Promise Me

by Hilary Wynne

  Julian is quiet for a minute. “I’m not so sure he was surprised. I’m very good at reading people. Something tells me Jordan had his suspicions that this baby might be his, and he’s pissed because it is. I was apparently the only one who didn’t know he and Caroline were sleeping together.” Crap. I hear the question in his voice. He’s thinking about Luke. He knows Luke and Jordan are good friends. “Did Luke ever say anything to you about them?”

  This is so not a conversation I want to be having with Julian. “God, no. I didn’t know anything about Caroline until she showed up in your office that Monday morning. I had no idea who Jordan was with. We never talked about him.”

  As I ramble, I know I sound defensive, so I put the brakes on really quickly and try to change the subject.

  “Anyway, I hope your parents can move past it. I can imagine it’s very painful for them.”

  “It’s painful for all of us, Lexie. You too.”

  “It’s not about me, Julian.”

  He sounds frustrated. “How can you even say that? This changed everything between us and you haven’t said a word about how you’re feeling.” I’m about to respond when he cuts me off.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t asked you how you’re feeling. My parents did. My mom wanted to know how you were dealing with the news.”

  “You told your parents you’re talking to me?”

  “Sí. Is it a secret? Haven’t you told your parents?” Shit, no. I haven’t told them. I haven’t even thought about it. I’m not telling him that though, because I’d have to admit I’m hesitant to tell anyone because I’m convinced our reconciliation will be very short lived.

  “It’s not a secret. I just figure your parents hate me, and the last thing you all need to be talking about is me.”

  “Lexie, nobody hates you. I’m not going to lie and say they weren’t disappointed by your actions, but they care about you. As a matter of fact, my mom asked if you were coming to Yvette’s wedding with me. It’s the Saturday after this one.”

  I haven’t thought about the wedding in a few days. I’d like to say I didn’t remember at all, but Serena brings it up every five minutes. It’s going to be a huge affair and at one time I was very excited to be going.

  “I guess that’s up to you. Are you inviting me?” I hold my breath waiting for his answer, even though I hope he wouldn’t bring it up if he didn’t want me to go.

  His voice is soft and he seems unsure. “Yes, I’d like you to go.”

  “Are you sure? Because I’ll understand if you’d rather not bring me. People will ask questions and I know you aren’t ready to talk about what’s going on between us right now. It’s probably going to be uncomfortable.”

  “Do you think I’m hesitant because I worry about what anyone thinks? You should know I don’t really care what people think about what I do.”

  He sounds very frustrated with me. Ugh. I can’t say anything right. “If you aren’t worried about what people will think, then what are you worried about? Please don’t say ‘nothing’, because I do know you a little bit, and I can hear it in your voice.”

  Julian sighs. “We were going to get married. It’s a wedding.” He leaves it at that.

  Okay. I get it. He’s uncomfortable because if he takes me to a wedding, it’ll make me think about getting married and he will feel pressure because he’s not ready to be there again with me. I’m so stupid for not seeing that right away. Why…why do I always need to keep asking questions? Julian takes my pause for what it is, a time for me to find the right words.

  “You don’t have any feelings about that?”

  Um, yeah. Lots of them. “I understand why being at a wedding with me would make you uncomfortable. I told you earlier and I was serious, I don’t have any expectations of you. You don’t need to worry that I’m going to freak out and get all emotional because we aren’t engaged anymore.”

  The silence that follows my statement is thick and heavy with tension. I can sense it, even through the phone. Damn, I said something wrong again. I can’t win.

  “Julian?”

  “I’m going to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

  What? He’s hanging up on me. “Wait. What did I say wrong this time? I swear I can’t say anything right these days. I’m trying my hardest to give you the space you need to figure this all out, and you get annoyed at me no matter what I say. I can’t win.”

  “You’re a smart girl, Alexa. Figure it out.”

  “I can’t figure it out. I can’t figure anything out. I have no idea what to say or do or how to act.” I feel the tears welling up.

