Silver Clouds

by Fleur McDonald

  Brendan was quiet for a moment, digesting this. ‘Oh, well I was definitely here.’

  Tessa wondered if he could shed any light on the rings. Had Spider talked to him at all? It would be just like her to pick up a stray, someone who most of the community thought was bad, and befriend them. Spider had a thing about the underdog.

  ‘I’ve got something to show you,’ she said. ‘Be back in a moment.’

  ‘Be quick, this steak is almost done. Can’t not eat it when it’s ready.’

  ‘I found these before I went over to Harrison’s,’ she called from the lounge.

  Back in the kitchen, she opened the box and held it out to him.

  ‘What’s this?’

  ‘Well, I assume they’re wedding rings, but I don’t know who they belong to.’

  Brendan took them out and looked at the rings closely. ‘They’re hand-crafted, I reckon. And old. I can’t tell you a date. But they’re definitely before the fifties.’

  ‘How do you know that?’

  ‘I’ve got lots of talents you don’t know about yet.’

  She let the ‘yet’ bit pass. ‘I thought they were old, too. I mean, they’re new in that they’ve never been worn, and yet someone loved someone else enough to have them made and engraved. Got to be a story there. Did you see this?’ She pointed to the inside of one of the bands.

  ‘That’s a lot of letters for such a small space – would have taken someone a long time to engrave them,’ Brendan agreed. ‘Now put them down, this steak isn’t going to wait.’

  They sat at the table and Tessa told him all about Spider’s letter, and how she had to clean out the house and unravel a mystery. ‘That’s why I feel these rings are so important,’ she finally finished. ‘And the steak is just divine, by the way. It’s melting in my mouth!’

  Brendan smiled. ‘The amount you’ve been talking I didn’t think you would have had time to taste it.’

  Tessa sat back in her chair.

  ‘You’re an interesting study, Brendan McKenzie,’ she said, narrowing her eyes to examine him. ‘A mix of country boy, bad boy and international man of mystery. What is your story?’

  He laughed loudly. ‘That’s the first time I’ve ever been described like that! What can I say? I went to a good boarding school. The house mistresses taught me my manners, my mother taught me to cook and all sorts of other good habits, and I’m an adrenalin junkie And the mystery? Well, a bit of mystery is healthy, don’t you think? Wouldn’t want you getting bored too soon.’ His wink was like an exclamation mark.

  In the middle of the night, Tessa got up to go to the toilet and saw the kitchen light was on. Too sleepy to see clearly, she padded towards the glow and pushed open the door.

  Brendan glanced up from the table and the book he was reading. ‘Sorry, did I wake you?’

  ‘Nah. Wondered where you were. Night.’ She stumbled back to bed. As she was settling down she thought she heard the click of the writing desk opening, but was asleep before it registered.

  The next morning, Brendan kissed her goodbye. ‘I won’t be around for a month or so,’ he said through the window of the ute. ‘I’ve got some jobs to do in the city. Then I’m heading over east to see my Aunty. Mum’s sister. She’s turning seventy and I want to be there. But,’ he said tapping her nose, ‘I’ll be back in time for the Muster.’

  ‘Of course you can.’ Tessa gathered all of her strength to hide her disappointment. A month? She wasn’t sure if they had an ‘arrangement’ or not!

  ‘So I’ll see you there?’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘And I’ll ring if I can, but I might be off-air for the first part of the trip.’

  She wanted to ask him what he’d be doing, but was wary of sounding too much like a prying wife, so she just smiled and nodded, even though she could feel loneliness building up inside her. He hasn’t even gone yet, she chided herself.

  ‘Well, I’ll see you at the Muster, then.’

  He left in a cloud of dust, Tessa staring after him. That was just the Nullarbor way, she thought, as she went back inside. No designated meeting time, just ‘be there and I’ll find you’. Well, she thought huffily. I might find someone else first.

  Then she cried.

