Hard to Fall

by Marquita Valentine

  “Yes, but I thought it was—fucking A, Saylor.” I snap my mouth shut before I can do some real damage with my words. Considering how I’ve been deceived, I’m being a damned saint.

  Hair falling over her shoulders and down her back as she sits up, she grabs my arm. “Please let me finish. It’s not what you think.”

  “You have no idea what I think.”

  “Then give me a chance to explain.”

  My fingers flex and it’s all I can do to not pull away from her and leave. “You’re separated?”

  “No. We’re together.”

  “Getting divorced?” A vein in my forehead starts throbbing.

  “There is a very good possibility that will happen, considering the circumstances,” she says glumly.

  “You don’t want to get a divorce?” Why am I even continuing on with this conversation?

  Easy.

  Because I don’t want to believe that it’s true and I don’t want to believe Saylor lied to me. That every single thing about her is an act.

  “It’s entirely up to you.”

  My head spins. “How is that up to me?”

  “You said that once your dad was elected, then our marriage is over.”

  “No, I said we could get a divorce.” Wait, she said our, as in the two of us. “Stop. Let’s start over. Who exactly are you married to?”

  She twists the sheet in her hands, refusing to look at me. “I’m really sorry to have kept it from you for so long.”

  “Just spit it out.”

  “I’m trying to, but I’m afraid you’ll be mad at me, and I just can’t deal with that right now. Not after my day.”

  Guilt and rage collide inside me, along with a good dose of confusion. “Trust me when I say that it’s not possible.” I don’t know what the fuck I’m feeling anymore.

  Finally, her eyes lift to mine. “The man I’m married to…is…well, it’s you, Hayden.”

  Chapter 16

  Saylor

  Hayden freezes, his mouth slightly open, but no words come out.

  “Do you need a minute?” I ask. My voice is calm, while my heart is knocking against my chest so hard that is physically hurts.

  “No.” He regains his composure so quickly that I’m taken aback, his face forming an unreadable mask; then again, he’s a politician’s son. It’s probably something he was taught to do from an early age. “I need an explanation.”

  “Don’t you remember anything about Eva and Hunter’s reception—either one of them?”

  A fine blush steals across the bridge of his nose. “Actually, I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t remember much at all about the one here in Charlotte or the one in Tijuana. My assumption, beyond the kiss we shared, was that everyone had a great time, including me.”

  “I think everyone did. I know I did…until the next morning, when you didn’t remember me or my name, but you’ve made up for that, I think.”

  Regret flashes in his eyes. He puts a knee on the mattress, making it dip a little. “Hope so. Because if I didn’t, I’ll keep trying.” He clears his throat. “Not to make light of my actions, but can you get to the part that makes us husband and wife.”

  I sigh, wondering if I should do the long version or the short version.

  His hand trembles as it runs along his jaw. “Saylor?”

  Short version it is. “We left together early. Watched a silly movie on the plane about saying yes to things we normally wouldn’t. Later that night, after more drinking and other festivities, you asked me to marry you. I said yes. You paid a priest and took care of the other arrangements.

  “Only, I don’t know if we’re just married in Tijuana, or if it’s legal here, too,” I add.

  “Really?” he asks, his voice hushed.

  I nod. “Really and truly.”

  He stares at me for a full minute before he simply sits beside me and says, “Did I mention anything about my family to you?”

  My nose scrunches. “No. We were too busy doing other things.”

  “Hmm.”

  “What does hmm mean?”

  “Just thinking.”

  “I wasn’t drunk when we got married. I was a little tipsy, but I didn’t realize you were that far gone.”

  He turns my way. “Is that why you wanted to know about drunk sex?”

  “Yes.” Pulling my legs up to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and rest my chin on my knees. “The next morning…I didn’t know how to respond to you, except how I always respond in stressful situations.”

  “Why didn’t we wake up together?”

  “You said you needed a shower.”

  His brow creases. “But not with you?”

  My cheeks heat. “I couldn’t move. You…were very thorough. So I fell asleep and you didn’t come back.”

  “Does thorough mean excellent lover?”

  Of course, he’d go there. Of course, he’d focus on the sex and not the fact that we may or may not be married. “In my experience you were. Still are.”

  He nods his head, a pleased smile curving his lips.

  “But it was my first time, so I don’t have much at all to compare you to.”

  His pleased smile dissipates. “You were a virgin?”

  “Is that so impossible to imagine?”

  “Not impossible, just improbable that I’d marry one—never even been with one before—not that it matters. Man, I’m screwing this up.” He blows out an agitated breath. “I don’t know what to say…”

  “You could start by telling me what you think about the marriage part.”

  “Kinda trying to avoid that.”

  “Why?”

  “For one, you’re offering me an easy way out and I’m not sure if I deserve it. Or if I deserve you.” The weight of his gaze holds me spellbound. “You’ve put up with a lot since then.”

  But I’ve gained a lot, too. So much that I don’t know if I’ll be able to bear losing you in the end. “Like you said, we can get a divorce after your dad is elected.” I swallow hard. “No big deal.”

  “You are a horrible liar, Saylor Walker.”

  “I didn’t change my name.”

