The Earl of London

by Louise Bay

  “I don’t know how you could have left it this long to test. I freak out if I’m a day late.”

  “I’ve had a lot going on. I only checked the calendar yesterday, and anyway, we’ve always used condoms.” And of course, I hadn’t wanted to consider the possibility of being pregnant. But the longer I’d waited to test, the more the anxiety had grown in my chest until it was threatening to overwhelm my entire body.

  “Should I have told Logan?” I asked, picking at the cellophaned box.

  “That your period is late?”

  “Yeah, and that I’m taking a pregnancy test.” Things had evened out a little since Scotland and we’d gone back to our routine of spending much of every weekend together without interruption from family. The questions I had about our future had faded as his warm smiles and strong body had taken over. He was with me, and that was all that mattered.

  “I don’t know. I’ve not spent much time with you two together, so I don’t know what your relationship is like.”

  Logan and I still didn’t spend much time together with anyone—I wasn’t even sure if his grandmother knew about us. I didn’t know if he considered me his girlfriend.

  He’d asked me to be patient. And so long as we remained cocooned from the world, it didn’t seem like a big deal. And it allowed me to get comfortable with loving him. To settle with the knowledge that it was the first time I’d ever been in love. It was less scary for me now.

  “We’re taking things slowly.” I knew he cared for me. I believed him when he said he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. His face lit up when he saw me, he tried to steal moments from his life in London to be with me. All the evidence was positive. That was enough.

  For now.

  Aurora winced. “I don’t get it. He’s coming tomorrow, right?”

  “Yeah. Of course.”

  “And how will he be introduced? As your friend who you hang out with?”

  “Don’t.”

  Aurora had liked the fact that he’d had dinner with Scarlett and Ryder, but suspicious that nothing had moved on from there. But when I was with Logan, everything was perfect. But when I saw us from a distance, I understood where Aurora was coming from.

  “You’ll have to tell him if the test is positive, and there’s only one way to find out.” She tipped her head toward my bathroom.

  I blew out a breath and headed through the door. “There’s no need to freak out,” I told myself.

  Peeing on a stick sounded simpler than it actually was, but eventually I managed to catch enough pee for the test.

  “Are you done?” Aurora asked through the bathroom door.

  I set the stick on the counter and stared at it. “Yeah. I think so.”

  Aurora opened the door and we both continued to stare. “How long does it take?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Let’s find out, Miss Practical.” She took the instructions from the box. “Three minutes. And we’re looking for a blue cross.”

  “A blue cross is negative?” I asked.

  “Positive.”

  “So a blue cross is not what we’re looking for.” I didn’t want to be pregnant, did I? Logan and I hadn’t discussed next week, let alone a life together. But I couldn’t deny that there was part of me that was hoping to see two lines and not one.

  “Right.”

  We both stared at the stick, waiting for something to happen.

  “Okay, that’s four minutes, according to my phone,” Aurora said. “And that’s just one blue line. No cross.”

  “Give me that.” I pulled the instructions from her and re-read them. A blue line meant negative. A blue cross was positive.

  And I was staring at just one line.

  That was good. Right? “So I’m not pregnant.”

  “How do you feel?” Aurora leaned on the counter.

  “Relieved, of course.” It was the quickest, cleanest, easiest outcome for everyone involved. But a baby? A family of my own? Gurgles and giggles echoing through Woolton Hall? That could have been wonderful.

  “Did you play out in your head what would have happened if it had been positive?”

  “No!” I paused. “Well, maybe a little. I mean, I love being an aunt and everything, I really do, but I want my own children at some point.”

  She pulled me into a hug.

  “If I’d been pregnant, even if Logan hadn’t been interested, I would have handled it, you know?” I tried to keep my voice from faltering. I’d gotten the result that I’d wanted, but at the same time, an alternate reality had been snatched from me. Having seen that single blue line appear, I was clearer than ever that a family was what I wanted. That was what I was aiming for. I just wasn’t sure it was what Logan wanted.

