Unclaimed Regrets

by Stacy M Wray

  He held me, trying to gauge my reaction. I looked up at him with shy eyes and asked, “I probably already know the answer to this, but have you had sex before?”

  He gave me a half-smile and said gently, “Yeah, I have. But I’m going to be honest and tell you that none of them meant anything. It’s going to be different when it happens between us. It will be like my first time because it will be with someone I care about a lot.” I hadn’t been expecting the word them. Geez, how many had he been with?

  I decided I didn’t want to know the answer to that and concentrated on the idea of us having sex someday. Yes, I wanted to but just down the road. I figured I’d know when I was ready. I absolutely loved our make-out sessions.

  I got the courage to tell him, “I’m a virgin.” It practically came out a whisper.

  He chuckled a little and said, “Yeah, I kind of figured you were.”

  I tried to decide if I should have been offended by his comment. Did I act like one? Maybe. But then I realized it’s nothing to be ashamed of. The right guy had not presented himself until then.

  “Does that bother you?” I asked him.

  He looked directly into my eyes and asked, “Why would that bother me?”

  “Because you’ve had it and now you’re waiting on it. Isn’t that hard for you?”

  “Yeah, a little, but you are definitely worth waiting for, Snowflake.” And with that, he kissed me in a way that was filled with so much more meaning than our past kisses. I felt like I had just tasted our future.

  A bit of time has passed since that night, and no, we still haven’t had sex, nor have I touched him again, but I do feel much more comfortable with our situation since we had that talk. Trey seems so much older than he is, and I have to admit that it’s one of the things that draws me to him.

  I’m waiting for him to pick me up. We’re going to the movies and then we’ll probably park the truck off of an old dirt road. Trey stumbled upon this road that leads to the perfect alcove where we can be alone.

  I’m in my room when I hear the doorbell ring, and I hear my mom greeting Trey. My parents love him – that helps a lot. I run out of my room and down the stairs, seeing Trey looking hot in his half-zip sweater with a white t-shirt barely showing underneath, jeans that sit a little low and his boots. A smile spreads completely across his face when he sees me, my mom turning to me, knowing it was Trey’s reaction that made her turn, not my footsteps.

  Trey walks over to me, kissing me on my forehead. “Hey, baby, you look great.”

  I beam at him and say, “Thanks” I look at my mom and say, “Don’t worry, I’ll be home by curfew.” My curfew right now is twelve-thirty. I can live with that. I’m not even sure if Trey has one since I’m the one who has to be home first.

  “I know you will, dear. You two have fun,” and she heads back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up after dinner.

  I look around for my dad to tell him good-bye, but he must already be checking things on the farm. I yell to my mom, “Tell Dad I said bye.” I hear her acknowledge me and that’s good enough, and we are out the door.

  *****

  Trey parks his truck outside the theater and walks around to let me out, giving me a quick kiss before going inside. We’re seeing The Transporter; Trey loves the action and I think Jason Statham is just plain hot. While we’re standing in line, I see Amanda and Trudy step in a few people behind us. I pretend I don’t see them when I hear a, “Hey, Trey” in a way too sexy voice. She is such a bitch, acting like I’m not even here.

  Trey wrinkles his forehead and slowly turns to the voice. He sees them and just says, “Hey,” and turns back around. He leans into my ear and says, “She is fucking unbelievable,” and then plants a kiss directly below my ear. That display of affection was meant for her just as much as it was for me. I love that he just did that.

  We don’t let her ruin our evening, picking out a seat in the back. They walk past us and sit near the front, and they are long forgotten. Trey takes my hand and brings it up to his mouth, kissing it. I look at him, giving him one of my smiles reserved only for him. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I tell him. The lights go out and we snuggle together while watching the previews, both of us probably thinking about what will be happening after the movie.

  *****

  Trey pulls into our favorite spot and turns off the engine. It’s too cold to climb into the truck’s bed, so we stay in the cab. “Let me know if you get cold and I’ll turn it back on to warm you up,“ he tells me.

