Wanting Shaw

by Terri Anne Browning

  Turning my head, I met his gaze head on. “Us.” Tilting back my chin, I stared him down, daring him. “Are you willing to fight for us, Jags?”

  A growl left him. His hand that was still on my waist dipped into the top of my sleep shorts, while his other hand cupped the side of my face, holding me in place as he pressed his lips hungrily to mine.

  I was so surprised he’d actually taken the dare that it took me a moment or two before I kissed him back. His sharp teeth nipped at my bottom lip, causing me to gasp. I parted my mouth, allowing him entrance.

  The taste of him exploded on my tongue, making it impossible to hold back the moan that forced its way out. My fingers fisted in his T-shirt, and I pulled myself onto his lap. We both whimpered when I straddled him. I could feel exactly how much he wanted me, and my sleep shorts were so thin there was no way he missed how I was reacting to him.

  It wasn’t my first kiss. I’d once had to kiss two different guys for a commercial I did for a perfume. Reverse harem was the theme the client had been going for. Both guys had been the same age as me at the time, and we’d had to kiss several times before the director had been satisfied. But none of those kisses could ever compare to kissing Jagger for the first time.

  Just the feel of his lips on mine was enough to steal my breath. The taste of him lit something on fire inside me. I wanted to kiss him until my mouth was raw and tender, and only then did I want him to kiss other parts of my body. The parts that ached for him the most.

  He cupped my tits through the hoodie. Instantly, he knew I wasn’t wearing a bra, and he sucked in a sharp breath before one of his hands traveled down my abdomen and up under the thick material until his hot flesh was stroking across my throbbing nipple.

  “We…really shouldn’t…do this,” he panted before nipping at my bottom lip, making it swell even more.

  “But it feels so good,” I protested.

  “So fucking good,” he agreed as he grabbed my ass with his other hand and pressed me down onto his hardness. “Godsdamn,” he groaned. “I knew it would be like this. Fuck. I should have done this sooner.”

  “Yeah,” I snipped. “You really should have, dumbass.”

  I felt his grin against my mouth. “Sorry, Dimples. Let me make it up to you.”

  Thick fingers dug into my hips, and suddenly I was lying on my back on the couch and Jagger was pushing me deeper into the plush cushions. I spread my legs, giving him easy access to any part of my body he wanted to touch as he settled between them. The paleness of his blue eyes glowed in the dim light coming from the television as he looked down at me like I was the best present he’d ever been given and he didn’t know where to explore first.

  Every inch of my body ached for his attention, but I honestly didn’t care where he touched me as long as he kissed me again. As if he couldn’t handle not having his mouth on mine any more than I could, he brushed his lips over mine in a kiss so soft it made my heart squeeze with all the love I felt for him.

  Tears burned my eyes, and I kept them clenched shut so the tears didn’t slip free and ruin the moment.

  I’d wanted this for so long, but I’d almost given up hope of ever getting to experience it with Jagger. Not just his kisses but to have something special with him. A relationship just as strong and full of love as Violet and Luca’s was. My best friend and her boyfriend were so close, so connected, they already had their entire lives planned out. At times, I’d even been jealous of my bestie and her boyfriend because they had what I wanted with a guy I never thought I would ever get to call my own.

  It was ridiculous, being jealous of someone I loved more than life itself, but it was true. I wanted what she had, and I knew she would do just about anything to help me get what I wanted if she was aware of what I really wanted.

  But other than to tell her I had a thing for Jagger, I’d never told Violet how deep those feelings went. How I dreamed of planning my future with him. Of maybe one day far, far into the future actually starting a family of our own together. I didn’t want a baby until I was at least thirty, but I did know that when I imagined my children, it was Jagger who was their father.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful.” Jagger’s lips had trailed from my mouth to my jaw and down my neck, while his hands pushed my hoodie up out of his way. “I’ve dreamed of this so many times, Dimples. I’ve lost count of how many mornings I’ve woken up to the image of you just like this still in my head as I jerked myself off.”

