Returning Home

by Toni Shiloh

  For a moment, time froze as Jo remembered the last time a doctor delivered news. Her throat seized and her heart stuttered. Her mother rose and Jo held her breath, waiting for the results.

  “Mrs. Baker, Ms. Baker, Mr. Baker,” Dr. Philips said, nodding to each one of them. “The surgery went just fine. We ended up fixing two arteries. Your grandmother is in the recovery room. Once she leaves, we’ll place her in ICU for round-the-clock observation as a precaution.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek. Relief flooded her soul. God hadn’t forsaken her. “Okay,” she nodded.

  ICU.

  “How long will she have to stay there?” her brother asked.

  “One to two days. I’ll check on her tomorrow when I make my rounds. If her labs and vitals all look good, then we’ll move her down to the medical surgery floor. She’ll stay there for a few days before I discharge her to go home.”

  “Once she does go home, will she be able to live by herself or will she need help?” her mother asked.

  For once, Jo was thankful for her presence. She had no mental fortitude to think of pertinent questions.

  “She’ll need help for a couple of weeks. I don’t want her driving for at least four weeks. Once we do more tests and follow-up appointments, I’ll be able to give you a better idea of when she can resume normal activities. She’ll need to change her diet,” he cautioned. “I’m guessing she eats a lot of fatty foods.”

  Jo nodded. She’d never thought of Nana’s cooking as fatty. She’d just been happy to get a plate. All the memories of her grandmother’s famous soul food dinners came to mind. Obviously, they were the culprit of her hardened arteries. Jo wanted to be mad, but she didn’t know anyone from her grandmother’s generation who didn’t overindulge in that kind of food. Maybe she could find a healthier cookbook to give to her.

  “Will I be able to see her tonight?” she asked. Her voice came out raspy from unshed tears and lack of use.

  “Once they have her settled in ICU, they’ll probably allow you to visit for five minutes. Visiting hours are over, but they’ll make an allowance considering how late we did the surgery.” Dr. Philips paused, looking at each of them. “Tomorrow, you’ll be able to visit during normal hours, but ICU doesn’t have long visiting periods due to the severity of the patients’ health issues.”

  “We understand,” her mother responded. She held out a hand. “Thank you so much, Dr. Philips.”

  “My pleasure.” He shook her hand, then turned and walked away.

  All of a sudden the words that God had been whispering to her came through, loud and clear. Trust Me.

  She closed her eyes in guilt. She’d been so anxious that she questioned His trustworthiness. Jo bowed her head and offered thanks to God for her grandmother. Gratitude filled her heart.

  God, it’s me, Jo. Thank You so much for my Nana. I’m so sorry for doubting You. I thank You that You’re ever patient with me. That You are with me. I’m sorry for believing You’d leave me alone. Thank You for loving a sinner like myself. Thank You for Your saving grace. Thank You for welcoming me home. Amen.

  Jo exhaled, letting all the stress out. For the first time in a long time, she finally believed everything would be all right. God just wanted her to trust Him with the details. She felt like she’d finally returned to the kingdom of God.

  EVAN ROLLED DOWN THE hall to the front door. Last night had been rough, and he didn’t have the energy needed to exert himself with crutches.

  The bell rang. He groaned. It seemed like it was always ringing. He wished he could move in to his own place right now; he was so very tired of the many visitors the B&B received. In fact, he tired of being in this house with no privacy. He wished Jo would hurry up and get the renovations completed.

  An image of a smiling Jo, complete with overalls, flashed in his mind. He blinked, trying to erase the image, but it remained even though his eyes were wide open. She wouldn’t return his phone calls. Wouldn’t answer the knock on her bungalow door. He had known she was home because her truck had been parked outside. How could they resolve this if she never picked up the phone?

  Maybe, if you hadn’t cheapened your relationship to one date, she’d answer. He scowled. If he could take those words back, he would. But how?