  I scoot over closer to him. “I only need you to warm me up,” I say to him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him into me, attacking his mouth with purpose. The noise vibrating through his throat lets me know he approves of my boldness. Our tongues dance in each other’s mouths, exploring like we’ve never done this before.

  Trey has his hands wrapped around me, leaving hot imprints on my back. I break our kiss and reach around, taking one of his hands and placing it on my breast. He’s wide-eyed and I notice him swallow slowly. “I want you to touch me, Trey.” He immediately palms my breast on the outside of my shirt, making my nipples harden.

  I reach for the buttons on my blouse and start to undo them, so he knows I want to feel him on my skin. I pull my blouse apart, exposing myself in the bra I picked out just for this occasion. He licks his lips and pulls the cups of my bra down, causing my breasts to spring free. The desire I see in his eyes is doing something to my confidence, and I suddenly feel a little empowered.

  Trey kneads both of my breasts at the same time, saying, “God, Addie, you are so perfect.” I look down and watch him; it’s so erotic. Then I hear him say in a voice that’s foreign to me, “Touch yourself, Addie.” I jerk my eyes to his and they are dark with lust. I love that I do this to him. I lose all inhibition and bring both of my hands to my breasts, massaging them like he was just doing. He groans as he watches, his breaths deepening and coming quicker. “God, that is so sexy,” he whispers.

  Just when I’m starting to feel a bit self-conscious, he pulls me to him, planting his hot mouth on my breast, sucking and nipping. Now it’s my turn to moan because I have never felt the ache between my legs this intensely. He uses his tongue and traces all around my nipple, then blowing on it to drive me insane. “God, Trey, don’t stop…it feels too good.” He moves over to my other breast, doing this same thing, only this time he bites my nipple gently. This elicits a frenzied cry to escape from me since it feels unbelievable. His mouth moves to my lips, hungrily kissing me, and I can tell his desire has been kicked up a notch.

  Thrilled now that we’re doing more than just kissing, but not ready to go any further, I slow things down by breaking the kiss and say to him, “Wow, I’m starting to realize what all the hype’s about.”

  He huffs out a laugh, trying to catch his breath, “I selfishly love being all of your firsts, Addie. I love being the one to see your reaction to all of this. Tonight will be etched into my memory forever.” He pulls me into an embrace that makes me feel like it’s was made specifically for me. I am falling for this boy like crazy.

  chapter six

  TREY

  twelve years ago

  I’ve settled quite nicely into the quiet, quaint atmosphere of Northfield. I’m sure Addie has a lot to do with that. When my dad told us we were moving here, I thought I’d die, wondering how on earth I could survive such a move. No one is more shocked than I am at just how much I like this way of living.

  It’s a Saturday morning and I wake up to the beeping sounds of a truck backing up and what sounds like the clattering of boards being thrown on the ground. Getting out of bed, I walk to the window to see what all the commotion is. Just as I guessed, men are tossing lumber into piles, and I see my dad pointing to an area, giving another man instructions.

  I’m already dressed since I’ve been up for the five a.m. milking and gone back to bed, so I leave my room and go outside to get a better look. My dad sees me approaching and says, with a grin on his face,
“Sorry, did we wake you?” I know he doesn’t really care. He thinks sleeping after the milking is wasting your day, but he lets me do it anyway.

  “It’s okay. What’s going on?” There are three men starting to measure an area pretty close to the house.

  “I wanted to build a shed for some extra storage for our personal things. Thought I’d better get it done before winter kicks in,” he says, automatically looking up into the sky.

  He approaches the men and starts discussing the layout. After a few minutes, he walks past me asking, “You coming in for breakfast?”

  “I’ll be there in a bit,” I tell him, watching the men lay out their boards to work on the frame. I’ve always been fascinated with the whole process of building things, and I’ve always loved to sit and watch, learning quite a bit that way.

  One of the men sees me watching, nodding his head toward the others and asks, “You interested in helping, or are you just content watching?”

