Unclaimed Regrets

by Stacy M Wray

  Addie wants to go through the gift shop before we go. She looks through all the t-shirts, oblivious to me watching her. I’m so amused by all the different looks that cross her face as she goes through all the different designs. I walk up to her and say, “I’ll buy you whatever you want.”

  “You’re sweet, you know that?” she puts the shirt down and takes my hand, “but I don’t want anything.”

  As I make the drive back home, Addie falls asleep on my shoulder with my arm resting on her leg. This just feels so right to me, and I can’t count how many times I steal glances at her angelic face.

  chapter seven

  ADELYN

  Having just finished packing for my long weekend in Vermont, I scour my bathroom and bedroom to make sure there isn’t anything I’ve forgotten. My ten-year class reunion is Saturday and my parents are so excited to have me home for a bit. It’s been a really long time since I’ve made the three-hour trek back home, and my nerves are starting to get the better of me.

  I lug my suitcase out to the garage and into my car. I quickly walk around my house, making sure the windows and doors are locked before getting in my car. I take a long, cleansing breath and say to myself, “Here we go.”

  It’s a Friday morning and I’m not sure what Wade’s doing, but I decide to give him a call anyway – just hearing his voice will calm me.

  “Hey, Addie, what’s up, girl?” He sounds like he’s in a great mood.

  “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I’m on my way to face my past, no big deal.” Someone cuts me off in traffic, and I can’t help myself when I mutter, “Jerk” under my breath.

  “Did you just call me to insult me?” I hear his smooth, easy laugh through the phone.

  “Sorry, but some people do not know how to drive. That was directed at a black Dodge Charger. Back to me and my past, please. I need reassurance, Wade. Please tell me I’m doing the right thing.”

  “It’ll be fine, Addie. Do you know if he’s going to be there?” he asks as I hear a door shut. He sounds like he’s in a cave.

  “No, how would I know that information?” I hear a hard stream of water and my mouth drops open. “Are you peeing while we’re trying to discuss this outrageously important topic?”

  “I’m just multi-tasking,” he says back, not caring I picked up on that. I hear the toilet flush and then the sound of him washing his hands.

  “Wade, I need you sitting down, concentrating on helping me get through this weekend,” I tell him, as I approach Highway 91.

  “Relax, Addie! Everything’s going to be fine. If he’s there, just play it cool, and hopefully you guys can sit and catch up. You have quite a history so that just seems like a logical scenario, right?”

  “Yeah, I guess so. I’m just so stinkin’ nervous to see him. What if he’s not even there? I will be so bummed if he doesn’t go.”

  “Then you just enjoy catching up with everyone else, get drunk and have a great time,” he answers matter-of-factly.

  I let out a deep breath. “Okay, I feel better now. Thanks for the pep talk. Will you be around this weekend, you know, in case I need to vent?” I’m on a long stretch of highway now and starting to relax more.

  “I’m only a phone call away - you know that,” he says reassuringly.

  “Okay. Give Angie my love, and I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Will do. Oh, and Addie? I hope you packed a killer dress,” he says, with a little mischief in his voice.

  This makes me smile because I can picture his face as he says it. “I’m one step ahead of you, Mister. Talk soon.” I end the call and place my phone in the console. Glancing at the clock on my dash, I estimate that I should be at my parents’ a little after two.

  So many scenarios have been going through my mind if Trey is at the reunion. Will he be glad to see me? Will he even recognize me? I haven’t really changed that much, my hair is longer but pretty much the same color. He should definitely recognize me.

  Then there’s the issue of him being married. Most people are by now so I need to brace myself for that little reality. Shit! I need to quit obsessing about this. I look through my CDs while trying to keep my eyes on the road. I put Coldplay in and turn up the volume, hoping this will do the trick.

  *****

  I pull into my parents’ driveway with a smile on my face. It’s so good to be back here. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed this place. I get out of my car and race up the steps to the front porch, entering the old farmhouse that holds so many wonderful memories of my childhood.

