All Things Lost

by Josh Aterovis

  “Yes it is! Killian hasn't hurt anyone; he's just trying to find out the truth.”

  “But won't that hurt you? If he finds out the truth? He isn't going to just sit on it, you know. And what about me? Everything I've done has been for you. I helped you plan it and hide any evidence that wasn't destroyed in the fire. I'm the one that lied to police when it became obvious that a lack of evidence wasn't going to stop them from sending you away.”

  “I didn't ask you to do that,” Caleb said quickly.

  “If I hadn't, where would you be now? Waiting for trial in some cold cell?”

  “They wouldn't have convicted me; there was no evidence against me. Just…what do they call it? Circumcision?”

  “Circumstantial. And they convict on less than that all the time. There were no other real suspects, just you. Now you're not a suspect and that's thanks to me. Not that you've appreciated it at all.”

  “We were supposed to keep things simple. Nothing is simple anymore. And now this. How do we do it? And what do we do with him afterwards?”

  “Maybe we don't have to actually do it ourselves,” Finn said slowly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, a fire sure worked last time. What if we take him up into the loft, make sure he's really unconscious and set the barn on fire. He'll die in the fire and destroy all the evidence again at the same time. We can even make it look like an accident.”

  “How would we do that?” I was relieved to hear hesitation still in Caleb's voice. Maybe they wouldn't go through with this right away. Maybe it would give someone time to start looking for me. My car wasn't exactly hidden that well. Someone would spot it and know I was nearby, right? I sent a little prayer heavenward as they went on.

  “I don't know. Does he smoke?”

  “Not that I know of. I've never seen him smoke.”

  “Ok, well that makes it harder. Um…”

  “Maybe we could just run away,” Caleb said suddenly.

  “Huh?”

  “I know where Terry and Becky keep a wad of cash. I could take it and we could run.”

  “Run where? And how long could we live on a little cash? We're fifteen, we couldn't get real jobs and I'm not going to be a street hustler. No, we have to do it this way. Look, isn't your Dad's old girlfriend a suspect? She smokes like a chimney. We could still use a cigarette to start the fire and if they find it that would cast suspicion on her. I mean, you don't smoke so why would they suspect you? If we could get one of her brand it would be even better.”

  “And how would we do that?”

  “Do you know what she smokes?”

  “I think it's Marlboro, but I'm not sure.”

  “My Dad keeps a pack of them in his truck. He doesn't smoke that much anymore but he says it's comforting to keep a pack near him. I'll just run home and get one. I'll be right back.”

  “No! Wait, I don't want to stay here with him alone,” Caleb begged.

  “You're kidding, right? How old are you? He's out cold, and after that bang I gave him he's not going to be feeling too swift when he does come to. I won't be long.”

  “Finn, please. I'll go with you.”

  “Think, Caleb! We can't leave him hear alone. What if he wakes up while we're gone?”

  “We could tie him up. There's rope on the wall.”

  “Hmm, well at least you're thinking. I guess we could do that. Get the rope.”

  There were some scuffling and banging sounds as Caleb got the rope off the wall. My mind was racing. Should I put up a fight now? It didn't seem like the best idea. I didn't doubt that Finn would hesitate for a second to knock me out again and then what chance would I have? Ever since the house burned down that night with Jake, me and Asher in it I'd had a fear of burning to death. For a while I'd even woken up at night screaming after terrible nightmares where we didn't get out and the greedy flames consumed my flesh. I remembered reading somewhere that if you flex your muscles as someone is tying you up that it will leave a little lax in the rope when you relax. I could try that and hope they didn't feel the tension in my body.

  I felt them approach and kneel down beside me.

  “Should we take him upstairs first?” Caleb asked timidly.

  “Nah, not now. Let's just get him tied up and go get that cigarette.”

