All Things Lost

by Josh Aterovis

  I was distracted from my arachnidan thoughts by a scuffling noise from the direction of the window. I ducked down lower and peered out to see who my first arrival would be, all the while keeping an uneasy eye on my eight-legged friend.

  Caleb's head and shoulders appeared in the window frame, then a knee and soon the rest of him followed. He dropped to the floor and dusted himself off. So far, so good. My plan was working just the way I expected it to. I had known that my questions would rouse Caleb, and I had also figured that he wouldn't be able to talk to anyone on the phone there with Becky hovering over his shoulder. I had taken a chance that he would go to the barn for his unscheduled meeting. My biggest question now was who would be joining him here? Would it be Finn or Asher? Or had I missed someone altogether? I didn't think I had though. If I was a gambling kind of guy I would have laid money that it would be one of the two of them.

  Caleb settled down on an old upended bucket to wait and my mind began to drift as the spider moved off into the shadows. A lot depended on who showed up. I knew something was going on beneath the surface, beneath what everyone had been telling me. Judy had told me, and my gut confirmed, that someone was lying to me. All my instincts screamed that Caleb was hiding something. But who was he conspiring with, and what were they conspiring about? Did Asher and Caleb know who killed Ira? Could they be working together to protect that person? That was the best case scenario as far I was concerned. I could see Asher doing something like that if he thought it was for the best, especially if Caleb cared about this person very much.

  The other possibilities were a lot less attractive. Maybe Asher really did know who killed Ira and really was protecting them…and maybe that person was Caleb. Could Asher fall for a murderer? Maybe, if he felt the murder was justified, as I was sure he would have convinced himself this was.

  Or maybe Asher had killed Ira to protect the boy he was falling for. That was the one I liked the least. I somehow couldn't bring myself to really believe that, but the idea was still there, lurking like Novak's malevolent sofa in the back of my mind. I'd suspected him of murder one other time, of killing Seth in a jealous rage. He'd been so hurt that time. It had taken a long time for us to heal from that wound. But part of me knew that Asher could and would kill if he felt it was necessary to protect someone he loved. I, of all people, knew that potential lay inside all of us.

  But I couldn't forget about Finnegan. He still played into this somehow. I wasn't as quick at coming up with scenarios when it came to him. He could have been lying about Caleb coming to his house that night. If he was, then what did he hope to gain from that? If he and Caleb were sleeping together was it as casual as he'd led me to believe?

  Maybe Finn knew that Caleb had killed his father and he was covering for the boy he loved. Or maybe Finn had killed Ira and that's how he knew that Caleb hadn't. But why would Finn kill Ira? To protect Caleb? It all seemed so far fetched. Maybe I was just wasting my time. I'd just have to wait and see who showed up and what they said.

  I didn't have to wait long. A sound at the window caught my and Caleb's attention at the same time. He stood up and I shifted to get a better view while trying to keep myself out of their line of sight. Caleb went to help whoever it was through the window and for a moment I couldn't see who it was. Finally he stepped back and I found myself looking into the heart-shaped face of Finnegan Byrne. I noticed I relaxed a bit when I saw who it was, although I knew it didn't necessarily mean anything as far as Asher was concerned.

  “Ok, what the hell was so important that I had to drop what I was doing and rush over here?” Finn grumbled as he smoothed down his bright plaid shorts.

  “You told Killian that we were best friends and lovers?” Caleb demanded angrily. Finn opened his mouth to explain but Caleb didn't give him a chance. “That wasn't in the plan,” he rushed on. “You and your big mouth. You could blow this whole thing.”

  “Caleb, will you shut up for a minute,” Finn finally managed to say. “I didn't tell Killian that we were lovers or best friends. I did say that we were friends who occasionally had sex.”

  “You what?”

  “I had to say something. He knew about the condoms and stuff in the barn. If I was going to tell him you'd shown up at my house that night there had to be a reason why you chose me over anyone else.”

  “I think friends would have sufficed.”

  “But I'd already taken him to the barn. What was I supposed to say? I had to think fast, it's the best I could come up with.”

  “Well now he's suspicious. He was going to go talk to Asher, probably tell him everything.”

  “So? You don't really need him anymore anyway. He served his purpose.”

  “It's not like that, Finn.”

  “What do you mean? Then how is it?”

  “Asher's a really nice guy. I don't want to hurt him. He went out on a limb to help me, risked his friendship with Killian, stuck by me through everything. If it wasn't for him I'd still be in jail.”

  “No, if it wasn't for me you'd still be in jail.”

  “You know what I mean. Asher was there for me.”

  “So send him a bouquet of roses and a thank you card.”

  “Finn…”

  “Oh my God! Wait! You're not falling for him are you?”

  “It's not…I'm not…”

  “You are, aren't you?” Finn's voice had a strange tone to it that I couldn't quite grasp. Was it just disbelief? Surprise? Or was there something deeper?

  “Finn, look,” Caleb sounded slightly desperate, “Asher's a good friend, a very good friend, but that's all, really.”

  “Have you kissed him?”

  Caleb blinked in surprise. “I…”

  “You have. You've kissed him. I bet he's fucked you too, hasn't he?”

