The Zombie Rule Book: A Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

by Tony Newton

  Rule # 256

  Don’t scream

  Okay, this rule may sound obvious but people who are exposed to decapitated bodies for the first time or turn the corner only to find a zombie eating someone’s brains will instinctively scream. Prepare yourself as best you can and try your hardest not to scream, this will alert zombies and unwanted looters to you.

  Rule # 257

  Stakes don’t work on zombies

  They are not vampires. Placing a stake into the heart is useless; it will have no effect at all. It is not ideal to use a stake even when trying to destroy the brain, you would have to get really close to the zombie to drive the stake through its eye socket.

  Rule # 258

  Car alarms

  Car alarms can go off at the slightest touch. If you are hotwiring a car or even looting from the car, be careful and be aware that the car alarm could go off at any minute. If the alarm does go off it will alert zombies and other survivors of your whereabouts.

  Rule # 259

  Don’t exorcise zombies

  You may try getting a priest to rid the zombie of its possession. This does not work, is a waste of time and most likely will get you and the priest killed. Zombies will still kill you on holy ground. Hiding in churches and other places of worship is useless. Say your prayers at home and don’t travel to worship.

  Rule # 260

  Look after yourself

  From now on you will have to be your own doctor, nurse, psychiatrist and possibly even surgeon. You are now entirely responsible for yourself. Look out for warning signs to take it easy and learn when enough is enough and don’t forget to sleep and rest.

  Handy hints and tips

  Plants for survival

  When you have found sufficient shelter, warmth and water you will need a steady supply of food. In most survival situations when food supplies are limited and your stores of tinned goods and other food rations are running low, plants and nature can be a great asset to your food supply.

  Nature is ideal to provide you with food packed with nutrients.

  Some individuals may be sensitive to certain plants leading to an upset stomach so it’s advised to try in small quantities first.

  Always ensure you use this guide when eating new plants for the first time to insure they are safe to eat. Many plants can be poisonous and even deadly.

  Only test one part of the plant i.e. bud, root or stem.

  Always separate the whole plant into sections before use; the root, buds, leaves and flowers.

  Hold the plant close to your nose and smell the plant to see if it has a strong acidic odour.

  Do not eat any thing for at least eight hours before taking the following tests.

  Rub the plant on your wrists and on your elbows waiting for approximately fifteen minutes to see if any irritation occurs. If irritation occurs leave the plant and discard it immediately (do not eat it).

  Only drink pure water and the plant you are currently testing, if no irritation has occurred continue with the following tests.

  Take a small part of the plant then place it onto your lips. Rub the plant on and around your lips and put some just inside the bottom of your mouth. Wait for up to three minutes. If no irritation (itching or burning) appears, then continue.

  Place the plant onto your tongue, holding it there for a further fifteen minutes. If no reaction has occurred then begin to chew the plant but do not swallow at this point. Wait for a further fifteen minutes. If no irritation (itching or burning sensation) occurs, then continue to swallow the remainder of the plant in your mouth.

  Wait now for eight hours before eating any more of the plant. If within the past eight hours you have experienced any symptoms of burning, itching or nausea, immediately induce vomiting then slowly drink lots of water, sipping first.

  If you have had no side effects then eat a small amount of that part of the plant. If after the following eight hours you are fine and have no side effects then continue to eat the plant as normal.

  Be aware that some plants have flowers that are safe to eat but the root or the stem is poisonous. Be sure to test each part of the plant separately in the same way.

  Consuming large quantities of certain plants may cause diarrhea, stomach cramps or even nausea.

  When eating plants, as a rule, you have to be very careful not to eat any poisonous plants. If they have milky or discoloured sap, thorns, spikes or a bitter taste or an almond scent leave them alone and do not even attempt to eat them. Three-leaved plants or foliage are potentially dangerous. Red or white berries that you don’t know are safe can be potentially fatal. Always avoid eating plants that are shaped like beans.

  Here is a list of safe plants and berries to eat that you find in common gardens or woodlands.

  Clover

  Chicory

  Dandelions

  Chickweed

  Fireweed

  Strawberries

  Blackberries

  Prickly pear

  Cactus

  Plantain

  Wild garlic

  Onions

  Wood sorrel

  Green seaweed

  Kelp and even laver can be eaten

  Wild berries

  Blueberry

  Gooseberry

  May apple

  Elderflowers

  Mulberries

  Apples

  Pears

  Wild carrot

  Wild leeks

  Shepherds purse

  Cattails

  Purslane

  Nettles

  Lambs quarter/goosefoot

  Cooked elderberries are delicious and are full of nutrients.

