Love 'Em or Leave 'Em

by Angie Stanton

  "What in the world were you doing?" Luke shouted in disbelief.

  "You said we could tease her, that she had a sense of humor," said Mike.

  "I said you could tease her-not rake her over the coals"

  His family all sat quietly, looking guilty.

  "I'm sorry, honey. We didn't mean to hurt her," said his mom. "She seems like a very nice girl. You should know, the producer, Jim, told us to put her on the spot. He said it would make a better show. Otherwise he said it would be boring."

  "Well, it sure wasn't boring, was it? Do you realize you looked like a bunch of uneducated hicks? White trash"

  "We did, didn't we? Susan is going to kill me when she hears about this," Mike said, referring to his wife.

  "Now I understand why she refused to be a part of this. She knew what you had planned" Luke glared at Mike.

  "You'd better go after her," said his mother. "She'll be halfway to Mississippi by now"

  Luke shoved his chair out of the way. "I'll deal with you later," he said pointedly to Mike.

  "What? What'd I do?"

  "Mike, shut up" Gus cuffed him upside the head.

  Luke stormed out of the house.

  Ashley walked hastily down the long drive, away from the Townsend home.

  "Ashley, wait," Luke's voice called.

  Her pace picked up as she reached the road.

  Luke caught up and took her by the shoulder. "Please don't leave"

  "Don't," she said, pulling away from him, her blood still boiling from their insults.

  "They didn't mean anything," Luke said, his face full of concern.

  "Didn't mean anything?" she shouted, infuriated. "Open your eyes, Luke! They hated me and wanted to make sure both you and I knew it!"

  "No, they were playing around. They do it to everyone." He took her hand and tried to soothe her. "Don't worry, they like you just fine."

  "Oh sure, Mike loved me! He kept pinching my butt and winking at me every time you turned your back" Her temper was rising. "I thought I was going to scream! Or slug him. That's what I should have done!"

  "Ignore Mike. He can be a jerk sometimes."

  "No! I'm not going to ignore it! I have more respect for myself than that. He's a creep! I'm sorry. I know he's your brother and you love him, but he is."

  She turned onto the main gravel road. It was worn, with more chicory growing on the shoulder.

  "Come on, Ashley, calm down. Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"

  "Overreacting!" She turned back, waving her hands in the air. "You think this is overreacting? You ain't seen nothing yet!" She pointed a finger in his face. "Don't push me, Luke. I'm in no mood." She continued stomping toward town, her face pinched in anger.

  "Ashley, wait, we have to talk."

  "You want to talk? Fine! Let's freaking talk" She came back at him, fists on hips. "Your father thinks I'm playing with your emotions and that I'm a gold digger, your brother thinks I'm free for the taking, and your mother thinks I'm a bimbo. I'm surprised the dog didn't bite me!"

  "Ashley, they didn't mean anything, and you're taking this way too seriously. Calm down"

  "Taking this too seriously?" she asked in disbelief. "You sat there and let them attack me. What was that about? Listen, Luke, when someone attacks me, I bleed, okay? And when I get cornered, I fight back. Your family cornered me and it took everything in me just to be respectful and walk away, which is a lot more than I can say for them-or for you" She turned back, fuming as she marched down the road, then paused and came back.

  "Oh, and thanks so much for the big vote of confidence. I really felt your support back there. Especially with your line, `A lot in common? Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit'?"

  "You don't understand," Luke said.

  "No, you don't understand," she said, beginning to yell in earnest. The cameraman followed her every move. "You understand nothing! Nothing at all! I didn't want to embarrass myself on this show. You knew it better than anyone and what did you do? You sat by while I turned into a crazed lunatic," she yelled, shaking her hands in the air. "You let your family tear me apart in front of the cameras. I've lost it. I've fallen over the edge of sanity."

  Luke stood frozen in place, his eyes wide.

  "Look at me, Luke! I'm on national television and the world is going to know I'm a freaking loser!" she screamed. "I'll never be able to show my face again. I'll be known as the crazy gold-digging loser from `Love 'Em or Leave 'Em."' She couldn't stop herself. She wanted to, but all her pent-up emotions and tension from the last few weeks had sprung. Everything was coming out and she couldn't stop it. "I guess this is where you leave 'em, huh?"

