Purple Roads

by Fleur McDonald

  Yep, there it was. A large parcel sitting on a shelf close to the ceiling.

  He reached in and grabbed it, hauling it to his chest with minimal effort. Quickly he turned off the light, pulled the hatch shut and walked towards the door, not seeing the trail he had left behind him.

  He closed up the shed and, with one last glance around, jumped in the cab before driving out of the yard, stopping only to shut the gates.

  Once he was on the highway going north he began to relax. He was heading back to his comfort zone of the country and there was little traffic on the road.

  Two hours later, he pulled off into a parking area, let the engine cool down and turned the ignition off. Silence flooded the cab and left his ears ringing. He got out to stretch his legs.

  Everything was quiet.

  He unzipped his pants and took a leak, congratulating himself on the success of the operation. If his partner was so insistent that this theft was going to be his last, it was good to know he could achieve this bit, at least, by himself. There was nothing to credit his partner for except information and, of course, his partner didn’t know about the business he was running on the side. That part of his life would never end. He needed it too much.

  It wasn’t long before he was back in the cab, and another half an hour later he was turning into his driveway. As his lights reflected off the silver tin of his shed, he could hear his dogs barking at the unfamiliar vehicle. It was a bloody good thing he lived out of town, he thought.

  It took him a good two hours to unload the chemical with the front-end loader. The other goods he’d picked up on the way were easy to shift: light bags that were easily hidden. The beer he would keep for himself and unload at the house.

  When he was done he threw a large, dusty tarpaulin over the lot, stood back and breathed a sigh of relief. This would well and truly cover the debt and leave him with a bit in reserve. He started to plan what he could do with the extra money - there was a really good tip on race four at Flemington and he knew it could treble his money - but he stopped; he was getting ahead of himself. It would all have to be sold first and he knew he would have to be very careful about who he offered it to.

  He grinned as he looked over at a second tarpaulin. It concealed the best thing he’d ever got his hands on. It was a shame he couldn’t use it more often. But even though he’d changed it pretty significantly, he couldn’t take the risk. Sighing, he lifted the tarp and let his hand run over the smooth steel, then let the tarp drop.

  Anyway, he mused as he checked his watch, he’d better hurry, otherwise first light would be on him before he got the truck back to the depot.

  The gates were open when he arrived back at the depot and he frowned as he slowed. He was sure he’d closed them. Quickly he assessed his options, but realised there weren’t any. He had to drive in.

  He scanned the grounds, but seeing nothing unusual he parked the truck in the spot which had been agreed on and slid out of the cab, ever watchful.

  Everything was silent except the tick of the engine cooling. Maybe he hadn’t shut the gate properly and the wind had blown it open.

  He walked around the corner of the shed to replace the keys, then stopped.

  ‘Shit.’

  A white ute was parked at the back of the shed and he could just make out a swag rolled out in the tray.

  Quietly, he backed away, staying in the shadows, then turned and ran down the road to where he had left his ute.

  As he drove home, he wondered if there was any chance the person in the ute would have heard anything. He tried to think logically, without panicking, but it was hard. That was the closest he’d ever come to being caught.

  No, he decided.The walls of the shed would have blocked a lot of the noise and certainly the lights. If whoever was sleeping there had heard anything, they probably would have put it down to passing traffic.

  But he was left with a burning question: why was someone sleeping in the depot tonight - and why hadn’t his partner told him?

  Chapter 28

  Anna wrapped her hands around the cup of tea Maggie had placed in front of her. She was freezing after standing in the rain for so long, watching Matt and Ella disappear into the distance.

  This was something she had never considered after Matt had left: the fact that he would still want to see his daughter. That he would take her from Anna’s care - even just for a short time.

  But two weeks after he’d left, Matt had arrived early this morning asking to see Ella. Anna had readily agreed, pleased he was taking an interest in her. Much to Anna’s surprise, and probably Matt’s, Ella, who had been unperturbed by Matt’s disappearance, ran to him with her arms outstretched. They had played happily together in the backyard, despite the bitter winds and grey clouds threatening rain at any moment.