  Tessa stood at the writing desk, looking for any signs something had moved. As she’d opened it after Brendan left, the click had jogged her memory. She was sure she’d heard it last night, but why would Brendan be looking in here? And nothing seemed to be missing or disturbed. It was a good thing Tessa had finished clearing it out because otherwise there would have been no way of knowing. With the writing desk cleaned out, Tessa was sitting on the floor, reading over some of the letters between Elsie and Spider. And the diaries! She’d laughed so much her cheekbones hurt and once, when Spider was describing a shearing time antic, Tessa had actually cried tears of amusement. Spider really had a way with words.

  A knock on the door startled Tessa. ‘Come in,’ she called from the lounge room.

  The door opened and her sister-in-law entered. Surprised, Tessa shot to her feet. ‘Marni, hi! What a nice surprise. Would you like a cup of tea?’

  ‘Hello, Tessa. No, I won’t stop, I just wanted to thank you for all the information you sent home with Ryan.’ Marni twisted her hands and Tessa felt she had to relieve the tension somehow.

  ‘Come in and sit down. I’ll put the kettle on anyway.’ She walked out, not giving the other woman a chance to answer.

  ‘I looked at some of those websites,’ her sister-in-law called through the doorway.

  ‘That’s great. Were they helpful?’

  The silence stretched so long that Tessa stuck her head back into the lounge and saw the poor girl with tears on her cheeks. ‘Oh, crap.’

  She held Marni while she cried.

  ‘I didn’t know anyone else could feel the same way,’ Marni hiccupped. ‘It was such a relief to find out I wasn’t crazy – I thought I was, you know. Mad with envy, mad with desire and failure all at the same time. I don’t know why I never thought to use the internet and look it up. It just never occurred to me.’

  ‘Well, I guess I’m so used to using it for work and everything, to me it was the obvious place to start,’ Tessa said gently. ‘The online world isn’t a huge thing out here and I understand that. I’m pleased I was able to help in a little way.’

  ‘I’ve talked to a couple of girls on those forums who have been in the same situation. It’s been good to hear about their experiences. It’s almost like a whole new world has opened up.’

  ‘Has Ryan read any of the forums?’

  ‘Yeah, and I think it’s done him some good too. It’s like we both understand each other’s feelings a bit more. Finally.’

  ‘That’s great news, Marni. Really it is.’

  There was a lull for a while, while Marni wiped her eyes, then Tessa said: ‘Now, how about that cup of tea?’

  Marni laughed weakly. ‘That was always Spider’s cure for tears or emotion of any sort, so I guess we’d better.’

  Cups of tea made, they went and sat out on the verandah. ‘To Aunty Spider,’ Tessa said, raising her mug.

  ‘To Aunty Spider,’ Marni echoed.

  ‘Isn’t it funny that this house is still hearing the innermost thoughts of others, even though she’s not here? I wonder what these walls would tell us if they could,’ Tessa mused as she sipped her drink.

  ‘Too many things and probably things we wouldn’t want to know.’

  ‘Yeah, you’re probably right.’ Tessa smiled, thinking that Marni’s words were almost identical to Paul’s a few nights back. Her hand strayed to pat the dog, who’d slipped beneath her chair the moment she’d sat down. ‘But I’ve just got a feeling that there’s something here, some story about Aunty Spider that we all need to know.’

  Marni raised her eyebrows. ‘If she wanted us to know, she would have told us. Don’t you remember how straight down the line she was?’

  Tessa felt a surge of jealousy rise up as she
realised for seven whole years, while Tessa had been studying, working and refusing to return to Danjar Plains, Marni had had Aunty Spider to herself. Well, Marni hadn’t been here that long, but whoever had wanted Spider, could have had her. It’s your own fault. You never wanted to come home, the soft rational voice said. Not after the accident. Until now. Not for Christmas, not for anything. Imagine how that would have felt for everyone else.

  The demon voice never spoke. It just felt. Irrationally.

  Anger.

  Envy.

  Rage.

  Loss.

  Tessa almost didn’t hear Marni talking. ‘I remember a CWA Household Hints book gave me the idea to soak old tea bags in metho and use them as firelighters. I was so happy with myself, thinking Spider would be pleased with my thrifty ways. That was the sort of thing she was into – you know, boiling the kettle and pouring the hot water into a Thermos, so she didn’t have to boil it again for the rest of the day.’