  He places his hand on my leg, inching it up and up, making goosebumps appear. “This might seem crazy, but I’m actually happy about what happened. I chose you, without pressure from my parents, without them picking you for me…we were just two adults who decided to go for it.”

  “Does that mean you want to stay married to me?” I hate how weak my voice sounds now. I don’t want to beg him to stay with me. I shouldn’t have to, but for far too long the people who matter to me, the ones who claim to love me…or want to get to know me, leave.

  “It means we need to find out if what we’ve done is legal here. After that, if you’re willing, either you marry me again or you can choose to say no.”

  He starts to rearrange my legs and arms so that he can settle between my thighs, the weight of his body both comforting and arousing. “What if I don’t say no? What if all I can say is yes?”

  The most determined look I’ve ever encountered transforms his face. “Then you’re mine, and God help anyone who tries to come between us.”

  With that declaration, he cups the back of my head and pulls me toward him, kissing me hard. Possessively. “But we don’t love each other,” I gasp between kisses.

  “That’s not a problem for me.” He blazes an erotic trail down my throat while simultaneously yanking my tank top down, exposing my bare breasts to the cool air. “Because we have this.”

  He nuzzles the underside of my breast, then nips at the tip while I moan loudly. “And this.” He smiles around my nipple, then slides down my body, kissing my belly button along the way.

  His hot breath blows over me as he lowers his head and pushes my shorts down to my knees. His gaze jerks to mine, a wicked smile on his lips.

  “The only thing better than Wonder Woman panties is none at all.”

  Before I can reply, his head dips down again and his tongu
e is searching and finding, making my back bow off the bed in ecstasy.

  “How many times do you want to come before I fuck you?” he asks.

  My vision is foggy as I attempt to focus on his words and not what he’s doing with his mouth and fingers right at this moment.

  “I don’t know,” I finally manage to say.

  He lightly taps my clit with his fingers and I jolt. “Not an answer.”

  “As many as you’ll give me?”

  A kiss to my inner thigh makes me quiver all over again. “That’s what I want to hear.”

  —

  The next morning, after a little research that gives us conflicting information, Hayden drives us into the city. He holds my hand on the way. Every so often, he gives me a gentle squeeze as if trying to reassure me.

  I don’t need reassurance. Well, maybe I need a little.

  While I know I was Hayden’s choice then, I’m still his choice now only because he wants to be able to live life on his terms.

  “Do you mind walking?” he asks as we drive past an imposing building with monstrously tall columns. Hordes of people are already walking up and down the front stairs. Some are wearing suits, others casual, and then there are those who are wearing very little at all.

  “No, I like walking,” I answer, anxiously twirling the ends of my hair. “Is it always this busy?”

  “Court is in session, but we won’t be going there. A clerk on the second floor handles all marriage licenses.” He swerves, narrowly avoiding a collision with a car parked in the middle of the street. “This is why I walk to work.”

  “Your place is that close?”

  Leaning forward, he points to a tall building made of steel and glass. “Right there. Only four blocks from the gym. Two blocks from the station. Looks closer than it is.”

  “You’ll have to show me.”

  “As soon as we get things squared away, I intend to show you every inch of my apartment.”

  His erotic promise sends thrills of pleasure through me. “I can’t wait.”

  Finally, we’re able to move again and find a spot in a public garage. I hop out, the smell of oil and exhaust making me cough.

  “Ready?” He extends his hand to me and I take it, my pulse beating wildly.

  “Let’s go.”

  —

  Our footsteps echo as we take the stairs to the second floor. It’s quiet, hushed almost, as we enter this portion of the building. There’s barely a line and we’re seen almost immediately.

  “How can I help you?” the woman behind the counter asks. Her eyes are gray and her smile is kind.

  “We were married in Tijuana a few weeks back and wanted to know what further steps we have to take in order for our marriage to be valid in the US,” Hayden says.

  “Easy enough. If you can give me some basic information, I can look it up in our system.”

  Hayden and I give her our names and Social Security numbers.

  “Gotcha.” Her brows rise. “Looks like everything is in order as of yesterday. You must have paid for them to expedite the paperwork. Good thinking.”

  Hayden and I look at each other at the same time.

  “Oh,” I exhale softly. “I guess we’re…us.”

  His mouth quirks. “We are that.”

  My palms become damp. Shaky. Once more, Hayden takes one of my hands in his, thumb running across my knuckles as if trying to soothe me.

  “Is there anything else we need to do?” I ask.

  “No, but if you give me a second, I’ll print this out for your records.”

  “That would be tremendous,” Hayden says encouragingly. “Thank you for your help.”

  As soon as she gives us a paper copy of our marriage certificate, we hurry out of there, then slow down as soon as we get to Hayden’s SUV. Letting go of my hand, he pulls out his phone and takes a picture of the document.

  “This is going straight to the senator.” He opens the car door and helps me up into it. “Anyone you want to make an announcement to?”

  “Uh…Evangeline already knows.”

  Hayden’s eyes dance with amusement. “Does Hunter?”

  I shrug. “I didn’t tell her until that night at Bohannon’s, when you took me home. She said she wouldn’t tell him unless he actually asked her.”