  Anna had watched them through the window with a frown. She didn’t understand Ella’s change of heart. To be truthful, once Matt had gone she’d half expected never to see him again. She’d thought he’d just drift away into some other realm unconnected with them. But watching him with Ella, she’d understood it wasn’t going to be the case. Maybe that was a good thing, she had pondered. After all, she hated waking up without him beside her and she missed him. The thought of him at least.

  Still, when Matt had said he wanted to take Ella out, just the two of them, a tremor of fear had shot through her. Of course he was entitled to see his daughter, and Ella had obviously been pleased to see her dad, but to take her out? Take away her daughter who was her whole life? Anna had opened her mouth to respond but couldn’t speak a word.

  ‘I’m going to another clearing sale with Sam, so I thought it might be a good opportunity for her to come along too,’ Matt had continued. ‘I want to be a part of her life, Anna. You mightn’t like it, but I do.’

  How could she refuse?

  And so, this morning, Matt had picked up Ella and they’d driven away. And Anna had stood in the drizzle, staring down the empty street, until Maggie had come and led her into the warmth of the shop. Maggie sat down at the table and placed her hands over Anna’s.

  Anna looked up. ‘Oh, Maggie.’ Anna heard her own voice as if from very far away. It was lost and broken.

  ‘Hush, dear heart, hush.They’ll be back soon.’

  Anna wiped away tears and then spoke the terrible words which she had hardly dared to consider. ‘What if he doesn’t bring her back? What if he takes her?’ She lifted her eyes to meet Maggie’s sympathetic gaze.

  ‘He’ll bring her back, Anna. He’s a good man.’

  Anna stood up and walked to the window, willing Matt’s old ute to drive back down the road and turn into the driveway. How could she have been so stupid as to let Ella go when they didn’t have any sort of agreement? Her breathing quickened and she swayed on her feet as panic threatened to overwhelm her. ‘Oh no,’ she moaned.

  ‘Anna, Anna, Anna!’ Maggie spoke gently. ‘Shush, child. What you’re thinkin’ is not going to happen. He loves her too and she is his daughter. He just wants to spend time with her. Matt is hurtin’, just as you are. Ella will help heal him as she will help you. Now drink your cup of tea before it gets cold.

  ‘Then I’ll need your help. I’ve a carton of wool which has come in and I haven’t time to price it. You can do it for me so I can get it onto the shelves. Mrs Hampton will be in on Monday wantin’ some wool for her granddaughter’s jumper she’s knittin’. But I’ve got stocks of broccoli and beans to put out and can’t see how I’ll get to doin’ the wool.You’ll be doin’ me a favour by helpin’.’

  Slowly, with another glance outside, Anna walked back to the table and sat down. She listened as the wind hurled sleet against the window and was glad for the warmth of the stove standing in the corner.

  She hoped Ella was dressed warmly enough. What a miserable day for a clearing sale.

  The next two hours passed agonisingly slowly, even though she was busy. Taking the wool out of the box, pricing it, sorting it by colour and arranging it
on the shelf was monotonous but for a while it had taken her mind off Ella. Maggie had asked questions constantly, about her childhood and her family, studiously avoiding the subject of Ella and keeping her talking the whole time.

  While she was recalling incidents from her own life or a funny anecdote about her brothers, she could forget. Then the door would open and a customer would walk in, bringing a blast of cold air. Anna would automatically glance around to make sure Ella wasn’t in the way, only to be reminded that she wasn’t there.

  The heavy, sinking feeling would return and she would find herself struggling not to howl.

  She watched the clock, painfully aware of the minutes ticking by and growing increasingly uptight. She couldn’t help going constantly to the window to peer out at the street, watching, waiting . . .

  Maggie brought out another box of wool to distract her and Anna was just putting the last ball of wool onto the shelf when a tinkling of the brass bell above the door signalled another customer. She looked up to see who it was, but there was no one there.

  Then she heard the sweet sound of her daughter’s voice.

  ‘Mummy?’