  His voice gets quiet and he sounds so disappointed in me. “You told me earlier accepting my proposal was the best decision you ever made. If that was true, you would be emotional at the wedding because it’s not us getting married and moving onto the next stage of our lives. If getting married to me was a dream come true for you, then it would suck to witness something that shows you how far apart we are. I’m going to bed now. I’m tired and have a busy day tomorrow. I’ll talk to you soon. Goodnight.”

  The phone goes dead before I have an opportunity to respond. Oh my God. I’m such an idiot.

  I lie there for a few minutes staring at the phone knowing he’s going to call me back and apologize for getting off so rudely. Ten minutes pass and there isn’t a call. I start to dial his number and hang up. Dire circumstances call for drastic measures, and I know the only way I’m going to make my latest faux paus okay is to go to him. I get out of bed, put on a bra, a pair of jean shorts, and a white tank top. I go into my closet to pack something to wear tomorrow in case I end up staying over.

  I pop my head into Marissa’s room on the way out and let her know what I’m doing.

  “It’s a little late for a booty call on a school night, isn’t it?”

  “Ha ha. He didn’t invite me over, and he doesn’t know I’m coming. He’s annoyed with me because I can’t seem to read his mind and know what he wants me to say. He basically hung up on me, and instead of wallowing in pity and being upset about it, I decided to go over and tell him in person how I feel. Wish me luck.”

  Marissa shakes her head and smiles. “You are so the old Lexie right now. I love it. This is the kind of stuff you used to do. Take charge. Good girl. He’ll be happy to see you. I know it.”

  “Well, I’m not sure about all that, but I won’t be able to sleep and all of our phone conversations are ending badly. We have some communication issues I hope to resolve. In person. In his bed.” I smile when I say the last part. I’m only kind of kidding because I’m really not expecting much, but he did promise me some fun this morning.

  I leave before I can change my mind and when I get to the Bellavista, it’s already after eleven. I start to rethink my plan when I note the time. It all seemed like a good idea while I hauled butt down here. The last thing I want is for him to be pissed at me for waking him up. Oh fuck it. He’s already mad at me. I leave my stuff in the car in case I’m only here for a little bit and head in. The hotel lobby is empty and there isn’t anyone at the desk.

  I know the code to get into the elevator so I’m able to get to Julian’s floor without any trouble. I stand outside in the small hallway for a few minutes before I knock. I knock a few times and I get no response. Julian’s room is on the other side of the condo, so he may not be able to hear me. I pull my phone from my back pocket and send him a text.

  Alexa: Hey you. I’m outside your door.

  I’m waiting for him to respond to my text when I hear the locks turning on the door. When it opens, a very tired, yet very sexy looking Julian is on the other side in a pair of black athletic shorts and nothing else.

  “Hi.” I smile warmly at him and try to gauge how he’s feeling about my little uninvited visit.

  Julian steps to the side and lets me pass. I take a few steps into the foyer and turn to face him. I start to say something when Julian shushes me and puts his finger on my lips. He takes my hand and leads me to his bedroo
m. He stops in front of his bed and does the same thing he did to me last night. He takes my clothes off, slides his shorts off, and pulls me down into the bed with him. I try to turn so my back is to him and I’m in my spot, but he won’t lessen his hold on me. We’re face to face and I can feel his warm breath on my cheek.

  There is so much that needs to be said right now, but I don’t want to be the one to break this moment. I just want to be close to him and if being quiet is the way to make that happen, I’m all good with that. A complete calmness washes over my body and I find it effortless to let go and just be.

  Chapter 6

  I woke up a few times during the night to find myself still wrapped in Julian’s arms. Even in his sleep, he wouldn’t let me go. This morning, however, I’m alone in his bed. I roll over and grab his pillow, inhale his distinctly masculine and sexy scent, and try to recall the feelings I had when I drifted off to sleep last night. I can hear the sound of the blender in the kitchen and figure Julian is making himself a protein shake after his workout. I roll back over and see it’s seven-thirty. I’d like nothing more than for Julian to come and find me naked in his bed, but I have a feeling that won’t happen. After I use the bathroom, brush my teeth and put my panties and one of Julian’s t-shirts on, I join him in the kitchen. He’s on the phone and looking at something on his laptop.