  Burdock root can be eaten but avoid the leaves and tips.

  Please only attempt to eat the plants in a survival situation

  Avoid eating any wild mushrooms in a zombie apocalypse or at anytime.

  If you eat a poisonous mushroom you may not even know until a few days after eating it that it is poisonous. Poisonous mushrooms can badly affect the nervous system and are potentially deadly.

  Mushrooms are hard to identify. It is hard to be sure that the mushroom is safe.

  General Survival Tips

  Pencil and Duct tape

  Get hold of some duct tape. Duct tape is an all-round useful tape. This is ideal for sealing windows using polythene or black sacks. It can be used for making weapons, such as taping a knife to a broom to allow you to fight without having to come into close contact with the zombies.

  Use this tip when traveling and you can’t carry a large reel of tape with you.

  Try wrapping a small amount around a pencil. Make sure that the pencil is wooden. You will be able to use shavings from the pencil to start fires, use the lead for writing with and also use the duct tape. Always place a small amount of Blu Tack over the top of the pencil to ensure you don’t get injured when traveling.

  Common Cattail

  Common cattail can be used as a poultice on wounds, bites, boils, burns and even sores. Use the root of the cattail (Native Indians have been using this method for years).

  Spice Bush

  Spice bush makes a fantastic tea and is great to ward of colds, flu, sore throats and even arthritis. Use the berries from the spice bush to make a tea.

  Slippery Elm

  Be careful when preparing tea with slippery elm and ensure that you only use the inner bark to make a tea.

  Slippery Elm tea is great to help get rid of a sore throat and even an irritated stomach. It is great for clearing away mucous from the body.

  Woodlice

  Woodlice are great source of natural protein. They can be found in tree bark across the globe.

  Peanuts

  Peanuts are not only a good source of protein but are packed with calories which is ideal if eaten on long journeys and at times when you need those extra calories.

  On the hunt for water

  If you find yourself on the hunt for water but can only find dirty water which is unsafe to drink you
can still use it in boiling hot conditions. Soak your clothing in the water and wrap the soiled clothes around your head and neck to stop you from losing any more moisture from sweating. This may keep you going for longer, giving you more time to find a drinkable water source.

  Leaves for warmth

  If you find yourself having to sleep out in the open with no shelter, use leaves and branches to cover yourself. It’s a good idea to set out the branches in an apex shape, like a small one-man tent. Cover the structure with extra leaves and branches, then slide in and cover yourself with extra leaves for warmth.

  Petroleum jelly

  Petroleum jelly can be used as an insulation to cover exposed skin. This will keep you warm. It can also be used as a base for making your own candles (placing a birthday candle in a jar will make it last for hours). Petroleum jelly can also be used as a lip balm.

  Onions

  Onions can be used as an alternative to smelling salts to help bring someone round.

  Insulation

  Cardboard, crumpled-up newspapers and magazines can be used as insulation should you find yourself out at night battling the elements.

  Splints

  If you have to make a splint, make use of newspapers, old magazines and pieces of wood or branches.

  Campfires

  Be careful when making campfires. Always have at least a three-foot gap between the fire and yourself and be careful as the fire will attract zombies and other survivors.

  Jeans

  Jeans are a great all-round piece of clothing. They’re tough, sturdy and durable. Don’t wear flares in case you trip over or leave yourself open to being grabbed at.

  Camomile tea

  This is great for calming yourself and others. Camomile tea can also help you get a good night’s sleep naturally.

  Bolt cutters

  These are an essential piece of kit that you shouldn’t be without.

  Clean socks

  Try to change or wash out your socks frequently. Don’t forget you will be in them quite a bit and you will need them to be in good condition, with foot problems you won’t get far.

  Fireworks

  Fireworks can be used like flares, attracting attention but also zombies. Use them with caution.

  Roof tops

  Roof tops are ideal places to sleep, and a great viewpoint to plan your best escape route should you need to.

  Ak47

  Try to acquire an Ak47, and ammo of course (it would be useless without it). This will give you great protection against zombies but use it carefully as gun fire will attract them.

  Learn to tie knots

  Learn how to tie knots; study them, practice and practice again. This will be very useful for you.

  Walking stick/Cane

  Walking sticks and canes are very useful for long walks up hills and mountains, relieving you from some of the strain. Also lots of walking sticks have a stiff metal point on the bottom which is ideal as a weapon.

  Supermarket

  Find a supermarket. You will have everything you will need there. This will be a popular place to hide out so you will have to fight off a few survivors. Be sure to always weigh up the need with the risk factor.