  Anna jumped up and ran towards her, throwing her arms around the little girl. The relief of holding Ella swept through her and she closed her eyes, savouring the feeling of the chubby arms around her neck.

  ‘I’ve missed you, darling!’ Anna murmured into Ella’s neck. She became aware of a coldness seeping through her clothes and Ella’s hair dripping onto her skin. She pulled away and held Ella at arm’s length to look at her.

  The girl was wet through, her hair plastered to her head, her cheeks red from the wind.

  Struggling to contain her anger, Anna asked casually,‘Where’s Daddy?’

  ‘In the car.’

  Setting Ella on her feet Anna grabbed her hand firmly and started towards the door.

  ‘Maggie, I’m off. I need to get Ella into the bath.’

  ‘Maggie!’ called Ella, struggling to get away from Anna. ‘Want to say hello.’ But Anna wouldn’t relinquish her hold.

  ‘Not now, sweetie. We need to get you out of those wet clothes.’

  ‘Hello there, wee Ella!’ Maggie chimed in. ‘You go with your mammy. I can see you another time.’

  Anna hurried out of the shop with Ella in tow, her hands covering Ella’s head in a futile attempt to shield her from the freezing rain. Without stopping to acknowledge Matt, they ran across the road and into the house. Anna sat Ella in front of the fire as she started the bath, then stripped her out of her wet clothes and popped her in the bath.‘There you go, missy! You’ll be nice and warm after that.’ But despite her cheerful tone, inside she was seething.

  What was he thinking?

  She heard Matt open the door and come into the kitchen. She knew she was too wild to speak to him at the moment, so she busied herself soaping Ella’s hair and dribbling water over her shoulders.

  When she was sure Ella was warm enough, she took her out and wrapped her in a towel and took her to the lounge room to dry her in front of the fire.

  Matt was sitting in his usual chair reading a magazine.

  Anna dressed Ella in clothes she had laid out near the fire to warm then sent her to her room to play.

  She turned to face Matt. ‘You bloody idiot,’ she said quietly. ‘What do you think you were doing? If she gets pneumonia, it will be your fault.’

  Matt looked confused.

  ‘How could you have let her get wet through like that? Surely there was a shed or something you could have sat in while it was raining.’

  ‘The motorbike Sam wanted to buy was up when the shower started,’ Matt said defensively.

  ‘Hell, Matt, you weren’t buying. You didn’t need to stand out in the rain. What sort of father are you?’ Anna swiped at the magazine he was reading. ‘And don’t sit here in my house like you own the place. You don’t live here anymore. Say goodbye to Ella and go. I’m too bloody pissed off to have you here at the moment.’

  Matt sat for a moment longer, his eyes narrowed, looking like he might explode.

  Anna cocked an eyebrow at him, waiting.

  Finally Matt got up from the chair and stalked down the hall to Ella’s room to kiss her goodbye. Anna didn’t raise her head from the washing she was folding as he left. When she heard the ute drive off she sighed and dropped her chin to her chest. She couldn’t believe their relationship had sunk to such depths.

  She went into Ella’s room and found her lying on the floor talking to her dolls, tired out. Anna touched her forehead to make sure she wasn’t running a temperature, then lifted the girl into her arms and placed her on the bed. Ella reached up and put her arms around Anna’s neck, hugging her close.

  ‘Ah, Ella, I love you so much, darling.’

  ‘I love you too, Mummy. But I had fun with Daddy.’

  Oh! Out of the mouths of babes. ‘I’m sure you did.’ She smiled at her daughter.

  Anna stretched out on the bed beside Ella to read her favourite story. As she repeated by heart the words she had read one thousand times before, her mind wandered back to Matt and the happier times. How they used to tease each other and laugh. How they had talked late into the nights, sharing their dreams and hopes. When they found out she was pregnant with Ella, the happiness and wonder they had felt at creating a new life had overtaken them both. Where had it all gone? How could it just end in fighting and anger, the only thing left between them this little girl?