  “Mom? Dad? You guys home?” I shout out.

  My mom comes hustling out of the kitchen. “Oh, Addie, you’re here!” She wraps her arms around me and gives me the most genuine hug. “I was just cleaning up from a late lunch. Are you hungry?”

  “It’s great to be home, Mom, and yes, I would love some lunch.” Following her into the kitchen, I ask, “Is Dad home?”

  “You just missed him. He just ran into town, but he won’t be gone long.” She leans against the counter and just looks at me. “How have you been, sweetie? Things any different?”

  I shake my head and tell her, “I’m fine, Mom. My work keeps me busy.”

  She lights up, saying, “I saw your latest book cover in the bookstore the other day. I was so excited that I just wanted to tell everyone. It never gets old.” My mom is so sweet and I have missed her so much. I decide I’m not going to stay away so long.

  She starts making me a sandwich, and I get up, telling her, “Mom, sit down and let me do that. I won’t have you waiting on me.”

  “Nonsense, it makes me happy.” She shoots me a pretend scowl and gets back to work. I reluctantly sit back down and decide that I need to ask her about Trey. I can’t go walking into that reunion blindly…it’s just killing me.

  “Mom, you know how I always asked you never to tell me any information regarding Trey?” I ask hesitantly.

  Her head pops up in surprise, and her mouth curves up a little. “I was wondering when you would ever inquire about that boy. Well, I guess he’s not a boy anymore, is he?”

  My stomach is in knots, afraid of what she might say. “All I want to know is if he got married or not. I need to be prepared for that this weekend.”

  Her brows furrow and she says, “I’m just not sure, Addie. I don’t think he even lives around here anymore. I’ve seen him from time to time, but I always got the impression he was visiting. He’s always been very polite toward us.”

  “So you don’t know if he ever got married?” I ask, certain she was going to have the answer to the question I so desperately needed to know.

  “No, honey, I’m sorry but I don’t. Luke is still around and runs the farm with his dad, but I’m not sure what Trey ended up doing.” She brings my sandwich to me and sits down beside me, sighing. “I was always so certain the two of you would get married.”

  I wince a little when she says this, knowing she doesn’t know everything that happened between us. “That was a long time ago, Mom. Not everyone ends up marrying their first love.” I wonder if she can pick up on the regret in my voice.

  “Whatever happened between you two? You never really told me,” she says, patting me on my arm.

  Without divulging too much, I tell her, “I don’t really know myself. One day during my first semester, I called him like I always did and he was so distant and cold. I kept asking him what was the matter and he finally just told me that he didn’t think he could do the ‘long-distance thing.’ I was so hurt and stunned that I didn’t even know how to respond to that. He said I would be better off so I could concentrate on school and not worry about trying to squeeze him in.

  “Then when I came home for Thanksgiving, I tried to contact him but he never would pick up my calls. I was so heartbroken and too prideful to continue trying to reach him. Things just sort of dropped off from there.” As I think back on that time in my life, my chest constricts a little, remembering how completely devastated I was when we broke
up. I know we had a pretty intense summer, and I can’t help but wonder if he never got over things and blamed me for the misery we both endured.

  I look at my mom and shrug, concern looming in her crystal blue eyes. I guess I don’t really have a good answer for why we didn’t stay together.

  “I hope he is there this weekend so you two can get the closure you need.” She sits up straight, listening to something. A big smile spreads across her face. “Hear that? That would be your dad coming. I can hear his truck about a half mile before he ever pulls into the driveway.” I laugh at this and get up to go outside with her to greet my dad.

  Sure enough, my dad has just pulled in, and I can see the excitement on his face the minute his eyes land on me. He gets out of the truck and says, as he walks toward me, “If it isn’t my long, lost Addie girl. Come here and give your dad a hug.”

