Love 'Em or Leave 'Em

by Angie Stanton

  He gazed at her.

  She smiled and tilted her face up. "Where did a guy like you learn to dance like this?"

  "What do you mean `a guy like me'?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  "You know what I mean. How does a tough jock learn all those smooth moves?"

  "Arthur Murray, baby," he said, swinging her around.

  "No way. I cannot see you in dance lessons"

  "You're right. Growing up, the town always held big festivals every summer. One of the highlights was the dances each night. Everyone would be there and dance all night. It was a great way for us teenage boys to get close to the girls!"

  "Why am I not surprised?" She shook her head.

  Luke suddenly spun them around. Ashley held on tightly. What was it about this man? He made her feel so good, even after all the drama. She relaxed into his hold.

  Luke leaned his mouth near her ear and whispered, "I'm sorry about the bayou"

  She pulled away briefly. "I don't want to talk about it, please?"

  After a moment, he nodded, kissed her on the forehead and pulled her close once again. They danced two slow songs, with Luke nuzzling her neck, whispering in her ear and making her laugh.

  Click. Click. Click. Luke leaned back against the bed's headboard flipping through the TV channels, checking scores.

  He was dressed. But not ready. He'd showered and shaved. His hair held the perfect amount of gel and he smelled of his favorite aftershave. But he wasn't ready.

  TV didn't help either. He pulled his cell phone from his shirt pocket and hit Redial. It rang several times.

  "Yeah?"

  "Hey, Mike."

  "Is it over yet?"

  "Hasn't started."

  "Bummer."

  "That's an understatement." Luke clicked the remote again.

  "So, who are you going to pick?"

  "Heck if I know."

  "No kidding."

  Silence filled the phone line.

  "Mike, remember when you had to pick between the job you wanted in Atlanta or Susan? How did you make the decision?"

  "Aw, I don't know."

  "Come on, Mike, I need some help here"

  "Follow your gut. Sometimes in life it's not about what you want, but what you can't live without. You might not know if something is best for you, but you do know you'll always regret it if you don't find out."

  "Huh," Luke grunted.

  "Okay, I met both of them, but I want you to describe them."

  "Well, Cricket is smart and sweet. She's a great golfer, likes sports, and has a nice family. She comes from money, so she understands what comes with it. She even wants to teach kids. She's perfect"

  "So pick her."

  "But then there's Ashley." He couldn't quite wrap his thoughts around his feelings for her. "Ashley has a smart mouth, and she makes me laugh. She doesn't like sports, but she has a heart of gold. Her family is dysfunctional, and she's not comfortable with a lot of outside attention." He wondered if she could adjust to his life in the spotlight. "I can't figure her out"

  "This doesn't need to be so hard, Luke. Who makes you happy? Who could you see yourself waking up to every day? That's the one you should pick."

  "Hmm," Luke grumbled.

  "And if you still can't decide, then just pick the one that kisses better."

  "You're a lot of help. Thanks for nothing." Luke flipped the phone shut and tossed it on the bed. He stood and walked over to the mirror. He wrapped his tie around his neck, folding and flipping it as he went. He slid the knot up to his neck, and it felt like a noose tightening.

  Fresh flowers transformed the pool area into a breathtaking garden, complete with shrubs and trees covered with twinkle lights providing a sprinkle of soft light. Flowering azaleas and hydrangeas made a pathway to a small gazebo where pink roses climbed up the sides. The air held a delicate sweet scent. Waves crashed against the shore in the distance. The sound echoed the feeling in Ashley's heart. On the outside she looked beautiful and tranquil, but on the inside her heart crashed against her chest in fear and anticipation of the ceremony ahead.

  Common sense told her the nightmare would soon be over and she could escape this insanity. But deep inside she didn't want her time with Luke to end. He was special and she didn't want to lose whatever it was they had.

  She needed to gear up for this final scene. Afterward she could get her life back in order, away from the prying eye of the cameras.

  The door to her bedroom opened and Kelli walked in. "You okay?" she asked tentatively.

  "I'm fine" Ashley took a deep breath and tried to remain calm.

  "You sure, honey?" Kelli sat next to her on the bed and took Ashley's hand in hers. "Honestly, I never expected in a million years that you and I would be sitting here tonight for the finale."

  "Me neither." She took another deep breath for courage. "So, what's the plan here? How much longer do I have to be tortured before I get to drive off into the sunset?"

  "Not long now." Kelli looked at her watch and switched into business mode. "The rose ceremony set is in place and all cameras and lights are ready for action. We're prepared to start whenever you are."

  A chill of fear quickly ran through Ashley. She saw the concern wash over Kelli's face.

  "It'll be over soon. Hang in there." Kelli stood and walked to the door. "I hope it turns out the way you want" She opened the door and looked back one last time. "Come down as soon as you're ready. And Ashley, thanks. You know how much it means to me." The door closed quietly behind her.

  Kelli's words echoed in her head. "I hope it turns out the way you want"

  Ashley only wished she knew how she wanted things to turn out. As much as she hoped the torture of this insane show to be over with, her gut told her that what she and Luke had was very real and not something found often.

