Child's Play: A Spaceman's Story

by Guerin Zand

  I just smiled and asked, “Well since you never had steak and eggs I assume you used my memory dumps again?”

  “It’s not a big deal Guerin.”

  We sat and ate our breakfast. It was really good, I have to say. I enjoyed any time I spent with Milly and I couldn’t help smiling and staring into her eyes. I was concerned though that this was the calm before the storm.

  “Guerin why did you turn down Sly’s offer?”

  “If you talked to him then you should know. Why should I repeat myself?”

  “Do you really want to go home that badly?”

  “Milly it’s not that simple. I really like being with you but it doesn’t make any sense to me. We’ve had this talk. I can’t stay here. I don’t belong. Besides I have responsibilities back home. I can’t abandon my life on Earth. People depend on me. The dogs depend on me. I have financial obligations I can’t ignore. You don’t just run off for the next good thing that comes along. That’s irresponsible. Do you want someone to take this job, I guess I don’t know what else to call it, who doesn’t live up to their responsibilities?”

  “What are you doing here then? Do you see this as some sort of spring break full of drinking and scoring as many space babes as you can in the short time you have? If that’s the case, then you should probably go ahead and sleep with Julie so you can score more points before you leave. Better yet, why don’t I get a bunch of space babes together for a big orgy for your sendoff party. You’d probably rack up a really good score for multiple space babes, right?”

  Was Milly breaking her promise and dumping memories without my permission. How did she know about the scoring system? I thought it best to just leave it alone.

  I grabbed Milly’s hand across the table and said, “Come on Milly you know it’s not like that. I mean, maybe in my fantasies, yes, but not in reality. In this reality, I care about you a lot and I don’t see you as some score. Ok, if I was talking to the guys back home I might refer to it like that, but that’s just guy talk. You have to know how I really feel about you don’t you?”

  “Then take the job. We can help you take care of all your issues. You won’t be abandoning anything.”

  “And how do I know that you’re not just seducing me to get me to say yes? Once I do, your off to the next big project.”

  “Because I love you, you idiot!” And the tears began to flow. Maybe she was a good actress but I didn’t think so.

  I stood up and walked over to her and got down on one knee. I took her hands in mine and gave her a light kiss and said, “Please Milly don’t cry. You know that’s not fair.”

  “Maybe it’s not fair but like you said we aliens like to cheat.” A little smile came to her face as she giggled and snorted through the tears.

  “There are still other issues Milly.”

  “Like what?”

  “I mentioned one last night, you probably don’t remember since you were shitfaced. My voice? I never had a good singing voice and I my sense of tone is not that great yet last night I had a great voice and it seemed I also now have perfect pitch. I tuned the guitar by ear and I was spot on. The fact they I could tell the difference is also new. And my memory. I remembered that song perfectly as though the song book was right in front of me. Thinking about it, I found that my memories are much clearer to the point it’s almost like I have a photographic memory. I’m even starting to look younger. I didn’t notice at first but tell me you can’t see the difference? What did Julie do to me?”

  “She wasn’t supposed to do anything besides what she said she had done. I’m sorry. She may have done something she wasn’t supposed to do. We need to talk to her.”

  “Milly?”

  “I promise Guerin I don’t know, or at least I don’t know for sure.”

  Milly then called Julie and told her to come to my room right away. I just looked at her. So many things were happening I couldn’t explain and I couldn’t help wondering if Milly knew exactly what was going on.

  Julie walked in and asked, “What’s the emergency Milly?”

  “What did you do to Guerin?”

  “I didn’t do anything. We kissed a few times but then he ran off. I swear that’s all I did.”

  “I’m not talking about last night Julie. He’s noticing changes to his body, memory and other things. What did you do?”

  “Oh, that. Well I just did what the plan called for.”

  “That wasn’t your decision Julie. It was up to Guerin to make that choice. Now he’ll never trust us. You just couldn’t help screwing this up, could you?”

  “I don’t see what the big fuss is. He’s crazy about you, and I could see that from the minute you brought him on the shuttle. I just figured there was no reason to put it off when I had him in quarantine.”

  “Will someone please tell me what the fuck you two are talking about?”

  “I fixed you. That’s all.”

  “What do you mean you fixed me?”

  “Oh, not like that silly boy. Don’t worry. Your reproductive system is still intact.”

  “What are you talking about then Julie?”

  “I mean, I fixed you. All your flaws, and trust me there were plenty. Humans are pretty much the same as us Bree but you have a lot of imperfections. I just fixed those. You’ll be able to learn faster and retain that knowledge which will help you with acclimating to this society, your healthier than any other human and you won’t age like normal humans. You’re pretty much Bree.”

  “Why in hell would you do that to me? How can I go back home now? I can’t just act normally when all my friends and family grow old and die and I don’t. I’ll have to hide somehow, live in seclusion, or I’ll be the one on the alien autopsy table.”

  “Exactly. Now you don’t have a reason to turn down the committee’s offer. I did you a favor.”

  “You fucking bitch! You need to leave now. If you don’t leave ....”