  “This way, you have more control. You have a chance to figure out if Logan is the one—find out if he really wants a family.”

  I nodded against her shoulder. “I know. I know. This is good. I’m not ready. Logan and I certainly aren’t ready. It’s all good.” I pulled back and leaned toward the mirror, wiping under my eyes, and removing the escaped mascara. But I would have gotten myself ready. And next time I wanted to be ready.

  When I took my next pregnancy test, I wanted Logan to be with me and I wanted us both to be hoping for a blue cross.

  “And it means you can get drunk at the party tomorrow.”

  “Double win,” I said, grinning a little more widely than was necessary.

  “Is everything ready?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Scarlett, Ryder and the kids are coming up from London this afternoon. They’ve been doing museums. Caterers arrive tomorrow.”

  “Caterers? How do Cook and Mrs. MacBee feel about that?”

  I sighed. “Well, Cook’s doing puddings and the caterers will do everything else. I’ve even had them do the drinks. Lane wasn’t happy at first, but I want the staff to enjoy the day. Lane will still have to organize and supervise, but someone else will be doing most of the work.”

  “They’re both getting older.”

  “I know. We all are.”

  Being with Logan had brought into focus for me how our lives were made up of chunks of time. For my grandparents, their twenties were about finding themselves and their thirties had been about family. I was coming to the end of my twenties and I was with a man who made my skin tingle when he looked at me, a man who knew how far he could push me. Someone I knew how hard I could push. Logan who made me laugh, made me feel adored.

  I loved him.

  The problem was, now more than ever, I knew what direction I wanted my future to head in. And I needed to know if Logan was going to be by my side on the journey.

  Thirty-Two

  Logan

  I always enjoyed spending time with Darcy, but I wasn’t looking forward to the summer ball. Part of it was because I would have to share her—she’d be busy all day with her guests, her brother, friends, nieces and nephews. And it was also because I knew how to navigate my relationship with her when it was just the two of us, not when we were surrounded by strangers.

  I pulled up in front of the house and turned off the engine.

  “She didn’t want you to help her set it all up?” my grandmother asked from the passenger seat.

  “She’s got help. I would only get under her feet.”

  I got out, rounded the boot and opened the door for my grandmother. “At least they’ve got nice weather for it.”

  “Mrs. Steele.” One of the ladies I recognized from the village came over. “How wonderful to see you.”

  “Grandmother, I’m going to park the car. I’ll come and find you.”

  “Yes, yes. No fussing. Find Darcy and see if she needs anything.”

  I wasn’t sure what my grandmother thought was going on—she’d never asked, probably not wanting to put any pressure on me. But she knew Darcy and I spent time together—and she did everything to encourage it.

  I parked in the field allocated for cars and headed back up the gravel drive to the hous
e. Looking for Darcy, I tapped on the partially open front door. “Hello?” The only response was a clatter of pans and muffled voices.

  I grinned and headed down the corridor. The nearer I got, the more people seemed to appear out of nowhere, rushing by me with plates and trays. Today must have taken more preparation than I’d assumed. As I got to the kitchen, I scanned the people darting about but couldn’t spot Darcy.

  “Mrs. MacBee, have you seen Darcy?”

  She looked up from arranging food on a silver platter and frowned. “I think she went upstairs to change her shoes.”

  “Thank you.” She always seemed to kick off footwear at the first opportunity so she was probably trying to find something more comfortable.

  I turned and headed for her bedroom, where I was sure to find her in her dressing room, in a pile of shoes.

  I hadn’t seen her all week, so catching Darcy on her own and stealing just a few minutes to hold her had the pulse in my neck beating a little faster than usual. I couldn’t wait to tell her how beautiful she looked, how perfect everything was going to be today. And then I could sink into the background and spend the afternoon with my grandmother.

  “Darcy,” I called as I knocked on her bedroom door.