  The mental images he was putting in my head only made the ache between my legs more intense. Lifting my hips, I rubbed myself against his hardness. “I can’t say the same about waking up fucking my hand, but I’ve fallen asleep plenty of times after getting myself off thinking about you.”

  His groan sounded tortured as he buried his face in my neck. Between my legs, I felt just how much he liked the thought of me touching myself. His cock twitched against my core, and a mewl-like sound came from the back of my throat as I arched into him a little more.

  Reaching up, I caught the back of his head, ready to pull him down for another kiss, but he suddenly went statue-still over me. The creaking of the top stair had my heart stopping just as Jagger jerked my hoodie into place and sat up. Tossing the throw over us, he grabbed one of the decorative pillows and put it over his lap.

  I stayed there, eyes closed as I pretended to be asleep while he kept his gaze on the TV just as I heard my brother grumbling to himself. “You two are still up?” His surprised voice didn’t hide the anger underlying his question.

  “Shaw fell asleep not long ago, and I was about to call it a night myself,” Jagger said, his voice not giving away even an ounce of anything he must have been feeling right then.

  “Oh,” Cannon muttered. “I’m getting a bottle of water. Want to watch this movie in my room? I can’t sleep.”

  “Yeah, sure. Let me wake up Shaw so she doesn’t get a stiff neck, and I’ll be right up.”

  I could practically feel the hesitation coming from my brother, but after several moments, he gritted out an unhappy “Okay” and stomped up the stairs.

  Jagger touched my leg, and my eyes snapped open. “That was close,” he whispered, his face tight and slightly pale.

  “Jags…” I tried to catch his hand, already knowing he was slipping away from me not just physically but emotionally too. I could almost feel the walls slamming down between us, and it broke my heart.

  “He’s my best friend, Shaw.” A muscle ticked in his jaw, and when he looked at me, his gaze didn’t meet mine. “I can’t lose him.”

  “You won’t,” I tried to argue, fighting tears. “He will get over it. I promise.” It might take a while, but I knew Cannon wouldn’t be able to hold it against either of us for too long. Even though he acted like he hated me more often than not these days, I knew in my heart that my brother loved me and would want me and his best friend to be happy.

  “I have to go. We’ll talk about this later.” He stood, then looked down at me with a pained expression clouding his face.

  Realizing there was no use in forcing him to discuss this with me when he was already shutting down, I gave in. “Okay, but we will talk about it, Jags.”

  He gave me a tight nod and then left me lying there on the couch.

  Closing my eyes, I cursed my brother’s poor timing before forcing myself to get up. After throwing away our trash, I went to my room, determined to have our talk first thing the next morning.

  Chapter 4

  Jagger

  I didn’t sleep for even a minute that night. Cannon passed out again before the movie was over, but that wasn’t anything unusual. It was as if when a movie started, he couldn’t keep his eyes open.

  I just sat in the gamer chair at the end of his bed and stared at the TV screen long after the credits stopped rolling and the main menu popped up. I didn’t see anything but the images of kissing Shaw replaying in my head.

  One second, I wanted to sneak into her room and finish what we’d started dow
nstairs, but in the next moment, guilt would flood me and I would grip the arms of the chair as tight as possible to keep myself seated. I needed to think about this before I screwed everything up.

  The pros and cons of being with Shaw ran through my mind until I was dizzy. There were so many more cons than pros. The biggest being that Cannon would lose his shit and we wouldn’t be best friends anymore.

  To some people, they could afford to lose friends. But over the years, I’d realized the true value of the ones who counted. In my world, having someone who watched your back, was there through thick and thin, no matter what—those were a rare commodity. I’d learned there were people out there who only wanted to be my friend because of who I was. Between my dad’s career and my own that was beginning to get started, I had people always wanting to hang out with me.

  Then there were those who just wanted to meet Ma. My mom could make anything happen, and being able to say you knew Emmie Armstrong opened more doors than some realized.

