“I don’t know. You tell me. After all, you seem to know us even better than we know ourselves,” I replied, unable to hide the irony in my voice. And, even though I knew I had no reason to be so aggressive, anything was better than just keeping quiet.
“What are you talking about?”
“Jonathan, of course,” I answered reflexively, but my voice didn’t keep it at that. “Did he? Did he also love you like you still love him?” The blood drained out of his face, making him as pale as Gabriel was, his eyes burning feverishly.
I was sorry for what I’d just said the moment the words left my lips and yet, I just couldn’t say what was needed to make things right again. So I just turned my back on him and hurriedly went towards the main building, wishing that our talk had never happened.
“He did. He did love me.” My heart almost stopped at the sound of his voice and, no matter how much I wished I could go on pretending I hadn’t heard him, my feet wouldn’t take another step forward. “Jonathan also loved me like I loved, and still love, and will always love him.”
I clenched my teeth hard and forced my feet to obey, running inside regardless of the pain. In truth I gladly welcomed it, since it made me kind of numb to all the other, much less physical, pains piercing my chest.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Incredibly enough, everyone seemed to notice something different about me, which was kind of strange since I’d never thought other people were paying that much attention to me. I really didn’t know what to say when my friends asked me what had happened to make me so hyper and put me in such a good mood. But that really didn’t matter. I was happy just being able to live in the world that surrounded me again.
The one who seemed to notice it the most was Michael, as to be expected, spending our whole lunch break trying to guess the motive behind my persistent smile. He’d been really worried about me these last few days, or so he told me. He even suspected I might be suffering with depression from being all alone after Gabriel had left, which was possibly the closest thing to the truth from a Human point of view. I felt guilty once more for having worried him unnecessarily, but, the way I was, even the most negative or painful of feelings were like magical blessings.
We talked, we laughed, we played and shared our plans for the weekend. Once more I found myself having to refuse his invitation to meet on Saturday, using the upcoming exams as an excuse, and we promised to talk on the phone.
The hardest thing was dissuading him from taking me home, like he’d been doing since the Easter holidays. But I just couldn’t risk him seeing something that would hint towards Gabriel’s return, and so I assured him that I felt great and that I had some errands to run before going back.
At the end of the day, Alexander was waiting for me by the school gate. Once more I dreaded the waves of gossip that would arise if my classmates saw him waiting there because he was hardly inconspicuous. His tall, lean figure, his dark-red hair and his model-like face, although humanly possible, were all too attractive to simply pass by. But he immediately assured me that no one else could see him, which, with only one glance, I knew it be true. It was still strange, though, thinking that people passed by him as if passing by a tree when I could see him so clearly.
To my relief, he didn’t say a word about our previous talk and, with a friendly smile, told me about all the interesting things he’d seen in school, which made me realize he’d been really watching me the whole day.
Lea was hugging my legs as soon as we got home, making me take two steps back since he’d been running to greet us. I tussled his hair like I usually did and then noticed the other boy watching us from a distance.
Relief and happiness washed over me when I saw him standing, awake again, but his cold, distance expression immediately reminded me of all that had happened. I felt bad knowing that I hadn’t been able to help him. As far as Jonathan was concerned, he was back to hell, and I dared give him a smile. He didn’t flinch, remaining indifferent, as if he couldn’t even see me.
And then Alexander was on the move, passing by me with his wide pace, visibly anxious to reach him, and stopped in front of him, hesitating before raising a hand and placing it gently on Jonathan’s head. I stopped breathing, predicting the boy’s reaction to that, but, to my surprise, Jonathan didn’t push him away, quite the opposite, allowing Alexander to pull him close until he had his forehead against his chest.
“They’re always like that,” Lea informed me.
“But Jonathan ... he seemed to fear and resent him so much.”
“Yes. But he also knows that Sigweardiel is the only one who’ll never leave him.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The days that followed were all relatively calm. Life had color and meaning again. And I guess I started understanding a little bit better what Gabriel had felt when he’d been released from his Seal. In the end it was almost funny that he’d returned to repay the favor.
I was always busy and, even when there was nothing specific to do, I always ended up making something up. Even the most simple of tasks had a special bright glow about it and I was constantly amazed, even at the most insignificant emotions that stirred inside me. I was perfectly aware that this was something that no one else could understand or appreciate; because who else could even imagine what it was like to feel nothing at all? And so I kept those great but small things to myself, simply thankful every time someone complemented me on my good mood.
At home, a new routine had been established.
Alexander was responsible for taking me to and bringing me from school, watching over me the whole day. Lea and Gabriel kept taking turns between keeping watch over the house and searching for the intruder that everyone seemed to believe to have crossed the barrier. Jonathan stayed at home and, although I tried numerous times to talk with him, he didn’t answer me even once, his expression empty as if he couldn’t even hear me. Still, sometimes I’d see him talk to Alexander, which made me conclude that he was being selective about whom to speak to.
