Size Matters

by Stephanie Haefner

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No . . . yes. I don’t know. I guess.”

  Which was it? “Okay. Just tell me what’s going on.”

  “It’s not easy to say.” He shifted on the bed, turning his gaze away from her. “It’s embarrassing.”

  “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s no big deal. We’re adults here. Just tell me.” She’d never seen him look so terrified or vulnerable. She wanted to hug him.

  He looked back to her. “This is really hard to say, but I feel like I have to . . . warn you.”

  Oh shit. That sounded bad. What could he need to warn her about? Oh, God, does he have some sort of disease? Or maybe a deformity? He’s not a man at all and has a robotic dick?

  “Just spit it out,” Bryn tried to say as casually as possible, but she needed to know. Immediately.

  “Well. I just want to let you know . . . Before we get too far into this . . .”

  Enough of the suspense. Just say it!

  “It’s not very big.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “My”—he motioned to his crotch—“thing. It’s smaller than average.”

  “Um. Okay.” Why was he telling her this?

  “I know how weird it is to warn you about it, but it was an issue for my ex. So I just thought I should tell you so you’re not disappointed.”

  What the fuck do I say to that? “It’s okay. I won’t be disappointed.”

  “Okay.” He crawled back to her and put his lips where they had been just before his grand announcement.

  Bryn tried to get back into the mood. As he kissed her, she envisioned that manly chest and the solid ass she’d squeezed. The sexy stubble and the I-wanna-fuck-you gaze. But the confession had completely weirded her out and she dried up like Nana’s fruitcake. Never in her life had she heard of a man warning a woman about his penis size. Who did that?

  Eli moved from her mouth to her chest, pulling at her satin bra, suckling at her nipple, but it didn’t arouse her in the slightest. She was cold and wanted a pair of comfy pants and a glass of wine. Sex was the furthest thing from her mind now. But how would she get out of it without him thinking it was the size issue? She could make something up. But that was wrong. Right?

  “I don’t know if we should do this.”

  He raised his head, and his face looked like a child who’d had his lollipop taken away. “Why?”

  “It’s not you. Please believe me. I just, um . . . I’m not feeling it anymore.”

  “Really? Are you sure?”

  She hated what she was doing to the poor guy, but she wasn’t about to have sex with him just to save his pride. Not if she wasn’t into it. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

  “Okay. We’ll have more opportunities.” He stretched and placed a simple peck on her lips. “Do you want to stay and hang out or just go home?”

  “I think I should go home.”

  His lips said “Okay,” but he clearly wasn’t happy about it. A mix of disappointment and unease colored his features. Bryn really did feel horrible about stopping everything, but it was his own fault. If he’d kept his mouth shut about the small-penis thing, they would have been having fun right now instead of leaving and feeling awkward.

  As she stepped into her dress, Bryn couldn’t help but wonder yet again why he felt the need to say it. His ex must have done a number on him. Poor guy. Bryn wasn’t sure she had the energy to deal with all her own insecurities and his as well.

  Maybe his interruption had been for the best.

  ELI DROPPED Bryn off and headed for home. That had been one big fucking disaster. They’d hardly talked the entire ride. He’d been dying to know what was going on inside her head. Why had she stopped like that? They’d been so into it, so damn horny. She’d wanted his dick inside her so bad she’d practically begged for it.

  But then he’d opened his mouth. He didn’t take Bryn for the kind of woman who cared about the size of a man’s cock, but she did make her living selling dildos the size of his forearm. Maybe that’s why he felt the need to warn her. Let her know he wasn’t anything like what she sold in her store. So she wouldn’t be let down.

  Someday he’d get Kristen’s degrading words about his size out of his head. The bitch had always known how to make him feel like complete shit. If she wasn’t ridiculing his “corny attempts” at romance, she was complaining about how boring sex was during the rare times they did it. “Because of your small, ya know . . . thing.”