  He pulls me in and squeezes me tight. We break apart and I examine his misty eyes. “Hi, Dad. You look great.”

  “I am great now that my daughter’s home. How long are you staying?” He wraps his arm around me and we walk to my mom, who’s beaming at us.

  “At least a few days. I brought my work with me so I can play it by ear,” I tell him.

  “That sounds like a good plan. We want you to stay as long as you’d like, wouldn’t we, Liz?” He gives my mom a kiss and a playful smack on the butt. Seeing them still so in love after all these years gives me something to hope for.

  “That’s right, dear. I’ve got your room all ready for you, Addie.” We all walk in the house and it feels like I never left.

  *****

  Looking myself over in the mirror, I smooth down my dress and turn to view my backside. I have to be honest with myself and admit that I had Trey in mind when I picked out this dress. It’s his favorite color on me – periwinkle blue. I didn’t want to get too fancy, not really knowing what you’re suppose to wear to a high school reunion. I’m sure it’s just like everything else and there will be a little bit of everything, from cocktail dresses to blue jeans. I decided to go with this sundress since it flatters me in all the right places, the color just sealing the deal. I have paired it with a simple pair of silver kitten-heel pumps.

  Coming down the stairs, I recognize the narrative of my dad’s favorite movie coming from the family room: “In 1966, Andy Dufresne escaped from Shawshank prison. All they found of him was a muddy set of prison clothes, a bar of soap, and an old rock hammer, damn near worn down to the nub.” Just hearing that movie makes me smile, knowing my dad could watch it every day. He probably has it memorized.

  I step into the room and my dad turns to look at me, his expression saying it all. “You look beautiful, honey.” He looks over at my mom, “Isn’t she gorgeous, Liz”

  “She certainly is. Have a great time, Addie.” My parents words warm me and give me that extra bit of confidence I need. I know parents are supposed to say that stuff, but it doesn’t mean that I still don’t like to hear it.

  “Thanks, you two. I have no idea when I’ll be home since I have no idea if this will be any fun,” I tell them, grabbing my clutch purse.

  “Well, try to have fun, dear. Good night.” My mom and I exchange looks, not needing words. I know she’s telling me to find Trey and talk things out. I flash a weak smile at her and walk to the front door, wishing my nerves would calm down.

  After buckling myself into my car, I drive the familiar route to my old school. We don’t have a huge class so they always have our reunions in our school gym. I’d rather have it there than some party facility, which has nothing to do with our school.

  I pull up in front of the sign that reads: “Northfield Vikings Welcome the Class of 2004.” Not quite ready to go in yet, I pull out of the parking lot and head to my favorite covered bridge, hoping it will help me sort out my thoughts.

  It’s just becoming dusk and the sun is setting down behind the Slaughter House Bridge, making it look all the more majestic in my eyes. I pull off to the side of the road and walk up to the wooden platform. Looking out through the window, the sunset is reflecting off the water and the sight of it calms me before my night of uncertainty.

  I know I have high hopes for tonight. I’ve told myself over and over not to but I can’t help it. This bridge meant a lot to us; so much that I knew Trey came out here by himself sometimes to think. I love the thought of that and wonder when the last time it was that he was here. Did he stop coming? I hope not.

  I walk all the way though the bridge and just take in my surroundings. It’s so quiet. Part of me wishes I could skip this reunion and stay right here. I smile to myself, knowing I’m being silly.

  Realizing I need to get going, I slowly start the walk back through the bridge and head to my car. It’s time to face my past.

  Pulling back into the parking lot, I nervously scan the cars, not really knowing what I’m looking for. I get out and hesitantly move towards the building.

  I begin walking up the steps to the school when I hear, “Oh, my God! Addie?”

  I turn to the familiar voice and a genuine smile appears on my face. “Hey, Cam! It’s so great to see you.” He pulls me in for a hug.

