Unclaimed Regrets

by Stacy M Wray

  “You can’t just spring this on me and expect I’m going to be understanding. This is something we should have talked about before it happened, not after.”

  “Maybe you’re right, but I still would have gotten the same reaction, wouldn’t I, Addie?” I’m getting pissed now and I don’t want Amanda to think I’m not going to show up. “We’ll finish this later. I promise you everything will be fine. You need to trust me, Addie.”

  She’s really pissed now – so pissed that she’s not saying anything. I guarantee if we weren’t at her parents’ house, she would be throwing the F-bomb all over the place and really letting me have it. I walk to her and give her a kiss on her forehead and tell her I won’t be long. It’s kind of scary how quiet she’s being as I walk out the front door.

  *****

  When I get to the diner, Amanda looks happy to see me. I slide into the booth across from her. “Sorry it took me so long…I got a little held up.”

  Smiling at me, she says, “It’s okay. I was just checking stuff on Facebook.” She closes the window on her phone and sets it down.

  I look around the table and see she has a menu out. “Um, did you want to order something?”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “Well, no. I’m having dinner at my parents’ after I leave here.”

  She gets a funny look on her face and I’m wondering if she’s misinterpreting the meaning of this meeting.

  “Look, Amanda, I just want to apologize for how things went down after Addie came to the cabin. I know it got a little nasty but I want us to be able to remain friendly for Jackson’s sake.”

  “Well, I’ll be honest that I’m glad you called. I miss the way things were before she came back around.”

  Shit. This is going to be harder than I thought. “Well, that’s the thing, Amanda. Things have changed a bit…I think we both know that. I just think it’s important that Jackson and I still do things together.”

  “What do you mean? What about me? The three of us always did stuff together.”

  I look down at my hands and try to figure the best way to handle this. “Amanda, it can’t be like it was. I’m sorry. What I guess I need to tell you is that Addie and I are together. But I don’t want that to be a reason for Jackson and I to stop hanging out.” Judging by the face she’s making, that could damn well be a reason.

  She stews on my words for a while before answering. “You aren’t his father, Trey! What makes you think I’m going to hand my son over to you anytime you feel like seeing him? We come as a package – you don’t get to just split us up. I thought you came here today because you missed us.” Her voice is becoming a little loud and people are starting to look over at us.

  Taking in a huge breath and letting it out slowly, I say, “You’re really going to do this? Not let me see him since I’m with Addie? Please, Amanda, can’t you put all that aside for Jackson’s sake?”

  “You know, Trey? I’m tired of you toying with Jackson’s emotions. Only showing up every so often. He deserves better than that.”

  Unbelievable! “My visits have been consistent and you know it. Jackson knows the drill and he’s a well-adjusted kid. But even I know that he would be upset if you didn’t let me see him.”

  “Oh really? Where have you been the last few weeks, Trey? Playing house with Addie? I already know how that’s going to play out. You won’t make time for Jackson as long as she’s running the show.”

  I can’t believe how selfish she’s being at the expense of her son. She’s been such a great mom and now she’s letting her jealousy get the better of her. Maybe she just needs more time. Maybe it’s too soon.

  “Are you saying I can’t see him, Amanda?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  Shit! I’m about to resort to begging. “Please, Amanda. Can’t we put our differences aside and act like adults? I just want to be able to take him to the park and play ball or take him to the movies. What harm would that do?”

  “I’ve made up my mind, Trey. I think it’s for the best.” She starts to slide out of the booth and stops and says, “We had such a good thing going…it’s a shame.” And then she walks out the diner door, leaving me gutted.

  *****

  Driving back to Addie’s parents’ to pick her up, I try to get myself out of this funk. We still have to be at Luke’s birthday dinner and I don’t want to take away from that.

  Now I’m worried about what kind of state I’m going to find Addie in. I know I screwed up by not telling her first…I still have a lot to learn about being in a relationship again, that’s for sure.

