Surrender to You

by Shawntelle Madison

Sophie dragged me out of bed, made me take a long shower, and forced me to put on something other than yoga pants.

  “You make a pencil skirt look good,” Sophie said. “About as good as me. Maybe.”

  I gave her the finger.

  “You have someone else to take care of that,” she replied.

  “Not lately.”

  She leaned in and kissed my cheek. “You don’t need that right now, but he’s there for you if you need him. He’s the one who called us over.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah. So we’re here to take you out to get some chow. I know plenty of places that offer gluten-free options.”

  Sophie fetched some heeled sandals for me and put them on my feet. My toenails were atrocious.

  “Thanks, Soph.”

  I was tearing up again, but this time I was content.

  Her smile said it all. “Always.”

  —

  The monthly lunch with the crew had been a long-standing tradition that started back when there had been more than seven of us. As time had passed, Lillian had moved off to Florida, I’d left for the U.K., and Sophie told me Mackenzie had simply disappeared for places unknown. Which was unusual since we’d been there for each other growing up. For the past couple of years, I’d attended our monthly lunch through a tiny screen on my smartphone. Seeing everyone up close and personal was nice.

  We could’ve gone anywhere in town, but Tomas had shoved an American Express Centurion into my hand with a warning: enjoy a nice lunch or I’d receive a punishment like no other. As much as I needed pleasure to make the pain go away, the idea of going on a dick diet was worse, so I relented.

  What better way to spend hundreds of dollars than to eat lunch at the restaurant on Dante’s Second Floor? I wasn’t an employee anymore, but a paying customer who knew the perks. One of them being the ambiance. Just the view alone would make our meal much more interesting. The looks on my friends’ faces after the tour were totally worth it. Once we sat down and a server took our order, I was pleased to see Penny was speechless. For about five minutes.

  “Why didn’t I know about this place?” Penny whispered to Sophie.

  “Because you can’t afford a hotel that charges over a thousand dollars per night,” Sophie replied. “I might have to plan a weekend getaway with Xavier.”

  I chuckled as a server brought us some water.

  Penny pursed her lips. “I have a savings account for this kind of thing. If I’d known this was the view…” Our server, Chris, one of the more handsome staff members, had caught Penny’s eye.

  And, as if right on cue, Mr. Frasier was walking Millicent. He spotted me and strolled over.

  “Ms. Jason, I haven’t seen you in so long,” he said with a bright smile. “I was worried you quit.”

  I smiled at him. “I did, Mr. Frasier, but I guess I can’t stay away forever.”

  Today was just another afternoon for him and his pet. “Hopefully, I’ll see more of you. My Millicent asked about you the other day.”

  Griffin couldn’t keep his eyes off Millicent. Most men couldn’t. Today she wore a golden leash and a bright red garter belt. Every time she shifted, a tiny bell around her neck jingled.

  “How sweet of her.” Since I’d started working here, I’d come to find the more permanent guests were pretty cool people. The ones who came and went were demanding, but the clients who stayed made this a worthwhile workplace.

  With a wave and a polite goodbye, Mr. Frasier left.

  Griffin was still staring.

  “You okay, Griff?” I asked, trying not to tease him too much.

  “Damn, that ass,” he murmured.

  “I wish my tits were that perky,” Sophie added.

  “Xavier can buy you some,” Penny quipped.

  Sophie giggled.

  Just looking around the table, I was already feeling a bit at ease, but another feeling crept into my stomach. One that I faced from the time I woke up until the moment I lay down to go to sleep: an overwhelming need to run away.

  The empty place in my heart was still raw with pain and being in Boston didn’t seem wise. Originally I’d come here for my parents and now that they were both gone I wasn’t sure what to do with myself.

  As our food arrived, everyone dug in, but I only had a single bite of my lobster bisque. Griffin had stars in his eyes while he inhaled his massive filet wrapped in bacon. Sophie and Penny were comparing the length of their rainbow trout portions to porn star penises. For goodness sake, I should be laughing and joking with them.

