Hard to Fall

by Marquita Valentine

  Opening the door wider, I step to one side. “Sure.”

  He brushes past me, and for once Padme doesn’t try to escape. Instead, she turns tail and runs out of the room.

  Traitor.

  “Nice place.”

  “Thanks.” I shut the door and follow him into the living room. “Would you like something to drink?”

  He shakes his head, the dark strands barely moving. “Just had lunch and I didn’t want to overstay my first visit with you.” He’s tall, attractive, with dark brown eyes that have laugh lines at the corners. A touch of silver at his temples makes him look like the dashing politician everyone assumes he is.

  “Your first visit?” I ask evenly. My hand goes to my ponytail, tugging on the end and twirling it. “As in you’re going to have a second one?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “I don’t get a say in this?”

  He frowns. “I thought Taylor spoke to you.”

  “She did, but this was supposed to be on my terms, not yours.” My voice sounds strong even while I’m so very weak on the inside. Why do I want to hug this man, ask him if he thinks I’m pretty and smart? Does he know what I’ve done with my life?

  Most of all, I want to ask why he’s waited until now to see me.

  “I apologize. Taylor said that a surprise visit would be something you’d enjoy. As for the other, I’ll only come back if you say okay.”

  I blink at him. “I do like surprises, but this is different.”

  He nods, his face changing again, his dark eyes showing empathy and compassion. “I understand and I know that I’ve let you down for your entire life. I’d like to rectify that by having you become a visible part of my family.”

  “I’m not invisible.”

  Taking my hands in his, he cocks his head to one side, reminding me of a puppy. “But you have been living life in the shadows, never allowed to say who you really are. Never getting close to anyone. That’s my fault, and I apologize for making you feel that way.”

  Tripp hits all my weak spots, all my hidden hurts that I’ve allowed only Evangeline and Hayden to glimpse.

  “I don’t know what to say except why now?”

  “Because I finally had enough of waiting for your mother to allow me to see you,” he says, confirming what she had shared with me. “Not that I blame her. We were young, especially her, and made poor decisions. I made poor decisions.”

  “This just seems too good to be true.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He lets go of my hands. “Your stepmother and I would love to have you over for dinner one night so you can meet your sisters.”

  “I don’t think that would be okay.” I don’t know if I can handle girls calling him Dad, smiling at him, and having insider jokes and stories that I was denied as a child by two selfish people.

  His smile turns sad. “You need some more time. I understand, and if you need to bring a friend…a date…whoever…to feel more comfortable, please do. I want to get all obstacles out of the way so we can get to know each other.”

  He looks at me expectantly, but I still can’t think of how to answer him.

  “Saylor,” he says slowly, as if speaking with a small child, “is that okay with you?”

  “I…um…” A multitude of emotions roll over me, leaving me weak. “Yes.”

  Tripp beams at me. “You won’t regret this. The girls will love you. Nora will, too.”

  “Mom said that they know about me.”

  “They know of you, but not what makes Saylor Dean Saylor Dean.” He glances around the apartment. “I thought you were into Star Wars, or did I miss that age?”

  I perk up at that. “Oh, I am, but I only geek out with my T-shirts and at conventions, like cosplaying, and never mind. I’m sure you don’t—”

  “No, I want hear everything you have to say.” He jerks his head to the sofa. “If you have time to talk, I have time to listen.”

  “Really?”

  Tripp nods. “Absolutely.”

  “Then have a seat. I’ll make us some tea.” I rush to the kitchen, my hands shaking with nervous energy.

  “Are you seeing anyone?” he asks as Padme slinks into the kitchen, rubbing against my ankles while I make our drinks.

  I guess this is standard dad conversation. Or maybe he’s just being polite. But I don’t know exactly how to answer. “Well, I have been spending time with one guy in particular.”

  “Does this guy have a name?” Tripp asks as I walk back to the living room with two glasses of iced tea.