  My stomach clenched up as I waited for Caleb's answer. In that moment I recognized the tone in Finn's voice, it was pain and jealousy. I realized that Finn and Caleb's relationship was deeper than either of them had let on.

  “No!” Caleb burst out. “Asher and I have never slept together.” I breathed a sigh of relief and wondered why it mattered so much. I was seeing Micah now, after all. Right?

  “But you have kissed him,” Finn pressed on.

  “I…yes. We've kissed.”

  “How many times?”

  “What? It's not like I counted.”

  “So you had to count, huh? Twice, three times, more?”

  “Finn, you're being stupid.”

  “I'm being stupid? Well thanks a lot. I'm sorry. Sorry I thought we had something special. Maybe I was right when I told Killian it was just a random fuck because we were both horny. Is that all it was?”

  “No! You know it was more than that,” Caleb sighed. “This thing with Asher, it just happened. After everything he went through for me I felt like I owed him something.”

  “So you paid him with sex? What does that make you? A hooker? Maybe you'll feel compelled to give him a little bonus for all his hard work. How much is a piece of your ass worth? Apparently not as much as I thought.”

  Caleb's eyes flashed with anger. “Fuck you, Finnegan. Why should I expect you to understand? You never think about anyone but yourself.”

  “Oh really? Nothing but myself, huh? Then why the hell did I do what I did for you? Now I wish I'd left you to rot in jail like the scum you are.” He spun around and sailed through the window with the grace of a cat. It didn't even look like he touched the frame at all.

  “Finn, wait!” Caleb called and ran to the window. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.”

  “I think you did,” I heard him yell from outside.

  “But I love you.”

  “It's a little late for that, don't you think?”

  “But Finn…”

  “Forget about it Caleb. You're on your own now. Have a great life with Asher.” Finn's angry voice was fading away as he spoke.

  Caleb stood staring after him for a minute then backed away from the window and sat heavily
on the ground. I decided I had seen enough. It was time for a confrontation of some sort. I gathered my legs beneath me and stood up dramatically. The effect was lost on Caleb, who was now crying with his head in his hands.

  “What did he do for you?” I asked. Even though I had pitched my voice low it sounded shockingly loud in the intense quiet left in Finn's wake.

  Caleb's head snapped up, his eyes wild. “What the fuck?” he exploded as he scrambled to his feet.

  “I heard everything so there's no point denying anything,” I said before he could start.

  “You lying, sneaking bastard,” he snarled.

  “It seems I'm not the only one doing the lying and sneaking. What did Finn do for you? Lie to get you out of jail?”

  Caleb took a threatening step towards me but I didn't move. I may not be big but I was Caleb's equal in size and slightly heavier. Plus I figured my self-defense classes gave me an advantage if it came to a hand to hand fight.

  “You might as well talk,” I said. “It'll be easier to tell me then to tell the cops.”

  “I'm not telling you or anyone else anything,” he spat. “You have no proof; it'll be your word against mine and Finn's.”

  “You really think you can still count on Finn's help after that scene?”

  “That was nothing, a little misunderstanding is all. He'll be there for me, and so will Asher and you know it.”

  “Funny you should bring him up. I'm not sure he will be there for you when he hears what I just heard. I've known him a lot longer than you have.”

  “That's what this is all about, isn't it? You can't stand that I have something with Asher and you don't. That's the whole reason you're doing this.”

  “Doing what? Trying to find out the truth? Nothing I'm doing has anything to do with Asher,” I said firmly, although part of me wondered how accurate that was. “We're history, what we had is over. We've both moved on. But we're still friends and I'm not about to let him get involved with someone who has been lying to him and using him from day one.”

  “Don't you dare act all self righteous with me. You used him just as much as I did. He's told me everything about your little relationship. It's obvious you only kept him around because you liked having a boyfriend.”

  “That's such a load of bullshit,” I said heatedly, feeling myself losing my fragile grip on my temper.

  “Is it? Think about it. Did you ever really love Asher?”

  “Yes I did, not that it's any of your damn business.” Suddenly I realized what the manipulative little jerk was trying to do. He was trying to distract me and I was playing right into his plan. I gave myself a disgusted shake and refocused on what I needed to know. “You've just been using Asher like a pawn in your own personal little chess game. What's really going on? What are you and Finn hiding? What did he do for you?”

  “You're not getting anything from me,” he said through gritted teeth. He spun on his heel and stalked towards the window. I covered the distance between us in a few bounds and spun him around by the shoulder.

  His face was contorted with anger as he swung his fist at my face. I caught his wrist and we grappled for a few seconds before he swept my feet out from under me. I pulled him down with me and we started to wrestle in earnest. It was quickly obvious that I had either overestimated my abilities or underestimated Caleb's. I suspected it was the latter as I was surprised at his wiry strength. Neither of us ever held the upper hand for very long before the other managed to regain it. First I was on top then he was on top, we wrapped around each other like a warped game of Twister. Finally, just as I thought I was beginning to lose steam, I managed to pin him down. I sat on his chest and used my knees to help pin his arms down.