  I walk in to their house and Addie comes straight for me. “There you are – I was starting to get worried. We need to get to your parents’ house.” Dutch and Liz show up behind her and it feels a little awkward in here.

  “Sorry for bailing earlier. It’s just that I needed to take care of something.” Dutch pats me on the back, saying he understands.

  We say our goodbyes and head to the truck, Addie being very quiet now.

  Turning over the engine, I look at Addie. “Are we okay?”

  Silence. A very long silence. I start to pull out and then she says, “You know, Trey. I wasn’t mad that you wanted to find a way to see Jackson. I understand how much he means to you and I would never try to stop you from seeing him. It just really hurt my feelings that you didn’t care enough to discuss it with me before you called her and arranged a meeting. Surely you can see how that would hurt me.”

  I let her words sink in and I know she’s right on all accounts. I really screwed this up. I pull the truck over on the side of the road and put it in park. Turning to her, I say, “I’m really sorry, Addie. I handled this all wrong. I won’t do that again.”

  She looks at me for a bit and then raises her eyebrows. “Well? Did you guys come to an agreement?”

  I look down and shake my head. When I meet her eyes, they are filled with so much compassion and she reaches for me. “What do you mean? She won’t let you see him?”

  Just having Addie’s arms wrapped around me makes me feel so much better. Knowing we’re a team now and can lean on each other starts to click and I hate how I shut her out earlier. “I’m going to give her more time and then try again later.” She kisses me, letting me know she’s there for me. It’s been so long since I’ve had this in my life and I’m so thankful I’ve got her again. “Thank you for being here for me, Addie. I love you so much; you know that, right? Even when I’m being a jerk?”

  “I know that.” She pulls back and looks at me, giving me one of her heartfelt smiles. “We’d better get to your parents’…they’re going to wonder where we are.”

  Pulling the car back on the road, I make the familiar trek home with Addie tucked at my side, trying not to think about how disappointed I am with Amanda’s decision.

  As soon as we pull up, the whole family is out the door to greet us. Luke takes Addie in his arms first, whispering something in her ear. She blushes and says, “It’s so good to see you too, Luke.” I give him a stern look just to make a point. He laughs at me and I know he’s harmless. He’s always loved Addie.

  “It’s so good to see you, dear. Welcome back,” Mom tells her, giving her one of her infamous hugs.

  “It’s so great to be here, Sarah.” Addie looks around. “The place looks great.”

  “Oh, it’s been fixed up a time or two,” Mom admits.

  My dad hugs me and then turns to Addie. “Welcome home, Addie. It’s about time you two,” he says, looking to us. She blushes again and just smiles at him.

  “Let’s all get inside so I can get dinner on the table,” Mom tells everyone. We’re all talking a mile a minute as we walk through the door.

  While we’re having dinner, my dad brings up the fact that he is about ready to retire and turn the farm over to Luke. He informs us that they’ve been looking for a small house to move into so Luke can run the farm from here. I’m shocked by his news, but I can tell he and Luke must
have discussed this at great lengths.

  “Wow, I didn’t see that coming, but I guess it makes sense. What will you do, Dad?” I ask him.

  “Relax and enjoy the rest of my time. Isn’t that what most retired people do?”

  I grin at this and shoot a look to Luke. “You’ll have to keep me informed on how many days of his retirement he’s back here at the farm making sure things are going smoothly.” We all laugh, knowing my dad won’t know how to relax.

  My mom chimes in, “I’ll do my best to keep him away. We plan on doing a lot of traveling since we’ve missed out on that.”

  “Where is it you’d like to go?” Addie asks them.

  “Sarah’s always wanted to go to Australia,” Dad says, “so that’s first on the list.”

  “Yes, that has always been a dream of mine,” Mom admits. We all throw out where it is we’d like to visit, and I learn Addie has always wanted to visit Tuscany. I file this away for a later date.