  “Hayden Walker. He’s a fire captain for one of the stations in Charlotte.”

  “Sounds like the kind of man I’d want my daughter to spend time with…if I had a say in the matter.” Tripp winks at me as he takes a glass.

  I grin goofily, even though I know I shouldn’t. “He’s a good guy with a lot on his plate.”

  “Running a station has to be hard.”

  Taking a sip of my tea, I nod. “For sure. Running an animal shelter is no walk in the dog park, either.”

  “I’m sure it isn’t. From what I’ve read about it, you’ve really turned that place around.”

  “Thank you. I worked really hard.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  An awkward silence fills the room. It feels as though all the tension that had started to melt away is slowly being pumped back in.

  “This has been just great.” He looks at his Apple watch and sucks in air through his teeth. “Can we do this again? I have to go.”

  Confused, I make a face and ask, “But you just got here.” And what about all that time you had to listen to me?

  “Family stuff—my youngest has a dance recital in a few hours, and I promised to be there. Completely forgot about that.” He shoves the glass at me and I have no choice but to take it, even as everything inside me starts to fall apart. “You understand, right?”

  My cheeks begin to burn as stupid tears make my eyes equally hot. Don’t cry. Don’t cry in front of him. I swallow it all down instead and smile so big that my face starts to ache.

  “Totally.”

  “You’re just great, Saylor. A wonderful woman.” He smooths out the wrinkles in his suit and heads to my door. “I’ll get in touch with you so we can work out our schedules.”

  “Okay,” I reply weakly.

  Padme jumps into my lap while I just sit there holding two glasses and doing nothing while I watch Tripp walk out my door without looking back. On the inside I’m screaming and raging at him, but on the outside I’m like Han Solo frozen in carbonite.

  “He didn’t even say goodbye,” I say to her.

  Then again, he never said hello.

  —

  Later that night, I curl up in bed, listening to it storm outside. Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles, mirroring how I feel inside.

  I feel used. Depleted.

  Hayden hasn’t called or texted me, but I haven’t bothered to do the same for him, either. Since Tripp showed up minutes after Hayden dropped me off and I forced myself to go to the dog park with Eva to play with Jake once he left, I barely had time to process our conversation.

  Right now, I feel numb…and abandoned, like a little girl who notices that she didn’t have a dad like all the other kids. Not even one who sent cards or made promises he didn’t keep.

  My doorbell buzzes.

  Reluctantly, I get out of bed to answer it since Evangeline had mentioned she might stop by to give me back the plastic storage containers she’d borrowed. I told her not to worry about it, but she’s funny about stuff like that.

  When I open the door, I freeze.

  Hayden’s standing there, looking like he’s seen a ghost.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Everything.” His nostrils flare as he takes me in, and I become acutely aware of the fact that I’m wearing only a tank top and soft shorts that barely cover up my butt. “Can I come in?”

  It’s the second time that day a man I thought I nee
ded in my life has asked me that very question. And I know it will be the second time that day that I will move aside and let him in.

  “Sure.”

  But instead of walking past me, he closes the door himself and hauls me into his arms. I’m always amazed each time he does this. The raw strength of his lean muscles that can do so much, so effortlessly.

  I wrap my arms loosely around his neck. “Talk to me.”

  “My…the senator came to visit. He made some demands and things aren’t good between us now, worse than before. Hunter and I tried to beat it out of me in the ring, but it didn’t work.” His blue eyes darken. “You wouldn’t get out of my head, even when I needed you to.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?”

  He nuzzles my neck and bites down on my ear, sending sparks of desire ricocheting through my body. “Only for you.”

  Chapter 15

  Hayden

  “Which way?” I ask Saylor. She feels so damn good in my arms that I never want to let go, no matter how much my body is protesting. When I told Hunter not to hold back, he actually listened for once.

  “Down that hall. Last door on the right.”