  “What are you trying to hide?” I panted. “You don't have to tell me but you can be sure I'll find out one way or another.”

  “Is that a threat?” Caleb said with a strange little half smile twitching at the corner of his mouth.

  I frowned. “Take it however you want; a threat, promise, whatever.”

  “Oh, I'm not worried all that much, Killian.” He broke into a wide grin and looked over my shoulder. Before I could turn around I heard something whistling through the air. An explosion at the back of my head was the last thing I remembered before total darkness took over.

  * * *

  I came to with a pounding inside my skull that felt like something had gotten trapped in there and was trying to beat its way out. I felt as if my head would explode. I tried to open my eyes but the light sliced into my brain like daggers and I quickly squeezed them shut again. I was afraid to move for fear of setting off an even worse wave of pain, if possible.

  I gradually became aware of voices talking nearby. For a second I couldn't remember what had happened or where I was, but the musty scent of decaying straw brought everything back to me in a rush. Somewhere in my addled brain I realized that it could very well be important that I listen to what those voices were saying. I struggled to fight past the pain and understand what was being said.

  “Will you stop yelling for one second?” someone was saying. It took me a moment to place the voice as that of Finnegan's. “If I hadn't come back you'd be in deep shit right now and you know it.”

  “But now what do we do with him?” Caleb shouted. “We can't just leave him here. As soon as he comes to he'll go right to the police.”

  “Is it really the police you're worried about or is it your precious Asher?”

  “Not now, Finn. We have to figure out what to do with him.”

  “Yes now. He'll wait, this won't.”

  “What if he wakes up?”

  “Then I hit him again. It worked the first time.”

  “What if you kill him? Maybe he's already dead, he's not moved since you hit him.”

  “Then the problem is solved.”

  “Finn!”

  “Relax. He's still alive. I can see him breathing. Now what is going on with you and Asher? And tell me the truth!”

  “We really are just friends.” Even in my stunned state I could detect the doubt in Caleb's voice. I wondered if Finn could hear it too or if he would choose to hear only what he wanted to hear. Whichever, I hoped they would keep talking long enough for me to gather myself enough to put up a fight. “I like Asher, but it's not the same.”

  “Why don't I buy that?” Finn asked.

  “It's true,” Caleb cried.

  “Were you going to leave me for him?”

  “No!”

  “Would you tell me if you were? Not bloody likely.”

  “Why are we fighting about this now? Can't this wait?”

  “I need to know where we stand before I get involved any further.”

  “Like you're not already involved,” Caleb snorted. “You lied to the cops, you cracked Killian upside the head and you were right there with me that night helping me kill that bastard.”

  My mind was reeling from the blows, both the physical one and this new revelation. Now I knew who had killed Ira Cohen. Was I going to be able to do anything about it? My mind was so busy trying to absorb all that I almost missed what Finn said next.

  “Maybe I'm through being there for you. Asher's there for you now, right? You don't need me. Maybe I'll turn myself into the cops and strike a deal for turning on you.”

  “You wouldn't do that,” Caleb said, although he sounded less than certain.

  “Wouldn't I? What's the alternative? Living with you holding that over my head for the rest of my life? Or maybe I could just kill you and get it over with. Make it look like you and Killian hear had a final showdown that neither of you lived through. I could come forward and tell them all about how I lied about you being at my house that night because I loved you, but how I now knew that it must have been you who killed your father. I might get in trouble for lying but it would be minimal and I'm still a minor.”

  “You…you won't.”

  “Are you sure?”

  There was silence for a minute and I wondered what w
as going on. I desperately wanted to open my eyes, but quite aside from the pain I knew I couldn't risk letting them know I was awake. Then I heard Finn sigh heavily.

  “Ok, you're right. I won't do that. As stupid as it may be I love you too much to do that. But if you think I'm going to just roll over while you ride off into the sunset with Asher you're insane.”

  “I have no intention of riding off anywhere with Asher. How could I do that to you after all we've been through together? I love you.” Caleb wheedling tone almost made me vomit, or maybe that was just from the bashing my head had only recently received.

  Finn's voice softened, “We'll get through this together.”

  “Yes, we will. But right now we have to figure out what to do with him?” I could only assume they were talking about me. I tried to lie as still as I possibly could and keep my breathing steady.

  “We can't let him go,” Finn said thoughtfully.

  “I already said that.”

  “I know, now suggest something helpful.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, of we can't let him go what do we do with him? Hold him hostage? I don't think so. That only leaves one other option.”

  “You mean…?”

  He didn't finish; he didn't have to. We all knew what he meant.

  “Don't look at me like that,” Finn snapped, “You know we have to. He heard too much.”

  “He doesn't know what he heard,” Caleb said weakly.

  “He heard enough to hurt us. Oh, for God's sake, don't go looking all green. You didn't have any trouble hacking your dad up with an ax.”

  “That was different. He deserved to die after everything he'd done to me. If no one else was going to do anything for me what choice did I have?”

  “None, I know why you had to do it. That's why I was there for you, waiting outside while you chopped him up like firewood and holding you while you cried for hours afterwards. This isn't any different.”