  After dinner, Luke opens his gifts. Addie and I got him tickets to a Boston Bruins hockey game for this winter. He is so freaking excited. “First row in the upper bowl – center ice,” he says, “doesn’t get any better.”

  I laugh and say, “Only the best seats for you, bro. Happy Birthday.”

  “Thank you guys so much,” he says, still staring at the tickets.

  “Notice there are two tickets, Luke. You’d better work on getting that date,” I tease him.

  “Don’t you go worrying about my love life, Trey - looks like you got your hands full with that one,” Luke teases back, flicking his eyes to Addie.

  “Hey! I’m right here, Luke.” Addie laughs and punches him in the arm.

  “See what I mean?” he asks, rubbing his bicep.

  “Come on everyone, it’s time for cake,” my mom says, heading into the kitchen.

  The whole evening was absolute fun and Addie fit in just like she had never left. This is what life’s all about and I can’t wait to start a family with her. I would marry her tomorrow if I could, but I know that’s not realistic.

  Heading back home, Addie says, “I love your family, Trey. They are some of the warmest people I know.”

  Thinking that it’s one of the best compliments a man can receive, I tell her, “Thanks, baby, I think so too.”

  chapter twenty-seven

  ADELYN

  Trey and I made it through our first winter together. We get a ton of snow in Vermont, but we’re use to it and life goes on. There were a few days that we actually got snowed in, making great use of the time alone together.

  Our relationship is completely strong and there have only been a few bumps along the way. We do a much better job at communicating everything, sometimes to the point of overshare, The only thing that hangs between us is I know that he misses Jackson.

  Trey still hasn’t been able to get anywhere with Amanda about seeing Jackson, although I’m not sure when the last time was that he tried. It really wears on him and I know he misses him like crazy. It truly breaks my heart.

  Trey and his crew have been working hard on another home on the shores of Lake Champlain. He always takes me there on the weekends to show me their progress. I’m in awe of his talent and tell him all of the time.

  I’m starting to feel a little cramped in the cabin. Trey has always told me that he just built that for him to have a place to lay his head at night and that it’s just supposed to be temporary, and as much as I love it, I wish we had a little more room.

  I don’t know how to bring it up though. I know he loves this place, so I don’t say anything, hoping he comes to the conclusion on his own.

  It’s late March and I’m taking the guys some muffins I made this morning. I got a little stir crazy this winter and worked on my baking skills. I have to admit I’ve gotten quite good and the guys love being my guinea pigs.

  Pulling up to their work site, I see Trey leaving the trailer and the instant he sees my car, his face lights up and he starts walking toward me. Opening my car door, he says, “Hey, baby, I didn’t know you were coming.” I get out and he kisses me like no one else is around. I love this about him.

  Feeling a little flushed after that kiss, I tell him, “I brought muffins for the morning break. Hope your guys aren’t getting sick of them.”

  He grins at me and says, “Are you kidding me? They’re like Pavlov’s dogs every time they see your car.”

  This makes me laugh and we start heading up to the house.

  “How much longer until you hand the keys over?” I ask him.

  “Just a couple of more weeks. We’re ahead of schedule and that almost never happens. I might have pushed them a little,” he admits.

  I leave the muffins on a big cardboard box in the kitchen, knowing the guys will find them. Trey walks me around, getting my opinion on things. I appreciate that he does this, even if he never does anything with it. I like fitting into his world. I, in turn, let him give me his take on my latest book covers, although after hearing some of his ideas, it’s a good thing he’s great at building houses.

  I can’t stay long because I have a doctor’s appointment in town and I don’t want to be late. Trey walks me to my car, gives me another kiss and says, “I’ll see you at home tonight.”

  I head into town and park the car in the lot of my gynecologist. I’m really nervous because I haven’t had a cycle for a couple of months. I was going to take a test from the store, but I already had this appointment for my yearly and didn’t see the point.