The fourth day after they’d returned I began noticing something else. Since I’d gone back to school, I rarely saw Gabriel anymore. When I woke up he’d already left. When I came back from school he’d just changed turns with Lea. Sometimes I’d see him in a rush, after dinner, because he was never home in time to eat with us, and the brief words we exchanged in those short moments were always too scarce and trivial. Normally, at that time, Michael would call every day. And, before I could put the handset down, he was already gone again under the excuse of going to check the barrier.
Somehow his attempts to avoid me began to seriously annoy me, but when that happened, I’d always tell myself I couldn’t ask for anything else. I’d decided not to cause trouble and tried as hard as I could to understand just how dangerous the situation my selfish request had gotten us in really was.
However, one week later nothing had happened and although everyone still kept on alert, it started to get harder to really believe that there was a threat. My Human, rational mind had already started on an alternative way of thought. And I’d tell myself that maybe they’d been wrong and no Deiwos had crossed Gabriel’s barrier. Still I didn’t dare question them, and hoped that Gabriel would eventually see it as well; that the only Deiwos in Lewisham were him, Alexander and Lea.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Tuesday came like any other day, with the difference being I had an English test early in the morning.
On the way to school, I adamantly forbade Alexander from talking to me, taking the chance the review some of the concepts I’d been cramming for the last three days. I ignored his mocking smile, which clearly told me that only a Human Being could give that degree of importance to such an insignificant thing as a test, and buried my head in the notes that I’d so carefully compiled.
Michael was waiting for me by the entrance and it felt good to talk to someone who could understand and share my anxiety. With an unusually awkward smile, he confessed that it
would be his birthday, the next day, asking me if I’d spend the afternoon with him. Before I could even question him, he explained that tomorrow was the day he’d been found, two years ago, and that he and Father Jorge had adopted the date, since no one had found anything regarding his birth.
In any other circumstances I would have refused him on the spot, and I immediately predicted the infinity of arguments that an afternoon away from home would provoke on my guests. But still, I just didn’t know how to refuse. That was obviously an important date for Michael and I was truly happy that he’d chosen to spend it and share it with me. I accepted his invitation without even blinking and told myself the worst that could happen was Alexander having to tag along in his invisible mode. The idea alone caused me the creeps and I immediately decided that I’d be inflexible in this. I also needed my time with my friends, and my privacy. After all, there were no incidents or any signs of any kind of danger for more than one week. Up till then I had abided by all their rules without question. The next day I’d have an afternoon out!
Like always Michael left me on my floor and wished me good luck on my test. I took a deep breath before I entered the classroom and reassured myself that there was no reason to be nervous.
Steph was late, like always, although her motives for being late were others now. As I got in I’d seen her with Mark, by the entrance, holding hands, and I was sure she had been with him up till then. The teacher didn’t complain or asked for an excuse. She just gave her a blank test sheet and I focused on my own exam.
When I finished reviewing it for the second time, only an hour and a half had gone by. I was rather happy with the outcome and certain that my grade would be higher than I’d initially expected.
I was the first to return the test and left the room with a smile on my lips, as my classmates’ gazes followed me with expressions of surprise and suspicion. I went down the stairs, glad that I’d finally gotten rid of that extra preoccupation, and went outside to the small area where I usually spent my lunch breaks, now completely deserted at that time.
The absence of human voices made me realize I could hear bird sounds and I walked towards the trees to listen closer. I couldn’t recall ever noticing that there were birds on those trees, which was kind of the logical assumption now that I thought about it.
I don’t know for sure what happened first, my body freezing or my ears hearing her voice.
“I see. So it’s you.”
The soft, melodic sound of that voice was enough to make me tremble from head to toe and I knew, deep in my Soul, in all my cells, that I had to run away as fast as I could. The command, however, was given all too late and my legs stood exactly where they were, shaking uncontrollably. Fighting against the waves of panic that threatened to drown my brain, I raised my head towards the sound of that rich and sensual voice. And the world seemed made of gray stone when compared with her beauty that could only be surreal.
With an almost imperceptible movement, I saw her jump from the branch where she’d been sitting and her lean, pale body floated to the ground right before me, where she landed as if she were weightless.
I couldn’t breathe and my heart exploded against my timpani, dragging me down to that world of silence where all I could hear was the sound of my own panicking heartbeat. Along with the terror that eroded my stomach, I noticed that she was looking at me with a mix of curiosity and scorn. Her large eyes had the delicate shape of almonds and were yellow and fierce as if they belonged to a wild animal. Her hair was shiny like copper, falling down her back in large waves down to her waist. And she wore a simple, summer, sleeveless white dress, the hem softly caressing the perfect pale skin of her shins.
“One simple ... insignificant ... detestable ... little Human,” she finally said with a sigh, spitting bitterly each and every word and, in a movement too fast for me to see, she grabbed my face, her thin, hard, icy fingers digging into my skin.