  Evan opened the door, rolling his chair backwards as he pulled it open.

  Brenda.

  Again.

  “What do you want, Brenda?” He ran a hand down his face. Lord, I don’t think I can take anymore.

  Her mitten-encased hands twisted the strap of her purse. She looked cold as her body shivered in the winter wind. A peacoat wasn’t going to do much in the dead of an Indiana winter. Reluctantly, he motioned her inside. If she got frostbite, she may never leave Freedom Lake.

  “I just wanted to say one last thing and then I’ll leave you alone,” she breathed out. Her soft voice which used to seem like a warm caress, now paled in comparison to Jo’s soothing tone.

  “Fine, state your piece, then leave me alone.”

  “I want you back,” she stammered out. “I miss you and I kick myself daily for breaking up with you. But I didn’t know how to handle everything that had happened. My parents wanted me to focus on healing. They encouraged me to go back home and get away from it all.”

  “Get away from what exactly? Me?” He pointed to his chest, anger coursing through him. Did she think he would let her cast the blame on her folks?

  “Did you forget I was injured as well? Did you forget I needed healing, too? Or did you think you were the only one who needed to get away from it all?” Bitterness coursed through him. “I sure hope your mommy and daddy picked up the pieces of your shattered life.” The words spewed from his mouth like a fire hose. He was beyond disgusted. How did he ever believe that he was in love with such a selfish person?

  “Of course, I knew you were hurt. Evan, I love you. I wanted to be with you, but my parents...”

  He cut her off. “You’re a grown woman, Brenda. If you can’t make decisions on your own, then you have no business being in a relationship. What would you do if we ever got married and life became too much? Would you run back home then?”

  “Evan, please, don’t be like that.”

  Evan sighed. This was getting him nowhere. Lord, I’m losing my cool. I’m so mad, I want to spit! Please, give me the words to make her realize how much she hurt me.

  Forgive.

  What? He blinked. How could he? She’d left him alone in the hospital.

  “Evan, please, say you forgive me. Please, take me back.”

  He stared at her as she pleaded. The anger left the instant her eyes glistened with tears of obvious hurt. He’d dated her long enough to know when she was faking and when she wasn’t. Too bad her love hadn’t been strong enough to withstand the pressure from her parents.

  Then you wouldn’t have fallen for Jo.

  Realization dawned on him. He and Brenda weren’t right for each other. And just like that, the fight left his body. There was no reason to hold a grudge. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be acting like this. The accident wasn’t your fault and you did what you thought was best.”

  “Yes, exactly. I was just so confused. I never meant to hurt you.” She shook her head, relief shining in her eyes.

  “I believe you.” He sighed, taking in a cleansing breath as he gathered the necessary courage. “I forgive you, Brenda.”

  Tears slipped down her face as a whispered “thank you” fell from her lips.

  Evan wished he could prevent further pain, but he knew the next words would be a blow to her delicate nature. “I forgive you, Brenda, but I don’t want to resume our relationship.”

  “What?” The words came out on a rush of air. Her tears seemed to stop in their tracks. “What do you mean? You love me, Evan, I know you do.”

  “I thought I did. I really did.” He swallowed, wishing he could lessen the impact. “But going through this, healing from the loss of my leg and you. Well, it all taught me that we weren�
�t right for each other.”

  “How can you say that?” she cried out. Brenda stepped forward, her hand out before her as if she was trying to grasp for help. She laid a hand on his arm, then immediately pulled it back as if burned, when she glanced at his chair.

  “Brenda. You don’t want to be with me. I think you have some idea in your head that you wronged me leaving like you did. I think you have a sense of...” he paused, searching for the right word. He ran a hand down the back of his head, pausing at the nape of his neck. “Obligation. You feel obligated to be with me considering what happened.”

  She shook her head in denial, backing up with every shake of her head. “No, that’s not true.”

  “It is. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be trying so hard. When it’s right, it’s right. But you’re forcing something that shouldn’t be.”