  I carry her to the bedroom, my intentions mostly platonic, but the sight of her tight nipples poking through the thin material of her tank top is shifting from mostly to least likely to keep it in my pants.

  And isn’t that the very thing the senator accused me of doing.

  She rubs her nose against my jaw, her hand going to my neck. “Why aren’t you wet? It’s been raining for a while now.”

  I pause in the doorway to her room. “Wasn’t raining when I got here.” I swallow. “Stood outside your door a good twenty minutes before I rang the doorbell.”

  “Why?” Her eyes widen and I propel us toward the bed, laying her on the side where the pillow is indented.

  I lean over her, placing my hand on either side of her body. “Wasn’t sure what I’d say.”

  Once again, she touches my face. “No bruises,” she murmurs.

  “He never hits my face. Can’t do my job if I get too hurt.”

  “Define too hurt,” she says.

  With a thick exhale, I stand up and pull my T-shirt over my head, letting it linger at my wrists before completely allowing it to fall to the floor. She lets out a gasp.

  “That’s not too hurt?” she accuses, sitting up in bed. She grabs her glasses and puts them on, leaning forward to study my torso. “Are you serious?”

  I don’t bother to look at the multitude of bruises covering my chest and abs. “Nothing’s cracked or broken, and I can breathe just fine.”

  Her chin jerks up. “I don’t understand why you’d let him to do this to you.”

  “Because I needed to feel the pain. I needed to work out every bit of aggression before I came to you.”

  She just looks at me, her brown eyes serious. “I don’t think you’d ever hurt me like that.”

  Physically, no. I’d never hurt her, but emotionally, I already have. “Mind if I join you?”

  She shakes her head, scooting under the blankets and making room for me. Bending down, I take off my boots, socks, and jeans, then get into bed with her.

  “Scoot down,” she orders.

  Curiosity makes me listen to her. She pulls a sheet over our heads, so that nothing but filtered light is getting through. As she lies down on the pillow and turns to face me, her glasses become askew.

  I carefully take them off her and reach out from beneath the sheet to place them on the nightstand. “Better?”

  “Yes.” Her eyes fill with tears. “No.”

  Taking her cold hands in mine, I kiss the knuckles. “I’m sorry for the abrupt ending to our date.”

  “Work comes first. I realize that.”

  “Then why are you crying?”

  “I’m not crying.” Two fat tears roll down her cheeks.

  “Sunshine, you are obviously upset.” My issues with the senator take a back burner. Saylor needs me, needs my strength and my comfort. Letting go of her hands, I tenderly wipe her tears away.

  “My biological dad came by today. He says he wants to get to know me.” More tears fill her eyes, gathering on her black lashes. “He said that he has daughters and that he wanted me to meet them, too. Then he pretended to listen to me and just left, without even saying goodbye.

  “It felt like I was being abandoned all over again, except this time, it hurt way worse,” she adds, her tears turning to full-on sobs. “He couldn’t spend more than ten minutes in my company before he made up some stupid excuse to leave. He said that he needed to see his daughter’s dance recital.

  “But I’m his daughter, too. Doesn’t that count…don’t I count for something?” she asks, but I know it’s not a question I can answer for her on behalf of the asshole who made her miserable.

  “You count to me. Ever since I first met you, I haven’t thought about anyone else. No other woman but you. Haven’t even tried to get you out of my head with one. It’s like they don’t exist.”

  Her lips part in surprise. “Really?”

  “I meant what I said to you. I think we have something special…you’re special. And worthy. Loveable. Your biological dad is an asshole who doesn’t deserve you, much less your time.”

  “What about your dad?” she asks.

  “Don’t want to talk about it until you’re done,” I insist. While I’ve always been told I have a hero complex, a need to save the girl in order to feed into that so I feel worthy, listening to Saylor, comforting her…it brings something else out inside me entirely—a very primal need to protect her from anyone who hurts her. And not because it makes me feel better, but because she deserves to be protected at all costs.