  I felt hands lift my wrists. I tried to keep myself limp while they pulled my arms behind my back. Every motion sent my head whirling and I tried not to cry out in pain. When I felt the ropes slip around my wrists I realized there weren't exactly any muscles to tense in my wrist. They tied the ropes so tightly I felt the circulation being cut off to my hands. Then they tied my feet the same way and dragged me over to the pile of straw. They dropped me roughly and my head bounced a little off the ground. For a few seconds I was sure that I was going to lose consciousness again. By the time I managed to fight it off, they were throwing loose straw over me and I found myself struggling not to sneeze. I listened to the sound of their feet move away and then heard them climb out the window, all without saying a word.

  I waited a few tense minutes before letting loose with a huge sneeze that shook my whole body and almost made me black out. I struggled to sit up but the rolling waves of blackness came back and all I managed was to flop onto my side where I lay panting in distress. How was I going to get out of this one?

  Chapter 31

  I waited until the blackness receded and the nausea faded and tried to make my mind function if not normally than at least with some semblance of normalcy. Obviously I wasn't going to be moving anywhere too quickly so it might be good if I had a plan worked out to make the best use of my available resources. I knew I didn't have a lot of time; Finn didn't live that far away, so I had to act quickly and effectively. The first order of business was to get these ropes off of me. It was a good thing Finn and Caleb weren't professionals. They hadn't tied me to anything so I could still move fairly freely even if I could no longer feel my hands. I carefully turned my head to look around. I thought I remembered some old tools somewhere from one of my previous visits. If any of them had a sharp edge maybe I could cut the ropes on my wrists. I spotted the wooden handles leaning against the wall on the far side of the hulking carcass of the old tractor.

  My head spun a little at the very thought of working my way all the way over there but it was either that or wait and get toasted. I started inching my way in that direction but I had to stop after every few scoots as the darkness threatened to overtake me. At this rate I'd never get there in time. I took a deep breath and decided I was going to have to suck it up and go for the gusto, pain or no pain. I mustered up all my reserves and rolled towards the wall.

  I was only halfway there when the nausea became too much. I flopped onto my belly and emptied the contents of my stomach all over the floor in front of me. That took more out of me than I would have expected and I suddenly found that it was all I could do to hold my face out of the mess. I managed to roll myself onto my back and away from the worst of it but that was as far as I could go. I'd tried and failed. It was just a matter now of waiting for them to come back and finish me off. So this was how I was going to die, an ignoble end; lying in a puddle of my own puke, trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey waiting for the oven. I'd never get to say goodbye to Adam or Steve, my mom or Kane, Novak or Micah…or Asher. Asher. Of everyone, I regretted how I'd left things with him the most. Would he find out in time about who and what Caleb really was or would he get hurt too? Maybe even killed. Without even realizing it, I had started to cry. Hot tears ran down my face as I tried not o shudder too hard from my sobs.

  “You can't give up this easy,” a voice said suddenly, causing my whole body to spasm in fear. I tried to blink away the tears but they only appeared as a blur as they went on. “This isn't the Killian I know. He wouldn't just roll over and die. You've been in tougher situations than this. Come on! You have to keep trying.”

  “Seth?” I whimpered.

  “Yes, come on.” He finally came int
o focus, standing over me with a concerned expression his face.

  “I can't,” I whined, my voice thick with tears, “It hurts.”

  “So does burning to death.”

  “Help me, untie me.”

  “I can't. Come on, Killer. You can do this. I know you can. You're strong.”

  “I'm not. I'm not strong.” I squeezed my eyes closed and wished he would just leave me alone to die.

  “You are! Listen to me, Killian Travers Kendall. You have been given a purpose in this life. You have things to do that only you can accomplish. If you give up now they may never get done.”

  “I…I can't.”

  “You can!”

  With his last words, I felt a sudden surge of warmth and strength flow into my body. My eyes flew open but he was gone. I was once again alone. The pain in my head had faded enough that I thought that maybe just maybe I could reach the wall after all, but not by rolling. I'd had enough of that. Still on my back, I used my legs to push myself along the ground, holding my tender head off the floor. It wasn't easy and it still hurt like hell but it was better than rolling.

