needed. This can be bought and made at home very easily and can be carried on your keychain or just placed in your pocket. The weapon itself looks like a monkey’s clenched fist. A knock with this to an unwanted survivor’s head could be fatal (don’t try to get close enough to a zombie to use it). If you can’t get hol
d of a monkey’s fist try making one. A good alternative is placing a pool ball inside a sock and tying the end, making a quick self-defense weapon.

  Rule#254

  Try to get hold of martial arts knives

  Push daggers, tantos and khukris are all great self-defense weapons and make really good back up weapons which can be used in close combat.

  Rule# 255

  Get an aluminum baseball bat

  Aluminum base ball bats are a great weapon against anyone. They give you enough leverage so as to not let people get too close. They are solid and very lethal and easily wipe clean.