Secrets That We Keep

by Linda Kage

  His blue-gray eyes filled with apology and regret as he fetched the wallet as slow as he could without looking too suspicious.

  Feeling bad for him because he seemed so miserable, I mouthed the words it’s okay.

  In return, he huffed out a breath, closed his eyes, and nodded his head.

  I wasn’t sure what was bothering him more: lying so blatantly to his sister or deserting me here without any kind of goodbye or end to our—um—conversation. But it was most certainly tormenting him.

  He absolutely could not tell Isabella what she’d just interrupted though. Neither of us wanted that. I didn’t wish for another violent confrontation with her, and she would definitely attack me. He didn’t need to be ousted as a betraying brother, and neither of us wanted her to get hurt. And this kind of caught-in-the-act discovery would be the most brutal way by far to tell her that Gracen and I were a thing.

  If we were a thing.

  I guess that hadn’t exactly been decided yet either. So yeah, we needed to discover if this was just a slipup or actually the beginning of something more serious before discussing if Isabella even needed to know about it at all.

  “Gracen?” his sister murmured, sounding concerned again. “What’s wrong?”

  He opened his eyes and looked up. “Nothing,” he told her, sending her a tight smile as he pocketed his wallet and shut the desk drawer. “I think I’m ready.”

  Before he moved away, though, he blindly nudged me with his toe before rubbing the tip of his loafers up my shin in farewell.

  Then he was gone, and a second later, I heard his office door shut.

  I remained hidden there a good minute after he and his sister had left, processing what had just happened.

  Almost getting caught by his twin had been bad. Making out at the office probably hadn’t been any better, but a smile started to curve up my lips anyway as I lifted my fingers to my mouth. I could still feel an echo of him there, nipping at the tender corner before trailing his way down toward my throat.

  He hadn’t held back on the passion, not even a little, and it hadn’t spooked me once. His hands had been all over me, my breasts, hips, and thighs. His erection had very insistently nudged the very nucleus of my pulsing pussy through a very slim strip of moist underwear, and I hadn’t even considered having a panic attack or pushing him away.

  I wasn’t sure if this meant I was finally healing and getting better, or if it was just Gracen Lowe who couldn’t seem to frighten me no matter what he did. But it was good. It was very, very good news.

  For the first time in nearly a year and a half, I felt like I could maybe be a normal woman and experience a healthy sex life again and live free of fear. It was such a nice emotion I couldn’t even care about anything else just yet.

  For me, this was a win, and I was going to take the moment to enjoy it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Bella

  THAT FRIDAY

  I had almost told Gracen about me and Fox the other day when I’d taken him out for lunch. It’d been on the tip of my tongue to just blurt it out there as he’d sat across the table from me and frowned down at his menu, trying to decide what to order.

  But then my heart had started to thump—hard—and this swishing buzzing sound had filled my ears while my head went super light. I about drove myself into a freaking panic attack with how anxious I was over telling him the simple truth, and so…

  I chickened out.

  Besides, something was going on with him, and it was making him act strange. I wondered if he was upset with me because I’d refused to tell him who the Warthog was on my phone or if he had something else going on to the side that was bothering him, but he’d been so distracted throughout the entire meal that I think he only heard about twenty percent of everything I said to him.

  The way he’d looked when I’d first gone into his office concerned me, though. What if he had health issues he didn’t want to tell me about because it’d freak me out? I hoped he’d confide in me if something was wrong. But just thinking about him possibly being ill made my guilt about not confessing my relationship with Fox triple.

  So today, I stopped by the mall after work to do him a big favor. The family was having a big collective baby shower for all the couples who were going to have babies within the next nine months, plus Lucy Olivia. She was probably only three months along by now, but Rory was going to pop any minute, so the moms in the groups decided to celebrate all their approaching births together.

  Which meant I had four baby presents to purchase in the next hour.

  Since I already knew my twin would never remember to get his own gifts for them, I doubled what I’d usually pay for each little bambino so I could slap his name on the card and just have him pay me back. After texting him what I was doing, I grinned at the grateful, you’re-the-best-sister-ever message he sent back. And wheeling my heaping cart full of infant paraphernalia toward the nearest checkout station in the store, I paused when I passed the ladies’ lingerie department.

  The way Fox always—and I mean, always—appreciated it whenever I wore something new to bed, yet he never made requests or demands for anything specific, made me want to get something new for him. Just because.

  So I checked the time, realized I still had a couple of minutes to spare before I had to start toward the baby shower, and I steered my load in between a rack of dominatrix nighties and sheer lacy white nightgowns to have a little look-see.

  Fox seemed to equally appreciate everything I wore for him, so it honestly didn’t matter what I chose; he’d probably love it. I swept my gaze over the entire section, looking for something to catch my own eye, when I saw her.

  I blinked, stunned immobile as I took in the perky blond ponytail she wore with the smart business pantsuit.

  Yellow looked perfect. As usual.