  After what seemed like an eternity, I reached the tools. There was a shovel lying on the ground that looked as if it hadn't been used since I'd been born and maybe longer. Or at least not for it's intended purpose. In a distracted sort of way I noticed that there was something wet on the back of it and it occurred to me that it was probably blood; my blood, from when Finn had smacked me in the back of the head with it. I didn't know it for a fact but somehow I felt that I was right. I turned my attention back to the other implements, a hoe, a rake, and…yes! Standing next to the other tools was a scythe; the long handled tool with a long curving blade that they used to use to cut hay and straw. The blade was rusted and pitted but it still had enough of an edge that I thought I could saw through the old dry-rotted ropes. I was just lucky that Finn had grabbed the shovel and not the scythe or I might have been decapitated.

  Using the wall to brace myself I managed to work my way to a sitting position, although once I was upright I had to take a few precious seconds to allow the barn to stop spinning and my stomach to stop rolling. With a stray thought about my last tetanus shot I started sliding the ropes between my wrists across the sharp edge of the blade. It didn't take me long to realize that it was going to be slow going since I couldn't get a decent angle or enough pressure. I was sawing away when the handle began to slide along the wall.

  “No, damn you,” I gasped, but of course it didn't listen. It slid slowly down the rough boards of the wall almost as if it was in slow motion. With a thud it landed on the floor beside me. I almost broke into tears again until it occurred to me that I could probably get a much better cutting edge this way. I repositioned myself and started sawing again. This time it felt like it going much faster, but it still seemed like I could feel the minutes ticking by before I felt the ropes suddenly fall loose. As quickly as I could, I spun around and started cutting the ropes that bound my feet. Since I now had the use of my hands this went a bit quicker.

  Finally freed, I slowly and rather shakily pulled myself to my feet, leaning heavily against the wall. After the barn had once again stopped spinning like one of those carnival rides that always makes me want to vomit, I took stock of my situation. The window was tantalizingly close, but there wasn't much chance of me going through the window in my condition. Besides, if they were on their way back they would easily see me. The door was the obvious choice but that would be a lot easier if it wasn't on the opposite end of the barn. The way I felt it might as well be on the far side of the moon. The relief I had felt in my head and surge of strength was fast fading. If the wall hadn't been at my back I wasn't at all sure I would have been able to stay standing. Well, I couldn't stay here, that much was obvious.

  I pushed gingerly away from the wall and took a few wobbly steps before I had to brace myself against the tractor while I waited for my world to settle down. A slug could make faster progress than I was going to be able to manage. My head was throbbing even when I was standing still, turning my neck caused blinding flashes of pain and my stomach felt like it was competing in the gymnastics competition at the Olympics. And to top it all off it would be only too easy to sink back into unconsciousness; the beckoning promise of oblivion seemed more and more attractive.

  But no, I couldn't give up that easily. Seth had said I was strong and I had to believe him. I let go of the tractor and took a few more steps before stopping again, swaying slightly as I stood waiting until I could go again. A few more steps and I was halfway across the barn. That's when I ran out of time. I heard the pounding of running footsteps approaching fast and I was standing in the middle of the floor. With a burst of energy that I didn't know I still possessed I stumbled across the floor to the nearest stall and dropped down out of sight.

  The brief expenditure took its toll, though, as the nausea rose up again. I frantically fought it back down to keep from betraying myself with retching.

  “What the fuck?” I heard someone scream moments later, I think it was Finn.

  “Where'd he go?” Caleb shouted, his voice cracking in panic.

  “We have to find him!”

  There was some scuffling around and then Finn yelled, “Here's the rope. Damn it, the fucker cut them off.”

  “I'll look outside,” Caleb called. “You look in here.”

  When Finn answered his voice was just outside the stall I was in. “No, it'll be faster if we both look in here first. If he's outside he's probably long gone.”