  Nothing he did was good enough, in the bedroom or in the rest of his life. She’d even complained about his parenting skills when he didn’t do things to her exact specifications. If the lawyer would’ve let her, he’s sure the divorce papers would have stated “sorry excuse for a husband and father” as the reason for dissolving their marriage.

  But he thought Bryn was different. No, he knew she was different. There was something between them. They’d clicked from day one. He knew he’d have to take it slow, but he wanted to be the one to help her heal. He wanted to show her the kind of man he could be. Hopefully she could forget this night and start fresh. He’d show her, small dick or not, that he could be the man she needed in every way.

  CHAPTER Four

  SO, HOW was it?” Mia asked, eyebrows raised, as Bryn walked into the shop the next afternoon.

  Bryn had seen her friend briefly when she relieved Mia from kid duty the night before, but there hadn’t been time for girl talk. Just as Bryn had walked in, a half-asleep Cammie stumbled down the stairs asking Mommy to tuck her back in. “It was okay.”

  “Just okay?” Mia frowned. “What happened? I expected you to be home later than you were.”

  Bryn looked around the shop and made sure no one was nearby before lowering her voice and continuing. “It was weird, actually. Have you ever had a guy warn you before sex? Like, about his penis size?”

  “No. Did he seriously do that?”

  “Yeah. We were getting into it and all of a sudden he stopped and confessed that he’s small.”

  “That’s really odd. I’ve never heard of anyone doing that before.”

  “I know. Me, either. I made him take me home after that.”

  A customer approached the front desk and asked for a bra fitting. Bryn took the woman into the dressing room, relishing the opportunity to think about something other than Eli’s penis confession.

  “But did you really not have sex with him because he has a small member?” Mia asked when she returned.

  “No, I didn’t even see it. But what he said really messed with my head. I don’t understand why anyone would feel the need to warn someone like that. My vagina dried right the hell up. Like a desert.”

  “Why do you think he’s like that?”

  “I don’t know. I have no clue how a guy that hot can be that insecure. About anything.” Her brain flashed her a picture of his eyes, that smile. His sexy little laugh. She hadn’t seen the ass naked, but damn, it had been two handfuls of pure muscle. Bryn shook herself back into reality. “The ex has something to do with it. And I was so damn horny, too.”

  Mia put her arm around Bryn and squeezed. “Poor Bryn, desperate for some good sex.”

  “I so am. I’m surprised I haven’t worn out every vibrator I own and melted the rubber dildos.”

  “Oh, it can’t be that bad.” Mia laughed and went back to restocking the shelf under the counter with bags, boxes, and tissue paper for wrapping customer purchases.

  “You have no right to laugh. You’re dating an icon of a dick.”

  “Hey. That didn’t happen easily.”

  Mia was right. Bryn had watched her friend struggle for months with her attraction to Oliver despite his employee status. And she couldn’t forget the lies he’d told along the way. No man was perfect, that was for sure. But it had all worked out for Mia, and now she was bl
issfully happy with the man of her dreams.

  “Are you going to see him again?” Mia asked.

  “I’m not sure. I don’t know if I can handle a man who’s that insecure. I’m barely keeping myself and the kids together. I can’t be holding some guy’s hand, too.”

  “I hear ya. But don’t give up so quickly. I seem to remember a certain BFF who wouldn’t let me give up on my man.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I hear what you’re saying. But I’m not sure I even want anything serious right now. I mean, he’s great, but I think I just need to get out there. Maybe have some great sex without complications.”

  “Ha. If you want sex without complications, stick with your fake penises.”

  “True. But there has to be some guy who just wants to have fun. Does Oliver have any hot friends without penis-confidence issues?”

  “Yeah. ’Cause he asks all his friends how they feel about their man parts.”

  “Okay. How about hot? Can we find that out?”

  “Sure. I’ll ask if he knows anyone.” Mia finished her task and stood. “You good out here? I need a bathroom break.”

  “Yep. Go ahead.”