  “Alright. Alright. I’m leaving.”

  I was furious. My reality was already in a fucked-up state but knowing I could just go home and get back to normal was what it made it all easier. Now I could only see how screwed I actually was. I couldn’t even look at Milly, I was so pissed. I just got up and went to get dressed.

  I know what you’re thinking. That sounds cool. To be totally healthy and being able to live for God know how long. But you’re wrong. Think of it like this. What if it was a sex change? Ok, I know, I would have noticed that sooner, but that’s not the point. The point is what if someone had made that decision for you? That’s how I felt. The rest of my life, no matter how long that was, was forever changed. There were a lot of implications to this and just the ones that came to me off the top of my head worried me. What about all the implications I couldn’t imagine?

  “I’m sorry Guerin. She wasn’t supposed to do that, I mean, not without your approval. I was going to bring this up as a solution to your objections but it was still supposed to be your decision. You have to believe me. I didn’t know what Julie had done.”

  “I don’t know what to believe anymore Milly. Just don’t even talk to me. I’m about to explode and trust me you haven’t seen a real tantrum yet, so just drop it.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to get totally FUCKING sauced.”

  I really wished the door to my room had a slam mode because I really wanted to slam the door when I left. I grabbed a magic pad, I didn’t even bother wondering how one was actually waiting for me, and headed to that restaurant Sly and I had lunch at. I knew they had booze there, and it was close.

  Chapter 21

  Drowning My Problems

  I found my way to the restaurant and ignored the hostess and headed straight for the bar. I ordered a Gluark and slammed it down and then ordered another. I was starting to attack that one when Sly showed up.

  “Do you mind if I join you Guerin?”

  “I won’t be very good company right now Sly. You might just want to leave me to what I have t
o do.”

  Sly sat down next to me anyways and ordered himself a Gluark.

  “Did Milly send you?”

  “She called me and told me what Julie did. Julie will be admonished for what she did, trust me. This should never have happened.”

  “Don’t worry Sly. I’m already planning Julie’s demise. I just need to get several more drinks in me so I can come up with a good plan first. I guess I got all the time in the world now, don’t I? Perhaps I can impress your wife with the depths of human vengeance and patience.”

  “Don’t do anything rash Guerin. Milly has already hidden your gun, just in case you might be thinking about that. A good plan sounds like the right approach. Do you mind if I help with that?”

  “Sure, why not. Maybe you could start by taking me to a proper seedy little dive where a man can get seriously shitfaced?”

  “Well I don’t know about seedy, but the bars around the space docks tend to be a bit more colorful if that would help?”

  “Sure, let’s go.”

  I finished my second Gluark and Sly left about half of his at the bar. We proceeded to a magic pad and the main transport hub. We walked to the closest elevator and headed down, which of course ended up heading up again. The other side was our destination.

  We exited the elevator and headed down a walkway until Sly stop and turned into an open door. Well, let’s just say my idea of a seedy bar is bit different from Sly’s. There were a bunch of sailors or merchant marines or whatever you call them here sitting at the bar and various tables, drinking God knows what. It was a bar alright but where was the noise. No rowdy drunks or fist fights. The air was clean and sterile as everywhere else, no smoke or other foul smells that tell you this is my kind of place. Not even a single neon sign telling one this was a bar. This universe needed a lot of work if you asked me.

  We found a table and Sly motioned the waitress for a couple of more Gluarks.

  “So, is this more to your liking Guerin? I figured we would hit the other side where it’s the night time. It’s always Gluark-thirty somewhere.” He smiled.

  “Yes, this is better, but this universe really needs work. If I brought you to a bar on Earth near the ocean docks you’d see what I mean. You really need to get out more in the universe Sly.” And the Gluarks arrived.

  “You have to understand Guerin that this ship, is a Bree ship. They’re not only the oldest race we know about but probably the most boring as well. It’s all strictly business for those guys. The only reason we have these places is because most of the people who work here would refuse to come here if they didn’t exist.”

  I took a nice long drink of the Gluark in front of me and asked, “So tell me what is the actual names you use for this and the other side? I mean you said we are at the other side but isn’t that sort of a relative term?”

  “This side is the night side and the other side is the day side for easy reference. The night side is dark, and the day side is light during what is designated as the early hours of the day.”

  “Milly thought that teaching me to tell time using the ‘space’ standard wasn’t worth the effort. Why do they always have to be so insulting? I mean, I’m sure I could understand something as simple as a time keeping system.”

  “You want me to explain the Bree to you? It would be easier to explain women.”

  We both drank to that.

  “I would be happy if you could explain either. Seems the root of my problem is Bree women and if I could understand one or the other it would probably be a big help.”

  We both drank to that as well.

  “Look Guerin, don’t be so hard on Milly. It’s Julie that caused this problem and they are totally different creatures.”

  “Sly, I would appreciate if you wouldn’t mention that ‘other’ woman’s name. In fact, if you do it again I am going to have to cut you off and find another drinking partner.”

  “Fair enough, but you need to understand some things. Milly is still a very young woman without a lot of experience. The ‘other’ woman has been around for quite a while and she is a high-ranking member of the Bree Council. Milly is her protégé.”