  But Cannon, he’d been like a brother to me from day one. Our parents were all friends, so I knew he wasn’t around just to soak up the perks of what my family could offer him.

  We’d promised each other never to go after each other’s sister, but when I made that pact, I didn’t realize how much Shaw would mean to me one day.

  It wasn’t that she was the hottest chick I’d ever set eyes on. She was—hands down—but that wasn’t what drew me to her. Shaw Cage was the full package. Beautiful, brilliant, the perfect combination of sweet and fiery. She could hold her own in any conversation, and she never let anyone walk over her. She wasn’t scared to bust anyone’s balls, including my own. Mia always told me I needed to find a girl who wouldn’t put up with my shit. The only girl who didn’t outside of my mom and sister was Shaw.

  When it came down to it, the choice was between who I could live without and who I couldn’t.

  Shaw or Cannon.

  But it wasn’t an easy choice to make. I wanted them both. My best friend and the girl who so effortlessly owned a part of me no one else had ever been able to touch.

  By the time the sun started to come up, I was still sitting there trying to come to some kind of decision. Frustrated, I grabbed my shit, left Cannon a note telling him I needed to finish a paper for my civics class, and drove home.

  I was just putting my key in the front door when it swung inward. Mom stood on the other side with a cup of coffee in one hand and a smile that never failed to warm me from the inside out on her beautiful face. “Hey, baby boy.” She stepped back to let me in, but not before those big green eyes of hers narrowed on my face. “Did you sleep at all this weekend, or were you up playing games the entire time?”

  “I got a little sleep.” Not a lie. I’d fallen asleep Saturday morning and texted her when I woke up that afternoon. But I knew she was seeing more than I wanted her to, so I kissed her cheek and turned for the stairs. “I need a shower and a nap.”

  “Okay, but if you wake up and Dad or I aren’t home, we will be at Mia’s,” she called after me.

  Not surprising. Mia and her husband had moved back to California after the spring semester and bought a house in Beverly Hills. Ma had been disappointed when my sister didn’t move closer, but Mia wanted to be near her new dance school she was just starting up. There was already a popular school in Malibu that she didn’t want to compete with, but the ones in Beverly Hills weren’t nearly as lucky to escape my sister’s new business. Her school had only opened a few weeks before, but she was already having to turn people away because every one of her classes was full.

  With Mia closer now, my parents were always dropping by her place for visits, especially with my niece in residence. Dad couldn’t go more than a few days without seeing Emerson before he started getting grouchy, and Ma wasn’t much better when it came to her only grandchild. That little princess was so spoiled, and she didn’t even realize it yet.

  “Give Little Em a kiss for me,” I told her as I climbed the stairs.

  “Mia misses you,” Ma said behind me, and I paused.

  “I miss her too.” Glancing at her, I gave a tired smile. “Tell her I’ll stop by later in the week and we can have dinner.”

  My mom’s smile was so bright it eased some of the tightness weighing me down. “Get some sleep, baby boy. Love you.”

  “Love you, Ma.”

  I took a long shower before falling face first on my bed and pulling my pillow over my head. But still, sleep eluded me. Thoughts of kissing—touching—Shaw the way I’d always dreamed of were hard to turn off.

  It was wrong. So fucking wrong. She was only sixteen. And while she would be seventeen in December, I was still eighteen. In California, the laws were pretty strict. Underage meant underage, no exceptions. Luca and Violet had an almost three-year age gap between them, and if there was even one loophole, I was sure Luca would have found it so he could be with Violet. Instead, he’d put distance between them by going to college thousands of miles away.

  He could say it was because he wanted to play football for one of the best teams in the country, so he had a better shot of a good draft pick when he went into the NFL. But I knew it was more to do with how hard it was to keep his hands to himself. By going to Alabama, he was more likely to keep the promise he’d made to not only Violet’s dad but his own not to touch Vi until she was eighteen.