  But there was no way she would accept a rose from him. He'd humiliated her and brought out her worst side in front of the cameras. She didn't want to be hounded by the press over their relationship on the show. He would pick Cricket. She was great and was a much better match for Luke.

  After another deep breath, Ashley stood, ready to face the cameras. She took one final glance in the mirror; even she had to admit she looked amazing. Her hard-earned tan made her skin glow. The coppercolored dress clung to her figure in all the right places. Thin straps lay gently on her shoulders as the dress gracefully came together in a deep vee, showing off a bit of cleavage.

  Not bad, she thought to herself. At least I'll go out looking good.

  Downstairs, the producers and crew waited. After quickly reviewing where to walk and stand, the final filming began. She stood just outside the doors of the mansion for the last time and overlooked the beautiful spectacle created in the pool area. Ashley took a deep breath for courage and nodded her okay to begin.

  The cameras rolled.

  "Ashley, Luke is standing in the gazebo waiting for you. This is the moment you have been waiting for," Clay said in his TV voice. "This is when you find out if Luke has a rose and a proposal for you, or if he is saying good-bye forever." Clay stepped aside and gestured with his hand for her to make her way along the path to her destiny.

  Each step brought Ashley closer to the answer and the end. She felt more confidence as she moved toward Luke. Whatever happened, she would not embarrass herself. It would all be over in a matter of minutes. She'd learned the hard way that there were no second takes in reality TV.

  As she walked around the curve of ficus trees, she saw the gazebo. In the center Luke waited. He looked incredible. He gave off an aura of self-assurance, standing there in a cream-colored shirt and dark slacks. The colors enhanced his great looks and blond hair. Subdued lighting created a romantic ambience. Next to him, on a white pillar, a single red rose waited.

  Luke looked up and gave Ashley a warm and rather weary smile. She could tell that this wasn't a walk in the park for him either.

  "Hey there," Luke reached out his hand to help her up the steps
to the gazebo.

  Ashley looked into his eyes. There was a serious set to them. What did it mean?

  And then she tripped.

  Luke's other hand shot out and quickly steadied her so she didn't end up on the floor before him.

  Unbelievable! She'd done it again! She'd been so busy looking into Luke's eyes that she hadn't thought about lifting her dress to climb the steps. She should be humiliated, but instead she started to laugh.

  "Your reflexes are getting better."

  "I've been practicing in my downtime. Looks like it came in handy." He held her elbow as he gazed into her eyes.

  "I guess we'd better get started," Luke said, "before the natives get restless."

  "Ready when you are," she lied.

  Suddenly the air seemed a little too still and a bit too warm. The feel of cameras filming from every angle made her claustrophobic. Luke took both her hands in his and gave them a small squeeze for reassurance, as though he could read her thoughts and see the dread she felt at this finale.

  "This has been quite an adventure," he began with a sigh. "When I agreed to be part of this show, I wasn't sure what to expect. I really did hope I could find someone who would be a match for me, but I didn't believe it could actually happen."

  Ashley couldn't begin to guess what direction he was going with this.

  "I have spent the past ten years in and out of the media spotlight. Sometimes it was at the highest points in my life, and sometimes the lowest. While it can be disruptive to my life, I've come to respect the people whose job it is to do the reporting, take the photos, or catch it all on film. Don't get me wrong-there are times it makes me crazy. But it's their job, as much as playing football is mine.

  "I say all of this because I also understand that this has not been a part of your life. You came here not realizing the full impact of cameras recording your every move, whether it was hitting a great hole of golf, or falling on your face in front of millions." He squeezed her hands again and the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile.

  "Ashley, you have captured my heart .. " She looked at him with loving appreciation. "You have captured my heart and kept me guessing and smiling all the time." He leaned back and held her at arm's length again, giving her one of his trademark devilish looks.

  Everything flew through her mind at once. What was he thinking? Did he want her as badly as she wanted him? Was he willing to pick her after she'd lost her cool at his family's home? Her heart was in her hand and he was holding it. Could she turn down the rose if he gave it to her? Did she want to?

  "Thank you for making this crazy ride such a pleasure. You are a shining star. You are gutsy. You never hesitate to speak your mind or let me know where I stand. In the circles I move in, those qualities are rare. You are genuine, and you'll never know how much you mean to me."

  He paused and licked his lips as though trying to make a difficult decision. He took a deep breath and gave her a nervous smile. It filled her heart to overflowing. He truly cared about her and it made her glow.

  "As I said before, in the beginning I was skeptical, yet hopeful of finding someone special who might change my life. Ashley, you have always been a joy to be with, and I have been thoughtless and blase about your feelings."

  Ashley shook her head in denial.

  "No, I have-it's true. You've given me everything and never asked for anything back. In return, I have embarrassed you and pushed you to your breaking point and beyond.

  "It was unforgivable, but now I know what you're made of."

  Ashley looked up at him, confused at his confession.

  "And it's some pretty strong stuff. But"-he hesitated-"even steel will break under enough pressure. I asked my family to tease you a bit to see how you would react. Then the producers asked them to badger you with questions. I had no idea they would take it so far, and for that I'm truly sorry. So are they"

  Ashley couldn't believe it. He'd asked them to treat her that way. He'd set her up and she'd lost it. They must think her an absolute fool.