  “What do you mean Milly is young? She’s probably twice my age if not more.”

  “You can’t trick me into telling you her age Guerin, but let’s just say a Bree doesn’t mature emotionally in the same time frame as humans. You have a short life so you have to mature faster. You are in what, your late 20’s or early 30’s, when you reach that age you would consider emotionally mature. And that age continues to change as the human life expectancy increases. For Bree, it can take a few hundred years or more. They physically mature at about the same rate as humans but not emotionally.”

  “What are you saying Sly? Have I been banging some grade school kid?” And I took another drink.

  “No, No. Look Milly is no child. She is very smart and good at her job but putting her in charge of this Earth contact was the doing of the Bree Council and in particular, that ‘other’ woman. We had a lot of reservations about it but when the Bree want something they usually get their way around here. Your involvement with her added even more reasons for concern. She hasn’t really had a serious relationship before you know? We did see this coming but all we could do is hope it all worked out. The Bree are usually right.”

  “So what? Am I supposed to feel sorry for Milly now?”

  “Just try and not blame her for other people’s actions. We all like Milly. She’s a good kid. Stella is extremely fond of her and I wouldn’t doubt the two of them are sharing a few drinks right now as well.”

  I took another drink as I responded. “Well good for them!”

  “Hey, look who’s here. Does your wife now you’re out drinking Sly?”

  “I’ve got a kitchen pass Bart.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s what the humans call it when their wives give them permission to go out without them.”

  “Oh. So, do you mind if I join you two?”

  “Sure. Why not.” I answered.

  “I heard about Julie’s latest stunt. Probably won’t cost her anything since she is on the Council. I wouldn’t doubt the Council ok’d the whole thing behind our backs knowing Julie.”

  “ARRRGGGGGGGH” and I slammed down the rest of my drink.

  “We’re not allowed to mention her name. You can refer to her as the ‘other’ woman only, in front of Guerin. Otherwise you have to leave.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  The waitress came over and I ordered another round for me and Bart. Sly was falling behind.

  “You going to nurse that drink all day Sly or you going to join the party?” I asked.

  “Someone has to make sure you make it back safely Guerin.”

  “Why? Don’t make excuses. Drink up. You’re falling behind.”

  “You know Bart. If we were back on Earth at a bar we could play a drinking game. Every time you mention that ‘other’ woman you’d have to buy the table a round. But in this fucked-up universe you don’t have money, which totally sucks. You can’t buy a round so the game just won’t work. As I was telling Sly, this universe really needs some help.” And I continued to drink.

  “And another thing. The night life around here is boring. On Earth, a bar next to the docks would be full of rowdy’s and fights can sometimes break out as the patrons get good and drunk. The police would come and some of us might even end up in jail.”

  “We don’t have police or jails here Guerin.”

  “Then how do you know you’ve had a good time? Back home when you wake up in a jail cell, you know it must have been a good night.”

  Bart slammed back his drink. “That does sound like fun. Don’t let this boring Bree ship jade you to the rest of the universe though. There are plenty of planets, especially outside the Collective, where things get more than a little wild. My own home has been known to frighten some visitors.”

  “What do you mean outside the Collective?”

  “T
he Collective is what some of us call the alliance of races that includes the Bree.”

  “So, there are worlds that don’t get assimilated?”

  “Sure. Some worlds just don’t want to have anything to do with the Bree. They find them to arrogant and stifling.”

  “No shit!” And I slammed down the rest of my Gluark catching up to Bart.

  “Other worlds are just not welcome in the Collective. They may be hostile towards others or just not measure up to the Bree’s concept of acceptable behavior. All the worlds have a choice, as will Earth one day.”

  I motioned for the waitress and asked, “Please Bart. Tell me more about these rebel worlds?”

  “Well if you want excitement that’s the place to be. They have pirates, bar fights, murder, slavery and little wars between rival worlds. I like to head out there every now and then just to let off steam.”

  The waitress brought us two more drinks. Sly was still nursing his.

  “Come on Sly drink up. You got a kitchen pass. Use it or lose it. I know they sent you to babysit me but screw them. It’s guy’s rules down here.” And finally, we guilted him into finishing his drink and the waitress had figured out about this time that we weren’t stopping any time soon.

  “That’s your fourth Gluark Guerin. I warned you that you really shouldn’t go past three.”

  “I took that as a challenge Sly. I’m still good. I can probably handle at least six today.”

  “I like your attitude Guerin.” Bart replied and we all raised our glasses for another drink.

  “So, Bart. Do your people have fancy warships and such so you can go out into these rebel outposts?”

  “No, but our ships defenses will handle anything they can come up with. The Bree provide the best tech for defense but not offensive weapons. They have them but there not like the stuff in the Earth movies unfortunately. The rebel worlds, as you call them, know better than to mess with any Collective members anyways. They may not be part of the Collective but if they should do anything stupid the Bree would shut them down in a second. You don’t fuck with the Bree.”

  “Tell me about it.” And we all drank to that.