  Marni grinned. ‘But she just looked at me with a bit of a smile and said: “Oh, fiddlesticks, girl. This is how you light a fire.” Then she got paper, leaves and some kindling and showed me how I should light a fire. She wasn’t having a bar of the tea bags and metho!’

  In spite of her jealousy, Tessa laughed. She could hear the conversation and imagine the self-consciousness Marni would have felt.

  But in the end her envy got the better of her. She didn’t want to talk about Aunty Spider with her sister-in-law anymore. Without looking at Marni, she got up. ‘Well, I’d better get on and keep cleaning this house out. I’ve hardly done a thing since I got back from Harrison’s.’

  Marni looked surprised, then wary as she put down her cup. ‘Of course. I’m sorry I’ve held you up.’

  ‘No no, not at all. But the quicker I get this done, the sooner I’ll be out of here,’ Tessa said, her expression deadpan.

  Marni tried to smile as she made her way down the steps towards the car. ‘See you later.’

  ‘Bye,’ Tessa answered. Then she stomped inside, furious with Marni for causing new feelings to surface. She certainly hadn’t felt like that when Brendan had mentioned he’d popped in to visit her aunty.

  But Tessa was even angrier with herself for letting something so trivial upset her. She was sure her rudeness had just destroyed whatever good she’d done for her relationship with Marni by helping out with the IVF information.

  ‘I’m so bloody illogical at the moment,’ she muttered. ‘What is my problem?’

  The soft rational voice spoke again: Aren’t the living more important?

  ‘Oh shut up.’ Tessa threw the mug she was holding. It smashed against the kitchen wall.

  Chapter 21

  Tessa flicked over another page of a newspaper dated 1944, but there was nothing except stories of World War Two woe and sadness. With a sigh she tossed the paper on the pile to go into the rubbish. Just what was she looking for? She had no idea.

  It had been two weeks since Brendan had left and, true to his word, he’d called a couple of times. The conversations had flowed easily and Tessa found herself missing him more after each call. She’d put the desk incident down to being so tired.

  Cally had rung too. Her new clothes had arrived in the post and she was beyond excited. ‘Take a photo!’ Tessa had encouraged her. ‘Email it to Mum and Dad and I’ll see it when I go up there.’

  The photo had duly arrived and now Tessa had it pinned on the fridge door. Making a small difference to Cally’s world left her feeling satisfied.

  She’d wanted to ask how Harrison was but, having already made up her mind he was off limits, she wouldn’t let herself.

  ‘What do you think, Dozer?’ she asked, getting up.

  There was no response. Tessa watched him for a moment. He was breathing, so she knew he was alive. He just hadn’t heard her, poor deaf old sod.

  She flitted from one room to the next, knowing she would have to tackle the last one pretty soon. Aunty Spider’s bedroom. She’d run out of ways to procrastinate. This would be the most emotional clear-out of all for her. Once she had finished it, the house would be done and there would be no reason for her to stay. But there was also nowhere for her to go, and she wasn’t sure she was quite ready to leave. The developing relationship with Brendan felt good to her and she didn’t want it to stop yet. Even if he had disappeared for a month.

  Rather than think about anything else, she went back to the newspapers. She started on one dated 15 September 2006. This was a farm paper, not a city one. Its headline read: ‘Government to spend $19 million on camel cull’. Tessa knew that camels on the northern part of Danjar Plains had caused her dad more fencing problems than anything else, so that policy seemed like a good one.

  ‘Bounty for foxes announced’. That too seemed like an excellent idea.

  She turned the pages and her eyes were drawn to a small article that had been ringed in red. ‘Horse thefts across the Nullarbor cost station owners’.

  She read on:

  Twenty-seven stock horses were reported stolen last week, 17 from Jimantra Station on the trans-rail line. Another ten horses were reported stolen from Nickel Downs, 350 kilometres north-west of Norseman.

  The theft of the horses, which were worth nearly $20,000, has delayed shearing for the stations affected. Some of the terrain is only accessible by horse and will now have to be mustered on foot with dogs.

  Anyone knowing the whereabouts of the horses or with information please contact Dave Burrows at the Stock Squad or Crime Stoppers.

