Blessings of the Heart and Samantha's Gift

by Valerie Hansen

  Before Rachel could pursue that conviction further she heard a car approaching. The screen door banged behind her. She intercepted Samantha flying down the porch steps and used the child’s momentum to swing her around twice before cautiously releasing her with a gentle warning.

  “Slow down, sweetie. Let the poor man park before you mob him, okay? You know it’s not safe to run out in the road when a car’s coming.”

  Samantha acted as if she didn’t hear a word. As soon as Rachel let go of her, she barreled up to Sean’s car and tugged on the handle of the driver’s door.

  Grinning, he opened it and gave her a hug. “Hi, there, kiddo. You ready to go?”

  “Yeah!”

  He looked past the wiggling child to the woman standing at the base of the stairs. “Looks like you are, too. Very nice.”

  Nervous, Rachel smoothed the hem of her knit shirt over the waistband of her shorts and smiled. “Thanks. I know we’ll have a lot of walking to do and it’s bound to be hot today. I wanted to be comfortable.”

  “Hey, don’t apologize to me,” Sean said. “I think you look great.”

  Modesty made her counter, “With these short legs?”

  “They reach the ground, so they must be long enough,” he teased. “Is Hannah ready to go?”

  Rachel nodded. “She just ducked back into the house a minute ago. Stay there. I’ll go get her.”

  Watching the petite woman whirl and dash up the porch steps, Sean was taken with her youthful exuberance and upbeat attitude. Such qualities were definitely a gift, he reasoned, although he wasn’t quite ready to credit the Almighty as the giver.

  He did have to admit there was something odd about living among so many believers, though. Most days, not an hour went by that someone didn’t mention a Higher Power. Christianity was such an integral part of everyone’s life here, it seemed that even those who didn’t profess a particular denominational faith knew the Bible and gave credit to God for even the smallest blessing. Speaking of which…

  Sean heard Samantha babbling about the baby rabbits she’d found and saw her gesturing wildly toward the nest. “What?”

  “They’re gone,” she told him. “I looked and looked. Maybe they got lost.”

  “Or got big enough to leave home. Maybe it was time for them to go to kindergarten, like you.”

  Hands on her hips, the child made a silly face. “Bunnies don’t go to school!”

  “Are you sure?” Sean couldn’t help laughing at the way she was posturing. It reminded him of the way Rachel acted whenever she was miffed.

  “Positive.”

  “Okay. If you say so.” He glanced up with an expectant grin as the front door opened again. “Here comes Miss Rachel and Mrs. Brody. Time to go. Get in the back seat, and I’ll fasten your safety belt.”

  “I want Miss Rachel to ride with me!”

  “That’s what I was afraid of,” Sean murmured. “Okay. This is your trip. We’ll do it your way.”

  By the time he’d secured Samantha’s belt, however, only Rachel had come as far as the car. She was frowning. Sean looked from her to Hannah and back. “What’s the matter?”

  “Hannah says her blood sugar is too high again. She doesn’t feel well enough to go with us.”

  “Oh-oh.”

  Rachel nodded sagely. “Oh-oh is right. Now what are we going to do?”

  “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to the zoo.”

  “We shouldn’t.”

  “Mrs. Brody doesn’t seem to mind. See? She’s waving.”

  “I know. I suggested we take Hank, instead, so we’d have an authorized foster parent along. She just laughed at me.”

  “No wonder. Can you imagine old Hank at the zoo? He’d probably spend all his time telling the keepers they weren’t taking care of the animals properly.”

  Rachel smiled at his accurate assessment. “Probably.” She leaned down to look at the child already ensconced in the back seat of Sean’s car, then sighed noisily as she conceded. “Okay. I’ll go. But if I get in trouble over this I’m going to blame the whole thing on you.”

  “Fair enough. Want me to tie you up, sling you over my shoulder like a pirate and throw you in the car to make your story more convincing?”

  He burst out laughing when she gave him the Samantha Smith pose of indignation and said, “No, thanks. I’ll pass.”