  Oh, she knew she couldn’t stop Matt from seeing his daughter, but Ella was her arms, her legs, her heart - her whole being. Without Ella, Anna herself couldn’t exist. How could she bear to be without her? She needed to look out for her daughter, to protect her.

  Before Anna had finished the story, Ella had fallen asleep. She shut the book quietly and sat up, staring at the little girl, tracing the contours of her face, touching her eyelashes as they brushed her cheeks, and thought how heartbreaking it was that a child created in love had to be part of that love’s disintegration.

  Chapter 29

  Matt shot out of the driveway with a squeal of tyres and a wisp of black smoke, the back end of the ute fishtailing on the wet road. As he drove out of Spalding he thumped the steering wheel angrily.

  ‘Bloody cow.’

  The rear end of the car slid out again and instinctively he eased his foot off the accelerator to reduce his speed. As if on automatic pilot, he followed the winding road back towards Adelaide, conscious of nothing but the fury bubbling inside.

  Ella had loved going to the sale with him and Sam, he was sure of it - and he doubted he would have survived it without her. His clearing sale was too fresh in his memory and if it hadn’t been for Sam desperately wanting his opinion on the old collector’s bike being auctioned, he wouldn’t have gone. Having Ella with him, seeing her wonder at everything new, hearing her giggles as Sam had sat her astride the motorbike, had made the few hours bearable and banished the memories of his own sale.

  He smiled as he thought of Ella looking up at him from underneath the hood of her pink windbreaker. Her strawberry-blonde curls had been poking out and her eyes were bright with excitement. She’d loved it when Sam teased her about her purple rubber boots, pretending to be disappointed with his black ones because they weren’t bright enough. When Matt had picked her up and whirled her around, she had shrieked with laughter.

  With Ella alongside him, he’d felt fine. He’d exchanged jokes with a few of the locals and had even walked past Alec Harper without his usual sensation of overpowering resentment. He hadn’t been able to stop himself looking for Jasper, though. He’d half expected to see him huddled in the back of the ute, out in the open.Then there had been the fleeting thought that if he was, he might just take the bloody dog back.

  His heart constricted as his smile faded. Oh, how he loved his little girl – he hadn’t realised how much until he’d moved out.

  How much he had missed her. He missed the idea of Anna too, but he’d be damned if he
would mention that to anyone. Ella seemed to be happy spending time with him today. He wasn’t sure what had changed there, but something certainly had. Sam had mentioned that Anna had hinted to Kate that the tension between her parents had been upsetting Ella more than anything. Maybe the little girl was feeling the benefits of a calmer atmosphere without him in the house. And was it his fault Ella had reacted to him the way she had while he had been living there? He supposed it was. A useless father as well as a farmer. Hopelessness washed over him.

  He reached the outskirts of Adelaide and found himself hemmed in by the traffic - not that it mattered, since he wasn’t in a hurry, nor did he have anywhere in particular to go. He drove aimlessly until darkness began to fall and his stomach rumbled. Seeing a sign for a fast food chain, he flicked on his blinker to turn in.

  A young girl took his order and he found himself wondering what Ella would look like when she was this girl’s age. Chewing his way through the hamburger, he was struck by a horrible thought. Would Ella even want to see him when she was old enough to look at his life and see what he really was – after all, what could he offer her? A broken man, stripped of all self-worth and confidence.

  He knew there was no way Anna would let Ella come and stay with him overnight if he was still sleeping in the back of the ute as he had been since their split. Neither should she. He had to get himself together somehow, if only so he could see Ella.

  ***

  ‘Matt! Come in, me lad,’ said Jimmy, struggling to his feet from the depths of his lounge chair. ‘What are you doing in this neck of the woods tonight?’

  Matt stood awkwardly on the step of Jimmy’s little cabin, hands shoved deep inside his jacket pockets. ‘Sorry to bother you so late, Jimmy, I . . .’ He looked around. ‘I’m not really sure why I’m here!’

  ‘No bother at all! Come in, come in, you’ll freeze out there. It’s well and truly winter today. Coffee? I’m afraid I haven’t got anything stronger.’