  Shave when possible

  By ‘when possible’, I mean when you have a chance. Keep your hygiene up; growing a long beard will open you up for attack by someone grabbing the beard.

  Flares

  Try to obtain some flares, but use them wisely and only in a situation where you have to as they may attract unwanted attention. Don’t count on using flares to be rescued but these could be used as a signal between groups.

  Soap

  Always carry soap. Liquid soap is ideal but a small bar of soap in a polythene bag will suffice.

  Backpack

  Always have your backpack stocked with everything you need in case you have to leave in a hurry, which you will most likely have to do. Backpacks are ideal but be careful as a zombie could grab your backpack and put you in danger.

  Wheelbarrow

  Wheelbarrows are a great way of transporting your belongings or moving your newfound bounty.

  Peppermint oil

  Peppermint oil can be used as a pick me up, on skin used in carrier oil or used to deter vermin from your base. Use neat on the floor where vermin may get in.

  Shopping trolley

  Shopping trolleys are good for transportation of food and other items but be aware, some have locks on them when you get just around the corner from the supermarket. Also they can be loud and hard to get up and down curbs.

  Using music

  You can use car stereos or ghetto blasters as bait, with the music left on and put in a certain place. This will attract zombies and other survivors. Make sure you run quickly away from the car and don’t walk straight into the oncoming storm of zombies.

  Crank torch

  Try to get a crank, wind-up torch battery and save this for emergencies.

  Vitamin supplements

  If you can get hold of vitamin supplements, get them. No doubt you can’t just go to the supermarket and get your 5 a day. You will need supplements to keep your body running efficiently.

  Jars

  Use jars and screw bottles for drinks. Any leftover drinks can go into these and it will keep them fresh for longer.

  Keep your soda fizzy

  There is nothing worse in the zombie apocalypse than your favourite soda going flat. After you have poured yourself a glass, shake the bottle vigorously, ensuring that the lid is on. Do this daily and it will keep it fizzy for much longer.

  Bay leaves

  Bay leaves are great at keeping unwanted cockroaches and other creatures away from you and your belongings. Keep bay leaves in carrier bags and leave them where you are visited by unwanted creatures.

  Seeds

  Try to get your hands on some seeds; these plants will be your savings for the future.

  Protein powder

  Try to obtain some protein powder. You can have this with water or juice, which may be hard to get. This will help with your weight training and help you get in tip-top condition ready to fight.

  Think of a great memory

  No matter what, you will always have your memories, no one can take them away from you. Don’t dwell on the past but look forward to a better future.

  Shoes with laces

  Be careful of shoes with laces, they can easily come undone and trip you up, as well as getting caught and slowing you down. Slip-on or Velcro shoes are perfect.

  Dental floss

  Oral hygiene is a must and dental floss can also come in very handy for tying things, such as tying branches together to make a shelter.

  Wet wipes

  Wet wipes are great to keep yourself and your weapons and belongings clean and sanitized. You can use these to clean just about anything and they are a great addition to a first-aid kit. You can wash your face or even use them as toilet tissues.

  Barbed wire

  Be careful handling barbed wire and climbing over it. Use barbed wire to protect your base from zombies (they aren’t keen on it either).

  Garlic

  Garlic is great. Not only is it a natural antibacterial and can help to stop food poisoning but it will give your immune system the boost it will need in these unsanitary conditions.

  Tin opener

  If you have stocked up on tinned goods, don’t forget the tin opener. You may think you are well-prepared stocking up on tinned goods but if you can’t open them you will only waste energy trying.

  Toothache

  Toothache still hurts even in a zombie apocalypse. If you have toothache you may very well wish you were dead. Raw garlic and cloves are good at easing the pain and preventing teeth from becoming infected at the roots.

  Caffeine pills

  Equip your bug-out bag with caffeine pills. Don’t take too many of these as it won’t do you any good but in situations where you are on your own, or on guard, they will be a great little boost.
r />   Compass

  Prepare your bag with a compass; you will need this in your survival kit. This will help you to work out how to get where you want to go. For most survivors, after a period of time, you will need to be on the move. You won’t want to be wandering aimlessly and will need a plan of action. Getting to a safe area without a compass will be tricky.

  Obtain a saw

  Just a small saw will do, but a saw is a must. If you can get a survival commando wire saw, equip yourself with one before the apocalypse begins. If you can’t get your hands on the best, any small saw will do. This will be essential for cutting wood for shelters and fires, and also making weapons from wood.