  There were two large zoos within a reasonable driving distance of Serenity—one in Little Rock and one in Memphis. Both were a three-hour journey. Sean decided to go to Memphis because he also wanted to give Samantha the opportunity to see the Mississippi River. Long before they reached the Tennessee/Arkansas border, however, she’d fallen fast asleep in the back seat.

  “I’m glad you rode up front with me,” he told Rachel. “Our little friend has conked out. Guess I’ll have to show her the Big Muddy on our way home.”

  “I had to sit where I could see out,” Rachel replied. “The road between Hardy and Blackrock is way too crooked. It always makes me dizzy.”

  “Sorry. Do you get seasick, too?”

  She shrugged, taking care to keep her eyes on the road in case there was a curve ahead. “I don’t know. The only boat I was ever in was a canoe. A friend and I floated down the Strawberry River. We went so slowly I hardly noticed movement.”

  “Someday we’ll have to take a trip in a real boat, then.”

  When she didn’t comment, Sean glanced over at her. Her hands were clasped tightly together in her lap. Her jaw was clamped shut. Her beautiful blue eyes were staring out the windshield, concentrating as if she were the one driving.

  Wisely, he dropped the subject. It had been stupid to talk to Rachel about the future. She was right. There was no use prolonging the agony by pretending they had a chance as a couple. Thanks to his big mouth, she already knew he came from a dysfunctional family—one she’d not want to even consider joining. Nor would she want to bring into the world children who might exhibit that same propensity for addiction.

  Geneticists were still split on whether or not such leanings were inherited, but Sean wasn’t about to chance finding out they were. So far, he’d escaped the insidious addiction that had swallowed up his father and brothers, yet they all came from the same ancestors. If he ever let himself slip, no telling how far down he’d slide before he hit bottom.

  His hands tightened on the wheel, his knuckles whitening from the effort. No way was he going to involve an innocent woman like Rachel in such a terrible life. She deserved better. Much better than he could ever offer.

  To distract himself before his musings made him too depressed, he handed her a Tennessee road map. “Here. I checked before we left, and I think if we get off on Poplar we can take it all the way to the zoo. See if that’s right, will you? The off-ramp should be coming up pretty soon.”

  “Okay. As long as you don’t go around any corners while I’m not watching the road.”

  “If any come along I’ll straighten them just for you,” he quipped, quickly adding, “Oops! Hang on. Corner coming up.”

  She blinked and focused on the roadway as best she could. It was several long seconds before her equilibrium returned to normal. “Whew! That was fun. Remind me not to eat anything for a couple of hours before we start home.”

  “Eat? What if the zoo doesn’t sell rabbit food?”

  “Very funny. I don’t eat salads all the time. I happen to love hot dogs. Ice cream, too, although I don’t usually indulge when I have my whole class along on a field trip.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s not fair to give myself a treat when my students can’t have the same thing. It’s way too messy. Bus drivers really hate it when you bring twenty-five or thirty sticky kids back on board for the ride home.”

  “Speaking from experience, I have to agree.” Sean nodded toward the back seat. “Tell you what. If you and Sleeping Beauty promise to wash afterwards, you can both have all the ice cream you want.”

  Rachel raised an
eyebrow. “I’m so relieved to have your permission, Mr. Bates. Thanks bunches.”

  “You don’t have to get sarcastic. I was just trying to make polite conversation.”

  “I know. Sorry. When you mentioned driving the bus it made me think about school again. Neither of us may have jobs if the authorities find out Hannah didn’t come with us. I guess worrying about that has made me a little cranky.”

  “You? Why should you worry? Everybody I meet keeps telling me God will take care of them. Don’t you believe the same thing?”

  She gave a derisive huff. “It’s not that simple. If I suspect that what I’m doing may be wrong, then for me it is wrong. I can’t count on divine providence to step in and rescue me if my own folly has gotten me into trouble.”