  Luke winced.

  Ashley's tone changed. "Wow, the ratings are really going to go sky-high with my performance." She mocked a smile. "Whew! Bet you're proud to be on a winning football team and a hit TV show! You sure are great! And some lucky chick is gonna get you! Oops, be sure to tell her about the pre-nup before your dad does. You don't want to shock a gal again. Who knows how she'll react?"

  "Ashley, please," Luke tried again, his voice soft to calm her hysteria. She was over-the-top and the cameraman continued to follow. It was all on film and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.

  "Ashley." He stood in front of her, blocking the camera, his hands on her shoulders.

  "Calm down? Right!" Tears ran freely, her hair stuck out, and her eyes darted about wildly. "Do me a favor, okay?" She cried openly. He watched, not knowing how to help. "Can't you do just one thing for me?"

  "Sure," he answered, his voice filled with compassion. "Anything. What can I do?"

  "At the next rose ceremony, don't you dare give me a rose" She sobbed. "I don't care if I never see another rose for the rest of my life."

  His heart was breaking. All he wanted to do was ease her pain. But he didn't want to lose her, either. He stood silently, full of indecision.

  "What? You can't even manage that?"

  "Okay." His voice were soft and barely audible. "Not another rose"

  "Didn't anyone ever tell you? Roses stink!"

  She started back down the road and hailed down an old pickup truck rumbling toward them. It was old man Walker on his daily trip to town. She asked for a ride and hopped in the cab before he could answer. Walker looked at Luke questioningly, and he nodded for them to go ahead. Old Walk would be kind to her and make sure she arrived safely. She couldn't be in better hands. Ashley put sunglasses on over her blotchy face and never looked back.

  Luke watched the ancient truck drive away until it was out of sight. With a sigh, he turned toward home, his head hung low, the infernal cameraman still following. What had happened? How had things gone from so great to so bad, without him realizing it until it was too late? He didn't blame Ashley, though. His family had insulted her character and attacked her pride. All of it in front of those blasted cameras. Ashley was right. The show would love this and she would look like a fool. There was nothing he could do about it. Plus, he needed to bring Cricket to meet his parents in two days. What a mess.

  And this show was supposed to be fun.

  Ashley caught a bus north out of Podunk, Louisiana, and cried all the way to Tennessee. After changing buses, she slept most of the way back to Wisconsin.

  She never did eat that day.

  "Why are you in Madison? I hear you practically shut down production. What is going on?"

  "I quit, Kel. It's over." Ashley's voice was flat and void of emotion.

  "What do you mean `it's over'? Talk to me. Spill it."

  "No, I'm not going to spill it," she said. "Suffice it to say, any shred of dignity I had left is now gone." Not to mention the shape her heart was in, which was in shreds. She'd fallen hard and fast. She made Rachel and Gwen look like naive beginners when it came to falling hard. She had bared her soul. Now it felt as though she'd been trampled by the entire Packer team. No bandage could heal her wound. Maybe time would numb the pain, but the humiliation would take much longer. With t
he whole fiasco about to hit the TV waves, there'd be nowhere to hide, and she hadn't even finished the show.

  "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. You're just emotional right now."

  "Go watch the dailies, Kelli. It's all there in Technicolor," she said, wallowing in self-pity. "I know what I did and what I said. And those bosses of yours are going to show every frame of it."

  "It's okay," her friend responded.

  Silence. Then, "I'm not going back," she said.

  "I'm sorry, Ashley, but you have to"

  "No, Kelli, I don't." For once she wasn't going to budge. "It's about time I stood up for myself, and it starts now. I've spent too much time being taken advantage of and played for a fool. I won't let it happen again." Ashley paced back and forth in the small space of her kitchen, one arm held protectively across her middle. "You know I love you and would do anything for you, but this has gone beyond the bounds of friendship. I never signed a contract. Beyond my loyalty to you, I don't owe anything to anyone. I need you to do something for me. I want the scene pulled off the air." She prayed it would happen.