  The woman from the bra fitting approached the counter with an armload of undergarments, ready to cash out. Bryn rang them up, and under the last bra was a Logan dildo in its box. “This, too?” Bryn asked.

  The woman blushed and answered with a quiet, “Yes.”

  “It’s fabulous, in case you were wondering.” Bryn hoped to relieve some of her customer’s embarrassment. “And he’s the sweetest guy. You’ll have to come meet him at our next meet-and-greet event.” Bryn wrapped the items in tissue and put them into a bag. “Thanks so much. Have a great day.”

  “I will.”

  Bryn thought for sure she’d seen a devious twinkle in the woman’s eye. It felt good to provide their customers with products they wanted and needed that weren’t so easy to shop for. Classy ’n’ Sassy Lingerie had been built on the principle of providing customers with quality products and catering to all sorts. The changes they’d made over the last few months had only enhanced the shopping experience for their clientele. It felt good to know they were making people happy.

  If only she could find a way to make herself completely happy again.

  The door chime sounded, and in strode a man in a baseball cap with a vase of brightly colored flowers in his hands. “Delivery for Bryn Harper.”

  “That’s me.”

  He set the arrangement on the counter, a beautiful array of vibrant yellow sunflowers, orange lilies, some tall blue stuff, and a pink flower she didn’t know the name of. It had to be from Eli.

  “Oooh. Are those for you?” Mia was back in the shop. “Read the card!”

  Bryn,

  Thank you for another wonderful evening last night. I always have fun with you. Hoping we can see each other again soon.

  Eli

  Bryn handed it to Mia. “What do I do?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “The hell if I know.” But she knew what she should do, at least in that moment. “I’m gonna call him.”

  “I’ll hold down the fort.”

  Bryn closed herself into her office and sat at her desk. Why was it so hard to call Eli and say thank you? She reached for the receiver, but put it back down. Maybe she should practice what she was going to say first. Thanks for the flowers, but I think we need to cool things down. That sounded horrible. How was she supposed to express her gratitude for the flowers and end things at the same time? Impossible. So she took the coward’s way out and left her office.

  “MOMMY!” CAMMIE yelled, and ran up to Bryn as she stepped inside her parents’ house.

  They still lived in her childhood home in Kenville, just a few blocks away from the house she and Johnny had purchased after Jax was born. She loved the town, the people, the quiet. City life wasn’t for her. It was more Mia. Her best friend liked living in downtown Newford. Plus it was smart to have one of them live close to the store in case of an emergency. Bryn preferred to be near her parents, especially after Johnny died.

  She folded her little girl into her arms. “Hi, Baby Bean. How was your day?”

  “Fun. Grandma and Grandpa took us to the park. It was really hot so we got to go in the sprinkler pool.”

  “Cool.” Sometimes Bryn really hated missing out on fun stuff with her kids, but at least they got to enjoy their summer vacation with their grandparents instead of at a daycare center. “Round up your brothers so we can go home. It’s bath night.”

  The little girl ran off, screaming her brothers’ names.

  “There’s my Brynny.” Her mom came into the foyer, kitchen towel over her shoulder.

  “Kids good for you today?”

  “Of course. They told me you went out again last night with that Eli. Two nights in a row.”

  Bryn tightened her jaw. Her mom was great, wonderful, best mom and grandma ever, except about this one damn thing. “Yes, I did.”

  “How was it?”

  Her mother hadn’t asked because she cared and wanted to know if she’d had a good time. She was being nosy. And not in a good way.

  “It was fine. Good.” Might as well tell her what she wants to hear. “But I probably won’t be seeing him again.”

  “You know that’s for the best. You shouldn’t be dating anyway.”

  If it were up to her mother, Bryn would wear black for the rest of her life and hang a Closed for Business sign above her vagina. Bryn breathed deep and closed her eyes for a moment. Just because her mother had outdated beliefs didn’t mean Bryn had to as well. “You don’t know what it’s like to—”

  “There are my precious babies!” Her mother ignored what Bryn had started to say and hugged the kids, kissing the tops of their heads. “Love you guys. I’ll see you soon.”