  Phone numbers were listed. Tessa tore out the page and placed it on the couch next to her, a small buzz of excitement building. She grabbed the next paper and whipped through it, looking for any marked articles. There was nothing in that one or the next three. She began to think her idea of Aunty Spider leaving newsworthy breadcrumbs was totally off-base.

  ‘Argh!’ She threw her head back against the back of the couch and thumped her hands down. It frightened the dog, who whined then slowly got up to come and sit next to her.

  ‘Sorry, Dozer. It’s just so bloody frustrating. I’m looking for a needle in a haystack! It would have been better if she’d left a pile of diaries with the answer in each and every one of them.’ Then she stopped. Diaries. Of course! She’d seen one already, so there must be more.

  She had already searched through the cupboards in the hall and in the small makeshift office in the corner of the lounge, but found nothing. Then she tried the shed outside, but other than a cobweb and dust collection and some rusty old gardening tools, there was nothing of interest there, either.

  There wasn’t an attic, so that left Spider’s bedroom.

  As Tessa pushed the door open and stood on the threshold, she shivered. Everything was just the same. There were photos of William on the wall and on the side table. The bed was neatly made, just the way Spider had left it the day she died. A floral blanket was folded at the end.

  Tessa hadn’t noticed last time she’d raced in, but Spider’s slippers were tucked under the bed.

  ‘I feel like I’m invading your space,’ she muttered, before moving to the bedside table. There was a half-read novel with a bookmark, and a photo that Tessa hadn’t seen before. She picked it up: it was a photo of herself, at her graduation. She looked relaxed, but for the torment in her eyes. She had no idea that Aunty Spider had this in her room but, then again, why would she?

  Not wanting to look at it anymore, Tessa quickly put it down and pulled open the first drawer. She carefully checked its contents before moving to the second drawer. Then on she went, to the third, and the fourth. From the bedside table she moved to the dressing table, the wardrobe and then the bookshelves. But they were all bereft of what she was looking for; nothing looked like a diary at all.

  After a time she glanced at her watch: she’d been searching Spider’s room for almost an hour and there was nowhere else to look.

  Then she had an idea.

  ‘Mum! Mum, are you here?’ Tessa burst into Peggy’
s kitchen.

  ‘In the office, petal.’

  Tessa jogged down the passage towards her mother’s voice. ‘Mum!’

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Peggy turned and shot out of her chair as she saw Tessa’s red face.

  ‘Nothing. It’s all fine. I just walked from Aunty Spider’s.’

  ‘Good Lord, child! In this heat? You must have gone mad.’

  ‘Maybe.’ She grinned. ‘I found a diary of Aunty Spider’s when I was cleaning out. It was for last year. I haven’t been able to find any more. Do you know if there are any here? I thought she might have given them to Dad.’

  ‘Yeah, there are some – I think we’ve got about twenty years’ worth. There’s not much in them, though. They record the history of Danjar Plains. There’s nothing personal.’

  ‘Oh.’ For a moment, Tessa was disappointed. ‘Can I have a look at them anyway?’

  ‘Sure. I’ve got them archived in the cellar.’

  ‘Lovely. I’ll be down there if you’re looking for me.’

  Tessa held herself together as she stepped into the darkness. There were forty-three steps she remembered from when she was a kid. Made from stone and wood, she ran down them to below the surface of the earth and into a world of cool, if rather musty, air.

  When she reached the bottom, she felt for the light switch. Her fingers found it and she flicked it on. As her eyes adjusted she automatically looked for the bullet hole where, years ago, her dad had shot a massive king brown snake that had managed to get into the cellar. A bit of investigation showed it had come in through the vent, which went up into the garage. It hadn’t been sealed properly, giving the snake just enough room to squeeze through. Ryan had seen it trying to slither up the stairs. Tessa could laugh, now, at the circus that followed, but at the time she had climbed onto the kitchen table and stayed there, screaming. Ryan and her mum had rushed around trying to keep an eye on the frantic and deadly serpent while her Dad went to get the gun. Ever since, she had felt a certain amount of apprehension regarding the cellar and she couldn’t quite believe she had willingly gone down there.