  “I...” she stopped and looked at him. “I’m sorry.” Her shoulders slumped downward. She looked defeated and beaten down by life.

  “I forgive you. Truly.”

  With a wave of the hand, she walked out, without a backward glance.

  Evan’s heart ached for her, but he knew there was no love lost. They had been together because it had been easy and, when it wasn’t, going their separate ways had been just as easy. He had never tried to call her when she walked out. Yet, Jo had been gone for two days and he was going stark raving mad from the loss.

  EVAN GROANED. HE REFUSED to answer the door again. The doorbell had pealed shortly after he made it to his room. His mother would just have to get it.

  “Knock, knock,” she called out.

  “Yes?”

  His mom stuck her head through the doorway. “You have a visitor.”

  “Please tell me it’s not Brenda.” No one could be that oblivious.

  “Nope.” She opened the door to show Michelle standing next to her.

  “What are you doing here?”

  His mom walked away and Michelle walked in. “I should be asking you the same question.”

  “What? I live here.” What was wrong with her?

  “I know that.” She rolled her eyes. “But why are you here instead of at the hospital with Jo. She’s been so sad.”

  His heart dropped to his stomach. “What do you mean? What’s wrong with her?” He sat up and reached for his crutches.

  “Wait a minute,” Michelle arched an eyebrow, her hand in the stop position. “You haven’t heard? Nana Baker had a heart attack and has been in ICU for two days. Jeez, I thought you two told each other everything.”

  Oh, no. Jo had to be frantic with worry. “She isn’t talking to me.” And maybe this was why.

  Michelle stared at him, confusion darkening her hazel eyes. “Why isn’t she talking to you? What happened?”

  “It’s just a little misunderstanding. If she would return my calls, then it could be cleared up.”

  “Jo doesn’t misunderstand things. Are you sure you didn’t misspeak?”

  He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I did say something and it came out wrong. I tried to apologize, but she hasn’t spoken to me since then. It didn’t help that my ex came by as well.”

  She let out a whistle. “Then I suppose you better get to the hospital and fix it.”

  “Can I get a ride?”

  “Let’s go.”

  The ride to the city was quiet, but Evan didn’t mind. He needed time to pray.

  Lord, I don’t know what’s going on with Jo’s grandmother, but please bring healing to her. Please give wisdom to the doctors. Please strengthen Jo and let her cling to You and draw closer. Lord, I know she’s so close to trusting You, but this will set her back. It’s her grandmother. Her last link to her father, please help her. Amen.

  Michelle pulled up to the hospital and he turned to her. “Are you coming in?”

  “No, I’m not who she wants and I’m okay with that. Go be there for her. Chloe and I will bring her truck up later, so you’ll have a way to get back once she’s ready to leave.”

  “Thanks, Michelle.”

  She nodded. “I’ll get your chair.”

  After settling into the chair, Evan rolled inside the hospital. Lord, I forgot to ask that You pave the way for me. I’m not sure how upset she’ll be to see me. Please, just let me be a comfort to her.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Jo stared out of the hospital window. It was odd how often life mirrored the seasons. The winter wind seemed fierce as it whipped the trees. She could feel the cold seeping from the window seal, trying to sink its frigid talons into her skin. The overcast skies and lifeless trees depressed her, reminding her of the inevitability of death. Then there was the other side of winter.

  The fresh coat of snow ensconced the earth like a blanket, turning the dark dead of winter into something wondrously majestic. Something to admire. Something to hope in. Would her life mirror a fresh start or choose the dark path? So far, God had healed her grandmother and kept her from death’s door. But the prognosis seemed tenuous at best. She wasn’t ready to lose her last beloved family member. If Nana left, who would remain?

  Her mother. The woman who admitted she couldn’t love like Jo needed to be love.

  Her sister. The one who hated her guts from some unknown reason.

  Her brother, who remained full of apathy when it came to family.