  "Listen, I wish I could let you walk away from this, but I can't. You're a pivotal part of the show. You're in the top two. You're unconventional. The producers say the audience is going to love you. You'll be the media darling."

  "I'm nobody's media darling, and you know it. I can't stand those stupid cameras and I'm not doing any media." She paused and took a breath for strength. "I made a total fool of myself at Luke's-it was awful. I stood there ranting and raving and blubbering while the dim-witted camera guy recorded my every move" The memory of the experience rushed back, causing her stomach to roll.

  "I'm sure it's not so bad."

  "It's bad. Kelli, I did the ugly cry" She cringed, as she recalled the experience.

  "You didn't!"

  "Oh yeah, I did. This tops it all. I am now in the `pull a fit' Hall of Fame"

  "I'm so sorry, hon. I really am, but please, Ashley, you can't quit." There was sincere desperation in her voice. "If you leave, we're left with nothing. You've become an anchor of the show" She hesitated. "I need you to come back"

  Ashley's internal battle intensified. Everything in her gut screamed "Don't go!" It hurt so bad, how could she possibly put herself through more humiliation? Besides, seeing Luke again was more than she could bear.

  "Kel, I don't know if I can. I understand how important this is to your career, and I would never want to ruin this for you, but I have nothing left to give. I have no idea how to recover enough to face it again."

  "It will be okay" Kelli sounded hopeful. "I'll take care of everything and I will be there for you. It'll be made clear to the producers not to push. There's only a few days left and I'll make it as smooth as possible." She paused and remained quiet for a moment, then added. "He wants you back"

  "What?"

  "Luke. He wants you back"

  "No way! I can't. Oh, Kelli. Why'd you bring him up?"

  "One, because he's the star of the show. And two, because he likes you"

  "I highly doubt it after the way I behaved"

  "He feels terrible. The producers had told his family to make it interesting."

  "It was interesting, all right."

  "Here's the deal. The show is almost over. There are only three days between now and the final ceremony. You and Cricket have one more date each and then the entire thing is done"

  Tears welled in her eyes as she battled against herself. "Fine. I won't quit, but please don't push me right now. I can't take it." Her voice quivered. She felt fragile, like a crystal vase riding on a rumbling train to destruction. "Just help me survive until the end of this show and never ask me for another favor the rest of my life."

  "All right," Kelli said. "I know this turned into so much more than either of us thought it would, and I'm sorry for all the embarrassment you've gone through, but come on, Ashley. You must like him too, don't you? You've spent a lot of time together."

  That was the biggest part of the problem. She did like him. Too much. She hated feeling vulnerable. She'd wanted to make a good impression on his family, but it had all fallen apart. And they had attacked her. They'd made her look like a fool. She still burned from the experience.

  How could he possibly want her after her Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde performance?

  "I don't like him enough to ruin my life any longer."

  "Please. Just three more days. I'll have a ticket waiting for you at the airport. The time will zip by"

  "Only if my conditions are agreed upon up front."

  "Fine. What do you need? A bigger trailer?"

  "Smart aleck. No, I want the scene cut!"

  "But Ashley, it's great TV."

  "Geez, Kelli, take your career hat off for just a minute and put your best-friend hat on. I don't care what it is. I don't want the world to see it."

  "All right. I'll talk to the editor. But I really need you to come through for me and get yourself back here"

  "One more thing. I want to keep as much distance from Luke as possible. No more parties or get-to-knowyou games. I'll go on one final date, but it has to be plain and simple. No overnights, no families, no surprises. Short and sweet"

  "I don't think any of it will be a problem."

  "Good. And when this thing is over, I want to be left alone. I am not doing any interviews, posing for pictures, or after-show whatevers. I'm done" She remembered Luke mentioning all the promotions done with shows like these. She wasn't taking any chances. "Kelli, if they won't agree, I'm not coming back. I got on this show at the last minute, and I never signed a contract. I don't want any offers of money. I just want to be left alone. Got it?"