  “What do we do if he got away?”

  “I don't know but we'd better think fast. But as hard as I hit him I can't believe he got far, even without the ropes. You look upstairs. I'll look down here.”

  I quickly tore the stall apart with my eyes, searching for anything to use as a weapon, but there was nothing here but cobwebs and rotten straw. Before I could even prepare myself I heard him again, from directly behind me.

  “Well, well, well, you can stop looking,” he called, his voice sounding sickening smug. “I found our little escapee.” He bent down and grabbed me by the arm, yanking me to my feet. The jerking movement sent my head spinning and I was too sick to fight even if I had a weapon. I was defeated. I had let everyone down, including Seth. I wasn't as strong as he thought I was.

  Finn half dragged, half shoved me back over by the ropes and tools. He held me arms tightly behind my back with both hands. Caleb joined us with a strange expression on his face, part relief and part dread.

  “Get that thing there,” Finn ordered Caleb, pointing at the scythe.

  “What for?” Caleb asked.

  “Just get it!” Finn barked and Caleb bent to pick up the tool. “We're going to finish what we started and we're going to do it right this time.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “We can't have him waking up again and running out before the fire does its job, right?”

  “I…I guess.”

  “Then we have to kill him.”

  I hardly even reacted to the matter of fact tone in his voice. I was beyond that point now; it was just a matter of getting it over with.

  “Kill him? Me?”

  “Yes, use that thing. Just picture yourself as the grim reaper.”

  “I can't!”

  “You killed your dad, you can do this.”

  “That was different, I hated him. I don't hate Killian.”

  “Look, you listened to me before. I told you that killing your dad was the only way you would ever be free of him, didn't I? And I was right. You're free of him now. Killian is the only thing standing in your way from total freedom. You have to kill him. You have to.”

  I could see the emotions battling inside Caleb's head written clearly on his face. I could also see that Finn's arguments were winning him over. Caleb slowly raised the scythe over his shoulder with shaking arms.

  “Be careful with that thing, now,” Finn warned. “Make sure you just get him and not me.” He he
ld me out at arm's length.

  “What about the blood?” Caleb temporized.

  “What about it?”

  “If it's anything like Dad there'll be a lot of blood. I'm not wearing a wetsuit this time to catch it all, and neither are you. It'll get all over us.”

  “We don't have a choice, damn it. Just be careful, and hurry up.”

  Caleb took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I closed mine as well, better to not see it coming. Maybe it wouldn't hurt and I'd never know what hit me. The sudden silence was as terrifying as anything that had been said, maybe more so since it held the threat of the unknown. I refused to open my eyes though, afraid that as soon as I did I'd see the deadly blade rushing at my throat.

  At that moment, an ear piercing sound shattered the quiet. My eyes flew open involuntarily to find Caleb's eyes open wide as well, the scythe frozen in mid-swing. It was a siren and it was close. Caleb dropped the scythe and threw Finn a panicked look.

  “What do we do?”

  “Run!” Finn yelled as he roughly shoved me away. I stumbled forward, tripped on the scythe and fell. My reflexes, what little was left, were too slow to react and I hit the ground hard face first. This time I didn't fight the blackness.

  * * *

  This time when I woke up I didn't even try to open my eyes. I wasn't sure I wanted to know where I was or how I was. My memory of the last time was still fresh in my mind.

  I became aware of two unfamiliar voices talking nearby. One was male and one was female.

  “I don't know, it will depend on how he feels when he wakes up,” the woman was saying.

  “But he will wake up?” the man clarified.

  “Oh, yes. We fully expect him to be fine. He has a pretty serious concussion but that seems to be the extent of his injuries except for a few minor bruises.”

  “Will he be doped up?”

  “We've given him some pain killers but it shouldn't incapacitate him. Does this have to be done right now? He will have a monster headache.”

  “Yes, it's very important that I talk to him as soon as he wakes up.”