  I’ve been on the pill ever since Trey and I have been together, but I admit that I ran out during one of our snowed-in periods this winter and missed a few days since I couldn’t get to the drugstore. I have always wanted a child with Trey, especially after what happened in high school, but this is all a little backwards and even a little embarrassing at my age.

  I’ve peed in my cup and I’m waiting for the results when the doctor taps on my door and then enters. “Congratulations, Adelyn. You are six weeks along.” I’m elated and stunned at the same time.

  “Thank you, Dr. Brown,” I tell him, my mind going in all different directions.

  I must be giving him an uncertain look since he pats me on my leg and says, “I know this is a lot to take in, but the nurse will be in to answer all of your questions,” he says and turns to leave.

  After I’ve talked to the nurse, I leave the office and head back to the worksite. I can’t stand it one moment more and I have to tell Trey. I want him to be a part of every second.

  I pull up and don’t see his truck. This surprises me and I go in search of Jake.

  Finally finding him in the trailer, I ask him where Trey is.

  “He took the afternoon off, Addie,” he says a little uncomfortably, figuring out that I’m not aware.

  “He didn’t say where he was going?” I ask, not caring how I sound.

  He shrugs and says, “No, he didn’t say.”

  Feeling stupid for coming here, I excuse myself and hope maybe he just went home to surprise me.

  I finally pull into our drive and his truck is nowhere to be seen. My heart sinks and I start to feel panicky. Where could he be and why wouldn’t he tell me he was taking the afternoon off? I was just there a couple of hours ago.

  Pulling my phone out to text him, I wonder what to say. No, I don’t want to do this. I decide I’ll just wait and see if he brings it up.

  This whole scenario is taking away from the news I’ve just received and now I don’t know if I want to tell him right away. Shit!

  Trying to busy myself with work doesn’t really do the trick, and I decide to take a nap to pass the time. I’ve been really tired anyway and now I know why.

  *****

  I feel Trey’s body behind mine as I wake up. My back is to his chest and he’s got his arm wrapped around my waist with his hand splayed across our baby that he doesn’t know about yet. I instantly remember him taking the afternoon off and roll back to face him.

  He looks at me with conce
rn. “You feeling okay? I came home to you in bed. You never take naps.”

  “What time is it?” I ask him.

  “It’s a little after six,” he tells me. “Answer my question, Addie. Are you feeling okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I tell him. “How long have you been home?”

  “About a half hour.” My stomach drops at the news and I wonder where he’s been.

  “How was the rest of your day?” I reluctantly ask him.

  “It was good. Everything is still ahead of schedule,” he says, as if he just left work.

  I lay my head back down on the pillow, not being able to look at him. I swallow the words I want to tell him so bad since I have a horrible feeling in my gut.

  “Do you want me to go get some dinner?” he asks, so much caring in his voice.

  “I’m not hungry,” I say, trying not to snap.

  He’s staring at me. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “I said I was fine. I just have a headache.”

  “Okay, I’ll let you rest. I’m going to fix myself a sandwich. Let me know if you change your mind.” He kisses me on the head and gets up to go to the kitchen.

  Tears slowly make their way down my cheeks. I tell myself it’s just my hormones.

  *****

  Trey and I are definitely in a funk. I think he’s acting weird, and I’m sure he thinks I’m acting weird. So much for oversharing.

  It’s the first Saturday in April and Trey is meeting with Jake to go over plans for the next house they’re building. They turned the keys over to the new owners just last week.

  He never did say anything about that afternoon and I still haven’t told him about the baby. I’m just a bundle of nerves and emotions. I try to hide it but I’m sure he’s gotten glimpses. I just don’t want to tell him while I’m still feeling unsettled.

  We may not be communicating with words but we sure are doing a lot of communicating in bed. I can’t help it. My hormones are making me a horny mess, and I know I’m sending him all of these mixed signals.