A Will To Change (Hope)

by Beth Rinyu

  Two hours later, my bandage was replaced. Gabby wasn't kidding when she said it was going to be painful. It was the most excruciating thing that I had ever endured in my life, and the thought of doing it twice a day for however long I was going to be in this place didn’t exactly excite me. But the cute little girl sitting next to me, giving me a comforting smile, somehow made that thought a little more bearable.

  “The first few times are the hardest. I promise you, it will get easier,” she said in a reassuring voice. I couldn't respond. It took everything inside of me to just fight off the agony that I was in. “I’ll be right back,” she said. She stood up and walked out, immediately coming back in with a bottle of water. She sat down on the side of my bed and took off the lid, holding it up to my lips. “Take a sip,” she whispered. She sat with me, silently, holding the bottle of water up to my lips every now and then until it was completely gone.

  “You did good,” she said, placing her hand on mine. I nodded, feeling completely helpless. “Just relax, Will. Try and think of something happy.” She gazed at me, trying her best to provide me comfort. I stared back, concentrating on nothing but her beautiful dark eyes. For the moment, they were all I needed to temporarily help me block out some of the pain. Even though I had just met this girl, I already knew that she was an angel.

  The week was flying by and I was having a great time getting to know Will. He was quickly becoming my new favorite patient. He made me laugh and forget about how miserable my life was, not to mention that he was a total cutie. He had the most beautiful blue eyes that I had ever seen, and his smile could charm the panties off any girl that he encountered. That was confirmed just from listening to the stories that he so freely told me about the women in his life.

  Home, on the other hand, was a different story. Evan was only speaking to me when necessary. I hadn’t a clue as to what I did to make him angry and a small part of me didn’t really care. Actually, a big part of me didn’t. I tried to keep the peace by making him a nice dinner on my day off and packing his lunch for him each morning, but I didn’t even get so much as a “thank you” for any of it. I just put on my happy face, answered him nicely when he would ask a question, and feigned my excitement over our weekly round in the bedroom. I hated myself more and more with each passing day for staying in the situation that I was in, even going as far as looking online for a more affordable apartment within my price range, without much success.

  It was my scheduled day off, but I decided to come in and do a 3 to 11 shift when Rochelle called me and indirectly hinted around that she could use me. It was a win-win for everyone. Rochelle got the extra help that she needed, and I avoided seeing Evan when he got home from work.

  “Hey, Gabby Gabs! You are a lifesaver,” Rochelle said as I approached the nurses’ station.

  “Yeah, I know!” I teased.

  “Well, Mr. Will is going to be happy to see you. Poor boy wasn’t too thrilled when he realized that I was changing his bandage this morning and not you.”

  “Oh, Rochelle, I’m sure he loves you just as much as we all do,” I said, looking over my patients’ charts, seeing what meds needed to be given to each.

  She shook her head and laughed. “That boy sure is a trip. He just says what he’s thinking. He’s not too bad to look at, either. I told him he’s pretty fine for a white boy.”

  “Oh, god. I could only imagine his comment to that one,” I said.

  “He told me anytime I was ready to cross that line to come on over… I reminded him that I was old enough to be his mother.” We both began to spew with laughter. “He’s had women coming in to see him all day long,” Rochelle said.

  I shook my head and laughed. “Yes. I’ve heard all about the women in his life. That’s a good thing, though. Maybe it will keep him in good spirits.”

  Rochelle nudged me, causing me to look up at the tall, beautiful blonde exiting Will’s room. “That’s Janelle,” Rochelle whispered.

  “Oh, Janelle. I heard all about her the other day. She’s a wild one!” We both began to giggle.

  I went along, gathering my meds and marking up the charts before making my rounds to my patients. “Excuse me. Can you tell me what room Will McAdams is in?”

  I looked up from my chart and found myself staring into a very familiar set of eyes. I knew right away that this must have been Will’s brother. “Will is in room three seventeen.” I smiled at the pretty woman that he was with, who I was assuming was Will’s sister-in-law. He told me all about them and his little niece during one of his long, tedious dressing changes. “You must be Jamie and Hope,” I said.