  A bolt of excitement goes through me, and I hurry over. “If you’re willing to teach me some, I’d love to help.”

  He turns to the other men and says, “Hey, fellas, looks like we got ourselves an apprentice.” They nod at him and then he tells me, “Grab a hammer and follow me.”

  I do as I’m told and follow him to the work area. He introduces me to the others, asking my name, and then we get to work. I understand every instruction he gives me, and I can tell that he’s surprised. He looks over at me after a bit and asks, “You sure you haven’t done this before?” I shake my head and shrug. “Well, you sure are a natural then,” he says, getting back to work.

  This makes me smile to myself as I drive the nail into the board. I inadvertently inhale the scent of the planks around me; it smells like productivity. I grab another one and begin to measure.

  We are more than halfway finished, and as soon as I see my mom approaching with sandwiches, I realize I never went in for breakfast. We all stop to eat some much appreciated lunch.

  My mom pulls me aside, eyeing me, and says, “I think you’re in your element.” I smile back at her and nod slightly, not wanting to reveal in front of the other guys just how excited I am to be doing this. “Well, I just wanted to tell you that Addie called, but I didn’t want to pull you away. I told her you’d call her back later.”

  Just the mention of Addie’s name puts a smile on my face that I can’t contain. “Thanks, Mom.” I walk back to where the guys are sitting and finish my lunch.

  It takes us the rest of the day, but we finish the shed. The guys thought it would be a two-day project, but with an extra hand and a lot of hard work, it was completed much quicker than they thought. The one in charge approaches me, handing me a hundred bucks and his business card. “You earned it,” he says, and then adds, “Anytime you want to make some more, you know where to find me.”

  “Thank you. I’ll remember that,” I tell him, stuffing the cash into my pocket. I know exactly what it will be used for – Addie’s Christmas present. I’ve had my eye on a necklace at the jewelry store in town for a couple of weeks, and I’m elated that I can afford it now.

  *****

  I had just hung up the phone from talking to Addie, making plans to hang out tonight, when my dad comes into the kitchen. “I watched you working on the shed today. Have to say I was quite impressed, son,” he says, grabbing a pop out of the refrigerator.

  He takes the cap off, waiting for my response. “I wanted to talk to you about that,” I say, feeling a little apprehensive. “I was given their business card and asked to do more work.” He studies me for a moment but doesn’t say anything. I can tell he’s mulling over what I just said. I continue, “I’d like to do it.”

  “Well, I don’t have a problem with it, but it can’t interfere with your school work or your work here on the farm,” he warns.

  I shake my head, relieved to hear his answer. “It won’t, Dad, I promise.”

  He starts to walk past me, and stops when he’s right beside me. Putting his hand on my shoulder, he looks at me, concern etched in his eyes. “Don’t spread yourself too thin, Trey.”

  “I won’t, sir,” I tell him, and he smiles and pats me on the shoulder, heading out the back door. I stand there for a minute, reflecting on the day I just had. I can’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now, somewhat more grown up. All I know is that I can’t wait to share it with Addie.

  *****

  Between my chores on the farm and dabbling in construction and Addie’s job and her studies, which she takes very serious, we hadn’t been spending as much time together as I had wanted. I was craving some complete alone time with her. So I planned a whole day for us, on a Sunday when I didn’t have to work and my dad let me skip the afternoon cow milking, to get out of Northfield and have some fun.

  I pull into her driveway at ten o’clock, and she is already out the door, running to my truck. She opens the door and climbs in before I can even get out of the truck. Scooting over to me and giving me a kiss, she tastes like the toothpaste she must have just used. I hold her face in my hands for a moment and look at my beautiful girl. “Hey.”

  Her smile widens and she sighs happily. “Hey.” She scoots back over a little, and I start backing the truck out of the driveway. “So you said you had the whole day planned - where are we going?”

  I can tell we both needed this from the excitement that’s radiating off her. “I thought we’d go to Burlington and hang out on Church Street for a while, and then on the way home stop at the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Factory. I’m sure you’ve been there before, but I want to see it.” She’s beaming at me.