  “Stop being so nervous. The hardest part is over with—at least on your end.” He shuts my door and jogs around to the driver’s side.

  “What do you think they’ll say?” I ask as he joins me inside the Escalade.

  He tilts his head to one side. “Not much. I upheld my end, so the senator has to do the same.” Placing his phone on the console, he reaches for his keys but stops when a text makes the phone ding.

  “And there’s his answer. Could have been worse, I guess.” Hayden hands me the phone, a worried look on his face. “When you read this, please take into consideration that it was a long time ago, my sophomore year at Duke.”

  I glance at the screen.

  The senator: At least you had the good sense to not get involved with that Sterling girl again.

  Blood drains from my face. Maybe there’s more than one Sterling.

  Hayden doesn’t notice my inner turmoil and lack of response; his eyes are still on the screen. “It’s the one thing we can agree on. I wouldn’t touch Kennedy Sterling with a ten-foot pole.”

  “Y’all dated?”

  His smile turns into a grimace. “We were engaged to be married.”

  Not the end of the world, I tell myself. He’s almost thirty. It would be weird if he hadn’t seriously dated anyone before me. I try to remain calm as I give him back the phone.

  “Everyone was happy about it because our marriage would unite political parties and political dynasties.”

  Oh sweet Lord. “What happened?”

  “Caught her in bed with my cousin, Vance.”

  “Oh my gosh! That’s horrible.”

  Hayden grows quiet for a moment. “You know what the kicker was?”

  “What?” I’m tempted to cover my ears in that moment because the last thing I want to hear about is Hayden being in love with another woman, that she destroyed his heart and there’s nothing left of him for me.

  “Kennedy and I never slept together. I was respectful of her wishes to wait until we were married. Idiot to believe her, right?” He glances at me and my face must show how miserable I am in this moment because he replies in earnest, “I don’t doubt you, sunshine. Besides, you’re so far removed from my old life that I can’t imagine ever going back to it.”

  Smiling weakly, I allow him to pull me to him. The console between us digs into my side and stomach. “Ouch.”

  “Sorry about that.” He lets go of me, but not before dropping a kiss on my lips. “I know this isn’t the most conventional of ways to do things, but for whatever reason, I think we’re going to be okay, Saylor.”

  “I hope so.”

  He looks at me, his blue eyes serious. “I still believe in love. She didn’t ruin that for me and I don’t judge all women by her deceitful actions…only the ones with the Sterling last name,” he jokes.

  Oh, this is so not funny. This is the exact opposite of funny. “Are there a lot of Sterlings in your old life?”

  Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, he shakes his head. “Only one. Jonathan Sterling III in politics. He has three daughters; the youngest is maybe twelve or thirteen now. He likes for people to call him Tripp. Know him?”

  My stomach drops, like I’ve just gone down the hill of a roller coaster that has no end in sight. “Not really.”

  “Which is why as soon as I can, the senator and I are going to renegotiate the terms of our agreement. No way in hell will I get you involved in politics. You deserve better.”

  While Hayden deserves to know the truth. He starts up the engine and begins to back out of his spot in the parking garage. I lean my forehead against the window.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her earlier, but it was such a l
ong time ago that I didn’t think it mattered, but if it does—”

  “It’s okay. I’m just tired,” I mumble.

  “From last night.” It’s not a question.

  I slide my gaze to him. Our eyes meet, his filled with so much satisfaction from satisfying me that I want to bang my head against the window. He’s happy. Genuinely happy with his choice.

  With me.

  Finally, I matter to someone other than the woman who gave birth to me, other than the animals the shelter takes in, and the employees who are like family to me. But even my closest friend leans on her husband.

  If I tell him the truth, I could lose that. Forget could. I will lose that. He won’t look at me in the same way again. I’ll just be one of those Sterling girls who deceived him, who kept our marriage secret to…well, save myself from humiliation.

  But he might not see it that way.

  And then, I’ll never see him again.

  Besides, Tripp, a.k.a. Jonathan Sterling III, doesn’t even want me. Never claimed me. Couldn’t get out of my apartment fast enough after he finally met me.

  Still, the truth needs to be shared with Hayden.

  But not yet.

  “Yes, from last night.”

  And now I’m right back to square one.

  Chapter 17

  Hayden

  Saylor is unusually quiet as we eat lunch in my apartment. Her eyes keep straying to the amazing view of the city, to the walls, to the furniture…basically, everywhere but me.

  “Why are you so nervous?” I finally ask and she jumps, her fork clattering to the table.

  “Sorry. Deep in thought.” Her breasts rise and fall underneath a nearly see-through shirt that has miniature Starship Enterprises printed on it.

  “If you’re worried about my parents’ reaction when they meet you, don’t be. For all their faults, especially the senator’s, they’re decent people.” I’m not feeding her bullshit, and I’m confident my mother will find Saylor charming. Sweet. Loving.

  “That’s good. I don’t want our marriage to make things harder for you.” I quirk a brow at her choice of words and her cheeks turn pink. “You know what I meant.”

  “I also know what you do to me.” As she picks up her fork, I frown.