  We haven’t said two words to each other since he hung up on me yesterday, so there’s some tension, but it dissolves a little when he flashes me a warm smile and points toward the coffee maker. I smile back and grab my favorite mug from the cabinet. After I make my coffee, I start to walk toward the terrace, but Julian grabs me from behind and pulls me back toward him. He kisses me on the top of my head and squeezes me as tightly as he can. I turn around and face him. He mouths the words, “I’m almost done.” I smile at him again and walk out the glass doors.

  Even in the early hours it’s already hot and muggy outside. The lush plants and umbrellas on the terrace offer shade, but I can already tell the day is going to be miserable. After just a few minutes of being out here, I’m already feeling sticky. I’m standing at the front of the terrace, absorbing the breath-taking views of the city and the water when I hear the door slide open behind me. Suddenly, I feel Julian’s hard body pressed against me. The t-shirt I have on barely covers my ass, and neither do the pink silk thong panties I’m wearing. He has very easy access to my body, and I’m hoping he’s going to take full advantage of it.

  Julian wraps one arm around my waist, pulls the t-shirt up, and places his hand on my belly, just above the top of my panties. He slides his other hand under the elastic in my panties in the back and starts to gently massage my ass with his fingers. I reach around behind me and am able to pull his shorts down just enough that I can feel the bare heat of his erection against my lower back and ass. I want to take him in my hands, but it’s difficult in this position, so I settle for feeling him skin to skin. Something about the way we’re standing is so sexy to me.

  I immediately get lost in the deliciousness of his touch. When he leans down and runs his silky tongue down the side of my neck and across my shoulder, I involuntarily push myself back into his hard-on and moan loudly. The weight of his hand so close to my sex, but so far away, makes me feel needy and desperate. I can’t stand that he isn’t touching me, so I take his hand in mine and try to guide it where I need to feel it. Julian lets me, and when his fingers slide easily through the moistness he has helped create, a small, erotic moan comes from him.

  “Mmm. Someone is very wet this morning.”

  I hold my hand on top of his and roll my hips into them. When I do, his finger slides effortlessly inside of me. “Oh my God, Julian. I want you so badly.”

  I try and turn to face him so I can kiss him, but he tightens his grip when I attempt to move.

  “No, mi amor. Face that way. I don’t want you to look at me. I just want you to close your eyes and feel me touching you. I’m going to touch you everywhere baby, everywhere I’ve already touched you and everywhere I haven’t.”

  Thoughts immediately start racing through my head. Everywhere he hasn’t touched me? There is only one place he hasn’t really touched me and I’m not so sure I’m okay with going there right now. His desire to be behind me and not let me turn around convinces me Julian thinks we’ll be sailing into unchartered territories this morning. I want to discuss his declaration a little more, but I find I’m being so overwhelmed by what his fingers are doing to my sex that I can’t form a complete sentence. We’re standing in the middle of his terrace in broad daylight at eight in the morning, and I’m unable to think straight. I feel a powerful orgasm brewing in my core and as soon as I start moving my hips into him more rapidly, he stops touching me and pulls away.

  “No…no…no…I’m so close. Please don’t stop.” I grab his hand and try to put it back on me. He pulls it away and whispers in my ear. “I’m not done with you yet. No te preocupes.”

  Worried? I’m not worried. I’m fucking horny. What’s he up to?

  Julian takes the hand that was just between my legs and moves it to my swollen breasts. He gently pinches my erect nipple and rolls it between his damp fingers. He’s torturing me with his touches and his warm breath on my neck—I’m not sure I can take much more.

  “Please. I want you. I want you in me.”

  “Where do you want me in you? How?” He moves his other hand around my waist.

  His question makes me tense up. Does he really think we’re going there right now? “I want you inside me, Julian.”

  “Say it, Alexa.”