  "Okay, I'll do everything I can. Now get some rest. I'll call you back when I have your flight booked" She hesitated, then added, "Ash, I never thought it would turn out this way."

  "I know."

  "And Ashley?"

  "Yeah."

  "I'm so sorry"

  "Me too."

  Life hadn't changed much at the mansion, other than the number of people in it. Cricket was on her meetthe-parents visit with Luke, which didn't elicit one iota of jealousy from Ashley. Her first instinct upon returning had been to hide in her room the entire time. Then she thought, who cares? If the cameramen wanted to follow her around the house and tape her every move, fine. She had nothing left to hide.

  She found a corner near the pool where the trees reached over her, creating a dappled blanket of leaves and flowers that allowed just enough sunlight in to keep her wrapped in a cocoon of warm air and fresh scents. From where she sat, Ashley enjoyed a perfect view of the lush landscape enclosing the pool area. It was a small piece of heaven in an otherwise turbulent world.

  Ashley read trashy novels to keep her mind off her train wreck of a life. She drank a never-ending supply of Diet Pepsi and munched on crackers and fruit. Mostly she napped, safe in her little haven. She felt depleted, empty, and would need a whole lot of energy to face the next couple of days. She knew of no other way to prepare for what was to come.

  If the camera guy was prepared to film "Stupid Midwestern Girl Entertains World Again," he must be bored to tears by now. The network could have saved their money and let him go home. She would not embarrass herself again.

  On the afternoon of the second day, Cricket returned from meeting Luke's family. Ashley's taut nerves were ready to snap at any moment.

  "Are you okay, Ashley? Something seems wrong"

  "No, I'm fine. Everything's fine," Ashley said, masking her emotions.

  "Are you sure? You seem upset. Did something happen?"

  "Nope, nothing happened" Her eyes welled up with tears. "Nothing's wrong"

  Cricket nodded compassionately. "All right, whatever you say"

  "That's what I say," Ashley replied stoically.

  "Okay." Cricket walked over and hugged her gently.

  Ashley tapped the stem of her margarita glass repeatedly with her fingernail, avoiding Luke's eyes as they
faced each other over tortilla chips and salsa at a rustic little restaurant named Paco's. Luke's beer sat untouched and angst etched his face. Small red recording lights dotted the room, reminding Ashley of the cameras' ever-present intrusion. A three-piece band prepared to play in the corner.

  "Ashley."

  She stopped tapping.

  "Please let me explain what happened with my family."

  "No" She slapped her hand with finality on the table, her voice filled with warning.

  "We've got to talk"

  "No, we don't." She glanced at one of the cameras and spoke quietly. "Not like this."

  Understanding lit his eyes. "Okay." He leaned back in his chair as the band began to play. The catchy music lightened the mood in the room. Ashley sipped her ice water and felt relieved that Luke wasn't pushing her. Her fingers kept time to the music. Luke's eyes lit up. He placed his hand over hers. Her hand froze.

  "Dance with me," he said, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth.

  Ashley hesitated. The music was loud. The sound equipment and cameras would have trouble following them. "Sure" Besides, it was better than avoiding each other all evening.

  Luke squeezed her hand and led her onto the dance floor. The band began a new number, "Mambo No. 5" He twirled her around dramatically, then quickly pulled her into his arms.

  "Smooth moves," she commented.

  He led her through some swing steps she'd never done before. It took a few steps to catch on, but Luke was a strong lead and guided her easily through twirls, behind-the-back exchanges, and turns.

  The feel of his hands on her waist guiding her around the dance floor made her feel protected and alive. She relaxed as she forgot about the cameras and all the traumas of the last week and laughed playfully with Luke through three fast-paced songs.

  When the band changed to a slow song, Luke twirled her into his arms, pulled her close, and molded her to his body. Ashley put her arms around his neck and leaned into him, her forehead pressed to his cheek. Her heart pounded next to his chest she wasn't sure if her pounding pulse was from the dancing or from her nearness to Luke. His firm body felt warm against her, the scent of his aftershave a reminder of their times together.