  No answer. But if she were in her bathroom or dressing room, she wouldn’t hear me. I opened the door and called again. “Darcy?”

  I stepped inside and found her bedroom empty, so stalked toward the dressing room. “Have you found some shoes?” I grinned, expecting to see her sitting on the floor trying to figure out if she could get away with wearing trainers, but there was nothing but a thousand dresses piled on the back of the pink velvet love seat.

  I knocked on the bathroom door. “Darcy?” Twisting the brass handle open, I poked my head in, but that was empty, too. Where was she?

  I caught my reflection in the mirror. My tie was a little skewed. I would probably be one of the few wearing a tie today, but Darcy liked me in a suit. And who was I to deny her? I stepped into the bathroom and faced the mirror properly, adjusting my tie so it was perfectly straight, then noticed a white stick behind the tap.

  The pulse in my neck ramped up to a throb as I realized what I was looking at.

  A pregnancy test. An open pregnancy test.

  What the hell?

  Grabbing the stick, there was a clear blue line in the results window. Fuck. Did that mean it was positive? Shit. I needed to find the instructions. I glanced around the room, peered into the bin, but there was nothing.

  Shit, I had no idea if it was positive or negative. I pulled out my phone and began to Google how to read a pregnancy test.

  My pulse raced in my neck as I found thousands of sites and pictures, each one with conflicting advice.

  There was only one thing that was clear. She’d kept the test. Why would she do that if it was negative?

  I grabbed on to the side of the sink.

  I never wanted to be a father. I’d always been very clear about that. I couldn’t have anyone relying on me. Not a wife, and certainly not a child. I’d spent my life cleaning up after a man who didn’t deserve a family. I wasn’t about to start the cycle again.

  I exhaled and stumbled back, my arse landing on the side of the bath.

  My heart pounded against my rib cage like an incarcerated wolf and questions ran through my head at a mile a minute. Why hadn’t Darcy told me? How long had she known? She’d told me she was on birth control. Had she been lying? Had she been planning this?

  I loosened my tie and undid the top button of my shirt, but I still couldn’t get enough oxygen in my lungs. I slung the test back where I found it and stared at myself in the mirror.

  I needed air, space. I had to be by myself and think all this through. A cacophony of thoughts competed in my head and I wanted to pull each one out, examine and make sense of it. The last place I wanted to be was at a summer garden party where I was expected to be all charm and smiles.

  One thing was for sure—I didn’t want to be a father.

  Thirty-Three

  Darcy

  I watched for a few minutes to see if Logan would spot me. I’d been running from one set of people to another all afternoon, and every time I decided to seek Logan out, pull him behind the stables for a kiss, someone else decided they needed to tell me what a wonderful party it was and how they were sorry my grandfather wasn’t here to see it.

  “Excuse me, will you?” I said to Freida, who I’d been talking to about the caterers. “I’ve just spotted someone I must go and thank before the crowd swallows them up and they think I’m untenably rude.”

  “Of course, my dear.” She patted my hand and headed back toward the other ladies of the Woolton W.I.

  I tried to bite back a grin as I headed toward Logan. I rarely had the chance to see him like this from a distance, so handsome in his light-gray suit—even if he wasn’t wearing a tie—so tall and commanding.

  “Darcy.” A tipsy Mrs. Lonsdale grabbed my hand. “What a wonderful party. I’m so pleased the weather held for you.”

  I smiled but didn’t stop. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Lonsdale. I’ll catch up with you later. I must check something.”

  She waved me off. “Yes, yes. A hostess’s job is never done.”

  I kept my gaze fixed on Logan, determined to avoid anyone else’s eye. As if he sensed me, he looked up. I couldn’t hold back my grin any longer, but he didn’t smile in return.

  If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought apprehension crossed his face.

  Or perhaps he was reacting to something his grandmother had just said. Or maybe something had happened at work this week. We’d spoken less than usual because I’d been so wrapped up in the party preparations.