  But I couldn’t, and dragging this decision out would only make things harder.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “There’s something I need to say.”

  They looked at me with concern. This would be the second time I drop-kicked a bomb on the table.

  “What’s up?” Sophie asked.

  “I’ve decided to go back to the U.K.” I forced myself to look at them. “Just until I can clear my head.”

  I waited for the protests—that was what they’d done when I told them I wanted Sophie to move to the U.K. with me, but they merely nodded—except Penny.

  “I don’t want to see you go, but I understand,” Sophie finally said. “What you’re feeling is still raw and it will be for a while. You need to do what is best for you.”

  “So you’re just going to leave us?” Penny snapped. “After everything you’ve been through? I hate to be the one who gets out the damn-bitch card, but somebody needs to say something.”

  “Penny,” Griffin warned.

  “Don’t.” Her index finger went up to silence him and then she turned back to me. “I shouldn’t be surprised you’re pulling this shit. Running away is what you’re good at doing.”

  “Fuck you,” I bit out.

  “Oh, fuck you back.” She threw a fry at me, but I didn’t take the bait to all-out fight. “Yes, you’ve taken a hit. The absolute worst. And yes, you need time, but damn it, there’s no reason for you to leave.”

  I crossed my arms, swallowing away the growing fury rising in my stomach. I focused on the windows across the vast room. Maybe the calming skyline would keep me from tackling her ass. If I looked at her, I’d hurt her as much as she was hurting me. “I don’t have to have a reason. I can’t stay here anymore. It hurts.”

  She blew out a breath. “That’s real life. Real life fucking hurts. With your family, you get the good and the bad. We want you here so we can be there for you.”

  I didn’t want to wait it out. Now my feelings were out in the open, a weight had lifted off my shoulders. “What if I don’t care anymore about whether I get the good or the bad? What if I’m worn so thin, I want to scream at the idea of looking at anything that reminds me of what I’ve lost?” I tossed my napkin beside my bowl. “I’m done. I’ve been done.”

  I got up and stormed out of there. If I didn’t leave, I’d say something I’d regret.

  Chapter 28

  Carlie

  If I stayed another hour in Boston, my head was gonna explode. A quick search on my phone confirmed there was a red-eye leaving Logan International at ten that night. There were five seats free and soon I had a ticket in my purse ready to go. All I had to do was grab my shit in the penthouse and leave.

  And yet leaving after everything I’d gone through with Tomas made me pause in the elevator going down. I shut my eyes and couldn’t shut out what Penny had just said: Running away is what you’re good at doing.

  As angry as I was with her right then, she had a point.

  The elevator reached the lobby and I pressed the button to go to the third-floor offices.

  I couldn’t leave like this—now that Tomas and I had figured things out—I had to let him know I was heading overseas for a while. He deserved that much.

  I reached his office and Wendy let me in with a nod. There he was, sitting behind his desk, unaware of the turbulent emotions crashing into me. I wanted to climb into his lap and cry until I didn’t hurt anymore.
/>   Just one look at my face, and he approached me. “What’s wrong?”

  My mouth opened and closed. How the hell did I tell him I wanted to leave? After everything I’d been through, he’d been there each minute, each second. My heart hurt, but I had to speak.

  “I need to go back home.” A tear fell down my cheek and I didn’t stop it. “Just for a little while.”

  “Is there a problem in London? I can call—”

  I sniffed and tried to find my voice. “No, everything’s fine with my business. I’m the one who isn’t fine.”

  He drew me into his arms and I collapsed against him. Crying again was something I didn’t want to do anymore.

  “Don’t fret, Gingerbread,” he said softly. “We don’t have to stay here. How about a weekend in New York?”

  The breath I meant to exhale got caught in my chest. “Not New York. Much farther—”

  “You’re not leaving me,” he said, his voice like stone. “Not anymore.”