  Once Nana had been moved to ICU, he’d left and hadn’t visited since. Jo rarely said two words to him unless it was his birthday or a holiday that her mother forced them to celebrate together. Darius had made his own family and there was no more room for anyone else.

  Leaving her to go through life alone...if God called Nana home.

  Trust Me.

  She brushed a stray tear away, hating that she had given in to the pity party, but unsure of how to stop. She trusted God, but her grandmother was still sick. They wouldn’t let her leave ICU. Jo seemed incapable of preventing worry from gnawing at her stomach like termites who had joyfully found wood to dine on.

  She was scared.

  “Jo?”

  She froze. What was he doing here? What more could they possibly have to say to one another? Jo stared out the window, willing Evan to leave her alone.

  Alone?

  She drew in a ragged breath. If he was here, was she truly alone?

  “JoJo, please talk to me.”

  She turned around, her heart aching from the sound of desperation in his words.

  “I’m so sorry about Nana,” Evan said softly, wheeling closer to her.

  The gulf between them seemed to disappear, but she still felt miles away from him. How ironic. She went from wanting to hear his voice with each passing second to dreading the much needed conversation.

  Only one date.

  “How is she?”

  Finally Jo met his glance, trying not to flinch under his scrutiny. “She’s in critical condition. It looks like she may be developing pneumonia from her stay.” She almost startled at the sound of her voice. It sounded dead, stripped bare like the trees outside.

  But they are covered by Me.

  She shook her head. Did it matter when they were stripped and left with nothing? Jo drew in a ragged breath. Could she reign in her emotions? What happened to the peace she had felt the other day? With one negative word from the doctor, she had gone back to worrying and feeling alone. But she refused to wilt in front of Evan.

  Never again.

  “I’ve been praying for her since I heard.”

  “How did you hear? I didn’t tell you.” Jo frowned. “How did you get here anyway?” And why do you care, her soul cried out. He’d said his piece. Made it abundantly clear where they stood.

  “Michelle told me and gave me a ride. I came as soon as I heard.”

  Of course. She’d have to have a word with her roommate. First, she needed to sort through the feelings warring inside her. Should she feel grateful that he came over right away? Did he care as a friend or something more?

  “I’ve been trying to call you.”
<
br />   Jo touched her pockets, going through the motions as she searched for her phone. “I must have left my cell at home.”

  A flash of emotion passed through his eyes. She almost thought it looked like relief, but what could concern him? She turned to look down the hall leading toward the ICU corridor. It remained dark. One nurse said it helped the patients get the best rest.

  Jo disagreed. It felt like they were ushering death into the place. But what did she know? She wasn’t a nurse or a doctor, just someone desperately wishing for life to remain.

  “Do you want to sit down and tell me what happened?”

  “Why? You already know she had a heart attack. What more do you need to know?”

  Why was her voice so flat? Where had the hope of the day before gone?

  Away with her grandmother’s promised recovery. She hated the seesaw ride that her emotions put her through. They felt so precarious. She needed them to be stable. Desperately needed stability.

  Trust Me.

  “Oh, God, I can’t,” she mumbled. “My grandmother’s lying on a bed, in a dark room, fighting for her life and you want me to trust You? Bring her back to her vibrant self and I’ll trust You.” She sank onto the nearest chair, sobbing her heart out.

  She had snapped. She couldn’t even be brave in front of Evan. Why must that man always see her crying?

  The sound of his chair briefly penetrated as he drew closer, but her tears refused to stop. Jo startled as Evan lifted her up and cradled her in his lap. His arms wrapped around her as he tucked her head against his chest. With a moan, Jo gave into her fear and the sorrow poured out like water running down a gutter.

  EVAN HELD ONTO JO AS if his life depended on it. Violent sobs shook her body as she let out all of her emotions. She was still rambling and speaking of trust and the dangerous state of her grandmother’s health. It was like he wasn’t even there.