  “Well, that depends. Did he do something that would cause me to be embarrassed to admit that I’m his brother?”

  I laughed. Clearly, good looks and a sense of humor ran in the family. “Nah, he’s been a pretty good boy. He certainly makes my day a lot more interesting. I’m Gabby, by the way.” I extended my hand to each of them.

  His sister-in-law’s eyes widened and a huge smile flashed across her face. “Oh, Gabby. Will was telling me all about you when I called him the other day. Thanks for taking such great care of him.”

  “Oh, you are very welcome. Just doing my job. His room is the second door on your left. You may have to push your way past the harem of women in there,” I joked.

  “I could only imagine,” Hope giggled as they walked off to Will’s room.

  I was just finishing up with the last of my patient checkups when my phone began to vibrate. I quickly looked around before pulling it out of my pocket, knowing that we weren’t supposed to have our phones on us when we were out on the floor. When I saw it was from Even, I almost wished that I left it in my locker.

  Dinner with my mom and dad tonight. Be ready by 7.

  I loved how he would just spring things on me at the last minute and just expect me to conform to his schedule. I quickly replied back, knowing that he was going to be pissed.

  Got called into work. Won’t be home till after 11.

  I started to type out the word “sorry”, but quickly deleted it before hitting SEND. I wasn’t sorry and I was done apologizing to him for things that didn’t warrant an apology. If he wanted me to go, he could have given me ample warning and I wouldn’t have gone into work. I was now dreading going home later because I knew it was just going to turn into World War III and I was so not in the mood. After five minutes and no reply back, I knew he was really pissed. I turned off my phone, not even wanting to know if he texted me back. For the next eight hours, my patients were my priority. I would deal with him once I got home. My stomach churned just thinking about it. I took a deep breath, putting on my best forced smile before I entered my next patient’s room. Only one more to go until I got to my favorite one, and I was fairly certain that if anyone would be able to replace this fake grin with a real one, it was him.

  “Hey, there!” I could tell right away that Hope was trying to fight her tears as she and my brother entered my room and her eyes fixated on my arm.

  “What's up?” I asked, trying my hardest to sound like my normal self.

  Hope leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, placing a plate of cookies on the table beside my bed. “Just for you,” she smiled.

  “Thanks.”

  “Here’s everything you wanted from your apartment,” Jamie said, placing the bag on the floor. “We would have been here sooner, but Hope decided to clean for you.”

  “Just a little. That way, everything will be all nice for you when you get home.”

  “Thanks, Hope.”

  “Not a problem. Have you talked to your mom?”

  “Hope…” I shook my head at her.

  “I know. But, Will, she’s your mother. She should know.”

  “Hope, please, don’t say anything.”

  She sighed heavily. “Okay. I promise I won’t.”

  Jamie was quiet, taking a step closer and eyeing my bandaged arm. “How are you feeling?”

  “Well, I'd be better if I had some vodk
a and a hot blonde right now. But Gabby will do,” I teased as she entered the room to check my IV.

  She looked at me and smiled. “Gabby will do for what?”

  “A fill in for some alcohol and a hot blonde.”

  “Umm…there was just a hot blonde in here not too long ago.”

  “Ah, that was just Janelle.” I suddenly realized that I didn’t introduce Gabby to my brother and sister-in-law. “Oh. Jamie and Hope, this is Gabby.”

  “We actually met out in the hallway,” Gabby said.

  “Bro, when was the last time you showered?” Jamie asked.

  “Why?”

  “No offense, but you stink.”

  Gabby busted out with laughter.

  “Oh well. Sorry. You try being stuck here for days and not being able to get this damn bandage wet,” I said.

  “Will, I can help you if you’d like to shower,” Gabby said. Help me shower? What the fuck? I never had a woman ask to help me shower. Shower with me, yes, but never to actually help me wash my body.