  “Then what else can I do?” I was wheezing now. “There’s this pain right here.” I touched my heart. “And leaving seems like the only thing that makes sense. It’s always been that way.”

  I searched his face. Unable to stop myself, I brushed my fingertips along the hard lines of his jaw to his full lips. “I can’t stay here anymore.”

  “Then we don’t have to stay.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “That I love you, Gingerbread.” He gently kissed my lips. “We’ll see this through. I’m personally assessing two sites in a week or two. I can move the date up. Let’s leave now.”

  He never let me go after that. Not while he called Wendy to make arrangements for the private jet flight to Heathrow. Or when he called Saul to prepare his home in London.

  I was going home soon, but the love of my life was coming with me.

  —

  The minute the jet set down at Heathrow, the tension in my stomach eased.

  It was hard to describe. Once I got off the plane and we reached his tri-level brick home northwest of London, I felt so much better. Tomas and time would heal me and I’d head back to Boston when I cleared my head.

  Now that we were here, naturally, I was curious as to where he stayed while he visited the U.K. Had he ever been here when I lived here?

  Compared to his modern penthouse, the stately home behind the gated entrance seemed laid-back. Ivy covered parts of the front, and the arches over the windows were practically whimsical.

  “You hungry?” he asked me as we entered the massive kitchen. He checked the fridge and I peeked behind him to see it full of food.

  “Why don’t we go out tonight?” I’d kill for some pub food.

  He frowned. “I was hoping we could eat in tonight like we did the other time. Just me and you. A couple of movies. Some popcorn and pizza.” He kissed my lips and wrapped his arms around me and I felt so calm. I could get used to feeling this way all the time.

  “We’re back in London and you want to spend the evening watching movies? Why not go out for drinks?” He drifted to my neck to kiss my pulse point.

  “We could make a movie.” His gaze darkened.

  “A Star Wars movie?”

  “I could show you my light saber.”

  I giggled like mad. “Will you be my Han Solo?”

  “Damn right I will be. Although I think Chewbacca might be what you’d like.”

  “Tall and hairy.” Having him close to me like this set me at ease. Sparks danced in his eyes and I didn’t want this warm feeling to end. I finally had him on my turf.

  He kissed my neck again and lifted me onto the desk. Our kiss deepened and my stress melted away. Only Tomas made me feel this way.

  Then he began making snorting noises like Chewbacca. “I can do this until you give in…”

  “Fine, then we’ll watch a few movies after I get back.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “To my old flat. I should check it out.”

  “I could have someone check it out for you, if you want.”

  I shook my head. “Some time alone will do me some good. I also have a few text messages to read. Most of them are pissed-off messages from Penny.”

  He placed his hand along my cheek and stroked the skin gently. I wanted more, but didn’t say so. “Take my BMW then. Don’t stay away long, Gingerbread.”

  The drive to my old flat in West Smithfield was a good one. Driving through the outskirts of London could do that to you. I’d invested so much money settling here, including getting an apartment that most people couldn’t afford. I had been lucky that an old client of mine from the United States was selling his home. The place had three bedrooms and he gave me a great price on it, as long as I let his cousin from Canada stay over the summer.

  That was the kind of deal I didn’t mind at all.

  My home was in one of the many historic places in the northeastern part of London. I was within walking distance of the Museum of London, and there was nothing better than watching snow fall on St. Paul’s Cathedral during the holidays. As much as I would’ve liked to live in a crib like Tomas’s, I couldn’t afford a multi-million-pound home. This city definitely wasn’t welcoming unless you had cash to burn. When I came a few years ago, I had plenty to start my new business. Then I saw the cost of living and most of my savings quickly faded away.

  My flat was quiet, though. I entered the living room first. Everything was as tidy as Paulie had left it. The summer had ended and he wasn’t living there anymore. As I looked around at my place, my heart caught in my throat. My mom would’ve liked it here, especially since she liked to travel.