  The thing was, I wasn’t sure I cared if touching Shaw the way I wanted to could get me locked up—or murdered by her father. What little I’d done the night before…I was sure getting to do that again and again would be worth jail time—and a body bag.

  It was the possibility of losing Cannon that made me sweat.

  What if it didn’t work out with Shaw? There would be other girls in my future, but I didn’t know if I would ever find another person who could take Cannon’s place.

  Groaning, I rolled onto my stomach just as my phone went off. I reached out for it blindly. When my hand came into contact with it, I pushed the pillow off one side of my head and squinted at the screen.

  Shaw.

  Something in my chest squeezed painfully as her beautiful face smiled down at me. I’d taken that picture only a few months before while we’d been at her house for a family cookout. She’d been sitting with Violet on a blanket spread on the sand. She had an apple in one hand, and I’d snapped the picture with it halfway to her mouth. Those baby-blue eyes had locked on to mine, and she’d winked at me before sinking her teeth into the apple’s flesh.

  Swallowing hard, I sent her to voice mail and then powered off my phone. Tossing it onto my bedside table, I told myself that I needed to forget about my best friend’s little sister. She was too young. Just because I loved her didn’t mean anything. I’d probably fall for a dozen other girls just like her in the future.

  Shaw was replaceable.

  So why did the thought of kissing any other chick turn my stomach?

  Chapter 5

  Jagger

  “You look like shit.”

  I rolled my eyes as I lifted my bottle of water to my lips and took a big swallow. Leave it to my sister not to sugarcoat anything.

  It was Thursday, and I’d finally found the time to drive into Beverly Hills to Mia’s house for dinner. I’d been busy with school and working on new songs for Cannon’s and my new album that we would hopefully be recording in the next few months. Between that and not getting much sleep all week, I was running on fumes.

  “What’s wrong with you, little bro?” Mia demanded as she sat back in her chair and looked me over with a critical eye. “You look…haunted?” She shook her head, causing her auburn hair to fall over one shoulder.

  My sister having her hair down was a rare thing. Ninety-nine percent of the time, she had it up in what I’d always called “the ballerina knot.” From the time she’d started her first dance class when I was still a baby, that was how she would always keep her hair, so it was weird to me to see it styled any other way. I forgot how long and thick it was. It
only made her look that much more like our mom, and I couldn’t help wondering if Emerson would be yet another replica of her.

  “Yeah, haunted is the word I’m looking for.” Mia waved her fork in my direction. “What’s wrong?” I pressed my lips into a firm line, not wanting to discuss it, but at the same time, desperate to talk to someone.

  I’d avoided Cannon’s calls almost as much as I had Shaw’s all week long. The only time I’d answered when my best friend called, I’d told him I was busy working on new songs, and he’d accepted that excuse for why I’d been scarce.

  But if I told Mia about Shaw, I wasn’t sure how she would react. She’d always dropped hints that she thought Shaw was the perfect girl for me. Even before I’d seen Shaw as something other than another sister, Mia had urged me to take a chance. And every time, I would tell her the same thing.

  I couldn’t because Shaw was Cannon’s sister.

  To which my sister would roll those big green eyes of hers and remind me that Cannon wasn’t worth losing the chance at the ultimate happiness. Whatever the hell that meant.

  “So there’s this girl…” I started, because I wanted to tell her something about what was going on with me, but not anything that could get her pissed and kick my ass—or worse, her have Ma kick it.

  Mia sighed and dropped her fork onto her half-full plate. “Gods. Okay. A girl. There usually is where you’re concerned.” She wiped her mouth with her napkin before replacing it on her lap. “Let’s hear it, Jags. Tell big sister all about it, and she will make the dirty skank go away.”

  “It’s not like that,” I tried to tell her, but she gave me a roll of her pretty eyes and snorted.

  “Yeah, okay.”

  Pushing my own plate aside, I took a moment to figure out how much to tell her. “So this girl…she’s been calling me all week, and I need to find a way to make her realize it’s just not going to happen.”