  “What we’re doing here can’t be wrong,” he insisted. “This is our last chance to show Sam a good time, to let her know we care about her. No matter where she goes or what happens in the future, she’ll always have today to remember.”

  So will I, Rachel mused. So will I.

  Remembering was going to be easy. It was forgetting that was going to be hard.

  A child and a zoo are more than compatible, they’re symbiotic, Rachel thought, watching Samantha run from one exhibit to the next with Sean in tow. It had only taken the bright child a few attempts to figure out that she could get a much better view of everything if she asked Sean to hold her up instead of begging Rachel for a boost.

  The only time that additional height wasn’t helpful was in the tropical, walk-in aviary, where all the brightly hued birds flew freely overhead, as if still at home in the jungle. The rest of the zoo followed a stylized Egyptian theme, in keeping with the Memphis name, and featured gardens brimming with flowers between each exhibit. No matter how many times Rachel visited there, its beauty always enthralled her.

  Sean led the way to the elephant enclosure. Samantha was balanced on his shoulders, pointing and babbling. “She only loves me for my height,” he said aside to Rachel.

  “Speaking as someone who’s been hanging out pretty close to the ground her whole life, I can understand that fascination,” she replied, smiling. “I dare you to leave her up there while we eat the ice cream you promised us.”

  “Only if you pick a flavor that doesn’t clash with the color of my hair.”

  Rachel laughed. She’d smiled and giggled so often since they’d been together that the muscles in her cheeks actually hurt. What a day this had been! What a marvelous, blessed day. If she were running the universe, the sun would never set. This very same day would go on forever and ever. And so would her happiness.

  Their shared happiness, she corrected. From the outset, Samantha had acted as if being with the two of them was as routine as being with her former parents. And Sean played the part of father-shepherd with a natural grace and quiet wisdom.

  Though Rachel had done her best to fit in, there were still unguarded moments when she felt like an outsider, a pretender, and had to hide behind her sunglasses to blink back tears.

  If Sean noticed, he kept the observation to himself. Rachel was glad he hadn’t quizzed her about it. Under the circumstances she had no intention of baring her soul. Especially not to him. Clearly, Samantha was delighted with the zoo trip, and Rachel didn’t intend to do or say one single thing that might spoil it.

  She smiled to herself, accepting the inevitable with a dollop of cynicism. Yes, she’d miss Samantha. Terribly. And she’d always think of this outing with Sean as a high point of her life. But the tears weren’t all for them. Not even close. Rachel’s tears were for herself, for the one thing she wanted that she could never have—love and commitment.

  Truth to tell, her mother had been right all along. A job wasn’t enough. Being with Sean and Samantha all day had convinced her of that.

  Like it or not, she did want a family of her own.

  Desperately.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The drive back to Serenity seemed to take hours longer than the drive the other way. Rachel yawned. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”

  “Hang in there. We’re almost to the Brodys’.”

  “I know.” She smiled wistfully as she glanced at the dozing little girl in the back seat. “You shouldn’t have bought her that enormous stuffed animal. It was way too expensive.”

  “Had to. This was my last chance to spoil her.”

  Rachel sighed. “I’m really going to miss her.”

  “Me, too.”

  Glancing sidelong at Sean she was certain she saw a glint of moisture in his eyes. “Do you think they’ll let her write to us, or maybe phone if we tell them to reverse the charges?”

  “Maybe,” he said. “I suppose it all depends on whether they’re taking her because they really want her or because of her inheritance. Wait till they learn it’s been placed into a trust fund so it can’t be squandered.”

  “Hannah did mention something about money coming to Samantha. How did you find out so much?”

  “I asked. I’m surprised you didn’t.”

  “I suppose I should have. I just kept telling myself I couldn’t do anything to change what would eventually happen, so I ought to stay out of it. Stupid, huh?”

  “Avoiding heartache? No, that’s not stupid. It’s normal. Nobody goes out looking for dragons to slay unless they find monstrous footprints in their own backyard.”