  I wish I could have seen Europe, you know? she’d said. Seeing the U.S. was nice and all, but I dreamt bigger than that.

  I sucked in a breath as I left my purse on the counter and looked out the kitchen window. Beyond the backyard was a field where kids played soccer. I’d traveled to many countries as a part of my job. I’d seen things, eaten things. I’d wanted her to get better so that she could experience those things with me.

  You’re back at square one, Carlie. Just on a different game board. From my purse, I took the selfie I’d taken with her. Instead of the overwhelming sadness, a spark of hope passed through me. I was back in the U.K. Maybe I could get back on track too, and kick a few asses.

  Mom wouldn’t want anything less for me.

  —

  I was knocking out a bunch of phone calls and emails with old acquaintances, but a single text message had sat unanswered on my phone for the last twelve hours:

  When are you going to contact Penny?

  The message from Sophie mocked me every time I checked my smartphone. How did she even know Penny and I were fighting? Well, Sophie did live with her.

  I sighed. Yes, we’d fought, but our fight didn’t compare to when we got into a fistfight at sixteen over a broken gold necklace, or the time when she abandoned me to avoid a double date with two guys at eighteen. I barely knew them, by the way, and I still got pissed thinking about it. But Penny was my girl. My partner in crime who called me up to tell me how Sophie was doing when Sophie got too busy to call me. When I first moved to London, she’d texted me every other day about her zany phone sex customers. Even when I was with my mom, she kept up her end when I’d faltered with mine.

  Now she’d gone silent since I’d left.

  Being the bigger person should be easy with our long history, but I’ll be honest. It took me three hours to finally send a single text:

  We need to talk.

  Then I waited. And waited some more. After two hours, I wasn’t surprised. Right now it was midmorning in Boston. She had to be up by now to work a shift—which meant she was ignoring my ass.

  Fine. Two could play that game. What I did know was she worked as an independent contractor for a phone sex company out of California. What I didn’t know was the phone number. I pulled out my laptop and visited her work website, then dialed. Once the call went through, the menu options
ranged from casual chat—yeah, right—to light BDSM to the kinkier aspects of BDSM. I didn’t know what specifically Penny offered, but I did know her professional name there: Pretty Penny.

  With a devilish grin, I slid into a slot for Pretty Penny and waited, listening for the click.

  She answered soon after. “Hi, this is Pretty Penny…” she purred.

  I had to admit, having never heard her in action, her smooth, melodious voice gave me tingles. “Hey, Penny.”

  The face-smack silence on the other end of the line was expected.

  Just not for two minutes straight. This was an international phone sex call, after all.

  “Look, I’m sorry,” I finally said.

  “Whatever.”

  “I shouldn’t have left like that.” Yep, I was seriously apologizing over a phone sex hotline.

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “What I should have done was climb across that table and kick your ass,” I grated.

  She snorted.

  I settled back in my office chair and curled my legs under me. “But I really do need some time to clear my head. Boston has too many painful memories right now.”

  Forever stubborn, she didn’t answer.

  My voice rose. “Damn it, Penny, I’m being the adult and apologizing instead of sending you a text message. At least say something.”

  “No.”

  “Fine,” I grumbled. “I’ve said my piece and I’ll wait until you forgive me.”

  “It’s your dime,” she said stiffly.

  I sighed. Time to pull out the big guns. “Since you’re so mad, I guess I’ll have to keep Carver’s phone number to myself.”

  “You think I need his number?”

  I laughed. “You haven’t seen what I’ve seen.” Like Carver without a shirt going for a morning swim…“He’s a really nice guy. Tattoos and muscles for days. Also, I know for a fact that he’s single.”

  Just one look at Carver’s gray-blue eyes, full lips, and bronze skin was more than enough to leave her hooked. She grumbled a bit then blurted, “I guess I can accept your apology for now—but you can’t just walk away anymore.”

  “I agree.” We both were quick to tell it like it is—a trait that made us abrasive to others but bonded us tightly together.