  “That sounds like so much fun, Trey, and it’s been awhile since I’ve been to Ben and Jerry’s.” I can feel her studying me as I drive to the highway. “It was really sweet of you to plan this. Thank you.”

  Glancing over at her, I can’t help noticing how beautiful she looks today and tell her, “We’ve had a hard time spending time together lately, and I don’t like it. I know it’s my fault since I’ve taken on the construction job, but I love it so much, Addie.” I reach for her hand, dragging her closer to me.

  “I know you do and I completely understand. I’m just glad I get you for the whole day,” she says, laying her head on my shoulder. I turn and kiss the top of her head, noticing the coconut aroma of her shampoo, a scent I’ve grown accustomed to.

  We don’t even bother listening to any music since we’ve never had any problem when it comes to conversation or just being comfortable in our silence.

  I notice as we drive along the highway that there are some trees that have stubborn, vibrant leaves still clinging to them, but most have already lost their beauty. This was the first autumn that I truly appreciated my surroundings; it has been breathtaking.

  She has her hand on my thigh, subconsciously moving her fingers back and forth, and I don’t think she realizes that I am all too aware of what it’s doing to me. I place my hand on hers to hold it, telling her jokingly, “You can’t keep doing that if you don’t want me to pull over and ravage you.”

  She gives me a knowing look and turns her hand over and interlocks our fingers. A part of me wonders who I would be hanging out with had I never moved, but then I realize that it doesn’t matter. I can’t think of being with anyone but Addie.

  *****

  It doesn’t take us much longer to get to Burlington and find a parking spot close to the Church Street Marketplace, which is about four blocks of shopping and dining in a closed-off section of downtown. There are street musicians with small crowds around them, and we pass someone juggling as we begin walking along the cobblestone. This is a great place to people-watch; something Addie and I love to do.

  I grab Addie’s hand and we slowly walk down the center of the Marketplace. I feel so content spending this time with her. I can’t believe that all the other times I had been with a girl back home was to hook up. There were no feelings involved and there was never anyone who I wanted to spend time with. I can
’t imagine it being like that with Addie, and I’m so thankful she caught my eye on that first day of school.

  I must have a goofy look on my face because Addie looks up at me and asks, “What?”

  “Nothing… I’m just happy to be spending this whole day with you,” I say, playfully swinging the arm that my hand is attached to.

  “Me too,” she says, her eyes landing on something that makes her smile. I follow her stare and hear her ask, “Buy me some cinnamon almonds?” She begins to tug me toward the booth.

  I order some for both of us, and we find a bench to sit down on while we eat our almonds. I’m not really much of a shopper and neither is Addie. We just came here for a change of scenery, not so much for the shopping.

  We walk around for quite some time, finding a great little sandwich shop for lunch before walking down to the boat docks where Lake Champlain is stretched out in all directions except behind us. The wind is prevalent here by the water, caps forming on the surface of the lake. To our right is a small lighthouse that sits at the end of the jetty. Addie watches me take it all in. “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” she shouts over the wind.

  I survey my surroundings some more before turning to her, noticing her hair whip in her face. She finally gives up trying to keep it out of her eyes and holds it all in her hand at the base of her neck, laughing through it all. She is so beautiful and makes me so happy. I pull her close to me and push her hair back, holding it for her. I look into those gorgeous brown eyes that have captivated me since the day I met her, lowering my mouth to hers. I want her to feel what she means to me. When I pull back to look at her again, I see what I feel reflected back at me. This girl possesses every crevice of my heart.

  *****

  On our way back home, just as I had promised, we stop at the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream Factory. Addie’s like a big kid, running up ahead and telling me to hurry so we can go on the tour with the next group. I quickly purchase our tickets, and they take us around the factory, even sitting us down to show a movie about the history of how it came to be. Of course, we end up in a room with samples of ice cream – ours was strawberry shortcake.