  I try to turn to face him and I can’t. His grip tightens. He has some weird control thing going on here, and it’s both freaking me out and turning me on at the same time.

  “I want to look at you.”

  “No.”

  “Why? I want to kiss you. I want you to see how much you turn me on.”

  “No.”

  His grip stays tight around my waist. I’m not sure what the hell is going on here. “Then fuck me already, Julian. I want your big, hard cock inside of me. Is that what you want me to say? Did you forget what I like?” My question comes out more confrontational and less sexual than I intended. I feel him stiffen for a moment, but he doesn’t respond.

  Without letting go of me, Julian starts to walk backward and somehow manages to sit us down on the edge of the chaise lounge without falling. I’m on his lap, my back to his front, and his erection is pressing hard against my ass. I’ve never had anal sex before, and this isn’t going to be the first time either. There is a sort of angry vibe weaving itself into this moment and I’m already uncomfortable with his refusal to look at me. I thought it was fun at first, but it’s now taking on a new meaning. One I can’t fully comprehend. I feel so confused because I’m so incredibly turned on, but so unsure of what he’s feeling. This isn’t my Julian right now. I contemplate stopping and figuring this out, but that thought floats out as quickly as it came in. I want him—in me, next to me, on me. Whatever. I need him.

  I raise myself up as much as he will allow and reach down to take him in my hand. He’s as hard as he’s ever been so there’s no question he wants this as much as I do. I guide his dick into me slowly and slide back down until he’s buried deep. Only when he’s fully inside of me does Julian let go of me. He puts his hands on my hips and helps move me up and down his shaft as I ride him. It feels amazing, and I choose to forget he’s made this encounter very impersonal by refusing to look at me. I know him. I know this means something and I’ll get to the bottom of it just as soon as we finish having sex.

  Julian keeps one hand on my hip while the other one makes its way back between my legs. The perfect pressure he’s putting on my clit coupled with the friction of me sliding up and down him helps me orgasm quickly. I refuse to tell him I’m going to cum though, in a silly act of defiance. I attempt to silently take my own pleasure from this encounter. It really doesn’t occur to me that Julian knows my body so well he doesn
’t need me to tell him anything. He knows the signs and the sounds I make when I’m turned on. So, right as I’m coming, Julian rides the wave of his own pleasure and explodes into me.

  It’s incredibly intense and oddly erotic. It’s also not the normal way we interact with each other, and now that I have had an orgasm, I want to figure out what’s going on with him. After a few moments I attempt to get up and when I do, his grip on my hips tightens. The sensation is a little painful as he digs his fingers into my sensitive skin. He’s holding on to me … Oh. He is holding on to me. He is holding on to me. Everything he’s been doing to me and with me physically has been about him holding onto me, and not letting me have control of moving, or leaving. Wow. He’s literally keeping me close to him so I don’t leave.

  I put my hands over his and entwine my fingers with his. He’s still in me, making it hard for me to move, but I relax and take a deep breath. My voice is calm and loving. “You can let go, Julian. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I can’t see his expression, but I hear him exhale and I know he knows I get it. He lets go of my hands, and when I get up, I don’t turn and look at him. I want him to process whatever he needs to so he starts to feel okay with us being together. I’m not sure how I do it, because all I really want to do is climb into his lap and kiss him. Instead I walk back into the condo and into the guest bathroom without saying another word. As I’m getting into the shower, Julian knocks on the door.

  “Did you bring anything with you? I don’t see anything.”

  Oh crap. I left it in the car not knowing if I’d be staying here last night. “Yes, it’s in my car.”

  “I’ll get it for you.”

  I say thank you, but I think he must already be gone because he doesn’t respond. As I let the warm water soothe my body, I think about what just happened and how crazy this all seems. Julian is trying very hard not to be close to me even though everything about his touch says he needs to be. It’s such a page from my playbook. Now that I’m on the other side of it, I know how incredibly frustrating it feels to know someone wants you, but is fighting it every step of the way. It’s payback for me I suppose.