  “Um…no. Jamie can help me.”

  Jamie’s eyes widened and he immediately shook his head. “What? Oh, hell no. You’re my brother and I love you, but I really don’t care to see you naked.”

  Gabby and Hope both giggled.

  “Will, I promise. It will be okay. I do this for a living. It’s not a big deal to me. Trust me, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. I’m sure yours is no different.”

  Jamie nearly choked on the sip of water that he had just taken, unable to control his laughter.

  “Oh, Gabby, trust me. Mine is different. It has super human powers.”

  “You are too much, you know that?!” Gabby laughed.

  Once my brother and Hope left, Gabby came back in to help me take a shower. I was a little nervous when she removed my bandage first, then informed me that she would be cleaning the wound in the shower. I could tell that she sensed my anxiety right away. “Will, I promise. I will be gentle with you.”

  She carefully wrapped my hand containing the IV in plastic and led me into the bathroom. “I promise. I will try my hardest not to look,” she smirked.

  I had no problem with her seeing me naked. Hell, I had no problem with any woman seeing me naked. It was the fact that I felt like less of a man having her help me shower. I knew it was all in a day's work for her, but it was a huge blow to my ego.

  “Oh, trust me, Gabby. You won't be able to help yourself.”

  She busted out with laughter as she reached into the shower, turning on the water and adjusting the temperature.

  “Okay, strip!” she grinned. I shook my head and laughed. “Wait. Do you want me to go get some dollar bills?”

  “Oh, you are so enjoying my humiliation right now, aren't you?”

  “Not at all, Will.” I stepped out of my boxers and her joking demeanor suddenly became much more serious. She helped maneuver my IV pole, allowing me to step into the oversized shower with ease. “Sit down,” she said, pointing to the seat in the stall. “I'm going to clean your wound first, then we'll carefully wash your hair and body. That way, we can make sure that none of the shampoo gets into it.” She gently washed my arm with soap, water, and a special sponge, causing me to hold my breath every now and then from the pain. “Sorry, Will,” she said, sympathetically.

  “It's okay.”

  She finished up, allowing me to wash the rest of my body by myself for the most part, helping me out every now and then. I wrapped the towel around my waist and stepped out of the shower. “Go sit down in the chair and I'll help you shave.”

  “Geez, you're bossy,” I teased.

  She smiled and picked up my dirty clothes from the bathroom floor, placing them in a plastic bag. I dragged my IV pole out of the bathroom and sat in the chair in my room, waiting for her. She came out of the bathroom and placed the basin of water on the table. “Where's your shaving stuff?”

  I pointed to the bag on the floor that Jamie had brought to me. She placed it on my lap and I looked through it for my razor and shaving cream. She took a seat next to me and lathered the shaving cream on my face. “Do you know what you're doing? I'm not going to have cuts all over my face, am I?”

  She tilted her head and rolled her eyes. “Of course I know what I'm doing, silly!” She slid the razor down my face, dipping it into the water after each glide. “I used to do this for my dad all the time,” she said with a beautiful smile stretching across her face.

  “Are you and your dad close?”

  Her smile slowly disappeared. “We were. He passed away.”

  “Oh, sorry,” I said, feeling a little like an asshole for asking her that question.

  “There you go! All handsome again!” she said, after gliding the razor over my face one last time.

  “Thanks, Gabby.”

  “No problem. Now get some clothes on. We have to get that arm bandaged up.”

  “Damn. I thought you forgot!”

  “Nice try.” She smiled.

  I sat there for a few seconds, just staring at her. For the first time in my adult life, I was actually naked in front of a woman and I didn’t get anything sexual out of it. I didn't know if I was more amazed over that or the fact that Gabby didn't seem impressed by what she had seen.

  I had gotten so busy with a new patient that had just stepped down to our unit from ICU that I didn’t have a chance to check on Will. Callie had told me he was in some pain after his bandage change. I peeked my head in on him before leaving for the night. “Hey. You’re still up?”

  “What time is it?” he asked.