  “Hello.” I bent to kiss Mrs. Steele on both cheeks and Logan rose from his seat and greeted me stiffly in the same way. His hands didn’t linger over me like they normally did, his eyes didn’t lock with mine in the way I was used to.

  “I hope you’re enjoying the match.” I glanced at Ryder, Scarlett, Violet and Alexander on the croquet field.

  “Take a seat and I’ll go and fetch some drinks,” Logan said, glancing over at the nearest drinks station as if he couldn’t wait to escape.

  “I’ll come with you to help,” I offered.

  “No, stay and enjoy yourself. I’m sure you’ve been running around all day.” Why wouldn’t he want a few minutes with me, even if it was while we got drinks?

  Confused, I took a seat and watched as Logan started in the direction of the Pimm’s.

  “How are you my dear?” Mrs. Steele asked. “Are you managing to enjoy your day at all?”

  Still staring at Logan’s suit covered back, I replied, “Yes, of course, but would you excuse me one second? I want to ask Logan to get me a soft drink. I’ve got such a lot still to do today.”

  I jumped up and weaved my way through the clusters of people until I reached him. “Hey,” I said, grasping his arm.

  “Hi,” he replied as he came to a standstill. “I was just getting some drinks.”

  “Are you okay?”

  He frowned at me. “Yes. Shouldn’t I be?”

  I scanned his face for clues, trying to figure out if I was just making up things in my head. “You seem a little…” I shrugged. “I don’t know. A little off.”

  “I’m just getting drinks, Darcy.”

  “Okay. Well, can you stay tonight?” I pushed him. We’d made no plans for him to stay, and for whatever reason, he’d never stayed when Ryder and Scarlett were over.

  “You enjoy your time with Ryder and Scarlett. I’ll see you when they leave.” He was colder than I’d ever known him. Even for a public setting, he was distant.

  “Logan?” I asked, needing some kind of reassurance from him.

  “What do you want to drink? Pimm’s?”

  “I don’t want anything to drink. I want you to drag me around the back of the stables and kiss me into next week. I want you to look at me like you normally do. I don’t understand w
hat’s up with you.”

  He forced a smile which did the opposite of reassure me. “We’ll talk when the weekend is over,” he said. “Ryder and Scarlett leave Monday morning, right?”

  “If you’ve got something to say, I want to hear it.”

  He glanced over my head. “I don’t have anything to say specifically—it’s just a busy weekend, and you have houseguests.” He would normally place his hand at the small of my back, but he didn’t. He just started to walk. “Now, let’s get you a drink.”

  “I just want lemonade or something,” I mumbled under my breath.

  “You’re not drinking?” he asked.

  “I have too much to do.”

  “Right,” he said, and we joined the queue.

  Once, not so long ago, Logan Steele had told me he never lied, but now I knew that wasn’t true. This wasn’t just a busy weekend. It wasn’t that I had houseguests. He had something to say, but he was going to make me wait.

  My head said that he could be stressed at work or worried about a million things but in my heart, I knew it was about me. It was about us. Maybe he was bored, or he’d gotten what he wanted from me and now was moving on. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good news.

  Thirty-Four

  Darcy

  Just like before anyone can hear the rumble of thunder or see the rain, it’s possible to tell a storm is coming, I knew that the next time I saw Logan, he would be bringing bad news. As I stood in the doorway, waving Scarlett, Ryder and the children off, I remembered the last time I’d been here. In the rain. Logan had arrived with marshmallows. But this evening was hot and humid. There was no need for fires. No reason for marshmallows.

  I closed the door, took a mug of steaming-hot tea and sat in the library, waiting for him. Usually, I’d hear his helicopter over Woolton as he made his way into London on a Monday morning, but I hadn’t heard it today and didn’t expect to.

  He’d said we’d speak when Scarlett and Ryder had left and I knew he’d turn up.