  After we separate, he looks at me up and down. “You haven’t changed a bit.” He turns to the extremely attractive lady beside him and says, “This is my wife, Trish.”

  I extend my hand to her. “Hi, Trish. I’m Adelyn Winters.”

  “Nice to meet you. Please don’t be offended if I don’t remember your name later on,” she jokes. I decide these two look perfect together. I’m really glad I ran into them, especially since I don’t have to walk in by myself.

  “Do you still keep in touch with Dylan?” I ask Cam.

  “Yeah, every now and then. He’s a financial analyst in New York. He’s supposed to be here.” We enter the building and head toward the gymnasium, music filtering from it into the hallway. “It feels so weird to be back here,” he says, looking all around.

  “Most definitely. I’ve hardly been back here at all since we graduated,” I tell him.

  “Trish can’t get over how small our class was - hers was over five hundred.” Cam shakes his head, not being able to imagine that.

  “Honestly, there were people walking across the stage I had never even seen before. I can’t imagine actually knowing everyone in your class,” Trish tells me.

  As we enter the gym, there’s a table set up to check in and receive our nametag. I quickly look to the M’s, hoping I don’t see Masterson and that he’s already picked it up. Maddock, Martin, Meadows - there’s a blank space after Martin, where Trey’s nametag should be. My heart leaps out of my chest. He’s got to be here.

  “Addie?” I look up and Cam is handing me my nametag. “Last I checked, your last name doesn’t start with ‘M’,” he says, winking at me. Warmth floods to my cheeks as I slowly turn around and start surveying the room. “You want to sit with us?” he asks, leading us to an empty table.

  “Yes, if you don’t mind.” Cam pulls out a chair for Trish and me at the same time, sitting between us. I sit down and start looking around, recognizing most everyone. It surprises me that no one really looks all that different, just more grown up.

  I scan the room some more, this time to my right. I slowly look from table to table and then my heart just stops. He’s sitting with some old friends, laughing at something that’s been said, and as if he feels me staring, he turns his head to his left and locks eyes with me. His smile fades and his look turns…cold? It’s as if all the words passing between our stare collide in midair and shatter into a million pieces, each one now insignificant. He turns his head back to his friends and I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. From all the different scenarios that went through my head, that wasn’t one of them. The only good thing is that he seems to be alone.

  Nervously fidgeting with my hands, I don’t know what to do now. I can’t believe after all of this time that he isn’t at least glad to see me. I make sure my eyes don’t wander to his table again,
for fear that they will be a dead-giveaway for how he just made me feel. The little shred of hope I brought with me just vaporized.

  Cam takes our drink orders and walks up to the makeshift bar. Trish and I make small talk. I learn that they have a two-year-old at home and his name is Grey. I ask to see a picture just when Cam sits down, grinning like the luckiest guy alive. I’m so happy for him.

  I mingle around the room but am careful to stay away from Trey’s table. Sometimes I swear I can feel his eyes burning a hole through me. It doesn’t matter how many people fill this room, I can still feel the tension between him and me.

  I make my way to a wall that’s been filled with blown-up pictures from our yearbook. Memories come flooding back to me as my eyes land on a picture of Trey and me, sitting on the bleachers at a football game. He’s sitting in the row behind me, and I’m leaning back between his legs. He’s looking down at me with the most adoring look on his face. My heart tightens in my chest. We were so completely in love once…I just don’t understand what happened.

  “Damn shame good times don’t last,” is delivered with an icy tone. I whip my head around to see Trey standing behind me, looking at the same picture. Why is he being such an ass?

  I don’t even know what to say to that. I just stare at him, probably looking like an idiot, trying to figure him out. I can’t help but notice that he’s even better looking now, if that’s even possible. His skin is dark brown, which makes his green eyes more intense. He’s got a little scruff on his face, making him look even hotter. Damn him!

  “What? You won’t even dignify that with a response?” He slurs that last word a little, and I’m thinking he might be a little drunk.