  There was no real point in saying how Bryn felt. Her mother would never understand.

  BRYN DROVE the few blocks home, and while one kid was in the shower, she got bedtime snacks for the others. Finally, an hour and a half later, all the children were tucked into bed. Bryn poured herself some wine and started tackling the laundry.

  Glass in hand, she grabbed a laundry basket and headed into the basement. Opening the door to her laundry chute, clothes practically leapt out at her. More wine. After another chug, she began sorting the clothing into piles. She reached in and dug her fingers into something hard and crusty. Pulling her hand out, she had a pair of Jaxson’s underwear.

  She tried to flatten them out. What on earth would make them like this? Had he had an accident? They didn’t look soiled. Dare she take a sniff?

  Bryn had been a mom for almost a decade and was no stranger to any kind of substance that came out of a child’s body. So she took a whiff. Whoa! She knew that smell almost instantly. She stepped back and chugged the rest of her wine.

  This couldn’t be happening. He was far too young for that. Right? Almost-ten-year-old boys did not masturbate or have wet dreams. Right? Oh. My. God. She was not ready to deal with this. Was her son even old enough to have this going on? More wine.

  Bryn left the laundry piles and headed upstairs to refill her glass. What the hell was she supposed to do now? A mom just can’t unsee—or unsmell—that kind of thing. Ignorance was key in this situation. At least for now.

  Like she didn’t have enough man troubles as it was.

  CHAPTER Five

  HOW’S IT going?” Mia asked as she walked into Classy ’n’ Sassy to start her shift.

  “Fine. Shop’s been steady. Penny needs tomorrow off. I think my son’s having wet dreams. How are you?”

  Mia’s eyes went wide. Even as a kidless woman, she was pretty good at helping out and commiserating, but this was a whole different ball game. “Yikes.”

  “I know. He’s not even ten yet. I didn’t know this c
ould even happen now.”

  “Yeah. Wow. What are you gonna do?”

  “I have no friggin’ clue.” Bryn grabbed the pile of random pieces from last season to prepare for markdown. “These kinds of things were supposed to be Johnny’s department. The girlie things are mine. That was our deal.”

  “Can you have your dad talk to him?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure Jax would be comfortable talking to him about this. I need someone else. A friend.”

  Mia grabbed the price gun and started popping out bright pink $9.99 price tags. “Yeah. Someone he trusts.”

  “How about Oliver? Jax loves him.”

  “Maybe.” Mia’s new beau had very little experience with kids, but he seemed to like hanging out with Bryn’s kids. “I’ll ask if he’d be okay with that.”

  “Thanks. I’m finding myself at such a loss. Jax isn’t a little boy anymore who hangs on every word his mommy says. He wants to be with the guys. It’s such an awful time for a boy to be without a father.” Bryn took the sale tags and stuck them over the original ones on the miscellaneous lingerie pieces. “And his birthday is coming soon. I’m completely clueless. What do preteen boys like to do for their birthdays? Clowns and ponies are probably out of the question.”

  “Yeah. That’s a safe assumption. Maybe ask him what he wants?”

  “Sometimes I can’t even talk to him. He just gets angry and storms out of the room.”

  “Are you sure he’s only turning ten and not fifteen?”

  Bryn knew her son needed a man in his life. She wanted that for all of them. Even herself. But she wouldn’t settle. Now that she’d gotten the first relationship out of the way, maybe she was heading toward making her family complete again.

  “THERE ARE my favorite ladies!” Gilles waltzed into the shop, head to toe in lime green—even his loafers matched. He set three bags from Café Amore on the front counter. “I brought lunch!”

  “Aw. You didn’t have to do that,” Bryn cooed.

  “I know, but I love to spoil my ladies.” He set out the to-go boxes. “And we need sustenance while we discuss the fashion show.”