  She kisses me lightly on the lips and sighs. “There’s nothing else to say. I went twenty-seven years without having my dad in my life, so I don’t see a need to have him now.”

  If he hadn’t hurt her, I doubt she’d feel that way right now. Although I don’t have that kind of nonexistent relationship with my dad, I still crave his approval and I know she wants it as well.

  “His loss, not yours.”

  She nods, sucking in her top lip before turning her head to stare up at the ceiling. “Still hurts.”

  “There’s no shame in that, sunshine.”

  “I know, but…” She looks at me. “What about you? Why did you stand outside my door for twenty minutes?”

  “Took me that long to decide that I was fit for company.”

  “But what set that all off?”

  “Basically, it’s time for me to pay the piper.”

  “What are his d-demands?” she asks, still sniffling.

  “That I have to make good on a promise I made when I was barely eighteen, or he’ll take away what matters most from me.”

  “Your job?”

  I nod.

  She makes a face. “How can he do that to you? He’s not in charge of Charlotte’s fire departments.”

  Pulling her to me, I breathe in her sweet scent. “Either I cave to one of his demands, or he ends my career as a firefighter.” Or he ends my relationship with Saylor.

  “One of his demands—never mind, you don’t have to tell me.” Her hand comes to rest on my bicep for a couple of seconds before she begins to lightly stroke me. “But is there anything I can do to help?”

  “Not unless you can come work on my campaign or marry me,” I say with a harsh laugh and she becomes as stiff as a board. I don’t blame her. “Those are my two choices. Get married or run for office. Neither appeals to me. Besides, who in their right mind would willingly marry a man with a family like mine? We’d have to stump for the senator whenever my scheduled allowed. So generous of the asshole.”

  “What do you dislike the least of your two choices?”

  I slip a hand under her shirt, skimming it up and down her back. “They’re equally reprehensible, but since those are the only choices I have, I guess marriage. At least we could divorce once he’s elected again.”


  “Oh.” Her chest heaves against mine. “Is there someone he has in mind for you?”

  “You’d think so, but he didn’t say the woman had to be his choice.” I roll to my back, taking Saylor with me, so that she’s partially lying on me, and start to stroke her hair. “What about you? What would you pick?”

  Her lashes are wet and spikey, and her nose is red, but she’s stopped crying. “The one that would cause everyone the least amount of trouble and pain.”

  “I want to cause him trouble and pain.”

  “Then you can’t run for office.”

  With my free hand, I push the covers away so I can look at her. “Marriage, then?”

  She nods solemnly. “That’s your only way out.”

  I’m struck with the overwhelming urge to ask her to marry me. At least she’d be my choice. At least we have chemistry and actually enjoy being with each other. “Would you consider marrying me?” I ask, figuring why the hell not. I have nothing to lose by asking…but her. If she says no, then I’ll have to find someone to enter into a fake marriage with. Someone who won’t care that they won’t have any piece of me, not like Saylor does.

  Her pretty face pales. “That’s not possible.”

  And that isn’t the answer I expected. It’s not even in the same realm. “Why the hell not?” My words come out harsher than I intend, mostly because I’m irrationally angry at her answer.

  She lowers her gaze to my chest, her fingers touching the Roman numerals on my chest that stand for the date I graduated from fire school. “Because I…I’m already married to—”

  “Are you kidding me?” I scramble out of bed before she can finish.

  I’ve fucked another man’s wife. Again. The senator always likes to say that history repeats itself, and apparently I’m still being led around by my dick.

  How could I have fucked up so badly again? Wouldn’t Hunter have told me? None of this makes any damn sense—unless he didn’t know, either.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  “No. I told you before…after my art class, remember?”

  Shit. She had mentioned this before, but I thought it was a joke. A bad date gone horribly wrong. She’d even said it wasn’t legal, which is why I dismissed it without further thought.