  Rachel’s brow knit. “Huh?”

  “Some people are born crusaders,” Sean explained. “Others aren’t. Your talent happens to be teaching and you do that well. You said you recognized the gift when you were very young.”

  “Yes, I did.” She was surprised he remembered a casual comment from so early in their relationship.

  “Then, don’t beat yourself up about not being gung-ho to do something else. You have character, Rachel. If you saw an injustice that needed righting, I know you’d try to right it. When there’s nothing that can be done, staying out of the affairs of others is the smartest choice.”

  “But I haven’t. Not really,” she said softly, in confidence, with a quick peek at the back seat to make sure Samantha was still asleep. “I was involved up to my eyebrows the minute I set eyes on that little girl.”

  All Sean said was “I know exactly what you mean.”

  The sun was set by the time they pulled into the driveway of the Brody house and parked. Apparently no one had thought to turn on the outside lights, leaving the yard dark except for the glow from the living room windows and a waxing moon that was starting to rise above the treetops.

  Dimness suited Sean just fine. It matched his sinking mood. Leaving his hands resting on the steering wheel, he sighed and looked over at Rachel. “Well, I suppose we’d better wake her up and get this over with.”

  “I suppose so.” She managed a smile. “I want to thank you for talking me into going along. I had a wonderful time. I’m sure Sam did, too.”

  “Hey!” Sean said, brightening. “You called her Sam. That’s a real breakthrough.”

  “Better late than never, I guess.”

  Slowly, deliberately, Rachel turned in her seat and got to her knees so she could lean over the back of the front seat and gently rouse the weary child. She touched Samantha’s shoe, wiggled it. “Honey? Wake up. We’re home.”

  Samantha snuggled closer to her stuffed panda and rubbed her cheek on its soft fur. Still asleep she murmured, “Mama.”

  Tears sprang to Rachel’s eyes. Hiding her ragged emotions she quickly got out of the car and stood with her back to it, arms folded across her chest. When Sean came up behind her, laid his arms over hers and pulled her close, his tenderness cost her the last vestiges of her self-control and she began to weep.

  “I…I’m sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t going to do this.”

  “It’s okay. I have broad shoulders.”

  “No kidding.”

  As he slowly leaned down and kissed the top of her head, she dashed away her tears, turned and said the first thing that popped into her
mind. “You missed.”

  “I what?”

  “You missed.” Through her misty gaze she saw understanding dawn as she pointed to her trembling lips. “It goes there.”

  “Does it?” Sean whispered. “Are you sure?”

  “No. But do it, anyway.”

  He bent his head, more than ready to give her the kiss she was asking for. He’d been longing to end their marvelous day together in exactly that loving way. Only the belief that Rachel wouldn’t welcome the romantic overture had stopped him. Now that she’d removed that obstacle, he was overjoyed to oblige.

  Rachel rose on tiptoe, waiting, anticipating, remembering. She could feel Sean’s breath, warm on her face, see the flicker of desire lighting his eyes. One more chapter in the fairy tale, she promised herself. Just one more and then it would be all over. For good.

  Her lips parted. Her hands slipped around his neck. The moment she sensed his strong arms around her, she trusted him completely, and felt him raise her enough to lift her feet off the ground. Lost in that precious moment, Rachel started to close her eyes.

  Bright light suddenly blinded her. Sean started and almost dropped her.

  She staggered, fighting for balance and calling upon her heightened perceptions to make sense of whatever had just occurred. Floodlights illuminated the front yard, trapping them in the shadow thrown by his car. Rachel was instantly glad they’d been standing on the side opposite the house instead of sharing their kiss on the porch where they’d be easily seen.

  Shouting and cursing was coming from the direction of the house. It built to a cacophony of deeply disturbing sound. The front door slammed, then slammed again.

  Still blinking against the brightness, Rachel shaded her eyes with one hand. When she reached out to touch Sean’s arm with the other she felt his muscles flex beneath her fingers. “What’s going on?”