  Bitter loathing mixed with aching regret instantly boiled in my stomach, making it churn painfully. I couldn’t get the memory of finding her in my ex-fiancé’s bed out of my head any more than I could clear away all the good times we’d had together. She’d been my favorite female in that group of people. Ethan’s friends and their wives and significant others had always been just a tad bit too entitled and stuck on themselves for my taste. But Yellow had this sweet, innocent, quirky fun side about her, and she’d made nights out with that crew bearable. I never would’ve guessed she’d be the worst, most deceitful betrayer of the lot.

  My chin trembled as I stared at her, watching her from the back as she chewed on her thumbnail as if nervous and reached out hesitantly to touch a silky, short, dark blue nightgown. She looked so much like the Yellow from before. The one who’d been nice and friendly. It freaking hurt to even look at her.

  Which pissed me off.

  “Ethan likes the scarlet red nighties best, in case you were wondering,” I sneered, unable to help myself as the anger and pain mounted inside me.

  Yellow whirled around, brown eyes wide with surprise, as she pressed her hand to her chest.

  “Isabella,” she rasped.

  “Unless you’re no longer with Ethan,” I went on cattily, narrowing my eyes as I let my gaze sweep derisively over her. “But that would be just a shame if you two were no longer together. I mean, after all that work you went through to steal him away from me…” I paused to tsk my tongue mournfully and shake my head slowly. “One would hope you’d be able to make it through—what’s it been—about a year and a half now? I was with him for over two years. So surely you could keep him longer than that, huh?”

  Yellow’s face blanched of all color as she stared at me without speaking. Then she managed to clear her throat discreetly and murmur a quiet, respectful, “How have you been?”

  It pissed me off that she couldn't even answer my question. She obviously didn’t have the guts to admit that she and Ethan were most likely long over by now.

  Humph.

  Cheating skank. I bet she was picking out something to wear for some married guy right now. I almost
suggested that she try calling the man’s wife to help her figure out what kind of lingerie he liked most. But her gaze lowered and accidentally landed on the contents in my cart.

  “Oh!” she blurted in surprise, gaping at the over three hundred dollars’ worth of baby shit I was about to purchase. Attention flashing up to my face, she stuttered around a moment before spitting out, “Co—congratulations.”

  I rolled my eyes but didn’t bother to correct her that none of this was for me. “You just cannot stop the whole I’m-so-innocent-and-perfect act, can you? I mean, come on. I know what you really are. You can show your true face now.”

  Yellow winced and blew out a long sigh.

  Her expression turned pained and regretful, but oddly enough, it seemed more like she felt sorry for me, not guilty and regretful about everything she’d done to me. “I honestly only wish you the best, Isabella. I really do. Now, if you’ll excuse me...”

  With that, she turned and started to leave, refusing to get into any kind of argument or altercation with me.

  The bitch. How dare she take the high road while I was trying to be as nasty and mean as I could? Making herself appear all decent and kind.

  I knew better.

  I fucking knew she was the furthest thing from decent there was. She ruined lives.

  She’d ruined my life.

  “You’re not even going to say sorry to me, are you?” I snapped after her.

  She paused, then slowly turned back. Shaking her head, she rasped from a broken voice, “Oh, I am sorry. I’m sorry for so, so many things. But I doubt any of them are what you think they should be for.”

  I furrowed my brow. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  She didn’t answer, remaining irritatingly poised and elusive.

  “I just hope that the man you’re with now treats you like a queen. Because that’s what you deserve.”

  “Well, he does,” I snapped back unable to help myself. “He’s the best man I’ve ever met. A hundred times better than Ethan. And he loves me without question.”

  Yellow nodded, smiling with genuine warmth. “Good. That’s...good. Have a nice life, Bella.”

  I didn’t stop her when she left this time. She was no fun to argue with, anyway. The woman simply refused to take my bait. It made me feel like the bad guy here, and I was not the bad guy in this situation. I was the freaking victim, dammit.

  But I didn’t want to be a victim anymore. I’d been trying to break free from that rut, which caused something that Yellow had said to ring true in my head.

  I did deserve a man who treated me like a queen.

  Thank you, Yellow. You fake, lying asshat. I guess even a broken clock was right twice a day, and you were surprisingly correct about one thing.

  It was good that I had such a wonderful man in my life now. I should be grateful that Yellow had taken Ethan out of the equation for me. I wouldn’t have ever tried anything with Fox if she hadn't. And Fox was by far the best thing to have ever happened to me.

  Which made me think about the one wish he had been craving most lately, and that was just the permission to let the rest of the world know he loved me.

  God. I had been awful to him, hadn’t I? My own fears and stupid insecurities had hurt him.

  Well, no more.

  Knowing exactly what I wanted to do about it, I grinned big. My heart started to thump hard, maybe in anxiety, maybe in fear, or maybe in giddy anticipation, but I figured it was that same terrifying yet exhilarating rush a person got whenever they strapped on a bungee cord before jumping off a bridge.

  Today, I was going to jump.

  I hurried through purchasing my cart full of things and getting them gift wrapped, then I rushed outside to my car.

  A ding from my phone had me checking the Bluetooth screen on the dash as soon as I slid behind the wheel and started the engine, where a little red notification dot appeared, letting me know I had a new message.