  Being near her was painful. She was perfect. Ashley's sun-kissed skin and honey-blond hair moved gently in the light breeze. Everything about her fit an imaginary ideal he didn't realize he'd created.

  Luke struggled. What he wanted to do and what he felt he must do were two different things. Would she forgive him regardless of which direction he went? He just didn't know. She looked at him with such hesitation. He was afraid that, whatever he did, she would again feel embarrassed on national TV. The show hadn't even aired, but he knew the fallout would be huge. She was so lovable. He was sure the viewing audiences would want to follow her every move and know everything about her. It complicated his decision even more.

  "We have come to the end of the journey. Thank you for this amazing ride... And now-" He paused, and looked deeply into her eyes. His voice grew husky. "I let you go. You are free from this crazy circus."

  Ashley froze, gazing up at him. Her hands were still tightly embraced in his. He was sending her away.

  There was no rose for her.

  No future for them.

  This was what she had wanted, wasn't it? She'd demanded more than once that he not give her more roses. He'd promised and now he stood by it. Or perhaps his heart had never belonged to her at all.

  Luke watched her, unspoken words in his eyes. He seemed concerned about her reaction. Shoot, she didn't know how she felt. Devastated? Relieved?

  She pulled herself together and looked at him, her eyes glistening.

  She leaned up and whispered in his ear, her cheek brushing gently against his, "Thank you."

  Ashley gave his hands one final squeeze, then released them and the loving hold they had on her. She turned and slowly retraced her steps down the floral path and away from Luke.

  It was over.

  Her wish had finally come true. She was off the show. She could start fresh and put it all out of her mind.

  Except for the fact that it meant Luke would be choosing Cricket. With that, the bottom of her world fell away.

  The rest of the night passed in a blur. Ashley went through the motions in stunned silence as she was directed toward the waiting limo to whisk her away from paradise and back to the bleak world of true reality, not something manufactured by Hollywood.

  At one point, she saw Kelli try to catch her eye, but she didn't feel up to being fawned over or pitied by her friend. She needed to get away. They put her into the limo along with one of the producers and a cameraman hoping to catch her sobbing confessions of how she'd fallen deeply in love and couldn't believe he would go on without her.

  Mostly, she felt shock and tremendous loss. She loved him and he was gone.

  The producer peppered her with questions. How did she feel? Was she surprised? What would she do next?

  Looking into the camera, she struggled to appear happy with the outcome she'd asked for. "It was a wonderful opportunity for me to be on this show and get to know so many terrific people," she said methodically, struggling to control her emotions. "I know everything turned out exactly as it should have. I wish Luke and Cricket the absolute best. They will make a wonderful couple."

  Ashley refused to make another statement or answer any other questions. She'd given far more of herself than she'd ever intended. Let the producers be angry. She was done. It was over.

  Two hours later, the show wrapped. The outcome was not what the producers had expected, but it certainly would get a lot of attention.

  Luke took a final look around at the now-empty pool area, recalling all the memories of the past two months. The lights were turned off and the camera crew had departed.

  He looked down and saw the single rose lying on the pillar. He picked it up, brought it to his nose and inhaled deeply. He broke it in half and tossed it to the ground. "She was right. Roses really do stink."

  One month later

  Ashley walked into her apartment and tossed her keys onto the sideboard next to the front door while juggling mail, purse,
and shopping bags. She hit Play on the answering machine as she passed into the kitchen. Kelli's voice came on the machine. Her friend wouldn't give up. She felt responsible for the pain and sadness she had caused Ashley. Granted, Ashley never would have been on the show if it weren't for Kelli, but she wasn't angry and didn't blame Kelli for any of it. Sometimes life is hard and you have to deal with it. Kelli, however, wouldn't accept it. She'd made it her mission to pull Ashley out of her slump. Ashley loved her dearly, but needed space to heal and time to put her life back together.

  Unfortunately, she kept hoping for a call from Luke. He'd never said he would call and she had never asked him to. But their parting had been so much less than ideal. She wanted a chance for closure, and to express her gratitude for all the kind things he'd said at the rose ceremony when he had taken the blame for all the craziness. But she had never gotten the chance to let him know how much his kindness meant. She'd fallen hard for him, but had let her stubborn pride keep her from giving them a chance. Now she was alone and Luke was with Cricket. She fought to keep her emotions at a distance. She had become numb to protect herself.

  Ashley deleted Kelli's message. She'd call when she was ready to rehash it all, but now she needed to focus on her future. She'd started a new job. It was a great opportunity and she wanted to consume herself with work for a while. Promos for the show had already begun to air and the broadcast would begin in another week. She wanted to keep her nose to the grindstone so no one would notice her connection to the show. If she was lucky, the most she'd be was a blip on the local radar ... she hoped.

  Three months later

  "Ashley, you need to see this," Kelli insisted for the umpteenth time.

  "No, I don't," Ashley replied stubbornly from Kelli's hotel kitchenette. "I lived it and that was more than I could handle. I'm trying to move forward, not backward, here."