My mind screamed and something besides my body, which already hurt all over the place, threatened to break. Color and light escaped from my gaze, surrounding me with darkness, and I stopped filling the excruciating pain of the pincers that were her fingers on my face.
“I will not allow a miserable, disgusting little thing like you to put everything at risk,” she declared in that enticing melodic voice, the only sound able to penetrate beyond the chaos screaming inside my mind; and yet I couldn’t understand a single thing she said.
I felt something cold, hard and icy touch my forehead and the world seemed to stop. I felt like I was falling, but I couldn’t feel the impact, whether the ground below me was hard or soft.
It looked like eternities went by me before the light returned to my eyes, showing me a world of green shades, all trembling and dancing above my head. Then it was the sound bursting into my ears in a ragged, sickening noise that distantly sounded like someone’s breath. And finally, feeling returned to my body and I wished it hadn’t, and I screamed in pain, although I hadn’t enough air in my chest to scream. Pain, pain, pain! Pain like I’d never felt burnt through my veins, through my lungs, through my heart, and I knew I was dying ... and I wished I would die! I wished I would die as soon as possible!
The sound of my name echoed from far away and the next thing I knew, the two most scared pair of dark eyes that I’d ever seen were looking down on me. There were smears of blood on his face, shinning bright red in my distorted vision, and then green was back, and I was alone, and still painfully alive.
Hands touched me and picked me up, and I screamed even more, but my mouth was too busy with gathering enough air to utter a single sound. My muscles seemed to catch on fire as my body was forced to move and then I was dizzy, and sick to my stomach, until they put me down on a much softer place.
The chaos inside became even more destructive. Besides the spasms that already cursed through my body, I began shaking again, terrified to the bottom of my being, blinking furiously as I tried to see who else was there.
One hand held mine, that kept twitching and squirming, making my fingers hurt my, and I squeezed it with all my strength, feeling it firm and cold.
“Mariane.” His velvet voice sounded bitter and hurt. And I waited for the magical effect of my name in his voice, but I still couldn’t breathe and the pain didn’t lessen at all. And, as my life slowly slipped away, all I could think of was how much I wanted to tell him I was OK. “You’ll be all right ... Rest now.” I wanted to cry for the pain in that beautiful voice, and another cold hand was placed on my forehead.
The ice from his skin magically interrupted the wave of agony that was torturing me and, although I was still trembling, the burning spasms began to fade away. Bit by bit my lungs started allowing air in and a huge wave of sleep weighed over my eyes.
I knew immediately that there was nothing I could do to resist that drowsiness, but I wanted to tell him that, just like he’d said, I was all right.
I squeezed his hand, unable to utter a single sound, and wished I could keep him there while I slept.
Chapter Twenty-Four
DEO
– The Path of Daleth. The Black Brothers. 1 –
“If I could be the light that lights your way, I wouldn’t wish for anything more of this finite passage over this lost world. And not even all the shadows I carry, nor all the thorns that torture me,
would be strong enough to pull me away from my destiny.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I
remember coming back to life in a warm wave of pain. My whole body hurt as if I’d been a victim of some serious spanking. I groaned as I took a deep breath, and then groaned again just to make sure I’d recovered my voice.
The weight of the air around me left me immediately alert and, with some more groaning through clenched teeth and some cringing, I turned to the other side. My eyes were immediately on him, on his perfect figure, and my heart sped up in a conditioned response.
Gabriel was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall
opposite my bed, keeping enough distance to spare me from all the annoying shaking and trembling. He had his knees bent, his long arms resting on them, and was staring inexpressibly at me, completely motionless and quiet.
I thought that, once more, I could’ve easily mistaken him for a white stone statue, if not for the red gleam that crossed his violet eyes, which made me considerably nervous and apprehensive. Contrary to how it might look, he was very much alive and it was with a huge amount of effort that he kept the wrath inside him under control.
I smiled weakly, since even the smallest movement sent shards of pain through my body, and breathed in making sure my voice wouldn’t fail me.
“Hey,” I whispered, although that hadn’t been my intention at all. “What are you doing there, sitting on the floor?” I asked as lightly as I could, but he didn’t move an inch, nor did he reply, making me sigh in frustration.
Clenching my teeth hard so that my face wouldn’t show another single painful expression, I pulled my quilt back and tried to sit up, angry at my shaky arms that just wouldn’t obey me. I could feel his gaze on me, following my every move, and so I focused my mind on letting him see that what had happened wasn’t really that much. Even so, I was all too aware of my weak state to even consider the possibility of being able to stand up, and so I let myself slide to the ground and looked at him with a defiant smile.
“You’re quite right. This isn’t half as bad,” I joked, even though I was shaking inside. Somehow I had the distinct feeling that this absence of reaction was a hundred times more dangerous than his explosive furies. Besides, that red gleam in his eyes made me unsure of even my own safety.
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