  After calling out to my phone’s voice assistant, I said, “Play my messages,” and a computerized voice with an Australian accent told me I had one new text from my warthog.

  Warmth spread through me as I listened to my car speakers report, “Warthog says, ‘Where are you? You’re already missing some serious entertainment.’ Would you like to reply?”

  “Yes,” I nearly shouted, more than ready to tell Fox how I felt. And I almost added, “I love you,” to the end of my reply when I told him I was on my way; I’d just had to get some gifts before heading over. But I held back because I didn’t want to tip him off to my plans. I wanted to see the absolute shock on his face when I did exactly what I was planning to do.

  “Well, hurry,” Siri told me his answer was. “There’s an epic grandpa smackdown in progress. And by the way, I will never understand how you can always wait until the last minute to buy gifts yet still pick out the perfect presents. It’s some kind of superpower.”

  A grandpa smackdown?

  Must be between Beau and Lucy’s father, Noel, and Teagan’s dad, Ten. I swear, Uncle Noel and Uncle Ten nearly came to blows every time they got together. They argued and bickered about everything; sometimes it was hard to believe they’d been best friends for over thirty years. But one thing always remained true: they were completely entertaining to watch together. I was definitely going to have to get a play-by-play account from Fox when I got there.

  “Five blocks away,” I let him know, biting my lip from the nerves that rose. I was probably going to up-show all the new parents-to-be with my shocking move, but I couldn’t seem to care. I was done hiding from my own feelings.

  After finally finding a parking spot nearly two blocks past Uncle Pick and Aunt Eva’s house, I lugged my four loaded sacks of presents to the front door, breaking the carrying handle on one because the contents were so heavy in the process.

  My twin met me at the door, rushing over to relieve me of the bags, and whispering, “Thank you for including me. I was just going to give each mother money.”

  “Don’t worry; I got you,” I told him, only to snicker as I watched him struggle to take on half the bags. “Your name’s already on all the cards. So just get me the money whenever.”

  “Sweet. You’re a lifesaver. I owe you one.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” I told him with a warning lift of my brows before we parted ways to put our respective gift bags on different tables according to whatever baby-parents’ names were hanging from a decorated sign above them.

  Very organized. Aunt Julianna must’ve had a hand in planning this event, which made total sense since she owned a party-planning business.

  As soon as I dropped off my last gift to its assigned place, I rubbed my hands together and turned to survey the room. Mom was over by Aunt Eva, hovering around the four sets of new parents, where they seemed to be seated in some kind of seats of honor, keeping them pampered and cared-for before the main event started. Dad was over chatting with Uncle Brandt and Uncle Colton. Riley, Haven, and Chloe were grouped together, talking avidly about something. And Gracen was dusting off his own hands by another table, looking satisfied and happy with himself for successfully delivering all the presents he had no hand in picking out. I could have gone toward any of those directions and inserted myself in their different conversations and been perfectly content and welcomed.

  But when my gaze latched on to Fox, and I found him watching me with an amused expression on his face, I started toward him. What I wanted most right now was to hug my boyfriend and feel his arms around me, maybe even kiss him hello. So that’s what I went to do.

  As if reading the intent on my face, Fox blinked, and his entertained smirk dropped into an expression of acute shock and hope.

  Are you? he asked with his eyes.

  Yes, I answered, my smile growing.

  This was bound to get some kind of reaction out of everyone in the room, but I didn’t care. I was ready to claim my Fox.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Fox

 
TEN MINUTES EARLIER

  Baby showers probably weren’t supposed to be so damn amusing, but nothing ever ended up being as it was typically supposed to be at any of my family’s events. So I actually didn’t have a problem attending what was probably “supposed to be” a female-dominated party. I knew I was going to go away vastly entertained.

  I wasn’t even talking to anyone in particular at the moment. I mean, I’d made the expected greetings to my parents and sister and other assorted non-cousins and unrelated family. But I was currently just leaning against a little section of wall, out of the way, and sipping on a small plastic cup of extra-sweet blue punch, taking it all in.

  It was a mystery to me if the mothers had even thought things through when they’d decided to put all four pregnant ladies in the spotlight together, but poor Lucy Olivia looked like she’d rather be anywhere else on earth than seated up front with the other three couples. She didn’t even have a baby bump yet while Nia, Skylar, and Rory looked as if they might be carrying triplets each.

  It was so obvious that she was the only one without a baby daddy present too. Her mother was currently grabbing her brother’s arm and hissing, “Why don’t you go sit up there by your sister? She looks lonely.”

  “Mom,” Beau groaned to Aspen. They were standing about five feet from me, so I was able to hear the entire account. “No. It’d only make things worse, and she’d look even more pathetic. Besides, if she wanted or needed some man sitting by her through her pregnancy, she’d have one.”

  “You know he died. It’s not her fault that she’s—”

  “Plus,” Beau cut in insistently, “I’ve already been through the baby shower hot seat of horror when Braiden came along. I’m not going through that again.”

  “Unless you and Bentley finally decide to have another,” Aspen clipped back and lifted her brows as if to demand to know why he hadn’t yet provided her with another grandchild.