  I looked down at my watch. “Eleven fifteen. What ya watching?” I asked, walking further into his room

  “Wrong Turn.”

  “Oh, I love that movie.”

  His eyes widened. “Wow. You’re the first chick I've ever heard of that likes this.”

  “Oh no. I love gory horror movies.”

  “You are pretty cool, Gabby girl.” He smiled.

  “How are you feeling? Callie said you were in a little bit of pain.”

  “It's alright.” I could tell he was underplaying it.

  I checked his meds to see what they had given him and if it would be strong enough to help get him through the night. “Well, if it gets too bad through the night, make sure you call the nurse. Don't wait for it to get out of hand.”

  He nodded and my heart broke over the pain in his eyes. I sat down in the chair beside his bed. “I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’re in. I’ve never experienced it first-hand, Will. The only thing I know is what I was taught in school. But, I promise you, it will get better. If you need anything, I’ll be here for you.”

  He tried his best to form a smile. “Thanks, Gabby. Do you want to stay and finish watching the movie with me?”

  I smiled, taking his hand in mine. “I’d love to.”

  I looked over at Will as the credits rolled on the screen and he was sound asleep. I smiled, knowing that he was finally going to be able to get some rest. I was afraid that the pain would keep him up for most of the night. I got up from the chair, checked his meds one last time, and covered him with the blanket before turning off his TV and exiting his room.

  I was surprised to find Evan still awake when I got home. I knew right away that he had a little too much to drink. His eyes were glassy and I could smell the strong odor of alcohol permeating off him as he stood up against the kitchen counter, staring at me. “I thought you said that you were only working until eleven,” he slurred. He swayed back and forth when he took a step away from the counter. I reached over the top of him to grab a glass. I just wanted to get a drink of water and go to bed. Suddenly, he pushed me up against the counter, shoving his tongue down my throat.

  “Evan, stop!” I shouted, trying my best to push him out of the way.

  “What the fuck is your problem, you fuckin’ bitch?”

  I went to walk away and he grabbed on to my wrist, twisting my arm as he pulled me into him.

 
; “Ouch! Stop it!” I screamed in pain.

  But he didn't let up. Instead, he gripped my wrist tighter. “Oh, what's the matter? Am I hurting you?” he taunted. “Why don't you go tell your fuckin’ friends at work since you care more about them than you do about me?”

  “Get off me!” I tried my best to break free.

  He finally loosened his grip, then pushed me hard onto the ceramic tile floor. I sat there, trying to catch my breath as the pain radiated up my tailbone. I didn't want him to see me cry, but I couldn't stop the tears. It hurt too badly. “Cry all you want because I don’t fuckin’ care anymore, the same way that you don’t care anymore. You’re nothing but a piece of garbage that I lowered my standards for.” He stared down at me with his cold green eyes before storming into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him.

  I sat on the floor for some time, waiting for the pain to subside a bit. After about ten minutes with no relief, I decided to get up and take some Advil, hoping that it would help. I knew Evan had a tendency to get nasty after drinking, but he would normally just sleep it off. He was never physical with me so I was having a hard time grasping the whole situation. I didn't want to chance getting into it again by going into the bedroom to get my pajamas so I curled up on the couch, crying myself into a restless sleep.

  I awoke the next morning to the bright sunlight shining through my living room blinds, and the strong aroma of coffee flooding my nasal passages. I opened my eyes to find Evan sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hand.

  “French vanilla with extra cream and one sugar, just how you like it.”

  I went to move and the pain in my back suddenly jogged my memory of last night. “Please, just leave me alone,” I whispered.

  “Gabby, I’m sorry. I had way too much to drink last night and I just had a really shitty day.”

  “Oh, so that gives you the right to push me around and talk to me like I’m a piece of trash?”

  “No, it doesn’t, and I’m so sorry, baby.” He hadn’t called me “baby” in well over a year and I knew the only reason that he was doing it now was because he felt guilty. I sat up and had to catch my breath from the pain shooting up my spine.